This chapter was inspired by my favorite episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
If it wasn't too late, I would rename this fic to Its Always Sunny in Remnant, but oh well.
"Table for two, please."
Dressed in evening gowns – one a shimmering scaly green, the other deep silky crimson – Cinder Fall and Emerald Sustrai weaved among the dozens of occupied tables at Chef Francis's Bowl Appetite, the finest restaurant this side of Atlas. The pair had spent an evening out on the town, having begun with a romantic film and ending with reservations for dinner at this 5-Star establishment. It was the first time the ladies had actually gone on what one could call a true date, and they had chosen today specifically to tie in with a certain anniversary.
"Your waiter will be right with you girls."
"Thank you," Emerald said to their hostess. While Cinder took a look at the menu, Emerald was drawn to their pristine surroundings. Atlesian marble sculptures surrounded a flower like fountain, gold lights accenting the royal atmosphere. The hue from the lamp above their table drew Emerald to Cinder's eyes, becoming lost in their glisten. Fall noticed her staring from above the edge of her menu.
"Enjoying yourself?" Cinder asked, "Don't you get tired of looking at me?"
"No, but it's not just that. I never imagined being somewhere like this with you six months ago."
Cinder sighed, sliding her hand over Emerald's resting on the table. "I know. Even with how much time has passed I'm still getting used to this way of life… Let's not think about the past, though. I want to be here right now, with just you to… Oh no."
The change in Cinder's tone alarmed Em. "What's up? Something wrong?"
"He saw me. Dammit, he saw me."
"Who? Where are they?" Em tried to turn around to look, but Fall pulled her back immediately. "Okay, you're acting weird."
"Just… Just don't look behind you, okay? If they see you, it'll cause a whole thing that I don't want to be part of. I want tonight to be about us."
"Seriously, who is it? Who could you possibly not want to know that we're here?"
"Cinder's here?" Gray J. Sawyer asked, adjusting his clip-on tie. Adam Taurus sat across from him, staring through a mess of people's heads at his former housemate's table.
"She looked me right in the eye, then pretended she didn't. I don't know why."
"Let's go say hello!" the lieutenant said, standing until his friend pulled him down. "I don't get it. What's wrong with saying hi?"
Adam folded his hands, resting his chin on them. "Because we shouldn't have to. This is about honor, Gray. She looked at us first. If we go over there, they have one up on us. We'll look foolish, desperate for their attention. They should come over and greet us instead."
"…That doesn't make much sense."
"Look who is talking. You're wearing two colognes."
"So are you, Adam."
"Because you sprayed me with a second one! Here I am attempting to readjust to social norms, and you go and make me smell like the spawn of Old Spice and Banana Sunrise!"
"I think it smells nice."
"That is not the point," Adam groaned, "This whole dinner is strange anyways. I am fairly sure two men do not go out to a restaurant known for romantic dates on behalf of binging the first three seasons of 'All My Faunus' in one day."
"It was a spontaneous decision."
"Nobody goes and makes $100 dinner reservations spontaneously!"
"They do too!" Gray pouted, nudging the waiter who had been standing beside them for the past minute and a half. "You agree with me, right?"
The mustached man rolled his eyes. He hated simpletons like this; they were worse than Tyrian at times. "It's like you think I care about your meaningless quarrel… But that's besides the point. My name is Watts and I will be your server for the night. Can I please have your order?"
"I order you to side with me on this," Adam demanded, lifting a threatening finger.
"I should've stayed with Salem…" Watts grumbled under his breath before clearing his throat, "I'm sorry sir, but we serve food here. Not… whatever that just was."
"Then go away. Shoo. Let us finish talking."
"…Very well," Watts exasperated, walking off.
Gray watched him leave, having been enthralled by his moustache. "He had quite the facial hair, huh Adam?"
The former White Fang member ignored him, busy forming a plot in his head. "Call that waiter back. I have an idea…"
"Our waiter sure is taking a while to get here," Emerald commented, looking around the restaurant, "They don't seem too busy."
"Probably held up by some stubborn couple," Cinder replied. Just as she was going to call someone over, a familiar face stepped to their table. "Well, I'll be damned. Look who it is…"
"Hello… Cinder," Watts mumbled, avoiding eye contact with the girl he once put down daily. He could barely contain his rage as he saw Fall snickering at him and his new carrier choice. "Yes, yes. Laugh at my current predicament. But know that I shall rise up from the ashes and reclaim my former glory… after a couple dozen paychecks."
"What's wrong? Did Salem finally give up on you?"
"I'd rather not talk about Salem. Ever."
Emerald noticed a bottle sitting under his arm. "Is that wine for us?"
"Why, yes it is."
"Why would you of all people bring us a gift?
Watts gestured across the room to Adam's table. "Those two gentleman over there purchased it for you, not me you simpleton. They wanted you to know that it's our most expensive bottle… and that you probably couldn't afford it. Which I don't doubt."
A declaration of war. Cinder saw it as nothing less. If they wanted to try and ruin her date with Emerald, then by God she was going to do the same to them. "Alright, Adam Taurus. I'll play your game. And I'm going to-
"Cinder?" Emerald cocked her head, "You okay?"
"Don't worry, love. This'll be over soon."
"So I was thinking," Gray said, twiddling his thumbs, "How about you invite Miltia over tonight so we can watch Good Gun? I think she'd enjoy it. If you want her to move in eventually then she should get used to the kind of movies we watch together."
"I have been wanting to talk to you about that," Adam responded, "I am getting bored of watching films featuring nothing but shirtless oily bodybuilders wrestling each other and playing volleyball. The homoerotic overtones are too much for me."
"Appreciating the male body doesn't have to involve anything sexual. I mean, that's how I appreciate it but couldn't you just admire the hours of work they put into chiseling their bugling muscles?"
"…No."
A returning Watts spared Adam from continuing the conversation. "I'm going to assume you two aren't ready to order yet."
"Don't rush us," Adam snapped, before spotting a familiar wine bottle, "What are you doing with that? You were supposed to give it to Cinder."
"Oh, I did that. This is just another one that they wanted delivered to your table. And they paid double the price for it."
"Well, that was nice of them!" Gray beamed, confused at Taurus's seething anger. "You should appreciate the gesture!"
"No!" Adam pounded the table, causing many heads to turn to the scene he was causing, "They trumped us! We need to claim victory!"
"This is ridiculous…" Watts said quietly, but still loud enough for his customer to hear.
"Silence, you! I'm thinking."
"Adam, please," Gray pleaded, "This night was supposed to be about us, not them. All you've been doing is plotting and scheming. You won't even look me in the eye when we talk about beefcakes anymore!"
"We have never had a two-way conversation about bodybuilding men! I do my best to tune you out when you speak of glutes and abs and pecs!"
"I'm just going to go…" Watts interjected.
"Then be gone, you fool!" Adam barked, shooing the waiter away, "You contribute nothing to the war against Fall!"
A shrill ring interrupted the argument. With the restaurant falling quiet, Adam and Gray turned to see Cinder standing by her table, raising a glass of wine. "I'd like to make a toast tonight. For all those tonight with someone they care about, with someone they love. I'm here with the only person I would ever trust my life with, and I hope everyone else can say that about their own date. Even if they are a pair of imprudent Faunus who don't even know how to behave decently in public like two certain individuals causing a scene."
While the entire restaurant toasted, Adam's rage grew even greater. Gray looked at him with judging eyes from behind his sparkly mask. "Why don't you ever say nice things about me like that?"
"…Are you kidding me? You want me to say something nice? Fine!" Taurus stormed over to where the piano player sat, ripping a microphone meant for a singer from its stand. "Testing, testing… Can they hear me? Yeah, they can hear me."
"Oh, Christ," Cinder spat, glaring at Adam, "Maybe I shouldn't have retaliated at them, Emmy."
"Yeah, you probably shouldn't have. I didn't expect it to go this far."
"Do you just want to go back home?"
"Oh, hell no. He insulted you. He insulted us. You think I'm going to let that jerkoff talk crap about us? As soon as he gets off that mic I'm throwing this tomato at them. That'll teach him to screw with us."
"…You're so hot when you're angry."
"Please, Miss Fall," Watts commented from behind their table, "Act less like a tramp and more like a woman. If that's even possible."
"Shut your trap!" Emerald and Cinder snapped at him in unison.
Tapping on his mic, Adam cleared his throat. "I'd like to give a toast as well tonight. To someone in my life for who I wouldn't be here without. They are not a pitiful woman who doesn't know how to say hello, or her girlfriend who acts like a lovesick dog. They are the kind of person who would be there to stop you when you're just about to kill your ex-girlfriend, or when you just don't know how to pronounce full on rapist- I mean, philanthropist. And even when they barge into your room to grab their baby oil while you're trying to make love to your girlfriend, you know that they didn't just do it to get a look at your behind. You know that they meant well, and are just too dumb sometimes to understand..."
Taurus turned to Gray, remembering a song he heard on the drive here. "Did you ever know that you're my hero...? That you are the wings beneath my… Shit. That's not how it goes. Dammit… That's it. I'm done."
Shuffling awkwardly off stage, Adam slid back into his seat, proud of himself. Gray applauded him happily. "That… That was so nice of you to say about them!"
"…About who?"
"Cinder and Emerald! What better way to apologize than giving a heartfelt speech?"
"About them?! It was about you!"
"…Really?"
"YES! I looked right at you and everything! Why would either of them have been there when I tried to make love to Miltia?!"
"Oh yeah. I guess that makes more sense."
Rubbing his temples, Adam was ready to give up. Leaving the house today in the first place was a mistake, let alone coming here. And the last thing he wanted to hear was that snippy, prideful waiter of his.
"What an… interesting speech," Watts smirked, reveling in Taurus's misery, "It seems that men get what they deserve in the- BLOODY HELL!"
The stuck-up waiter tumbled onto Adam's table, a mush of red splattered on the back of his head. Noticing the stem of a tomato, Adam and Gray gazed across the room to see Emerald standing in her chair, just about to take another tomato from Cinder. The two pairs glared at each other, and then at Watts throwing obscenities at all of them. "God damn you! God damn you all to hell!"
An eruption of joyous laughter followed.
"Nice throw, Emmy!" Gray complimented, "This bozo totally deserved it for being mean to Adam!"
"He was mean to Cinder too!" Em shrugged, chucking the other tomato at Watt's behind, "Deserves every last chunk." Cinder and Adam nodded at each other, declaring their war to be over.
"Would you like to join us at our home for a movie?" Taurus proposed, "I must warn you: it will contain multiple beefcakes."
Cinder sighed at her strange friend. "I suppose it would be a better way to spend my time than being here. Service here is just not what it is cracked up to be."