Man, I have had a day today. Got a flu shot, passed out immediately after it, had a splitting headache ever since, and I still managed to get a chapter out for you all!

Yeah, I don't do needles that well.

Also, I head back to college this Wednesday, so expect the next chapter this Friday or Saturday after I'm all settled in.

Day 24/30

Does a bear piss in the woods?

I don't know about that one, but I know Qrow Branwen does every morning. In a strange form of enlightenment, Qrow realized that his time spent out in this van had really strengthened his relationship with nature. The sound of birds chirping, cicadas buzzing to one another in the trees above, and the scurrying of a squirrel that Ozpin still insists is out to get him all made him realize that the great outdoors isn't such a bad place.

Aside from the hordes of Grimm lurking out there. And falling trees. And the poison ivy…

Look, it was a love-hate relationship. But mostly the former.

Whistling as he unzipped his trousers to let the river flow, Qrow wasn't expecting any company during such a personal time. He was oblivious to the individual standing quietly behind him until he heard an additional sound of leaves being struck by the pitter-patter of human waste.

"Lovely morning, isn't it Mr. Branwen?"

"CHRIST!" Qrow leaped a foot in the air, nearly soaking himself in his own water as Ozpin calmly continued his own business, "What the hell is wrong with you?! I'm tryin' to piss in peace here!"

"Glynda forced me out of the van," Oz said, "I wished not to stand alone in these woods in fear of a ferocious beast attacking me."

"If this is about that damn squirrel-

"I only wish you would believe my claims. It gave me a death glare just last Thursday."

Groaning, Qrow zipped himself up. "Why do you think I walk so far out into the woods to do this? It's so I can escape your bullshit for about five measly minutes!"

"Careful of that log."

"Wha- Ooof!" Branwen face planted into the leafy forest floor, spitting out a mouthful of dirt as Ozpin looked on with no intention to help him up. No, he was too busy looking at something else. "Yeah, just stand there Oz. Don't try to be useful or anything."

"…That isn't a log."

"So what?" Qrow dusted himself off, standing to his feet to inspect the obstacle, "I tripped over it. Who cares what it… is…"

The two men stared at the man, lying face down in the dirt fully clothed with eyes closed shut. What was somebody doing so far out into the woods like this? Maybe he was a hobo or something.

"Hey, buddy," Qrow said to the man, tapping him with his foot, "Get up. Makin' a fool outta yourself."

"Perhaps he is intoxicated," Ozpin suggested, "Have you ever wandered out into the woods like this during one of your drunken escapades?"

"I've woken up in many places, but never out in the woods," Qrow picked up a stick and poked the guy in the head, "Yo. Earth to stranger. Wake the hell up."

"That is not being very helpful."

"More helpful than you right now."

Still getting no response, Qrow figured he had to use a little more force. Taking a step back, he punted the body in the side like it was a soccer ball. The body flipped over, then over again as it tumbled down over a rocky hill. The two men watched it crash through some bramble until it smacked into a large boulder at the base of the hill, arms splayed out and revealing a large stab wound in his gut. The truth hit Qrow and Ozpin like a semi-truck, the former scratching his scruffy chin in disbelief.

"Well, shit Oz… That bitch is dead."

One would be surprised to discover that Glynda was quite skilled at manipulation. As the Head of Disciplinary Duty at Beacon, she had come to learn many ways on how to get students to come to agreements through passive aggressive means. As much as she hated to admit it, she had learned how to utilize what Ozpin called 'stretching the truth' to get results quickly. She'd never say it to his face, of course; his calm, collected gloating would dig into her bones like a knife.

Which is why she was so pleased that the man's own trick was working successfully against him. Glynda had known Ozpin's greatest weakness was daytime television, and having to bear through his ramblings on every single detail of each episode was going to worth the results. After gaining his trust and making him think she was just another case of Stockholm syndrome, she would strike, make her great escape, and put an end to this madness.

If only the madness would stop for just one day.

"Hello, Glynda," Ozpin opened the van door and looked inside, "I take it you have finished relieving yourself."

"Still nothing of a gentleman, I see," Glynda sighed, before she got the feeling Oz was hiding something, "Where is Qrow?"

"Oh, yes. He's right behind me. But I just have to say that you are looking quite lovely this morning."

"…What did you do?"

"It's not what he did," Qrow's voice replied from outside, "It's more what he's making me do."

"And that is…?"

"Now Glynda," Ozpin said, stepping one foot into the van, "I want you to stay calm and not lash out at what you are about to see."

Glynda rolled her eyes. "What could you possibly have done to make me- OHMYDEARLORD!"

Ozpin moved out of the way as Qrow flopped the body of the deceased man into the vehicle. Covering her mouth in shock, Glynda's emotions soon shifted to rage as she took hold of Ozpin's laptop, ready to beat the holy hell out of him with it.

"Allow me to explain!" Ozpin put his hands up, trying to ease Goodwitch, "It is quite the funny scenario that lead up to our discovery of this poor soul, actually."

"I don't care!" Glynda yelled, "That's a dead body! A dead body! Do you have any idea what that means?!"

"He ain't alive anymore, that's one thing," Qrow said, leaning against the wall.

"There is a killer out there! Or worse, a Grimm! We have to alert someone about this!"

"How?" Qrow retorted, "We don't even know who this guy is or why he's dead."

"That may not be entirely true."

Qrow and Glynda looked at Oz, who had taken back his laptop and was already easing into his daily routine as if nothing was wrong.

"…You know who this is?" Goodwitch pointed at the body.

"I don't know his name, but I may or may not recognize him," Ozpin said, sipping his coffee, "Qrow, do you remember how I told you I acquired this vehicle we have been residing in?"

"Yeah," Branwen raised an eyebrow, "You said the owner was attacked by a Deathstalker and… This is him, ain't it?"

"I truly thought he was a trained warrior. He was wielding his walking stick like a veteran paladin. Otherwise I would have went and assisted him."

"Great!" Glynda threw her arms up in frustration, "First you endanger our students by placing them in a home with criminals, and now you are aiding and abetting to murder with a Grimm!"

"We can worry about the legal matters later, Glynda," Qrow said, pointing back to the body, "We gotta do something about the rotting corpse first. He's startin' to stink up the place."

The three stared at the body, all trying to come up with some way to sweep it under the rug in a somewhat lawful way. Snapping his fingers, Ozpin started digging through a drawer. "Do we have any matches?"

"I don't think a funeral pyre is very subtle," Qrow said.

"Funeral pyre…?"

"What, did you plan on cookin' him up for dinner instead?"

"Of course not! Never… I would never suggest doing that."

As Ozpin abruptly ceased his search for cooking utensils, Glynda presented her best idea. "Since you two are already on the hook for numerous legal offenses, I think the best solution is to just bury him. It is the respectful thing to do, after everything you apparently put this body through."

"Hey, I didn't mean to kick him all the way down the hill."

"But we do not have a shovel," Ozpin brought up, "I would rather not have Qrow use a spoon to dig the hole."

"When did I ever agree to do the digging?"

Glynda pinched her brow as the two grown men began to bicker. "Will you two be quiet? There is obviously one place we can get ourselves a shovel."

"This is a pretty deep hole you need dug, Ozpin," The last thing Jaune expected to get today was a phone call from Ozpin asking him to bring a shovel to the van. He pulled himself out of the pit he had just finished digging per the Headmaster's request. He wiped the sweat from his brow, nearly out of breath. "What's it for, anyways?"

"Just a time capsule," Ozpin lied blatantly, adjusting his glasses, "A very large one, at that."

"Can I see it?"

"Maybe later, Mr. Arc."

"Alrighty now," Qrow kicked open the van door, not noticing that Jaune was still present as he tossed a large black garbage bag into the hole, "That should do it… Ah, crap."

"Uh, Ozpin…" Jaune's voice quivered, his hand shaking as he pointed to the arm jutting out of the bag, "What's… What're you guys…?"

The men glanced at each other, thinking of some way to bullshit their asses out of this. Nodding, Ozpin turned back to his petrified student. "I will repeat myself once more. There is nothing to worry about, Mr. Arc. It is just a time capsule. A time capsule. Do you understand what I am saying to you right now?"

"Uh… I, um… I don't-

"Very good. Now be on your merry way. I am unsure if you coming to see us is against the rules, but we wouldn't want your cash prize to be compromised by a meeting that never happened, now would we?"

After giving Oz what could be considered a nod of understanding, Jaune bolted off to the house without looking back. The Headmaster took a drink of coffee. "A job well done, wouldn't you say Mr. Branwen?"

"Yeah, sure. Scarring the poor kid for life sure is a good thing to do. Probably not the worst thing he could've seen though."

"Indeed. At least he was not a friend of our poor comrade here… Now, if you would please fill up this hole of ours. I should have told Jaune not to dig it right in front of the van; walking on someone's grave is not a very courteous thing to do."

"Oz, we've let those kids drink alcohol, robbed a store, kidnapped Glynda, and stolen James' identity, not to mention hacking his bank account. I think we've already broken every single rule of morality by now."

"…You're not wrong, Mr. Branwen. You are not wrong."