Here's a new extra-extended chapter after the long time away! Thank you so much for your kind words and reviews! I LOVE hearing your thoughts and appreciate your time sharing them with me.
Some notes from previous reviews though. I understand there were concerns about 1930s slang, and there were some words peppered in the previous chapter and will continue to be used but never in a way that impedes on readability! I will only use slang when I believe it enhances a character point or development not just for the sake of it. I also just find it much more realistic given Emmett's rural upbringing that he wouldn't be fully aware of "city-slicking" slang which were most popularly used in metropolitan areas. Also, Rosalie was in a proper, society upbringing that would've frowned on slang. Also, keep in mind the South has a slang of its own, and things are always slow to catch on there anyway so Emmett in the mid-thirties might not even be aware of slang until ten years after. There wouldn't be trend-setters or culture leaders in his immediate experience in the background I've given him in a very rural upbringing.
As far as his vocabulary, I admit I do tend to write inner dialogue a lot less "first person conversational" and more for the reader than the actual inner monologue of the character. I apologize if this took you out of a reading experience. I just didn't want his inner voice to be difficult to read in sequence with the other characters's POV chapters and sound like Huckleberry Finn. I write true thoughts and true dialogue with a lot more care toward true and realistic vocabulary and personality for the character, just for readability purposes I like to keep the setting details and character experience in a little bit more of an authorial/ uniform tone.
This chapter is in Rosalie's perspective again, so I think it will explain her thoughts a little better on Emmett and her experience of his attention. I found one of the biggest holes and missing discussions about Rosalie's character in the canon series to be her healing journey after her sexual assault. Bella and Edward had very limited perspectives on this as I mentioned in my first author's note, so I'm looking forward to really showing the depth of her character and her relationship with her vanity as well as how she and Emmett came to be. In a lot of readings I've done on the psychology of sexual assault survivors, the stereotype and dominant personality traits of Stephenie Meyer's Emmett is the exact opposite of who Rosalie would be comfortable around after her experience. However, I think it really allows for an exploration of depth into Emmett's own character and who he is to Rosalie beyond what we see of him from Bella and Edward's perspective.
Thank you so much for reading! Enjoy!
Hardest of Hearts
There is love in your body but you can't hold it in
It pours from your eyes and spills from your skin
Tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks
And the kindest of kisses break the hardest of hearts
There is love in your body but you can't get it out
It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth
Sticks to your tongue and shows on your face
That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste
Rosalie - A month of impatience
I didn't sleep anymore so there was really no functional need for a bed, but I wanted one in my room for aesthetic reasons, so of course Carlisle and Esme had obliged.
Also there was no place to ponder and pout as good as a bed. As I laid in the center of the bed, I stretched my feet up to the ceiling above me pointing my toes better than the greatest Russian ballerinas and reaching my limbs as long as they could stretch. I lethargically rolled my ankles in a circle, kicking my feet one after the other in slow patterns.
My arms extended from my shoulders palms toward the ceiling and I let my feet float down to the bed so I was in a long, extended star position.
I huffed, blowing a strand of hair off my face.
I was bored.
Time passed slowly and lazily like January molasses when he was gone - which was 95% of the time now.
He was never here and when he was, he was distracted.
"Rosalie? Can I come in?" Esme asked as she tapped her knuckles on the door.
I didn't answer, yet she opened the door anyway.
I didn't bother sitting up as she entered my room with conversation on her mind.
It wasn't difficult to see it in her face that she had something she wanted to talk about. I didn't need to be Edward or have his gift to sense this.
"How are you?" She asked.
I despised small talk when it was unnecessary. She'd come in with a purpose.
A heavy sigh escaped my lips.
"Lovely." I responded with one word. "What is it?"
I urged her onward into whatever she'd come in here to say. I was bored yes, but that didn't mean time could be wasted on small talk when it so clearly was a front for something else.
"I was just thinking about… Well, I know this is difficult." Esme said, impossible kindness in her voice.
"What is?" I asked, not entirely understanding her point, but knowing in some way she wanted to talk about Emmett.
"Well, I was on the newborn side of things once." Esme began wringing her hands, always tip toeing in conversation with me. "And… Carlisle had to be impossibly patient with me."
I clenched my jaw as I sat up cross legged in the center of my bed like a pouting child.
I didn't know what to say. I'm sure she saw it in my eyes that I was exhausted in an entirely new way. I'd never been one for understanding or patience, but that seemed to be all I could be these days.
I had to be understanding and patient. I had no other choice and I was learning this painfully.
I also didn't know what I was waiting for. I was impatient, and it was directed at Emmett, but I didn't quite know what I was waiting for.
What did I want from him?
"Speaking from my own experience, I wanted so badly to be able to be myself apart from the bloodlust, but that first year was so… confusing." Esme said, sitting down on the corner of my bed but keeping both her feet on the floor.
I swallowed, all at once not wanting to get into this but also wanting to open up to Esme for her own happiness.
But, I couldn't.
I couldn't.
"I saw Carlisle and it was evident how much he loved me… and I wanted to get to know him, to talk to him about my deepest fears, to learn his favorite songs, to hear his stories, go on long walks and look up at the stars, and… to really fall in love with him like… I normally would have. But, but I couldn't." She went on. "It was impossible to separate any desire from the desire for blood. But, but with time I got better at it. I understood that I could… want other things. I had to rely on Carlisle a lot to help me with that…"
I clenched my jaw, looking away from her and up at the ceiling, fixating.
Did I want Emmett to want me?
It was evident I didn't love him. I couldn't. He was a stranger to me, but I needed him in this life in one way or another.
Ever since he was cognizant and awake, I'd avoided him. I couldn't explain why other than one thing.
He terrified me.
He was obviously different than any other man that had ever laid eyes on me. He was another species entirely. I'd never encountered anything like him, but still… he was a man and I'd stay convinced I knew what that meant by my previous experiences.
"He's in there, Rosalie. Whoever it was you saw that made you want to change him in the first place. He's in there." Esme said strongly knowing I needed to be pushed.
Hearing this from her made my throat tighten so much I imagined it had totally constricted. I didn't like feeling left vulnerable, so my icy exterior just hardened as she hit a nerve.
"I know." I said coldly and moved over to start brushing my hair in front of my vanity.
I brushed out my perfect golden curls again and again.
I saw Esme standing in the mirror behind me waiting. She deserved someone much better than me. I was awful and cold to her, and I knew she didn't deserve that.
"Can I?" She asked, heartbroken anticipation in her eyes that she already assumed would get shot down.
She tried anyway.
I realized I'd never told her goodbye when I left for my vengeance tour. I'd disappeared in the night, and stayed gone for months without even the slightest explanation.
I'd broken her little family and her heart.
She'd shown me nothing but kindness, but I'd shown her nothing but distant distrust.
I didn't answer her outright, but I slowed my hand in my hair, unwrapping my fingers from the handle of the brush to make room for her own.
I couldn't help it that I stiffened under her affection as she now slowly and carefully brushed through my perfect, long golden hair.
"Your hair is so gorgeous." Esme marveled as so many had done before, but there was a glimmer in her eyes that suggested she was really marveling at what progress she perceived this to be in our relationship.
"Thank you." I smiled tightly, trying not to continue to accept awe-filled compliments as facts, though words had begun to lose the luster since everyone had been telling me I was beautiful since I could remember.
I'd even learned that sometimes people complimented me because they didn't know what else to say to me. They imagined nothing was going on in my head but my vanity, so they perceived a compliment as a connection point with me or just a way to fill silence when I was around.
I'd had just about enough of her brushing through my hair, but I let her continue all the same. I tried to relax the tension in my shoulders, but it was no use.
She finally read my discomfort, and slowed her brush strokes until she finally stopped.
"Carlisle called and said Emmett's turning out to be quite a swell fellow." Esme started to make conversation as I began to pin and fashion my hair away from my face.
I tried not to let her know I'd eavesdropped on their conversation already. I knew this.
Her fingers awkwardly interlaced as if she was trying to fight reaching out to help me with my hair once more.
I thought about what Edward and Carlisle knew about him. I wondered who he was. I wondered what Emmett thought about them, about all of this. About all of us.
About me.
I think I did wish he knew me as he had so quickly grown to know Edward and Carlisle.
Well, I don't know. Maybe he wouldn't have liked getting to know me. These past couple years had changed me, and in more ways than just my diet and sleep patterns.
Who was I now that I wasn't Rosalie Hale?
How could he know me if I didn't even know what that meant anymore?
I sighed, drifting from these toxic thoughts.
Edward and Emmett spent every moment together it seemed, and I grew concerned.
Selfishly, I wondered if they talked about me.
What would Edward say? Obviously not something kind. I hadn't been very kind to him to deserve it.
I pursed my lips sideways, biting the inside of my cheek.
Edward said he didn't mind to be Emmett's primary caretaker this past month though and I saw he had actually developed a sort of kinship with him.
This pleased Carlisle and Esme to no end, but I constantly caught them giving me odd looks as if they were just waiting for me to do something.
In the month since Emmett awoke as a vampire, I had spoken all of three words to him. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to start, and he didn't seem to know how to start with me either.
I assumed since he'd just spent five days in the Appalachian Mountains, he'd be so blood drunk he'd start to find some coherence when he got back.
At least that's what I think I hoped.
This waiting game had me itching with anticipation, but at the same time… it was safe.
Distance was safe.
"They should be back this afternoon." Esme seemed rejuvenated by this information.
She'd missed Carlisle.
This news made my stomach drop to my knees, but I remained cool as I decided on a pair of earrings to offset the jewel that is my perfect face.
"Is that so?" I remained detached.
"I know I'll be happy to see Carlisle." Esme smiled excitedly but she seemed to be pushing me to say I would be happy to see Emmett.
Was I?
I think so. Mostly, I was just impatient and nervous.
"What about that white organza dress?" She gestured toward a new dress in my closet she'd undoubtedly put there when she'd been hoping I'd return.
Little did she know the last time I'd put on a white organza to impress a man upon my mother figure's request, it got me killed.
I wore white organza to carry my father's 'forgotten' lunch to the bank, of course attracting the attention of the man my mother intended…
"No, I'm wearing the blue." I mumbled.
It was a beautiful dress, but there was not a chance in hell I was wearing white organza.
I couldn't risk it.
"You'd look beautiful in anything." Esme said, handing me the blue dress with a kind smile. "And the blue is a gorgeous dress too."
"I know." I swallowed, though my eyes lingered on that white organza dress hanging ominously in my closet.
It seemed to be taunting me, calling to me, telling me that this road I was going down, I'd gone down before…
And what kind of naive little child did I have to be to imagine Emmett'd want anything different from me, that this could end any differently?…
Still though… I hoped.
So, I wore the blue.
I was playing the piano when I heard he, Edward, and Carlisle in the forest.
I never wanted him to see me like that - like a predator - so I never accompanied hunting trips - who was I kidding, I was also terrified of seeing him as a predator. I was already terrified of him enough.
But through this terror of him came something different… I was intrigued.
I wanted to learn him like I learned a song, so much that it would become natural.
But, he was intensely tempted by blood, seeming to think only of it and nothing else. I remembered being a newborn, ruled by desire and animalistic instinct rather than humanity and rational thought.
Emmett seemed absolutely incapable of coherence these past few weeks and I was getting impatient, but then again I was glad. I almost wished I could stop time from moving because this distance was safe.
What was going to happen if we talked?
I watched him every moment I could, trying to pick up anything about who he was and what he was like, but mostly he was just nervous and thirsty – always moving and always vibrating with new energy.
He couldn't focus on who he was when we were so busy trying to tell him he wasn't what his most natural instinct told him he should be: a monster.
Emmett spent most of his time outside and with Edward and Carlisle. He'd snapped at them a few times for standing too close and startling him while hunting, his instincts ruling as he almost ripped Edward's arm off before gaining control again.
He was still too dangerous for Esme or I to spend extended amounts of time around him, and this brought back the fear in me, but I understood.
Edward revealed last time we talked that Emmett was starting to try to gain control of his thoughts and actions, but was failing miserably thus far. However, Edward tried to acknowledge the silver lining. It was immense progress just that he finally knew there was someone else inside him - not just the monster. There were human desires still left over, human qualities that could peek through the veil of vampirism if he let them.
He just didn't have the self-control to overcome this duality and suppress the part of him that wanted to murder an entire town.
Yet.
Apparently self-control wasn't something he brought from his human life. This was something Carlisle postulated that I had overheard. It terrified me, but also intrigued me.
What was that like?
I had always been perfectly put together, perfectly full of thoughtfulness and restraint.
What was that freedom like?
It drew me to him, but it also repelled me.
I was all at once enchanted and absolutely disgusted by him.
Emmett was… wild like some sort of animal.
He was boisterous and loud and untamed.
I was a tea cup, already chipped at the edge.
He'd just destroy me.
I wondered how much he remembered from the hell of transformation. Would that make him resent me?
I remembered some things here and there from my own, but it was all very segmented.
I hoped he didn't remember how I'd held him, how I'd touched his face, how I'd talked to him, and cared for him.
I hoped he didn't remember, but I was glad I did. I remembered every cell of his that had touched me.
I couldn't imagine being as close to him now as I was during his transformation.
There was something about when he couldn't do anything to hurt me that made it so comfortable to be close to him.
Now, there was no telling.
I didn't know much about him.
Would I want to know him? Was he the kind of person that would want to know me?
As Emmett and Edward approached, I noticed they were horsing around and laughing– Emmett's first showcase of real personality and relaxation yet.
I heard Emmett's laugh and my insides melted at the sound.
Emmett's laugh was childlike in how it was unbridled and enthusiastic as he raced Edward closer to the house. Obviously he was winning with his newborn speed, even though Edward was exceptionally fast.
Carlisle trailed behind surveying and observing the situation for protection.
I half-smiled for a fleeting moment at the piano keys as Esme stood from her spot on the sofa, heading to the window to watch them approach.
My fingers danced through Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto Number 3. The one positive thing I'd found from immortality was being able to play the unplayable.
Edward insisted he was a better musician than me.
Obviously he had sixteen more years of this desolate existence to practice. I'd only been sleepless and aimless for two years.
I dedicated myself to piano, the harp, the cello, and the violin to distract myself from the bloodlust which I so intensely despised and the very thought of what Royce King did to me that cursed me to vampirism.
I immediately sensed Emmett's presence right behind me, and I was subsequently intoxicated and distracted by his proximity.
He smelled like tobacco and cedar.
My hands jolted on the keys cacophonously.
I clenched my jaw, frustrated.
"You don't have to stop." Emmett said, his voice sounding shockingly present and controlled.
His voice…
God, it was velvet.
My back stiffened.
"She can't play that section." Edward snickered playfully, trying to get a rise out of me. "Piano is more my forte."
"I prefer the cello anyhow." I said dryly, letting my eyes drop as I slipped on my white gloves.
Emmett's eyes watched my hands with enchantment. It made me want to look up at him.
"It is notably one the most difficult piano concertos in classical repertoire." Esme acknowledged and I shot Edward a look.
He sat down beside me on the piano bench, smug as he reached over my lap to put his hands on the ivories.
I turned and stood up with a sullen sigh, as Edward completed the concerto in arrogant flamboyance.
Esme and Carlisle exchanged a look.
"You still play it much better than I could, Miss Rosalie." Emmett said in a rambling attempt at flattery, catching my eyes and immediately making time stop in its tracks.
The corner of his mouth tugged upward in a childish grin.
I tried not to gawk at him at what I heard.
It sounded so different from the flattery I'd experienced before. I stared at him as I tried to figure out why.
It was… innocent.
Emmett didn't expect anything from me when he told me this.
I allowed him a half smile, but couldn't allow him much because then I'd give him everything.
Something about how honest his eyes were petrified me.
"You should hear her sing. She sings like an angel." Esme sighed happily.
"Well, that seems about right." Emmett smiled a brilliant smile that glistened in his eyes.
Edward snorted, being entirely unbearable as he continued to show off.
"I'd love to hear you sing some time." Emmett blurted without even leaving time to think and I couldn't help but be amused as I looked back at him.
He spoke so freely, like every word tumbled out of his mouth without restraint.
"I don't know…" I exhaled in distanced apprehension, but indulged in his enthrallment with me.
"How are you feeling, Emmett?" Esme asked him compassionately as I no doubt should have, but I wasn't as kind and wonderful as Esme.
I was cold and I played games.
I was filled with self-loathing, but masked it as narcissism.
"Finally like I can almost think…" He said with a full grin this time, dimples on his cheeks that I'd cursed him to this existence after seeing just once. "Thank you."
This was beautifully good news, as I was desperate to know him...
"It was a very good hunting trip." Carlisle reported seeming to comment on Emmett's control, but also beyond that.
I saw that Emmett had begun to fit in with Edward and Carlisle in such a natural way.
Carlisle liked him. He respected him. He cared for him.
The way Emmett looked over at him now made it obvious it was mutual.
I was irrationally jealous.
"That's just lovely to hear." Esme smiled. "But we definitely missed you all around here."
Esme was humiliating as she looked over at me.
"Did you?" Emmett beamed, his eyes heavy on me.
If I could blush, I would have.
God, Esme.
Edward snickered silently.
"I think I'm going to read for a bit." I took an inhale and as I turned on my heel I noticed he started to follow me around the corner toward Carlisle's library.
"Do you mind if I walk with you?" Emmett asked, keeping my pace down the hallway.
I caught Carlisle's glance out of the corner of my eye that was the most fatherly glance I'd ever seen him give.
It was extremely protective, but also a little anticipatory.
It made a sour taste arise in my mouth. After what seemed like a long moment, I responded to Emmett.
"I don't mind." I said softly.
I was supernaturally, extraordinarily aware of his closeness as he walked beside me, not saying anything, just walking next to me.
I felt myself begin to relax slightly, but I remained on guard.
"I never said thank you." He eventually spoke up, his voice weighted in that what he was saying seemed very important to him. "Now that I can almost make sense of the tangle in my head… I…"
"For what?" I asked interrupting him as he rambled because I knew what he was going to say.
"For saving me of course." He laughed, a sweet smile in his crimson eyes as he looked over at me.
I was silent for a long moment, deciding on if I would just respond pleasantly or acknowledge that this was not saving him – this was cursing him.
"I couldn't bear it." I finally said gloomily.
Of course I couldn't bear it to see him dying but that's not all the meaning that my words held. I couldn't bear to go through this existence without something or someone to make it endurable.
"That's funny." He chuckled and I stopped in my tracks, puzzling.
"Bear it. You know… because a bear killed me." He suggested the play on words and I lightened up with a little laugh.
He didn't over-analyze or read into anything.
I felt my insides get bubbly.
He was childish and good-humored, a light in the way he spoke that was entirely unique to him.
I suppressed a humor-filled smile in the corners of my mouth.
I tried to cover my mouth inconspicuously because he was staring at it, and I was feeling self-conscious.
"Too soon?" His rascally smile returned, knowing I caught him staring at my mouth.
My stomach turned nervously.
I turned my head slightly, my smile becoming a growing threat as I turned the door handle.
"Let me." He reached around my shoulder to open the door for me and I held my breath at his closeness, but ultimately kept my cool as we entered Carlisle's study – alone.
We could be heard of course, so I knew the rest of the family was definitely listening.
Emmett left the door open behind us in a way that made it evident he wanted me to notice.
He wanted me to trust him.
I didn't, but I appreciated the gesture all the same.
"Now that's a lot of books." Emmett whistled, noting the floor to ceiling shelves of books.
I clasped my hands behind my back, demure as my eyes scanned the hundreds of titles.
"Most of them are first editions or personally signed for Carlisle." I said with wonder. "Incredible isn't it?"
I furrowed my brow a little. Did I sound too bookish? I didn't want him to think I was boring and scholarly if he didn't like girls that read.
"I'll say." Emmett's red, amber eyes danced over the spines of the books in wonder.
"What do you recommend?" I tested, also trying to make him feel smarter than me because men liked that.
And for my own reasoning, you could tell a lot about a person by what they read.
"I… um…." Emmett's eyes darted over the shelves. "That's not real fair Miss Rosalie, because you're most familiar with what we've got here."
"All right." I offered with a slight smile, climbing the sliding ladder up just a few rungs.
He turned his head to make it obvious that he wasn't staring up my skirt even though I could see he wanted to by the way he fidgeted.
What a gentleman.
I hid my smirk.
I kept my knees glued together and my hand pressing my peplum skirt down regardless.
"Here." I climbed back down and took a light and graceful hop down to the floor, surprising even myself at my gaiety.
I used both hands and my utmost carefulness as I offered him an absolutely unobtainable first edition of William Blake's Songs of Innocence and Experience.
"If we can jump, why do you use a ladder?" Emmett asked, completely ignoring that I'd just placed a priceless artifact of literary history in his hands.
"Habit I suppose." I furrowed my brow, withholding some of the truth.
I liked to pretend I was as human as possible. I longed to be normal even if that meant never using my full strength, full speed, or full capabilities for easiest convenience.
I was also still a lady and I wanted him to see me like one.
I raised an eyebrow and he finally acknowledged the book in his hands.
"Can't wait." The corners of his mouth turned up but his eyes didn't show his smile.
"William Blake personally gave this to Carlisle." I said trying to make him see the marvel in what I saw. "Just look."
I ducked my head forward and over his arm to marvel at the illustration, barely tracing my fingers over the handwritten and engraved artwork.
"Breathtaking," He said, and I noticed his eyes were on me, not the pages.
If my cheeks could flush they would have. In frustration and in flattery.
I cursed myself. He wasn't charmed with me. He didn't like bookish girls and I'd gone and made myself look too intellectual.
But, I was beautiful. If he looked at me long enough, it'd soon be forgotten. He probably wasn't even listening to what I was saying anyhow.
The way he was looking at me…
"We should join the others." I mumbled, my eyes darting down and away from his.
He laughed, a beautiful hearty laugh as he closed the book and tucked it under his arm.
"What is it?" I puzzled, tilting my head to the side and finding his gaze again.
"You've been avoiding me." He said, leaning forward with a devilish and knowing grin.
I leaned away, and he noticed I took a step back.
Through his teasing I caught his seriousness.
"I have not." I denied vehemently, knowing that if I had a heart it would be racing. "You've been gone."
I bit down on my teeth cursing myself for sounding so invested. I couldn't play it cool around him.
"I remember you staying with me through it all." Emmett said, his eyes burning down on me. "The whole hell of becoming this way… like you."
He didn't have to clarify but he did.
"No one should have to be alone for transformation." I justified my presence, still leaning away.
"Still. I remember." He nodded.
I didn't know what to say.
"We should play a game." He said with a rascally smile, sitting down but still bouncing his knees with pent up energy.
He departed from our previous seriousness easily, and he motioned for me to sit next to him, those dimples impossible to resist.
"All right?" I raised an eyebrow, descending to the chair beside him.
I was thankful for the side table between us because there was no hope of accidentally brushing up against him.
"You ask me something and I have to answer and I'll do the same but you have to answer." He proposed, sitting forward so he could be closer to me.
He also didn't seem quite like the type that could sit back and relax either. Even apart from his newborn energy.
"That's not really a game." I bit my bottom lip.
"Okay, I'll start then." He disregarded my statement, and I noticed his eyes lingered on my mouth for the briefest of moments before finding my eyes again.
"What's your favorite song to dance to?" He asked, and I had no idea how to trace the randomness of his thoughts, but they poured out for me all the same.
"I haven't thought of that before." I frowned, still a little taken aback. "And, I haven't danced in quite a while."
"I'm a very good dancer." He told me confidently as if he were trying to impress me.
Of course.
The unshakeable conviction in his eager eyes amused me and I couldn't help but giggle under my breath.
"You don't believe me yet, but you will." Emmett told me with a confidence I'd never known in a man. "You've never danced with a better guy."
It wasn't arrogance. It was just assured.
He intrigued me.
"Is that right?" I flirted a little, unable to believe my own tone and forwardness.
"Yes, and I'm not letting you get away with that terrible answer. What's the first thing that popped into your head?" He pushed in anticipation.
I bit my bottom lip, noticing he genuinely wanted to know what was going on in my head.
This was such a new feeling. I didn't understand. No one had ever… looked at me like this before. I think… he genuinely hung on my words.
"Let's Fall in Love." I said, appeasing his request for my first thought because I'd just heard it on the radio.
He grinned, a sparkle in his eyes as his energy built to sky rocket.
"Well now, Miss Rosalie that's awful forward of you." Emmett played my words, knowing he was teasing and getting a rise out of me.
I crumbled under his gaze that seemed to see down to my core.
"It's the name of the song!" I argued, stumbling through the awkwardness he had thrust upon me. "I heard it on the radio, and…"
If I could blush I would have. I had never been this caught off guard in conversation.
His dimples were deep at the edges of his grin, and I got nervous about how attractive he was in this moment. Of course I noticed before that he was… good looking and plenty rugged. I couldn't pretend I didn't.
But, in this moment, I was attracted to him like a magnet.
I squirmed, and he noticed with a smirk. He noticed everything because he was actually looking at me.
God.
"Sure." He gave me a wink and I rolled my eyes, no one ever treating me like this in my life. "But, I think if you gave me a chance…"
"Are we playing a game or not?" I huffed in false impatience at his childish playfulness.
I couldn't begin to brave the conversation he so boldly was entering into.
"I was serious about that chance, Miss Rosalie. I swear in front of God." Emmett held up his right hand, a flirtatious smile in his eyes as he still expanded on his word play.
"I think it's my turn." I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't think of a question.
I had so many.
"Tell me about your life… before." I requested softly, my eyes deeply captive in his.
"Surely you see that's not a question, doll face." Emmett raised an eyebrow in good humor.
I wrinkled my nose at the nickname, not super keen on that. Of course, he noticed.
"Oh, all right. What's something you'll miss about being human?" I wondered immediately
"Smokes and booze." Emmett answered quickly and thoughtlessly, nodding his head to signal he was satisfied with his answer.
It was instinctual.
I didn't even have time to process his crudity before me moved on with the game.
"My turn. Why'd you save me when you could'a just left me cold?"
He went straight to my gut, and it hit a nerve. I paused, struggling with constructing my words for a second.
"Really, what made me worth all this?" Now, he looked right into my eyes, tucking a stray curl behind my ear.
His touch was tender, and alive and he lowered his raspy but velvet voice as he did it. It sent jolts of electricity through my icy veins.
I couldn't relax. I was on fire and my thoughts were a tangled mess so I leaned away from his uninvited touch.
It was the first time he'd asked, but I knew it was coming.
"I just couldn't bear it." I repeated my earlier sentiment, getting nervous as he fought for my eyes, not letting me look away from him.
"I know. You told me that already." Emmett wasn't letting me get away with that one either and he leaned forward seeming to challenge my answer.
I took a deep breath, the smell of cedar filling my senses and making my resolve weaken.
"You just reminded me of someone." I settled on this, my legs feeling weak and my head feeling faint at my unbridled honesty around him.
"Not an old boyfriend I hope." Emmett snickered, a flirtatious teasing to his tone.
"Not in the slightest." I spoke as evenly as I could, but I analyzed my voice enough to know it had shaken slightly.
This exchange pleased him. The subsequent smile on his face and those dimples I'd saved him for after seeing just once made me glad I'd said it. He seemed satisfied with this answer for now.
"Maybe a new one, then." He suggested in a voice that I hadn't heard him use before.
It was low in his gut, almost soft.
I could've exploded into a million pieces then at his forwardness, but instead I just giggled.
Me.
I laughed.
It bubbled up like soda fizz from my core and seemed to radiate out of the ends of my fingers and toes and the ends of my hair.
He grinned now, responding to my laughter with a beaming, beautiful smile of his own.
I was drawn to him.
Emmett didn't push me. He let me laugh, even though it probably seemed I was laughing at him and his fresh request.
I kind of was laughing at him.
"I may be a simple man, Miss Rosalie, but I do know how to treat a lady." His voice was velvety as he addressed what he believed to be my deepest concern about him.
He wanted me to trust him. It wasn't just a put-on. I saw it in his eyes, and as I was hypnotized by his irises, he reached out for my hand.
In my hypnosis I let his fingers wrap around mine, but only for the swiftest of moments did I allow him to touch me.
I wore day gloves, but through the fabric, his skin scalded mine.
"If you'll allow it." He expanded, his eyes darting down to where he had my hand in his.
It wasn't as my hand had been held before. My fingers weren't to the ground and my knuckles to the sky so a man could show his affection and adoration by kissing my knuckles. He was not holding my hand like a suitor.
My hand was in Emmett's like a man shakes another man's hand - like equals - and I couldn't help but think our hands were clasped like partners agreeing on something.
We were making a contract for the mystery of the future between us.
Could I do it?
My skin was on fire. My stomach was in knots.
"I'm sure your Tennessee girls found you quite charming." I retracted my hand, coy as I stood up and away from her.
I played games like I would have before.
He didn't try again to take my hand, but his confidence was unshaken and I grabbed a collection of Lyrical Poetry by Wordsworth and Coleridge to hold to my chest.
He crossed his huge arms over his broad chest, tilting his head to the side as he stood after me.
"Oh, they did, the whole lot of them. But, none of those gals could keep my attention long." He smiled, amused.
"How unfortunate." I remained removed, but my throat was starting to get tight as I fought the tiniest of smiles.
I don't know why I still expected him not to be so… honest and upfront with me.
But then my stomach dropped as I even imagined him with someone else. I couldn't bear it.
I wondered if I could keep his attention. I mean, I was beautiful, impossibly beautiful, but… was it enough?
"I was quite bored, really." He shrugged.
I decided against responding and turned my shoulder, feeling demure.
This time, he stood in front of me, using inhuman speed to block my exit. His hand on my upper arm burned my skin, but as I looked up into his brilliant eyes, I noticed I didn't mind it so much.
"I think I was always s'posed to know you, Miss Rosalie." He looked down on me, telling me this like he was telling war secrets and the information I was receiving was of utmost importance.
I swallowed, his presence overwhelming my senses, especially with his hand still wrapped around my arm. I felt meek and small and so I looked away.
"You were s'posed to know me, too." He insisted. "I think you'd very much like to know me."
I couldn't help but smile now, a tiny giggle escaping my lips.
It was a nervous giggle, and I hated myself for it, but mostly - I was amused with him.
"I would?" I teased him, but he was serious.
"You would." He grinned. "And, I believe I'd like to know you too."
I suddenly realized that I thought this was the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to me.
"Then, I shall let you know me." I told him.
And, I think I meant it.
"Really?" He beamed like a child on Christmas morning.
I smiled, really smiled, and not a smile I had once used in my games for men's attention.
"You won't regret that one bit, Miss Rosalie." He stepped aside letting me pass him at the threshold now.
"Just Rosalie." I turned back to him, coy as I thought about allowing him to address me informally
"Just Rosalie," He smiled, those dimples making me weak at the knees as he followed me back down the hallway toward the others.
I couldn't pretend I didn't catch that his eyes danced over my back before he caught up with me to walk by my side with a goofily innocent grin.
"That's a beautiful dress, Rosalie." He said, trying out my name on his lips, and also openly commenting that he'd checked the dress out from multiple angles.
I knew it hugged my figure marvelously, and the navy color blue looked magnificent against my ivory skin and golden hair. I knew it was beautiful, and I knew he would like it, but it did feel nice to hear him say he liked it.
I noticed Edward's hands fell cacophonously on the ivories causing a discordant arrangement of sounds that I hated to admit was entirely uncharacteristic for him.
He'd heard something in Emmett's thoughts that was unavoidably bold.
"Thank you. It was a gift." I clutched the book to my chest.
Maybe he'd interpret that gift to mean I had another man's attention. A girl was only as good as the men who wanted her in this modern dating society.
I was used to being wanted – for as long as I remember, but I was… nervous.
I'd been down this path before.
"Wait." He reached out and grabbed my arm so fast and so hard that it startled me.
I jerked my arm away, my eyes wide, as I inelegantly stumbled away from him, looking up at him in horror.
In a silly and irrational reaction, I held onto the part of my arm he'd grabbed with my other hand tenderly like he'd burned my skin.
I retreated, taking a step back as I picked up my dropped book, wrapping my arms around myself and holding the book in front of me in a shield. Shame filled my every thought as I realized just how much his advance had frightened me to my core. Old sights, smells, and sounds flooded my present senses as old wounds were ripped anew, and I was reminded the risk of him.
I was reminded how unsafe I felt.
I was lost again inside myself, and I knew with certainty no one could possibly understand.
"What is it?" Carlisle appeared panicked in front of us immediately at the concern in Emmett's voice and the sight of me.
We both followed Emmett's eyes though as they focused up toward the hundreds of years old cross of Carlisle's hanging on the wall.
I sighed.
"I just…" Emmett was still staring upward.
"Oh." Carlisle half-chuckled, acknowledging the irony. "Family heirloom. My father was a part of an Anglican clergy in England."
"But don't we?..." Emmett started, pointing up. "I mean… everybody tells stories."
"We are unaffected by the crucifix, Emmett." Carlisle explained with slight amusement.
Emmett was trying to protect me earlier…
I darted my eyes down.
"Oh." He registered. "I mean… that makes sense. Why in God's name would it be in your house?"
"Forgive your impulsiveness these first few months; your instincts are entirely new to you and at times intensely difficult to respond to rationally." Carlisle explained not only for Emmett's benefit, but rather for mine.
He was telling me not to cruelly punish him for not rising to my impossibly high standards during his newborn discomfiture.
Carlisle didn't understand. I couldn't ever make him understand.
I had no control…
No control…
I was powerless and Emmett was out of control too.
"Still, I'm so… sorry I…." Emmett looked at me with sincerity and real remorse.
I exhaled trying to have him read forgiveness in my eyes that I had to muster from deep down.
"Honest mistake." Carlisle acknowledged lightly.
"I can't believe…" He laughed a full-bodied laugh. "You must think I'm batty."
His laughter filled my lungs as we entered the living room with everyone else.
"Get it?" He smiled at me and I just nodded, amused but unable to return his smile.
"Because vampires turn into bats…" Edward groaned but was well-meaning. "Good God, Emmett, you make the worst jokes. Rosalie, I blame you for an eternity of this."
Emmett grinned at me and I knew what he was thinking without having Edward's abilities.
An eternity of this.
"At least someone's making some jokes around here." Esme said with a sweet smile. "We all enjoy your… liveliness, dear."
She chose the word wisely and it was incredibly accurate. Liveliness was something this house had been missing. It was something I'd been missing not only these past two years, but also all of my life.
"Well, thank you ma'am." Emmett ducked his head in a polite bow of sorts. "I do believe that's the most polite way I've ever been described."
"People usually use other words for it." He raised an eyebrow and Edward joined him in laughter, Carlisle and Esme harmonizing.
I couldn't imagine how out of control he was. I'd grown to accept men were different in that way. They couldn't control themselves, and that scared me… But especially Emmett.
Emmett was wild.
I sat on the sofa next to the arm closest to the fireplace, the book in my lap as I smoothed my dress over my knees.
Emmett took the seat next to me confidently and without hesitation. He didn't just sit next to me. He sat close beside me when there was plenty of room.
I frowned, noticing I couldn't be any closer to the arm of the couch and his knee was mere centimeters from mine.
I could almost feel his close energy like heat on my skin. It was stifling, but if I left the room I'd never hear the end of it from Carlisle, Esme, and Edward.
Emmett wasn't ready to process Carlisle's entire story of centuries of information so he just got the basic facts of a story that I'd already heard about his initial transformation into a vampire in the sewers of London and how we all came to be "vegetarians."
I turned my knees away from Emmett slowly – otherworldly slowly – so he wouldn't notice, but my muscles were tensed to stone.
He was so relaxed, feeling at home here even more than I did.
He was comfortable next to me in a way I couldn't imagine being with him.
"I still don't believe you're a vampire." Emmett acknowledged me. "I just can't begin to picture it."
"Well…" I swallowed, a flash of my brutality when killing Royce and his friends coming to mind. "Sometimes I don't believe it either."
He didn't know the half of how ruthless I could be now.
I wished he'd never have this bubble of naivety burst.
Edward shot me a glance and gave an inconspicuous little shrug.
"We are quite different from traditional folklore, and even others of our kind." Esme offered kindly.
"So I'll never get old and live in a castle?" Emmett pursed his lips in pseudo frustration, full of childish humor.
"No, we are frozen in this state for eternity." Carlisle explained. "You will no longer grow, change, or age from this moment."
"Well, hot dog!" Emmett had a grin in his voice. "So I can't die again?"
"The only way a vampire can die is being torn apart and burning the pieces." Carlisle revealed clinically.
"Looks like I'll be avoiding bonfires." He said, full of lightheartedness. "What about garlic?"
He was taking this so well.
"Barely an inconvenience." Edward responded this time.
Edward was almost smiling. Something about Emmett entertained, amused, and even lightened him.
"And obviously the sunlight thing's a lie."
I learned he'd found out on this last hunting trip.
I looked away, unable to imagine him like that. It was too… much. There was something intimate and exposing about the way our skin reacted to the sunlight. It seemed intensely vulnerable, and I couldn't imagine vulnerability.
Not now. Not ever.
"So tell us a little about yourself." Esme prompted.
"Your name… It's Scotch-Irish?" Carlisle asked to provide detail as a streamline for Esme's start.
He was always interested in stories of families and history of coming to America. I'd imagine Carlisle felt connected to these stories seeing as he lived one.
Emmett today looked more human and ready to talk than he had ever before, and I had to admit now that he was ready to talk, I was interested as well.
There was something in his smile and the faith in his eyes that made me rashly and stupidly decide to damn him to an eternal hell. I might as well hear what kind of life I robbed him of.
The space where my silent heart sat seemed hollow.
Emmett grinned a rascally grin, dimples on his cheeks and fire in his eyes.
"The Good Lord knows I'm never allowed to forget that" He responded. "You know how proud those Irish are."
"Oh, I do." Carlisle smiled, and I knew from stories that he spent some brief time in Ireland in one of his many lifetimes.
"My father's parents and grandparents came over by way of Ellis Island a while back." Emmett explained.
"How was the city for them?" Carlisle raised an eyebrow. "I was there for a time where things… weren't friendly for Irish Catholics."
Emmett shrugged, but seemed interested in Carlisle's experience.
"Oh, my grandparents used to tell the story of how 'the natives' as they called 'em were yelling and screaming and throwin' things at their families as they walked down the docks those very first steps in America. They were only kids when their whole town packed up and moved together." Emmett recalled and I pictured him young… as a wide-eyed child with a big family that talked too much.
I knew it was impolite to converse so freely, but somehow his candid honesty seemed refreshing and even a little charming.
"And so they chose to move to Tennessee?" Carlisle went on.
"Well, they eventually both came to the South 'cause both their fathers were hired to take somebody's place on the draft and fight for the Union there. They ended up dyin' for a country they'd only been in for six months. A country that hated 'em to begin with." Emmett said humorlessly but ironically.
"Were you around for the Civil War?" Emmett asked, interested as any man would be.
Men and war and guns and money and things I'd never been permitted to hear about or have any sort of interest or investment in.
Carlisle nodded, his expression grave.
"It was absolutely unimaginable." Carlisle said finally.
Edward shuddered, turning his head like he didn't like what he was hearing in Carlisle's thoughts.
Esme put her hand in Carlisle's, lacing their fingers together in support of one another.
I took a quick glance at Emmett's hand as it rested on his nervously bouncing knee but pulled my glance back to Carlisle's face.
I knew Carlisle hated to see the darkness of the humanity he fought so endlessly to protect.
Carlisle had mentioned that as a doctor on the battlefield, the atrocities he saw during the Civil War were significant factors in prompting him to so desperately need a companion through his existence.
Then, half a century later, after helping in France during the World War, he returned to Chicago for the Spanish Influenza epidemic and two weeks later the transformation of Edward Masen.
"My father was in the Great War. He enlisted when I was a baby so I don't remember any of it." Emmett answered simply.
"I was a doctor in France for Ardennes and Verdun then traded war for epidemics and came back to Chicago… Where was your father?"
Edward snorted at the mention of his epidemic.
"He never talked about it." Emmett shrugged. "But Ma always complained when he wasn't around that he was still lost in the Argonne Forest."
Carlisle grimaced and I swear his face got paler in knowing what that riddle meant.
Obviously, I didn't pay enough attention to the plights of others to truly understand what happened, but I knew my own father had lost many friends in the war.
"War changes a man." Carlisle said, trying to make amends for whatever caused the darkness in Emmett's eyes.
I couldn't empathize as Carlisle could, but I still ached at the thought of any hardship in Emmett's life.
"Which is why I'd still prefer getting eaten alive by a bear and joining the undead." Emmett grinned, leaving the previous subject smoothly.
He spoke of his deepest fears and vulnerabilities with absolute candor. He hid nothing. His mind was as open to the room as it was to Edward.
I noticed I was staring; my eyes were wide and I was slightly open-mouthed, gaping at him as he spoke. I'd never heard someone speak so liberally. His words were unreserved and bold.
I couldn't help but wonder if this was what it was like when the men would gather for after dinner drinks and cigarettes as they played cards.
I'd never been spoken to like this or heard someone speak like this in my life. As a woman, and especially as a young attractive woman of social standard, no one ever talked with me.
I guess they thought I was just supposed to sit still and look pretty – that I didn't have a single thought floating around in my head.
Emmett's eyes caught mine and he laughed freely, obviously seeing my astonishment.
"I'm sorry." He chuckled casually. "I don't want y'all to think I don't got any manners since I've been talkin' about… improper subjects… in front of mixed company." Emmett made a face toward Esme, but his eyes lingered on me.
When he was worked up, his accent made him so difficult to understand, but it was so charming I couldn't help but bite my lip from a smile.
God, he melted me and I hated him for it. I reconstructed my icy exterior.
"Oh it's quite alright." Esme chuckled lightly shooting her eyes my way as if I should've said something.
I bit down on my teeth, refusing.
"We could listen to you talk all day, dear." Esme responded kindly and with a grand smile. "We all are just eager to know you."
"Well thank you kindly, but I'm just as eager to know y'all." Emmett's eyes were on me, but then scanned over the rest of the room quickly.
His accent…
"Tell us more about your family." Esme began. "Did you have any siblings?"
"Six little sisters, so I was the oldest of seven." Emmett recalled.
I felt my eyes widen. Six. Sisters.
God.
I was an only child so I couldn't begin to imagine.
"Your mother must've been a very patient woman." Esme giggled kindly.
Emmett made a face, amused at this.
"She had her hands full with me that's for sure." Emmett snorted, full of good humor. "I reckon you understand why already."
Esme giggled happily.
He paused and I watched darkness enter his eyes.
"I don't get to see 'em again do I?" Emmett asked with a heavy tone.
Carlisle and Esme exchanged a glance before Carlisle spoke.
"No. You don't." Carlisle sighed with sadness. "We have to make sure everyone believes you're dead, and it wouldn't be safe to see them."
Emmett paused for a little while and I wondered what he was thinking. Edward seemed to be following without change in his expression.
"I understand." Emmett finally responded, a darkness in his eyes I wanted to know about.
"So, what about you, Rosalie?" He asked me to change the subject, returning to our game.
"I was an only child." I responded shortly but was still nervous about talking to him.
"Where'd you grow up?" He looked upon me with interested eyes. "Wait, let me guess."
"Okay." I appeased him with a nod.
"You were a princess in some fancy place…" He trailed off.
"Rochester, New York." I interrupted his thought, not wanting to get too deep in memories and questions.
"The princess of Rochester, New York then." He accepted he was right with a smile.
"Something like that." I snorted.
He wasn't that far off. But, if I'd gotten married, I would have been a Queen...
Edward looked down and away at the thoughts in my head.
"Did it snow in New York?" Emmett asked, sparkling curiosity in his gaze.
"All the time." I appeased him with a little smile.
"I've never seen snow." Emmett told me, interest and wonder in his tone. "When did you grow up in Rochester?"
He questioned, knowing now that he was a vampire this was also an interesting plot point.
He'd heard Carlisle and Esme's stories and listened with glimmering interest, fascinated by their fairytales.
"I was born in 1915." I answered, slightly amused that he'd not known better than to ask a woman's age.
He was over the moon excited by this fact.
"Me too!" He grinned widely, enjoying this common ground regardless how small. "Some time in spring. What about you?"
"I was born in January. The 13th." I remembered, not having celebrated in quite a while.
"You're still pretty new to this vampire thing too, then?" Emmett brought up a sore subject and my smile disappeared.
"Relatively." I answered in a heavy breath cursing him for shattering my walls again and again and bringing forward new vulnerability.
"So with all this free time now, what do you like to do for fun, Miss Rosalie?" He went another direction with the conversation than I'd anticipated.
I watched the corner of Edward's mouth turn up as he prepared for a snarky remark.
"Fun? Rosalie?" Edward chuckled. "She doesn't know what fun is."
"Edward…" Esme scolded.
"Well, that's sure gotta change!" Emmett grinned.
"Under the appropriate circumstances, I've had fun before." I said under my breath but was careful not to mumble impolitely.
"Well, what do you consider 'appropriate circumstances?'" Emmett quoted my own words seeming to teasingly press me.
"I… Well…" I felt flustered.
"I see Rosalie recommended Blake." Carlisle saved me, eyeing Edward disapprovingly.
"She does have quite good taste in literature." Edward added trying to make amends.
I lifted my chin, proud and confident but was also still afraid of looking bookish.
Emmett made a face and Edward's brow furrowed, his smug smile disappearing.
"She… Rosalie said it was a gift to you." Emmett rearranged, seeming to want to say my name.
"Oh, it was and one of my most prized." Carlisle beamed and I smiled at myself, pleased.
"Have you read any Blake?" Carlisle asked with an easy-going smile.
"I always said I'd get around to it." Emmett smiled tightly, joy missing from his eyes.
"Now, you can read it as it was meant to be experienced." I offered lightly with a soft smile.
He quickly stood to his feet, his eyes darting toward the window.
"I'm sorry. I just…" He put his hands at his throat in what was obviously a pantomime and not a reaction; his eyes were a brilliant color.
He just got back.
Edward stood with him almost simultaneously.
What is he thinking? I thought at Edward purposefully.
He turned his head to the left, then slowly to the right refusing me.
"I'll go with him." Edward offered swiftly, and Carlisle and Esme both exchanged a look.
I opened my mouth to say something, but before I could he and Edward had flown out the door, racing toward the horizon.
Emmett's voice still rang in my ears, and when I touched my cheek I imagined it was sore from smiling more than I ever had in my life.
With him gone, I could spend some time reconstructing my fortress. I was left too vulnerable.