Chapter 15: Winner at a Losing Game.
I'm going to answer the anons up here instead of down at the end so here it goes.
Jessica: Yeah I agree that it should have been two separate chapters, that chapter didn't really go as planned and I apologize, I should have taken more time with it and did it better.
Guest: Quinn isn't bipolar, she's just loyal to Santana. She felt as if what Santana did was a mistake that Rachel should have forgiven when Santana apologized. And no, Santana hasn't changed and it will take a while for Santana to change. She is going to run when she gets hurt because that's who she is.
That morning everyone steered clear of Santana that next morning. She looked pissed at everyone and all residents of McKinley high knew to avoid her when she had that face.
Well, almost everyone.
Finn walked up to Santana, looking constipated, but she guessed he was mad, "What the Hell Satan? You said you wouldn't hurt her?"
"Not that it's any of your business Pillsbury Dough Turd, but… actually no, it's not your business," Santana spat at him.
"It is my business. I asked you to keep her happy and you failed, I never should have believed you. You are a heartless person," Finn jabbed his finger at her as students watched the scene before them.
Santana grabbed his shirt and shoved him up against the lockers, "You better watch yourself Hudson because let me tell you something. I could ruin you easy, I have already kicked your ass once and I will do it again. I would be happy to kick your ass for two reasons. One being you playing Rachel and two being the fact that I had sex with you and what you said after."
Finn looked scared for about a second before Brittany ran up to Santana, "Sanny, please don't."
Santana glared at Finn with a clenched jaw before she shoved him again, letting go, "leave now. Everyone else get the hell out before I kick your asses too."
Everyone scattered at the fierceness of her voice, even Finn.
Brittany started walking away with Santana, "Did you mean what you said yesterday?"
Santana nodded, "I did."
"But you can't go back into the closet can you?" Brittany asked.
"No I can't Brit, at least not here," Santana said, looking down. "Everyone knows that I am not straight."
"Are you leaving San? I don't want you to leave," Brittany stopped and turned to her with a pout.
"No Britt-Britt, I'm not leaving," Santana reassured the girl. "Not yet but after graduation I'm going far away where no one knows me. I can meet a guy and be the person my abuela wants me to be."
Brittany looked down, "But when you tried being that person last time, you were so mad and mean. I don't like when that happens. You were happy with Rachel."
"Yeah, well not anymore. That's done and I have decided that girls are too high maintenance," Santana started walking again.
Brittany followed and shook her head, "San, Rachel isn't the only girl out there."
Santana turned to her, speaking quietly and sadly, "I told you I loved you and you turned me down for Wheels. I am just starting to love Rachel and now I lost her over some stupid mistake."
"You love her?" Brittany asked.
"I don't know, maybe?" Santana said, exasperated. "I just, guys are easier. All I had to do with Puck is put out and he stayed. But with girls I have to change myself and there are actual feelings. I don't know… I think I was starting to love her and now I will never know because I screwed up."
"San… I'm sorry," Brittany frowned.
"Whatever," Santana shrugged and walked away as the bell rang for class.
At lunch Santana went to the auditorium, wanting to avoid everyone. When she walked in she saw Brad sitting at the piano.
She looked at him and plopped into a seat in the front row, "You hiding from people too?"
He just shrugged. She knew he didn't talk much and she appreciated that because she didn't want to talk to someone.
After a few minutes she spoke up, "Could you play a song for me?" Again he shrugged and she said, "Winner at a Losing Game, I want to see how it sounds without the guitar."
He started playing the song and she looked down at her phone, looking at a picture of her and Rachel in the choir room, laughing with each other. Quinn had taken it and sent it to her.
She started to sing, "Baby, look here at me. Have you ever seen me this way? I've been fumblin' for words through the tears and the hurt and the pain. I'm gonna lay it all out on the line tonight. And I think it's time to tell this uphill fight goodbye. Have you ever had to love someone who just don't feel the same? Trying to make someone care for you the way that I do is like trying to catch the rain. And if love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losing game."
Santana stood as silent tears fell down her face. She walked onto the stage slowly as she continued to sing, not noticing the girl standing at the entrance, "I know that baby, you tried to find me somewhere inside of you but you can't lie. Girl you can't hide the truth. Sometimes two hearts just can't dance to the same beat. So I'll pack up my things and I'll take what remains of me."
She walked around the piano a bit, hand trailing. She thought of all the times that Rachel sang by the piano or cried sitting on the bench because of her and she looked down, "Have you ever had to love someone that just don't feel the same? Trying to make someone care for you the way that I do is like trying to catch the rain. And if love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losing game."
Santana looked at the stage, right at the place she yelled at Rachel. She thought of all the different ways she could have handled it, what she should have done. She knew that she shouldn't have yelled but she had been keeping her emotions bottled up and she just blew up. She knew that what she said about Quinn making her sing that song cut the diva deeply but it wasn't true. She knew that and she tried to convince Rachel of that but she didn't know if she believed her. She left before Rachel could say anything else to her.
"I know that I'll never be the woman you need or love. Yeah baby, it's killing me to stand here and see I'm not what you've been dreaming of," Santana sang. She let more pained tears fall as she remembered everything that Rachel said to her and the song that she sang. She really hoped that Rachel didn't think that their entire relationship was a lie. She wouldn't be able to handle it if that's really what Rachel thought.
"Have ever had to love someone that just don't feel the same? Tryin' to make somebody care for you the way I do is like tryin' to catch the rain. And if love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losin' game. Oh, oh, if love is really forever I'm a winner at a losin' game. Ooo, I'm tired of losing. Oh, oh, oh," Santana finished and looked down.
After a few moments she wiped her eyes and looked at Brad, "I really messed up, didn't I?" When Brad nodded she laughed sarcastically and shook her head, "Thanks."
She sighed and closed her eyes, "She got me singing country, only Rachel Berry would be able to make me do that. Sam's right, country does have songs about every feeling you have. I love her and she could never feel the same about me because I'm such a bitch."
With that Santana exited out of the side curtain where there was an exit.
Rachel stood at the entrance with wide eyes. She stood there for a bit before running out of the door, going to find Santana but the girl had disappeared.
Throughout the day the Latina dodged the diva, not wanting to see her. Rachel was starting to get frustrated, she wanted to talk to Santana but she was acting like Rachel was the black plague.
At the dress rehearsal Rachel finally grabbed Santana's arm and pulled her away from the group, "Why have you been avoiding me?"
"What do you want me to do Berry? We are over there is no reason for us to talk," Santana looked down dejectedly. She didn't even say those words harshly like she would have down two months ago.
Rachel cringed at the use of her last name, "Because there is something I need to tell you."
"What is it? I'm trying to do Irene how you said but I mean, she's just too damn happy," Santana muttered, not looking up.
"What? No it's not about the play," Rachel shook her head.
"Then what?" Santana asked.
Before she could answer, Artie rolled up to them, "Come on you guys, you need to get ready. This is our final rehearsal, we open tomorrow."
Rachel sighed, "OK Artie."
He rolled away and Santana went to follow. Rachel grabbed her arm gently, "Can we talk later?"
Santana looked at her then looked down, "I can't. I'm sorry." She pulled out of her grasp and walked away.
Rachel frowned but went to get ready. They went through the entire show before Artie called it, saying that they were ready for tomorrow night. Santana ran out before Rachel could catch her so she just sighed and went home.
She needed to talk to Santana about what she heard in the auditorium earlier but it seemed as though Santana was doing her best to avoid her at all costs.
Santana avoided Rachel throughout the entire day the next day because she really didn't want to talk to Rachel, at least not yet, it was too much for her.
When they were getting ready the next day for the show Santana got a call as she sat between Quinn and Brittany, doing her make-up. She answered and smiled, "Hey Papi. Are you and Mami on your way here?"
Everyone turned to look at the Latina as it was pretty quiet in the room due to all the tension between everyone. They all saw the frown that took over her face at the response she got.
She closed her eyes for a second before putting on a fake smile, though her father couldn't see it. She kept her voice happy as she answered her father, "I understand Papi. No if she needs rest let her rest. I want my baby brother or sister to be healthy. Are you coming? Did you get an answer from Abuelita? Is she coming?"
This time her face fell and she didn't pick it up, "No Papi, it's OK. At least you are still coming. I'll see you when you get here. I love you too Papi."
Santana hung up and went back to finishing her make-up, her face neutral. Quinn looked at her, "You OK San?"
"Yep," Santana brushed out her hair.
"Are you sure? What did your dad say?" Quinn questioned. Everyone still stared at the Latina, wanting to know as well.
Santana sighed and set her brush down, "Mami isn't feeling that well so she is staying home to rest but she will try to make it tomorrow night or on Saturday. My abuela still doesn't want anything to do with me so she isn't coming either, but Papi just left the house."
"I'm sorry," Quinn frowned.
Santana shrugged her shoulders, "Whatever it's fine. It's not a big deal. I need to you the restroom."
She stood and walked out before anyone else could get a word in. They all stared at one another, not sure what to do for Santana.
When she came back in a few minutes later Artie spoke up, "We are going to have a cast party tonight at Breadsticks after the show. Are you going to come Santana?"
Santana looked at everyone's encouraging faces, "Sure whatever."
Artie smiled, "Alright, curtain in 5 minutes, everyone get to your places."
They all went to where they needed to be without another word. They started going through without a hitch. There was a moment before Rachel sang, "Before the Parade Passes by," that made Santana a little uncomfortable but they got through it. She had to hold both of Rachel's hand, kneeling in front of her, utter a few words, kiss her cheek then stand and run off, holding Mike's hand.
When it was done they went out to greet and talk to everyone who watched the show. Her father walked up to her and hugged her, smiling bright, "That was great Mija, you were great."
Santana hugged him back and smiled, "Thank you Papi."
"Your mother will love it when she comes to see it," her father grinned.
Santana nodded and smiled, "We are having a cast party, is it OK if I go?"
"Sure I will drop you off," her father said.
"It's fine Papi, I can drive myself," Santana protested, not wanting to put her father out.
"Nonsense, I will drive you. That way I can spend some time with you before you hang out with your friends," her father said, leading her out.
She laughed at her father, "OK Papi."
They walked out and got into the car. They drove and Santana laughed as her dad sung "Privilege." He bobbed his head a little as he sang a laughed.
He looked at Santana and laughed, not noticing that the headlights coming towards him were getting closer. The F-250 hit the four door sedan on the driver's door, sending them down the 12-foot trench. The car flipped over as it went down, tossing the two inhabitants around.
Santana hit her head on the window at the car came to a halt, it hitting a tree on her father's side, leaving the car upside down. She was knocked unconscious when she hit her head. She came to 10 minutes later as her phone went off. She groaned in pain as she looked around, her father hanging limply, blood pooling above him on the crumpled roof.
She looked down and tugged at her seatbelt with her left hand until it released and she crumpled onto the roof. She cried out in pain and looked at herself. Her right leg was twisted awkwardly in front of her and her left one had a deep cut going from her knee to the middle of her shin.
She looked to her right arm, her forearm no longer straight but making a V. She almost threw up at the sight of it. She felt light headed from hitting her head and all the blood she was losing from the cut in her leg and the glass that penetrated her side, just below her ribs but above her kidney.
She looked to her dad who wasn't moving and had blood pouring from him, his body twisted from both times his side of the car had been hit. She whimpered out a pathetic, "Papi."
When he didn't respond Santana cried harder, "Papi, please wake up. I need you."
Her phone went off again and she grabbed it out of her back pocket where it was safe from the accident. She answered it, setting it on speaker so she didn't have to hold it.
Her ears were immediately filled with Rachel's voice, "Santana, where are you? We are all waiting for you here."
Santana whimpered out pathetically, "Rach, I need help."
"Santana? What happened?" Rachel asked quickly, worried.
"We were hit. I think Papi is dead," Santana cried harder saying it. This caused her more pain and she whimpered at the pain. "It hurts so much."
"Oh my God Santana," Rachel brought a hand to her mouth as everyone stared at her. "Is there an ambulance there yet?"
"I don't know. I don't hear anything," Santana cried. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
Rachel shook her head as she started crying, "Don't San, it's OK."
Santana felt her eyelids get heavy, "I'm sorry. I love you. I just wanted to let you know in case I don't see you again."
Rachel cried harder as everyone watched her, worried for the Latina girl that was not there with them, "You will see me again. Don't think that Santana."
"I'm tired Rach, I just want the pain to go away," Santana choked out.
"I know, I'm sorry. I'm sure someone will be there soon," Rachel cried.
Santana closed her eyes and whispered, "I love you Honey."
Rachel let out a sob at the endearment that Santana used, "I love you too Sweetie."
Santana closed her eyes and passed out. Rachel cried out, "San? Santana please answer me."
She heard rustling on the other end before she was disconnected. She cried as Kurt and Mercedes took her into their arms, trying to calm her down.
"They got into an accident," Rachel choked out between sobs and everyone felt as if they stopped breathing.
So sorry I left it like that but just think, it's only a two-day wait to the next update. Pease review, favorite, and follow. You are the best readers I can ask for. See you on Wednesday. The chapter is named after "Winner at a Losing Game" by Rascal Flatts. That's also the song that Santana sang.