One month later.

There was probably a miscalculation somewhere in Salem's plan.

She sat on her throne silently, still contemplating for going on the fourth week now on how things could have gone wrong. Honestly, she blamed Virulet for most of the failure. He was too arrogant, too single-minded. She really should have scrapped him the moment he first told her to shut up and called her a fool.

Looking back on it, it really was all her fault she had lost.

Those housemates had gotten the best of her, as did Ozpin. She had once again miscalculated the human spirit and the power it held. Now, she was out of pawns and out of a plan.

Her quest for world domination and the eradication of mankind… All ruined because that foolish Ozpin wanted a goddamn video game system. And she accepted his challenge.

Life's a bitch.

My name is Zwei Rose-Xiao Long, and I would love to thank you for sitting so patiently during my recollections of daily life for our time together.

I must say, it is quite delightful to be back home, where I can nuzzle into my favorite nap pillow and rest my cares away. A Corgi needs his cutie sleep, and there is no better place than home to obtain it.

Of course, I miss the new friends I had the delight of meeting during the month prior. Though the final day there was indeed quite frightening (I am sure I could have overcome the Tin Tyrant in combat; his hammy personality would have been no match for my surprisingly muscular- yet still fluffy – posterior), I am overjoyed that we are still alive and breathing the fine air of this planet.

My most heartfelt wishes go out to the Crimson Queen. May the big Corgi overlord in the sky bring upon her good health and fortune during this desperate time she finds herself in. Surely she needs all the support she can get right now.

Master Taiyang has spoken much more with Uncle Qrow since the incident. I am so glad. Uncle Qrow knows how to play a jolly good game of fetch. I cannot contain my excitement for when he comes to visit once more. Though I hope he does not bring Snow White 2.0 with him. She did not appreciate the deceased bird I bestowed upon her as a welcoming gift. If she is to become more than his 'reluctant consort' as she put it, then she must begin to understand the honor of receiving a dead avian from myself. It is only good manners.

Oh! It seems the time has come for me to visit my best four-legged friend Mr. Tibbs once more. I can hear Master Taiyang calling for me to come. That pachyderm may be much larger than me now, but his trunk is the best slide this side of Vale.

Until next time, chaps. Whenever that time may come.

~ Zwei Rose-Xiao Long

"And here's the T.V stars!"

Team RWBY and JNPR looked up from their trays as Team CFVY and Team SSSN joined them at their lunch table. Coco Adel patted Ruby on the back roughly, forgetting she wasn't as durable as her male teammates she usually slapped around.

"How's it going, Coco?" Ruby asked, sipping from a milk carton.

"Not bad, not bad… They still working on releasing a DVD of your show?"

"I doubt it," Blake replied, Sun scooting in beside her, "They still can't find any footage of the last day. Probably best they don't though."

Sun nodded in agreement, remembering the cover-up excuse for the battle with the A.I. "Yeah, it got pretty crazy at that party. Jaune might have gotten naked after a few drinks."

"Sun! That didn't happen! Remember?!"

"I don't know, Jaune," Yang smirked, "I'm definitely sure you whipped out you little Arc that night."

"I also remember that happening," Ren followed, hiding his smirk with a ham sandwich.

"And then you made it talk!" Nora added, laughing hysterically.

Weiss buried her head in her hands, trying to clear her mind. "Please don't put that image in my head…"

In desperation to clear his name, Jaune looked to Pyrrha. "Come on, Pyr! Back me up!"

Setting down her food, Pyrrha took Jaune's hand. "Don't worry, Jaune. I know you 'little Arc' isn't so little."

"TMI, Nikos," Neptune shook his head, "TMI… Oh, look who's coming on over."

"Sal-u-tations, comrades!" Penny waved excitedly, sitting down by Velvet. The newest student at Beacon Academy had never been so happy to be doing schoolwork and studying every night (probably because she was already programmed with all the answers), because she knew her friends were right down the hall from her. "How are you all doing this fine and lovely day?"

"Just perfect, Penny! Velvet beamed, "And you?"

"Sensational! My teammates are resting up from our super-fun workout session! They did so well today! Their muscles should be feeling fine in about 3.47 hours!"

"Don't go too hard on them, Penny," Ruby smiled, "They aren't as special as you, if you catch my drift."

Penny pondered the phrase for a second, before understanding the robotic secret Ruby was referencing. "Oh! I do indeed catch the drift you are throwing to me!"

"So, Velvet," Weiss looked to the rabbit, "Has the 5-Star Man ever responded to your last message to him?"

Velvet sighed, Mercury's sly smirking face passing through her brain. "Just a bit ago, but he still won't tell me exactly where's he's at. We even did a face-cam once, but he made sure to stand in front of a brick wall so I couldn't figure it out! He's so mysterious…!"

"I think he's still just a tool…" Blake mumbled, but Velvet heard it with her super-sensitive ears.

"Oh no he's not Blake! He's actually really sweet. He sent me some chocolate in the mail one day! Don't tell him I told you guys that, though. He'd get embarrassed."

Suddenly, the cafeteria doors were kicked wide open as two figures strode inside. Being on supervisor duty, Glynda turned to face the intruders, but rolled her eyes and left when she recognized the two reformed criminals. "I am not dealing with this today," she grumbled, pulling out her scroll to make a call, "Oobleck? Get down to the cafeteria. You're taking my shift."

"Yang Xiao Long!" Roman Torchwick called out, standing atop an empty table. Neo was at his side like always, wearing a blue and white jacket complete with a red baseball cap. "We're looking for a Yang Xiao Long! Will a Miss Yang Xiao Long please stand up?"

"Hey Roman!" Ruby waved as her sister rose from her seat, "It's been a while!"

"Same to you, Little Red. But we're here for business. Got a score to settle."

"Is that so?" Yang grinned, recognizing the style of outfit Neo was wearing. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her GameGirl. "Back for a rematch, Neo? I hope you've trained your Chinpocketmon well!"

Nodding, Neo dramatically pulled out her own game system. She was more than ready for this. As the two rivals began their highly anticipated rematch, Roman raised his hat high. "Place your bets, children! One battle, one victor!"

"Let's go Yang!" Ruby cheered, leaping up beside her sister on the table.

"I hope you're ready, Neo!" Yang clenched he fist as the battle music started to play, "Because this match starts now!"

Sliding his scroll into his pocket after responding to Velvet, Mercury yawned as he leaned forward on the bar counter. Scarlatina had been sending him messages every day since the gang had split up, and it had almost cost him a couple of clients. He had kept true to his word. Someone had to walk in his father's footsteps and take out the lowlifes of the underworld. All that work was pretty tiring, even for a 5-Star Man. It was a good thing there were fine establishments like Junior's Club that were stupid enough to fall for a fake I.D.

"Bacardi 151," Black waved at the bartender, "One glass. Make it strong."

Junior laughed to himself. "If I do that, you'll be slumped up against a wall without a clue in the world. Shit's some of the hardest liquor I got, kid."

"Why do you think I ordered it?"

Catching the glass as Junior slid it down the bar, Merc brought it to his mouth and cringed at the overwhelming scent of it. Hell, he could get wasted just by smelling this.

It smelled like his father.

…Why was he here, anyways? Mercury Black wasn't one to wash his sorrows away with alcohol. There was no way he could be doubting himself right now. His choices, his path…

No. Someone had to do what he did. It was the way of the world.

"You going to drink that or what, kid?"

Mercury jumped slightly at the voice beside him. Just a second ago, the barstool beside him had been empty. Now, a woman dressed in red occupied the stool. Her hair was long and messy, pointed like the feathers of a raven and draping down past her shoulders. If not for Velvet, he wouldn't feel guilty in calling her a MILF.

But then again, her face looked remarkably similar to… Nah. The resemblance between her and blondie had to be a coincidence.

"Didn't pay for it yet," Merc replied, "You can have it if you're willing to."

"You're quite young for a drink of that caliber," the woman said, "Someone like you shouldn't need that in their system. Unless you're trying to forget about something."

Black snorted. "So what if I am? Shouldn't concern you."

"Perhaps not. But then again, I don't think Scarlatina would feel at ease if she knew you were doing this to yourself."

His eyes widening for a second, Merc turned to face the woman. "So you watched the show, I take it."

"You'd be surprised at some of the people who have. Granted, I was watching because of a different person in that house. You were kind of a prick most of the time."

"Hmph. Nobody appreciates a Golden God."

"Except Velvet."

"Do you have a point, or you just going to sit here and pick at me lady?"

The woman's hand fell to her side, where Mercury finally noticed the sheath hanging from her belt. She gripped the blade's handle tightly, pulling it out slightly to show him the deep red blade within.

"Our lives are pretty similar, in a way. Both of us working from the shadows, doing things most might consider unethical. It's a dangerous life."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"It shouldn't mean you can't watch out for the ones you care about."

"You sound like Velvet now."

"Maybe I do. Or maybe I don't want to see another girl be abandoned by someone she loves because of a life like ours. Where every day you fear for someone going after them, or them fearing for you to come home alive. It gets sickening after a while."

"Then why bother?" Mercury said, moving the glass away, "Just go back to whoever it is you left behind."

The woman smiled, shaking her head. "I'm too far gone now. And too old. But not you, though. You might have killed, but you weren't raised to know anything else I bet. You can change your future, just like your friends did. It just won't be as easy."

Black stared at the reflection of his face in the counter, noticing the scar left on his face by that bastard A.I. If he left this bar the same way he had come in, he'd be getting many more over time.

One scar was good for a 5-Star Man. Too many would just be ugly.

Velvet probably wouldn't like it either.

"…So," Merc smirked, looking back up to hand the woman his drink, "You want this- Huh?"

She was gone. Mercury scanned over the dozens of people behind him on the dance floor, but there was not a sign of the mysterious woman. For a second he thought he did, but realized it was Miltia Malachite chatting with her sister Melanie. So much black and red; he was getting flashbacks of Taurus now. Black turned to Junior for a second pair of eyes.

"Did you see her leave?"

"Who?"

Merc pointed to the empty seat beside him. "The woman who was just here. Didn't you see her?"

"I didn't even notice, kid. Now are you going to drink that or not? That stuff is expensive."

Sighing, Merc returned the drink to Junior. "Keep it. Can't have my breath smellin' like that shit. I've gottta go visit someone later."

"I'm home, Gray," Adam announced, throwing his jacket onto the couch. He looked around his small apartment room for his roommate, and cringed when he spotted the Muscle-Men-Monthly magazines scattered on the coffee table. "Gray! I told you to keep those in your room!"

"Sorry, Adam!" Lieutenant Gray rushed out of his room, wearing only a hot pink towel and his mask, "I didn't think you'd be back from your date with Miltia so early!"

"The sky decided to rain today," Adam slicked back his wet hair, drying his exposed yellow eyes. He was still getting used to the whole no-mask thing ever since abandoning the White Fang. Apparently his higher ups had believed he had actually died in the penthouse explosion, or just didn't care enough to come look for him. They always did call him a 'borderline retarded teenage bad-ass wannabe', or something along those lines. Adam had no quarrels with not having to take that name calling anymore.

"So dish-dish~!" Gray asked, resting his hands on his chin, "How'd it go? Did you say the L word yet?"

"…Libertarian?"

"No, silly! La-la-la-love!"

"Let's talk about that later," Adam yawned, laying back on the couch, "I'm hungry. Our meal was drenched by the tears of the sky."

"Sounds good!" Lieutenant Gray clapped his hands together, "What can I make for ya? I picked up some exotic butters at the store today, if you're up for that?"

"Just some Skittles. No-

"No green ones, like always! You don't have to tell me that twice, Daddy! They're coming right up!"

If Adam wasn't exhausted right now, he'd yell at the big guy for his incredibly homoerotic nickname for him. But deep down, he honestly didn't mind. Adam had two people who wanted to be around him at all times. And goddammit, a campy gay best friend that wanted to get in his pants was better than no best friend at all.

"Thanks for the ride!" Emerald waved to her taxi driver before he pulled away from the curb to her tiny two-room home. She ran through the rain to her front door, covering her head with her bag as she unlocked it and stumbled inside, leaving the entrance wide open for rain to blow in. She really needed to get a lock she could unlatch easier. When Ozpin took her to this small little house on the west-side of Vale, Emerald didn't think she'd have to use the 20,000 lien the headmaster had given her to so soon on repairs. She didn't care from what place he had siphoned that money on; at least she could afford food for once.

Even if she could barely eat anymore.

A few weeks ago, not too long after the gang had split up, Cinder's condition made a turn for the worse. With the Fall Maiden powers within her on his mind, Ozpin had moved her to another location that he could not disclose to Emerald. He said that the powers of the Maiden should be near their original host (who was also still on the line between life and death), in the chance one of them lost the will to live. If that was the case, Ozpin presumed that the half of the powers from the deceased would return to their other half in the living girl, potentially rejuvenating their health and making them into a full Maiden.

Emerald hadn't seen Cinder since that day. She wasn't even sure if…

"Damn it…"

Emerald took a deep breath, fighting back her emotions. She had to stay calm now. If she spent every day worrying about Cinder, she wouldn't be able to take care of herself. If the time to let go ever came, she needed to be ready for it.

She set her bag of groceries on the counter, slipping out of her jacket as the door behind her creaked shut, the figure hiding ever so quietly behind it staring her down. When the knob clicked shut Em spun around, knowing it couldn't close unless someone had pushed it shut. She held her keys like daggers between her fingers; she hadn't fought in some time, but she could be violent if she needed to be.

Those skills weren't needed today.

The keys slipped from her hands, jingling as they hit the floor. Emerald's watery eyes were glued on the person stepping out of the shadow of the doorway, wondering if she had cast an illusion on herself.

But no. This was no illusion.

She stood there, her obsidian hair still soaked from the rain she had only escaped from minutes before Emerald had arrived back home. She was clothed in a brown dress, white tape wrapped up her arms and neck to cover the scar left behind by Virulet. Her eyes were a stronger amber shade now, and she had a staff with a red gem strapped to her back. She…

She was just as beautiful as she had remembered.

"A terrible day for rain, isn't it Emmy?"

Ozpin always hated these trips to Atlas, especially when he went by himself. The corridors of Ironwood's twelve-story tower were just as hard to navigate as the city streets and the sewers below them.

Why did Ozpin know what it was like to be in the sewers? Let's just say a homeless Faunus decided to give him incredibly wrong directions on one occasion for the laughs. Ozpin finally realized why the rule about not talking to strangers was important that day. Those vicious sewer gator Grimm sure did pack a punch.

Today, Ozpin was about to face a more ferocious beast: a furious James Ironwood.

He had been putting off this meeting for the longest time, mostly in fear of the physical beating he was expecting from James for gambling all the money away. The general had sent his men to Beacon to abduct him and bring him here for weeks, but Ozpin was a master of hide-and-seek. Those single-minded Atlesian knights were probably still looking for him right now.

Unfortunately, Glynda had forced him on this trip; she just had to make sure he got another beating, even if it wasn't from her.

Taking a deep breath, Ozpin stood before James' office as its doors slid open. The general was behind his desk, bags under his eyes and looking very, very agitated as rain poured down the big glass window pane behind him. Lighting struck in the distance, only making Ozpin's stomach feel sicker.

"Ozpin."

"James."

The two men stood in place, the room as quiet as the void of space other than the pitter-patter of droplets outside. James calmly gestured to the chair before his desk. "Please. Take a seat."

The general's polite demeanor made Ozpin even more afraid of what was about to come. The Headmaster complied, pulling the chair out a far distance away from where it initially sat. The further distance between him and Ironwood, the better. The general slipped off his gloves, revealing his metal hand that he clenched into a fist.

"I would like to remind you of why you are here, Ozpin," James said, "You have stolen my identity and tarnished my reputation. You have stolen my money. And Glynda has told me you gambled it all away. I have no compensation anymore, Ozpin. Which means I have no incentive to not do what I am about to do right now. Do you understand what I am telling you?"

"…Yes. Unfortunately."

"I am going to hurt you, Ozpin," James said calmly, cracking his neck, "You will most certainly not enjoy it. Do not try to run. Do not try to resist. If you do, I will hurt you even more. Do you understand?"

"I understand. But first… A proposition."

Ironwood removed his coat, placing it neatly on his seat. "Very well. You may try and weasel your way out of this. I could use a good laugh right now."

"Oh no, James. I still expect to be beaten to an inch of my life. This is just an apology for losing the lien I owed you."

Reaching into his pocket, Ozpin tossed James a scroll with a list of names entitled 'James Ironwood's Jamboree: Potential Stars'. The general scrolled through it, reading some of them out loud.

"Coco Adel… Neptune Vasilias… Neon Katt… Flynt Coal… Dew Gayle… The Malachite Twins… Junior Xiong… Is this some sort of joke?"

"No, James," Ozpin smirked, sipping the last ounce of coffee from his mug, "I just have one question to ask you."

"And that would be?"

"Are you a gambling man, James?"

There are people I would like to thank.

I'll start with my family, who kept telling me to write an actual original work but still were proud I was writing something. They might not get it, but they understood my passion for it.

To my assorted friends who would listen to my rambling ideas for this fic and actually thought they were funny.

To Monty, Miles, Kerry, and the rest of the RWBY staff and crew who created and voiced characters so endearing I couldn't help but fuck with them in an imaginary reality TV show set in an imaginary continuity of an imaginary universe.

To the RWBY sub-Reddit, for giving me a place to be a whore and advertise every Friday to get this fic out there for people to read. You people made me into a shipping monster, and I love you all for it. Chain of Command for life.

To all the Corgis in the world, who made me want to write dog POV chapters because they're so goddamn cute.

To the geniuses behind 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia', whose humor was my greatest muse.

To the handsome son of a bitch called me, who actually finished a story for once in his life. Good for you, good lookin'.

And most importantly, to the hundreds of you who have stuck around for this wild, wild fucking ride, and for those of you reading this long after I have finished updating. I enjoyed everything you have ever said about this story, and I'm glad you enjoyed what was sprung from the mind of a very bored college student on a boring February night. I wouldn't have gone this far if not for any of you. Thank you so, so much for making me love to write again.

Keep moving forward.

Just don't trip over anything along the way. Falling hurts like a bitch.