Some of the humor this chapter is a bit... racy, to put it bluntly.
But hey, we've had tasteless jokes about shit and non-consensual sex before am I right?
Nothing really new coming from my fucked sense of humor.
The giant ocean liner sat at the edge of the dock, an imposing white and red giant preparing to embark on a nautical journey to Menagerie. Its passengers had varied reasons for embarking on the trip: vacation, political meetings, and – in this case – introducing one's boyfriend to the family.
"We're gonna miss you Blake!" Yang hugged her feline teammate tightly. Her sister Ruby and Weiss stood nearby with Sun, the latter still contemplating whether this visit to Blake's home was a good or terrible idea. She had told him only a bit about her father, but the parts about him being the former White Fang leader and also somewhat overprotective gave him a feeling Ghira Belladonna wouldn't care for him very much.
"We'll only be gone for a week," Blake said as Ruby let go, "Well, unless my Dad decides to send Sun back in a crate. Then he'll be here in about two business days."
Sun didn't like the sound of that. "I feel like this is going to be the second most awkward vacation ever.
"What was the first?" Weiss questioned.
"The time Neptune, Scarlet and I visited Sage's family before."
"What's wrong with his folks?" Yang asked; she didn't know much about the tall and dark member of Team SSSN, but from little she'd seen of him he seemed relatively normal. His family couldn't be much different, right?
"They're, um… a little particular about the people they like. Very particular."
Yang and Weiss shared a confused look, the blonde scratching her head. "Do they hate Faunus or something?"
"Yeah… And blondes. And white people. Good thing you weren't there too, huh Yang?"
Silence. You could cut the uncomfortable air with a butter knife, I tell you.
"This is why I should stop asking questions," Yang sighed.
"And I thought my father was bad…" Weiss muttered, just as three newcomers walked onto the scene. The three young men were pulling suitcases and carrying luggage, with one holding a large bottle of medication in his hand.
"Okay," Neptune Vasilias said, presenting his bottle to Sun and the girls, "I've got enough cough syrup here to knock me out for at least 72 hours, some extra pills to assist with that, and a hammer for one of you to knock me out with in case I wake up while we're in the middle of the ocean. I can't believe I'm saying this, but let's get on that boat!"
"I bet you five lien he faints once he steps on the ramp," Sage Ayana said to Scarlet David from aside.
"I give him ten steps from it."
If things weren't already awkward, Sun thought to himself. He looked behind him to Blake, who shrugged. It was her way of telling him he had to break the news to the rest of his team. "Uh, guys. You do realize there's only room for two in our boat cabin, right?"
"Oh, thank God!" Neptune exclaimed, "Sage, Scarlet. It's all yours."
"No, not room for only two more people! I mean just for me and Blake." His teammates stood there with blank expressions, not getting the clue. "As in you three can't go with us."
"Hold up, hold up," Neptune held his palms out, "So here you are, telling us all about this trip, and we can't even go?"
"Yeah, but me telling you about it doesn't equal you inviting yourself to go along! And besides, it's not the first time I've ditched you guys for a boat ride."
"But we talked about this, Sun," Scarlet responded, "We were supposed to do everything as a team from now on."
Sun rolled his eyes. "Except things involving my girlfriend, like this trip. Look guys, when I come back we'll hang out and stuff, but right now this is something between just me and Blake. Is it that hard to understand?"
"…This is why we don't have girlfriends," Sage said with any hint of emotion, "Women tear brothers apart-"
"That and some of us are too nerdy to get one," Scarlet smirked, nudging Neptune.
"Hey! Weiss is totally into me! I'm just not ready for the responsibility, you know?"
"I think someone's just-
"You're the one who's afraid!"
"I wasn't going to even say that, but seeing as you just did-
"Scarlet, I'm going to-
"Enough!" Sun shouted, silencing his crew, "Get over yourselves. It's only a week. Try not to kill each other fighting over stupid crap like this."
The monkey walked off, leaving SSN with their useless luggage at their feet. Pouting, Neptune kicked his over with a huff. "You know what? We don't need Sun to have fun! We can entertain ourselves without him!"
Ruby, Weiss, and Yang looked upon them with pity; both out of concern and for their collected idiocy. The former raised her hand, waving at them. "We'll hang out with you guys, if you want."
"Sorry, Ruby," Scarlet declined, "But you girls wouldn't enjoy the manly activities we do on a daily basis."
One day later.
"Well, that's all of the kitten videos we could find," Scarlet sighed, leaning back on his chair. Neptune and Sage were kneeling by the sides of his desk, just as disappointed as their flamboyant teammate. Their dorm room was littered with trash and food crumbs, as well as the feathers that sat as a reminder of their intense, brutal pillow fight from the night before.
"Wanna watch them again?" Neptune asked.
Sage shook his head to decline. "No. I hate to admit it, but we really do need to find a temporary replacement for Sun."
"But how? Do we just walk up to people and say, 'Hey! Come replace our jerk friend who chose his girlfriend over us!' Because that sounds kind of pathetic."
"I've got it!" Scarlet clapped in a moment of genius. He opened up his document creator, cracking his knuckles, "I'll type up a flyer, and we can post it around and have guys come find us to be our friend."
"That… is genius!" Neptune grinned, him and Sage leaning in to watch him type, "Let's get started then!"
Sitting there hoping they would get the message, Scarlet groaned when they didn't budge. "Can you not breathe down my neck then? A writer needs his space."
"Oh, sorry there Mr. Pulitzer prize winner…" Sage retorted sarcastically, him and Neptune turning their backs to him. They sat there listening to his keys click, and a few minutes later Scarlet had a rough draft ready for them.
"Here it is," Scarlet said, presenting his work, "Now, it's just a start but I think if we read it out loud together we can make it even better."
"Alright then," Sage squinted at the screen to read the words aloud; he really wished he hadn't forgotten to put his contacts in today. "What up? We're just three cool guys looking for another cool guy to do manly things with us, like partying and going to the beach."
"…Sounds kind of gay, doesn't it?" Neptune noted, to which his teammates agreed.
"I'll put nothing sexual in it," Scarlet said, typing in the edit, "Just so they know for sure."
"Make sure it's in bold."
"Planned on it."
Silently agreeing with them, Sage continued reading. "Dudes with toned abs are recommended, so we can still feel connection with our jerk friend who ditched us for a girl while also fitting in with our muscular physiques. Being a Faunus is a plus, so we can tick it off the diversity checklist right beside..." Sage glared at Scarlet after finishing the line, "Already having a black guy."
"What? People these days love diversity! You're black, Sun was the Faunus, I'm pretty metrosexual if I do say so myself, and Neptune is the lovable nerdy guy. Ladies like a varied selection!"
"We are not leaving that in."
"Think about it, Sage," Neptune attempted to justify, "Just… think about it. It's a work in progress."
"…Fine. But if we leave that in, then we have to put something bad in about Neptune."
"Hey!" Neptune quickly objected, but was cut off by Scarlet.
"Okay, okay," Scarlet assured his offended teammate, "I'll put something about him being the weakest link, like his body can't handle a lot of the things we do or something."
"Can you put in the 'nothing sexual' line again? I just want them to know for certain."
"Put it in caps this time," Sage followed, Neptune's worries infecting him. After some more typing, Scarlet clicked enter and zoomed in on the text.
'What up? We're just three cool guys looking for another cool guy to do manly things with us, like partying and going to the beach. Nothing sexual. Dudes with toned abs are recommended, so we can still feel connection with our jerk friend who ditched us for a girl while also fitting in with our muscular physiques. Being a Faunus is a plus. We can tick it off the diversity checklist right beside already having a black guy. One of us is a bit of a noodle however, and his body can't always handle a lot of our more intense activities. Again, NOTHING SEXUAL.'
The three guys looked at each other, and all of them broke into a slow smile as they bathed in their own self-satisfaction.
"Okay, guys," Neptune winked, giving them a thumbs up, "Let's go find ourselves a new best friend."