The lobster who ran away
There once was a lobster named Logan.
He was very lobsided.
One day when he was walking to the fish...store, he bumped his leg off a clam.
'Ouchie ouchie ooo' he said, 'my beautiful leg that won me so many pageants, my life will never be the same!'
You see Logan was the number one Lobster in the local Claw Pageants™, now that his leg was hurt he couldn't walk up the stairs to the Claw Stage™ .
He didn't have a leg to stand on, this could clawst him his whole career!
Luckily, Logan was best of friends with the local doctorpus!
Logan decided that he had enough fish in his burrow and he would limp on all the way to the surgery.
Oscar the Doctorpus took one leg at Logan's leg and said, "Yup! That sure is a leg!".
On further inspection, he added to this intelligent observation, 'And it is broken'.
Oscar was an fucking idiot deep down, but he couldn't let Logan see that.
In case you aren't aware, the world of undersea healthcare is extremely lacking in regulation, particularly in the region of the Gulf of Mexico, where Logan and Oscar reside.
So Logan asked if there was anything that Oscar could do, "is there anything you can do?".
Doctorpus Oscar had a look through his medical books (mainly children's picture books and leaflets about taking care of pet fish).
"Yes I believe I can, but this is gonna cost some serious chowder", the doctopus said to Logan, eagerly awaiting to see if Logan picked up on the pun he spent all last night thinking about.
Logan let out a hearty laugh, and a smidgen of blood rushed to his penis, 'Would you say it will cost me an arm and a leg?' he said with a wink.
The doctorpus didn't understand, "no it'll be 2 billion dollas."
Logan felt his heart sink, he had not experienced a rejection this harsh since Linda asked Larry to prom, also he could not afford this.
All of a sudden, Logan heard his phone ringing,"Bzzt, Bzzt", said the phone.
Logan only got phone calls very rarely and he began to panic, for such a dashing winner of multiple Claw Pageants™, he was actually a very socially anxious guy.
He picked up the phone and heard, "Hello Logan, it is me Labooga, your cousin from the waters of Nigeria. I want to give you two billion dollas."
Logan was stunned by the sheer convenience of this insane proposition, 'are we talkin' Mexican or Nigerian dollas?' he asked hesitantly, not even returning a 'hello'.
Labooga, who was getting his lobster cock sucked at the time, replied to Logan, "Of course Logan, as soon as this clawrer finishes sucking my lobster schlong, I will transfer the assets."
'No rush, have a delightful blowjob' said Logan politely.
What seemed like centuries passed for Labooga, he awoke to find that he had tipped the whore 2 billion dollas and did enough cocaine to kill a blue whale.
Meanwhile, Logan ambled through the streets of town on his brand new tortoise leg, 2 billion dollas in debt but sure that the money would come through any day now.
Labooga died when he attempted to fight a mantis shrimp in a coke fueled rage.
Logan often pondered the life of his cousin, the lobster who must have been on week 3 of this blowjob.
However he knew that when lobsters mate, they often do it for centuries divided by centuries time days.
The whole town was amazed by Logan's new leg, he had sold his car so that he could afford to get a particularly toned and beautifully coloured tortoise leg and sure enough, he was winning even more pageants than usual because of it.
All of a sudden, a hand reached down and grabbed Logan from the surface and began fondling his tortoise leg.
Logan enjoyed the sensation and was unsure whether he should struggle.
Logan's juicy, throbbing, raging, unstoppable claw snipped at the hand.
Luckily the hand began to bleed and Logan had a lovely refreshing sip of human blood, it had been too long.
See Logan was actually a vampire who craves human blood, he was referred to as Count Crawbula in his hometown (Transealvania).
He drank the hand dry and continued to sip on the beautiful crimson nectar until the human fell to the sea floor, then he kept on sipping until the body deflated like a balloon and when he was finished he licked his bloodstained lips and thanked his victim for making this sacrifice so that he may continue to do his important work of competing in pageants.
He had become more powerful than you could ever imagine, his size began doubling,then tripling, then doubling again, until he finally was the size of Jupiter.
Logan was now the 3rd planet from the sun, and Earth was his moon.
Earth looked like a lil bitch now.
Logan was very lonely all alone in space, until one day, when he saw a legless tortoise growing and growing on Earth, becoming as large as Logan.
But he looked like a lil bitch so Logan CLAWSTOMPED his bitch ass, "Get clawstomped bitch ass", said Logan.
The tortoise was also a vampire of course, and this was how he had grown to his immense size.
And then the tortoise threw Danny DeVito at Logan's head like a shooting star with immense accuracy and power, "Danny DeVito!" exclaimed the tortoise.
Logan was extremely thankful for the offering and the two massive beasts retrieved their metal straws from their satchels and began to sip DeVito dry.
They began kissing, their lips meeting in the middle of Danny's luscious head.
Things were getting very steamy, when Trent the Tortoise pulled away, 'no, this is all wrong, I've come here for one reason and one reason only… my leg was sold to you from the black market and I want to get it back.'
'OK here you go', Logan took off his leg and handed it to Trent before going 'EYYY PSYCHE BITCH, fight me 1v1 for it.'
Trent was very conflicted, on one hand he was angry and wanted to get his leg back (he had sold it to a gang of sea snails when he was penniless on the streets of Transealvania), on another claw he wanted to kiss Logan, vampire sea creatures are hard to come by and especially ones as well endowed as Logan, and on another hand he was drooling as blood was flying everywhere due to Logan's tearing off of the leg.
Trent decided that he would shit.
This outrageous act served to arouse Logan immensely.
The mix of blood and shit was just really something...apparently.
Trent decided that there was only one way he could get everything that he wanted… he tousled his shell a little and fluttered his eyelashes, giving Logan those classic irresistible tortoise doh eyes, 'but don't you think the leg would just look better on me?'.
Logan was conflicted, the leg was the source of all his power and it looked soooooo dope.
But Trent was hot, and Logan could only imagine how much hotter he could be if he had a leg.
Logan had decided that he would return the leg to its rightful owner.
With one swooping movement, Trent took a gulp of the splattering blood (there was only a subtle hint of shit to the taste), retrieved the leg and gave Logan the best cock-sucking he had ever received.
Logan was ecstatic at this response, it was everything he had ever dreamed of since he was a young Lob.
And that is the story of how Ben's Grandparents met 3