A/N: Bit of an author's note here, but I'm back! Miss me guys?!

I know its been a terribly long while since I've updated this story, but I have a perfectly reasonable explanation for it! One, I got REALLY sick for awhile there, and shortly after recovering, my life decided to go and take a turn for the chaotic, such as it were.

Oh, and a word of advice.

Never try to hold too many jobs unless you absolutely HAVE TO, because it throws you out of whack and puts you in a foul mood. Then again, in this day and age, you may not be able to make ends meet if you don't which makes things even more annoying. Ended up having to move again recently due to that and now I'm debating whether I want to take yet ANOTHER job to supplement my already abysmal income.

Ah, I miss the good old days when I had more free time to write for all of you!

Its also part of the reason I haven't been able to update this as much as I would have liked. Got back into the Witcher-New Game Plus!-to get myself in the mood, but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn that game is addicting as ever and I ended up discovering a lot of stuff that I hadn't before and...well, you get the picture.

Gwent is still as addicting as ever, too!

Also apparently we're getting a Witcher TELEVISION SERIES?! What do you guys and gals think about that? Will it be any good? I want to hope, but I've been hearing some nasty things...

And lets us remember, he may be far from home...

...but Naruto is still very much Naruto.

He does NOT like to see people die.

Quite a few minor characters get to tell a bit more of there story here as well, so I hope you all like it!

The title says it all =D

"...have you lost your mind?"

"Bah, sanity's overrated anway."

~?

I Love Pranks

I love pranks.

There's just something so incredibly SATISFYING about pulling one over on someone, be they friend or foe. Well...mostly foe. I don't get much enjoyment out of tricking my allies these days. Regardless, be it something simple such as rearranging a certain smith's tools-fuck you Borris!-or a good ol' tar and feathering upon your enemies, nothing can compare to it. There's that fleeting realization on their part; one that something hasn't gone quite right, then you're the only on the up and up. Ha! Priceless. I'll take pranks over decapitating my foes any day. Wait, I lie. Sometimes people NEED decapitating.

Aye, pranks are good for just about anything.

They can be used to inspire.

They can brighten the darkest heart.

They can even be used for fear and awe.

Like when you get the drop on a Nilfgaardian taking a piss.

When he knows you're better than him, and he's going to die.

Speaking of pain and demise, ever been slugged by a Witcher before?

I have.

It fucking hurts!

(...With Our Heroes...)

"OwowowowOUCH! Why the nose?! I only have one of those for crying out loud! Are you trying to be a dick?!"

In the following silence-somewhere between the ringing of Naruto's ears-this proved most telling indeed.

The stool that came crashing down on his head, slightly moreso.

"Asshole! Complete and utter asshole!"

The battered shinobi groaned these words aloud into the earth, curses muffled by the dirt floor and a fair bit of mud. Ugh. He sucked in a reflexive breath through his now-broken nose and immediately winced, both at the pain and the foul odor clogging the air. Someone had tracked crap in on their boots again and of course, of course he'd fallen face first into it. By now he'd long since lost track of the number of times Geralt had slugged him, but he suspected he would be receiving many more at that. Worse, he suspected he somehow deserved this for holding his tongue in regards to Ciri. How was he to know her importance to him?! Bloody bastard beating him about the head and whatnot!

Thankfully, Arwen hadn't seen fit to stick him with arrows yet, which likely meant Geralt was just blowing off steam.

'Okay, he hits really hard and-argh!'

It would've been a trifle to escape the witcher's wrath of course, to simply spirit himself and Arwen away to the other side of Velen. But Naruto knew any attempt to flee on his part would be tantamount to admitting guilt. It would also damage his fledgling friendship with the Witcher beyond repair. Thus, he played the fool. Though they'd only just met he was rather fond of the white wolf, gruff though he may be. So, like a good friend, he took his licks as they were dished out. Only offering protest when the man broke his nose and knocked him off his feet.

He was very, very good at being a fool.

Still, if the Wither felt any sympathy for the blond's plight he did little to show it; relenting only moments later.

At length, the assault ceased and Naruto finally found himself a reprieve.

"Are ya done?" he sighed into the floor, pushing himself on his hands. "Because I'm standing up, now. And I swear to kami if you hit me again I will be so freaking nettled-

One last blow found his face, a bruising right hook that bent his already broken nose even further out of shape.

"Argh! Fucker! Will you stop?!"

"Depends." the butcher of Blaviken replied, lowering his fists. "You ready to talk?"

The sweet melody of Arwen's voice echoed across the inn in answer.

"Careful, vatt'ghern. You might make him angry."

"Think that's the least of my worries." Geralt growled.

And with that, Naruto decided he'd humored his new friend long enough.

Slapping the floor with both hands, he bolted to his feet and spun to face Geralt in a burst of inhuman speed; one that nearly had the Witcher drawing his sword in surprise. Naruto, of course, had no such ill intentions toward his guest. Instead he merely rubbed at his black eye and fixed Geralt with the most annoyed glare he could muster. That startled look of his would be nothing compared to what came next. Spitting a bloody red tooth into his cup, the blond folded both arms before his chest and tilted his head.

"Do you have any idea how its going to take for me to heal...?"

Geralt actually blinked.

"What?"

"Surprise."

It certainly must've seemed one to Geralt; watching Naruto's nose miraculously set itself of its own accord, hearing the bones and cartilege snap into place. Seeing the swelling of the blond's face fade, bruises subsiding to reveal healthy skin. By the time the shinobi climbed to his feet, he looked as hale and hearty as he'd been before their brawl. Perhaps even more so. There was a prank that never got old. That moment of surprise as his foes realized they'd wasted heaps of stamina only to have their efforts undone. It was always amusing, that one.

...handy trick." Geralt conceded, sheathing his blade. "Never seen a Witcher heal that fast."

Naruto's right eye twitched imperceptibly.

'I'm not a bloody...ah, forget it.'

He'd long since given up eluding the title, resigned himself to it, for better or worse. If that was their term for shinobi-or so he thought-then he would simply swallowed

"It has its uses." He relented with a sigh, rolling his shoulder. "But you were asking about Ciri, right? Sorry to say, but I don't know much."

Geralt's stoic look told all.

"Humor me."

Naruto sighed.

"Fine. Take a seat, if you like."

"You first."

With a long suffering sigh, Naruto reclaimed his seat at the bench, shouldering a few of the hapless in the process. Not a moment later, Arwen darted away from her perch and claimed the vacant spot beside him before Geralt. The thunderclouds brewing on her brow promised a swift and painful revenge if he struck the blond again. Never once did her hand leave her bow.

Naruto noticed.

Clever girl, that one.

"Well?" Geralt's voice cut through his thoughts like a sharpened knife. "Start talking."

"Fine, fine, ya prickly bastard. I was willing to talk before you broke my nose, ya know. Was that really necessary, anyway?" he demurred at the witcher's stormy expression. "Alright, alright! Jeez, no need to get uppity and start swinging again. I barely saw her for more than a few minutes; I helped her fight off some lunatics in armor, and that was it! How was I supposed to know how important she was, eh?! Dropped her name, and poof! Gone with the wind! I swear! Perhaps if you had told me beforehand-andanoyoufuckingdoNOT!"

"Bugger off, you filthy mutant!"

His words dissolved into a snarl as one of those "hapless drunks" abruptly saw fit to swing an ax at Naruto's skull, bellowing curses. Said ax soon found itself ripped away and int he chaos that followed, the drunkard was promptly cuffed on the side of the head for his troubles and thrown out into the mud with the rest of his suitably-soused comrades. The brief scuffle had left its mark, however. Geralt didn't fail to notice how some of the tavern folk glowered at the blond now; once kindly expressions tempered with anger and scorn. It would seem his beating of Boris had not gone unnoticed.

"Looks like you've lost a few friends." he remarked.

Naruto huffed out an annoyed breath.

"Yeah, that was bound to happen sooner or later." Restraining a rueful grin he pushed himself up off the bench and stood, with Arwen quick to follow. "Well, I told you all I know," he declared, making for the door with due speed. "Now then, I'll be needin' ta pay a visit to Tomira. Wanna tag along?" the sudden invitation baffled Geralt, but the blond didn't seem inclined to share his reasoning for it. After a moment's consideration, he abandoned his drink and followed the unlikely duo outside though not without a bit of confusion.

"Who?"

Arwen's mouth twitched in agreement as he caught up with them.

"Don't worry. I like her."

...is that supposed to help?"

Naruto flashed him a roguish grin.

"She's the best herbalist in the White Orchard! Also, she's got a nice ass. Don't tell her I said that."

A wry grin tugged at the Witcher's face as he followed him out of the village.

...any reason why?"

"Damn woman would never let me live it down."

(...Several Minutes Later...)

As it turned out, Tomira did indeed possess a substantial posterior.

She also had a very sharp tongue.

"Hold it right there! No muddy feet in my house!"

By the time they'd reached the cabin the sun was hanging low in the sky; even then, they were scarcely through the door before she started taking them to task, demanding both Witcher and Shinobi wipe their boots outdoors before they entered. When she recognized Naruto, however, her stern face softened somewhat. Geralt scarcely had time to take in dark raven hair and lovely features-a slim yet well curved body wrapped in red and dark leather-then she was upon them, fussing over Naruto as a swan would their mate. Firm hands took a firm hold of the younger man's cheeks, pinching them together sharply.

"Alright, what did you do this time?" she admonished him.

The blond managed a rough laugh.

"Weeeeell, nothing much-ack!"

Tomira crowed in triumph.

"Aha! Bruises!"

"Ow!"

From there it became readily apparent that Naruto and Tomira were on exceedingly good terms with another, more than one might expect from two people in such dangerous professions. Naruto for his part proved quick to aid in Tomira's work around the hut, falling into an old routine with the herbalist that soon had them trading veiled barbs back and forth. Even young Arwen seemed to perk up in spite of her ordinarily stoic facade; the young girl hopping onto a nearby bench to observe their work, legs swinging. Geralt observed the picturesque scene in stoic silence, contemplating.

Interesting.

A soft, lingering kiss against the blond's cheek left the White Wolf wondering if there might perhaps be something between the two of them. Was there? Tomira's actions appeared to intimate as much. Indeed the herbalist seemed to dote on the blond far more than she might most, even going to far as to fuss over his admittedly minor injuries whilst chastising him for being reckless. For his part Naruto proved remarkably tolerant of this, even going so far as to allow her to apply a tonic to his whiskered visage as well as foist a number of herbs on him that he might otherwise not require.

As it turned out, Tomira also had company.

"Right, then." ushering the blond to a secluded corner of the room, the beautiful herbalist presented him with the room's sole patient, occupying the only bed. Geralt soon found himself forced to eavesdrop, lest he miss their conversation entirely. Arwen shot him an odd look but the White Wolf ignored her, instead listening studiously. "Now that I've got you here, I wonder if you'd mind doing me another favor."

Naruto's expression became decidedly smug.

"Anything for you, gorgeous."

She slapped his arm lightly.

"Oh, stop that, you. Look."

Then he saw the young woman.

"Ah, Lena." his gaze narrowed. "Did the griffon...?"

He let the rest of his question remain unspoken.

"Yes, that'd be her. Do you know each other?"

Naruto's face contracted in veiled anguish.

"In a sense."

"Oh?"

The blond coughed roughly.

"Taught her a few tricks with a sword." he admitted, studiously staring at the floor. "She was very, ah, interested in those lessons...but in the end I had to turn her away for her own good. Probably why she searched for comfort elsewhere."

Tomira blinked.

"Ah." she managed eloquently. "I won't pry, then."

"Thanks." those stony eyes found Lena's prone form again, looking haunted. "Just as well. She's not likely to forgive me once she realizes I got her "dearest" killed."

"You what?!"

Naruto actually flushed.

"Has to do with the griffin I'm hunting. Bit of a long story."

Geralt suspected there was more to it than that; for Naruto's visage proved a study of intense contrasts; equal parts sorrow, anger, disgust and pity vying with one another. He knew the man abhorred all Nilfgaardians with a burning passion yet this girl, Lena, was not one of them. That did precious little to temper the whiskered warrior's dislike. Apparently she'd been attacked in the night by the very griffon the blond claimed to be hunting. That she'd been attacked whilst sneaking away for a secret rendezvous with her Nilfgaardian lover didn't do much to improve his mood. Something ugly seemed to rear its head in him as looked her over and for a moment the White Wolf wondered if he'd simply leave her to die. In the end, however, he granted Tomira her request and laid hands on the girl.

"Blood's pooling in her skull." he murmured, running hands over Lena's head, fingers pooling through dark hair. "She's dying."

"She is." the woman confirmed. Can you help her?"

"Might be able to." Naruto sighed, his red eyes never leaving the face of his prospective patient. "Might not. Chakra's a fickle thing and head wounds are tricky. Not the best healer, either." He paused, chewing his lip, mulling it over for a moment. "Geralt here could give her a potion," his slitted gaze flicked his way, "but as I understand it, there's a risk to that, too. Isn't there?" A grunt told him all he needed to know. Risky. Very risk indeed. On that much, they agreed. Unfortunately this served to draw Tomira's attention to the latter.

Geralt scowled.

Blast it, now the herbalist was looking at him.

"Well?"

"Could try to help her with one of my brews." he admitted reluctantly. "Swallow can heal internal hemorrhages...

"But?" Tomira interjected, sensing a catch.

A grimace plucked at his bearded face.

"Witchers' potions aren't for humans."

"She'll die as it is."

"Yes, a peaceful death soothed by your concoctions." Geralt replied stonily. "If I give her Swallow and something goes wrong, the whole village will hear her screams. Even if it goes right, there'll be consequences."

"Brain damage, most likely." Naruto reaffirmed. "Physically she may heal, ya know, but mentally...well, not so much."

"You must be able to do something." Tomira insisted, turning a pleading gaze on Naruto. "After all, Arwen...

The she-elf shook her head, raven tresses flying.

Naruto exhaled a long-suffering sigh.

Did she even understand what she asking of him?

For all his wit and humor, the idea of taking someone else's life into his hands still terrified him. Least of all for a second time! He'd been very, very lucky with Arwen; due in no small part to her age and the severity of her injuries. Kurama's chakra had acted of its own will back then; seeking out the wounds and urging her young body to do as it was wont and heal quickly. He'd simply given her a much-needed boost. Even then, she had been changed by the procedure, inheriting his red eyes and lightning quick reflexes...among other things. To do the same to a young woman whose body was done growing, one who had a family at that...

Lena's life was already dangling by a thin thread.

Any further trauma threatened to snap it.

"That was a miracle, frankly." he admitted, running a hand coated in Lena's blood through his hair, leaving red streaks behind. In the faint light, it made him look downright savage to the others. He didn't care. "Back then, I didn't know what I was doing and half of it was blind luck. Its not exactly something I had a chance to practice much, mind you!"

"But you did practice." Tomira prodded, seizing on his chose of words.

Naruto uttered a soft hiss of annoyance.

"You're absolutely horrible."

Yes, he had practiced.

A bit.

More than a bit.

As much as he was loathe to admit it, he'd done so. The temptation of saving lives had proven too great to resist. So he'd run trials in secret. On the dead at first, followed by rabid animals, then people; only those too horribly injured to otherwise survive. Some perished horribly. Others survived, only to expire the next day. There was even a case in which a subject had gone mad, forcing him to put it down. He'd lost a good dog that way. None of these disasters had been intentional on his part and eventually, he'd deemed it too risky to continue. Above all, do no harm. Naruto had tried to cling to that creed as best he could-in medicine at least-and was determined not to needlessly break it. That was one slippery slope he was loathe to tread upon again.

It made him feel like Orochimaru.

A small shudder ran through the blond at the thought and he closed his eyes.

Maybe he was a monster.

No.

Long had snake sanin loomed in his mind over the years; a monster in the truest sense of the word. A man who'd experimented in countless other ways, innumerable in his atrocities. Searching for power, clawing for immortality. Snatching bodies to extend his life. No crime was too great for him, so long as the ends achieved the means. This was completely different. His reasons were altruistic. Not selfish. He had no intentions to live forever; he simply didn't want to lose anymore lives lost in this senseless war. No. He wasn't that man. He had to keep telling himself that. If he didn't, he might go mad. And if he didn't do something here...

...who will?'

When he opened them again, they were stern.

"Got any buckthorn?" the blond asked Tomira abruptly.

"Aye, I have some stored away. Why?"

"Hunting a griffon." Naruto replied quietly. "That'll do for a trade. Arwen. Bar the door."

His apprentice immediately did as she was bade, slipping a bar over the entryway. After a moment's thought she closed the shutters as well, plunging the room into darkness. Tomira lit a candle not a moment later, its faint light casting the cabin in grim relief. Needless to say, this did little to help the mood. Arwen helped the wary herbalist light another handful more, but Geralt never once took his eyes from the prone blond, instead watching him drop to his knees. Gloved hands skittered with red sparks, as though they were about to burst into flame at any was eerie.

Like witnessing some sort of devilish ritual.

Naruto's hand shot out, palm upturned.

"Swallow."

It was not a request.

Reluctantly, Geralt complied.

"Hope you know what you're doing."

"Nope. I'm going to take a risk." the blond confessed, hiding a rueful smile as he emptied the potion's into Lena's mouth. "First give her Swallow, then speed up her metabolism to compensate and burn it off." Forcing her jaw shut, he pinched the young woman's nose, forcing her to gulp down the foul-tasting brew. "There." wiping a bit of sweat from his brow, he tore off a bit of his sleeve and promptly shoved it into her mouth for good measure. Now, to work! With luck, she'll wake up perfectly ordinary. Better brace yourselves." He'd learned that lesson well. "This'll be loud once I start. You gonna watch?"

Geralt decided he wouldn't.

He'd witnessed terrors like the Trial of the Grasses before and though this was clearly not that, he had no desire to witness a young woman's suffering. Her dark hair and full lips rather reminded him of a certain stormy sorceress and his heart experienced a brief pang of longing at the thought of her. Did he really need to be here? To witness...this?

"That griffin you're hunting...is it connected to Yennefer?"

"Just so!" the blond chirped, eyes flashing in the faint light. "I'm pretty sure that bastard commander at the garrison knows where she went. Problem is he's not likely to answer questions while I'm there. Ask him, if you like. Oh, and the buckthorn. I think you'll need that. Catch." A hand snapped up and the parcel thudded against Geralt's open palm. Taking a moment to secure his newfound prize the Witcher fixed Naruto with a curious stare. For his part the blond did his best to maintain a veneer of seriousness, regarding his patient.

"Whose in charge?"

"Eh, Peter Saar-something-or-other." Naruto shrugged, running a hand absently over Lena's head. "I'm not good with Nilfgaardian names. Oh, almost forgot! Be sure to give him this while you're at it." A second pouch sailed his way and was added to the second. Hefting it, the Witcher swiftly ascertained that it contained a strange package of some sort. His heightened senses twitched at the strange scent emanating from within. The parce felt like a bomb, but its purpose and function eluded him. Why entrust him with such a thing?

"What's this?"

...a gift." Naruto grinned impishly. "Make sure our dear commander opens it. Oh, and be sure to leave afterward. Quickly."

Taking that tidbit to heart, Geralt tucked his parcel away.

"You're not coming with?"

"Of course I'm not." the whiskered warrior quipped.

"Any reason why?"

Naruto blinked.

"Other than the fact that you slugged me? Because I plan to burn it to the ground once you've finished your business, silly." he said it as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Besides, this is going to take awhile-

Abruptly, Lena bolted awake, screaming.

"Fuck's sake, woman! Hold still!"

Even muffled by the rag in her mouth, the sound startled both men, drawing a loud oath from the latter. Then came the thrashing, her body bucking upon the thin cot like a wild horse beneath the blond's grasp. Naruto swore virulently and clamped down on her with both hands, all but fastening her in place. Still her struggles intensified. Her eyes burst open, Wild hazel orbs darting across the room, taking in Geralt, Tomira, and Arwen. Then she recognized Naruto and latched onto him for dear life, fingers digging bloody gouges into his arms.

"It hurts!" her voice piqued into a pained keen, "Make it stop!"

A finger shot out, tapping her forehead.

"Sleep."

She went limp at his touch, eyes rolling back.

Naruto grimaced.

"Well. That was unfortunate."

Well, indeed.

Seemed this was his cue.

With a shake of his head the Butcher of Blaviken unbarred the door and set out, not deigning to look back until Arwen slipped out behind him.

Wait a minute.

A moment's consideration gave Geralt pause in the dark, pricking at his conscience like a thorn to hold him back. He spared a glance over his shoulder, noticing that the young girl had retrieved both her bow as well as he quiver As he looked on she set them against the ground with ritualistic precision, laying out both arrow and bow alike. Her task completed, she strode but a pace away and abruptly plopped down in the grass. Then as he looked on, incredulous, she closed her eyes and began humming softly. No move was made to reenter the hut on her part. Nor did she sleep, leaving her weapons well within arm's reach. She wasn't standing or even following him, he realized for that matter. She was standing guard.

To make sure nothing escaped the hut.

Reconsidering, Geralt lingered.

"Is he always like that?"

The little she-elf ceased her humming and shook her head, never opening her eyes.

"He's under a lot of pressure." she confessed. "I think he wants to leave."

"Why doesn't he?"

"He can't." came the quiet reply.

"Seems to me like he could."

Irritated, Arwen finally opened her eyes.

"For one so versed in killing monsters you see very little, vatt'ghern." her voice cracked like a whip, harsh and biting. "You also fail to understand the obvious. Witchers protect both worlds. True, if there is a threat they neutralize it. But they also preserve the peace."

Golden eyes narrowed. "Gotta point, there?"

She gave him a cold, piteous expression.

"Sometimes men can be monsters too."

...true enough."

That was all he wished to hear.

"I'll be back."

Her crimson orbs narrowed.

"I'll be here."

He did not return until the sun had risen.

(...Several Hours Later...)

Well, that was finally done and now they would have to live with the consequences.

Geralt's visit to the garrison left him with a foul, foul taste in his mouth that had nothing to do with the smoke. In a sense it had proven fruitful, just not for him. Instead of wringing the Nilfgaardian commander for information as he intended, the man had proven stubborn, obstinate and downright fearful. Naruto's assault on supply lines hadn't left the commander all that generous towards Witchers to begin with and his "gift" immediately tipped things over the edge. Though, it could be said that was the Nilfgaardian's fault, not Geralt's. Might have been the attitude.

Condescending prick.

Peter Saar Gwynleve did indeed have an absurd name; and he hadn't taken kindly to the arrival of a Witcher in his camp. As a result, they'd quarreled horribly. One thing soon led to another and in the end Geralt found himself turned out at sword-point, with only directions to meet a hunter alongside and a vague promise to pay him a hefty bounty if he "dealt" with the blond. Obviously, he wouldn't be doing that, but he supposed it no longer mattered in the long run. Gwnleve wouldn't be giving any orders. Not anymore.

That was where Naruto's little "package" came into play.

Not only had the commander been fool enough to make the mistake of opening Naruto's parcel, but he'd made the dual error of waiting to do so until after Geralt's departure. In a sense, he owed the man. If Peter had been foolish enough to open it on the spot, he might well be limping back to Tomira's hut rather than walking. Judging by the roaring inferno that now burned where the garrison had once been, he suspected that their mischievous prankster had planted several of his little surprises int he Nilfgaardian camp beforehand with the intent to detonate them via his little surprise.

It was a very nice explosion; full of sound and thunder and fury.

Under any other circumstance, he might've been inclined to compliment him. There was just one problem. Yennefer's location had gone in smoke with the garrison. He found himself back at square one. All for something as petty as a prank.

A prank.

Of course it was a prank.

And a rather deadly one at that.

Bastard had used him without so much as a second thought, barely thinking to warn him beforehand. Geralt had gone back and seen the ruins. Most would perish before the next sunrise. If they received timely magical aid, some might even survive. Pity most of the mages had fled White Orchard or taken up with Naruto's little band of merry men. There was little point in slaying the griffon now but still, he'd found the hunter and done his best to uncover the beast's lair. Seemed the Nilfgaardians had started this mess when they burned out its nest and killed its mate. No wonder the griffon was pissed. Seemed Nilfgaardians were good for nothing but causing trouble these days..

Still, he felt compelled to finish what he'd started, just as he was. Contract or not, there was still a monster about and...

...what the hell.

Thought abandoned him as he rounded the bed and came face to face with the very griffon he'd been hunting.

Rather, what was left of it.

Roach whinnied in surprise and nearly threw Geralt from the saddle, forcing the Witcher to calm his mount with a judicious application of Axii. With the wind against him, he hadn't picked up its scent until he was nearly on top of it; now the reek of rotting flesh filled his nose, threatening to make him gag. Evidently it had been dead for several hours now. That only summoned forth more questions from his mind. Why was it here at the herbalist's hut? Where had it been hiding all this time? Whose corpse was that beside it? Why was there another horse tied outside?

Dismounting, the White Wolf left Roach behind and approached the carcass.

Immediately, his keen eyes told him all he needed to know.

Interesting.

'Hmm. Body's riddled with arrows.'

A glimpse of Arwen prowling across the yard answered that question. Even as he looked the young lass bent to retrieve a fallen arrow from the ground, sliding it back into its quiver. Geralt took a moment to observe the little elf as she collected her arrows, shaking his head. It seemed Naruto hadn't spoken in jest when he'd boasted of her legendary archery. More than one shot had found the griffin's eyes.

'Huh. Guess she's a good shot after all.'

Something-or someone-had also broken its neck.

Witcher's shouldn't be able to do that.

Certainly not someone of Arwen's stature.

And were those scorch marks on its wings?

"You bring that down all by yourself?" he called out to the elf, pitching his voice to carry. Arwen saw him at once and shook her head, bell-like peals of laughter carrying across the yard. A few light strides brought her to to his side at once, confounding him even further. The girl appeared to be inordinately pleased with herself, which meant she was likely up to something, which also meant Narutowas up to something as well. After that little explosion, Geralt wasn't much in the mood for anymore surprises.

"No!" she replied giddily, swaying in place as though she were drunk. "Had help!"

"What about the girl? She survive?"

Arwen replied with a mysterious smile.

She gestured towards the hut.

"Yes. But that's not important. You have a visitor."

His slitted gaze strayed toward the lone horse.

"What?"

"See for yourself." she beamed, shooing him towards the hut. "Go. Look!"

Reluctantly, Geralt did as he was bade.

The door creaked open at his touch.

And all the world fell away.

"Yen."

A/N: And there you have it! My first stab at a crossover with the Witcher series! I do hope you liked it! Pairings and suggestions are welcome a plenty! And YES, Naruto clearly isn't a witcher, but the incident with his eyes will have most folk thinking he is. Consider it something of a running gag. What'll happen next? Will our knuckle-headed ninja make it home? Will he even want to?

So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review, Would You Kindly?

And of course, enjoy the preview of an oncoming chapter! There's an expanded one this time. Hopefully updates will come faster as work allows

(Preview!)

A flash of steel was his only warning.

Then he saw Lena.

Her eyes weren't red, he realized that immediately. Weren't even gold.

They were...blue?"

No, not blue, those eerie sapphire orbs seemed to shimmer when he looked directly at them.

Geralt bit his tongue.

Clearly something had gone wrong.

The woman didn't seem right in the head.

"Here. For giving a damn."

"One more word and I'll slap you. This I swear."

"Aw," the blond cooed, "You really do love me, Tomi-chan!"

"You used me."

"Aye, I did." Naruto replied, slapping his knees and rising to his feet. "And you beat me bloody. I think one good turn deserves another. Wait, wait," he raised his hands as Geralt took a step forward, "No need to come to blows, man. I know you're angry. You wanted Yennefer? She was in Vizima. Now she's here. See? I can be nice."

Geralt scowled.

"You knew."

"I did." the blond replied happily. "And since you were so kind as to deliver that package for me, I did you a solid."

Lena lounged upon a chair, looking every bit as watchful as a dragon guarding her hoard.

"I believe you still owe him a favor, darling."

"That I do!"

Naruto rapped the flat of his sword against a gauntleted arm and cackled.

"Let's go find that girl of yours, shall we?"

Naruto eyed the Free City of Novigrad as though it were the plague.

A foul odor lingered in the air, threatening to turn his stomach. It reeked of death.

Of burnt flesh.

"Oh, can we not?!"

Geralt bit back a frown.

"Hey, you wanna talk some sense into-

Arwen shook her head rapidly.

The White Wolf sighed.

"Right, then. Let's get this over with..."

When he looked back, the blond and his charge were both gone.

"Shit."

It didn't take long to see where they'd gone.

Towards the pyres.

For a most unusual had expression had stolen over the blond's features; though he still mustered a tiny smile, his once calm visage now seemed to twitch with the very required to effort to maintain it. He was failing, at that. Spectacularly. His red eyes seemed to burn like coals in his skull, and as Geralt looked on, the blond's composure shattered entirely. A low snarl snaked past his lips and his hand twitched towards his sword and its hilt, fingers curling around the cold weapon with obvious intent.

As if sensing his intentions, Arwen tensed.

"Naruto, don't-

Too late.

"I'll fucking gut him."

What happened next would forever live on in infamy.

R&R~! =D