A/N: Hey guys! So this chapter we are officially past 100,000 words, which is the most words I have ever written for any story, fanfiction or original. At this point I just wanted to say thank you all for following me through this and supporting me, it means so much and I love each and everyone of you for it. In honor of that word count, here is an nice long chapter for you all to enjoy. Please let me know what you think! xx
Octavia looked like she was just sleeping, lying on the bed, and Clarke supposed that really she was but she still couldn't quiet the little nagging voice in her head that told her off all the things that could be wrong that Clarke wouldn't be able to see.
"No way." She looked up to see Ontari leaning against the door frame, "Lexa and I didn't forcibly drag Lincoln away to wash and eat so you could come in and take his place staring at her like this is all your fault."
"Well isn't it? I don't know how to help her." Clarke bit out in a pained whisper.
Ontari quickly crossed the room and knelt down in front of her, "Octavia knew what she was getting into from the first day that she decided to train as a warrior, you have done your best to treat her with what you have available, you can't torture yourself over the rest now."
"She's right." Raven said quietly, as she walked over to them and sat on the edge of Octavia's bed. "She is the most stubborn person I know, she's going to drag this out as long as she can and then she's going to jump out of bed and try and charge off into something stupid just because it makes us all smile."
Clarke laughed slightly, "Yeah I can see that. Where's Lexa?"
"In the throne room trying to organize the counter attack on the Desert, it will all be over in a matter of days." Raven answered her, taking Octavia's hand and running her thumb across the back of it.
"You know, she'll never live it down that she was knocked down because she got distracted staring at Lincoln." Ontari grinned, as Clarke laughed for real this time.
"No, she really won't."
Raven pulled Clarke into a hug, "You just watch, she'll wake up tomorrow morning and laugh at us all for worrying so much."
Once everyone had finally been chased from the room, Lincoln sat beside Octavia, gently easing himself onto the bed to lie beside her. He had promised Clarke that he would stay up all night to watch her and to send someone for her if anything happened.
Lincoln wasn't dumb, he knew full well what Clarke wasn't telling him, head wounds were tricky. Every warrior knew that. But Octavia was the strongest person he knew, and there was no way that she was going to be taken down by an incompetent fool wielding a rock.
Brushing the hair from her face, he sighed, "I love you Octavia. Clarke is worried, I can see it even if she won't actually say the words to me. But I know better."
He leaned over to kiss her cheek softly, "We made a promise Octavia, never to leave one another, and I know you will hold to that."
It had been three days, and for better or for worse, Octavia was still unconscious.
"I don't know how much longer I can do this." Clarke sighed, pressing her face into Lexa's shoulder, "I don't know how much longer I can look into his eyes and tell him that she's going to be fine when I have no idea what's going to happen next, or if anything's going to happen next at all."
Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke's shoulders and just clung on, feeling as helpless as Clarke herself did.
"I'm sorry Clarke, I'm sorry that you're in this position."
"Yeah me too, this is all my fault." She replied bitterly.
"Stop." Lexa said immediately, placing a hand on either side of Clarke's head and forcing her to look up at her. "This is not your fault, we cannot live our lives in fear of the reactions of others. Octavia was hurt as a result of the Desert Clans actions, not our union."
Clarke took a shaky breath, "I really want to believe that Lexa, but I just can't keep being this strong person everyone expects me to be right now."
Lexa tightened her grip, rocking them from side to side gently, "You don't have to be strong here Clarke, let me be strong enough for the both of us."
There was silence for a long time in their room after that, Lexa sat patiently, keeping her arms firm and not halting in her repetitive soothing motion. Clarke needed her to do this so she did, pushing everything else away so she could focus her entire attention on the girl in her arms.
When Clarke's breathing finally evened out, Lexa carefully shifted her so she was lying flat on the bed before slipping out of the room.
Ontari and Raven had taken Lincoln to get some air, under the guise of Cal wanting him to come and play, it was surprisingly effective. Lincoln knew full well what they were up to, but he played into the deception because that's what Octavia would want him to do.
When Lexa walked in, Aden was sat next to the bed, sitting next to the warrior who looked so small lying in the middle of the massive bed.
"The Desert should be wiped out for this." Aden said angrily, not taking his eyes off Octavia's face.
Lexa placed her hands on his shoulders, "I promise you that they will pay Aden, and have I ever broken a promise to you?"
Aden let out a sob and spun around to fling himself into Lexa's arms, who didn't hesitate before wrapping him up in a fierce hug.
"Go outside Aden, go find Cal for me and talk to him, he needs a big brother right now." Lexa said gently, "Do this for me?"
It was a favour not an order, but Aden nodded quickly, "Sha Lexa, can I come back and see her again later?"
Lexa smiled, "I'm sure Octavia would love that Aden."
She wiped away the tears rolling down his cheeks tenderly before giving him a gentle push towards the door.
The second the door closed behind him Lexa sank down into the seat he had been using beside the bed, taking the nearest of Octavia's hands in her own, her strong mask slipping away to reveal the exhaustion and emotional toil that this was all taking on her.
"God damn it Octavia, I can't keep this up much longer. Everyone's falling apart and I don't know how to shut it all out any more."
Against her will and best efforts, tears had begun streaming down Lexa's face.
"Fucking Skaikru, first Clarke then you. You forced your way into my heart and now there's nothing I can do to stop this. I have so much power, but I can't even get you to open your eyes."
Lexa placed her head on the bed next to their joined hands, looking up towards Octavia's peaceful looking face.
"Clarke isn't dealing, and I'm trying to stay strong for her, but who's being strong for me? If I allow her to see then she will feel guilty for how I feel as well as for you, Clarke can't place anymore blame on herself, it will destroy her light. You have become family and right now the person I need to speak to is the one that I can't. Please Octavia, I need you to just open your eyes. Please?"
She stared at Octavia, the image blurred through her tears, but she didn't move and eventually Lexa's eyes drifted closed, leaning on the edge of Octavia's bed.
When Lexa woke up, her back was aching from leaning forwards, which initially distracted her from the hand gently running through her hair that had woken her up in the first place.
Hopefully, she raised her head to see Octavia's eyes looking back at her.
"You're awake." Lexa breathed, before leaping up and wrapping her arms around round Octavia's waist who had pulled herself up into a sitting position whilst Lexa was still asleep.
"Yeah, I'm awake, I'm here." Octavia murmured, recovering from her surprise at Lexa's enthusiastic response to seeing her to return the favour, "What happened anyway? Last thing I remember we were winning and then...? There's just nothing."
Lexa sat back in the chair, relaxing her grip on Octavia, "One of them came out of nowhere and hit you from behind with a rock."
"What happened to him?" Octavia asked curiously.
The look in Lexa's eyes could only be described as murderous, "I killed him myself."
Octavia smiled, "Good." Normally she would be less pleased about the news of someone dying because of her, but the pain in her head where she had felt Clarke's neat stitches made her far less inclined to feel any kind of guilt whatsoever. "So what now? Where's everyone else?" She asked after a pause.
"Lincoln's ok." Lexa assured, hearing the unspoken add on to Octavia's question, "And as for what happens next, how do you feel about having some fun?"
Lincoln was grumbling angrily to Raven and Ontari as they walked back up to the throne room floor.
Lexa had sent a message to them to come straight to the dining hall and that they had to eat now before going back to see Octavia. She had said guards were waiting to turn them away if they didn't come and get a decent meal first.
When they got to the door they found Clarke and Aden waiting outside, who both looked about as happy as Lincoln at Lexa's cryptic antics.
As soon as they saw them, Cal ran to Aden, jumping into the older boys waiting arms.
"Clarke, what the hell is your girlfriend up to?" Raven huffed moodily, annoyed by having to have put up with Lincoln's constant complaining from when they got the message to now.
Clarke shrugged helplessly, "There's no use in asking me, she hasn't even said a word to me since this morning."
"Well please let her know that this isn't the right time for her to be playing games." Raven snapped, before turning to walk away.
Ontari quickly caught her around the waist to pull her back, "Come on Raven, you need to just calm down ok? At least until we find out what Lexa is actually up to?"
"Please Raven?" Cal asked, giving her an adorable puppy dog eyed expression from his position on Aden's shoulders.
Ontari winked at him and subtly gave him the thumbs up over Raven's head before looking back to Raven, "See? Cal wants us to stay, wants you to stay. At least for a while."
"Don't try and emotionally blackmail me with our- with Cal." Raven frowned, but her expression had softened.
Ontari arched an eyebrow at the slip but didn't comment on it, "Just see what she's up to ok?"
"Fine." Raven sighed, leaning against Ontari's shoulder tiredly, who just gave a small victorious smile to Cal.
Despite everything, even Lincoln cracked a small smile at the proud grin from the young boy.
Suddenly the door they were standing outside of cracked open and Lexa popped her head through. "I'm glad you are all here, I have had a meal prepared for us all and we have a guest as well."
"You're playing politics now?" Raven asked disbelievingly, as Lincoln crossed his arms beside her and they all glared daggers at Clarke who pouted defensively.
Lexa actually laughed at them then, which had them all taken aback, "Just come in." She disappeared, and they all exchanged looks before shrugging and pushing the door open, slightly intrigued if nothing else.
The second the door was pushed fully open they caught sight of Octavia leaning against the edge of the table, staring at them all with a cocky grin plastered across her face.
Lincoln was at her side immediately, holding her close, and covering her face with kisses before pausing on her lips with a long lingering kiss that had them all subconsciously turning away to give the couple some privacy.
One by one, they all hugged Octavia and soon there was tears in every persons eyes, except for Lexa who was stood slightly to the side wearing a small smug smile. Her smile didn't last long, as Clarke walked over to her and hit her in the stomach with the back of her hand, "I am her Doctor, why was I not informed when she woke up."
Lexa looked at Clarke worriedly, before Clarke's angry expression slipped and she just pulled Lexa close, too happy that her friend was ok to feel anything other than pure relief.
When they all sat down around the table Lincoln simply refused to drop Octavia's hand, not that she minded, using it as an opportunity to practically sit on his lap tucked up against his side as they ate.
"What about the Desert Clan?" Aden burst out about halfway through their meal, unable to keep himself quiet any longer. "What happens to them?"
Lexa looked at him thoughtfully before tilting her head towards Octavia.
"Jus no drein jus daun." Octavia said quietly.
Aden frowned angrily, "But they almost killed you!"
"Their leader was responsible, and we have a better plan than just killing them all." Octavia answered with a grin to Lexa.
"What plan?" Raven asked curiously as she sat with Ontari's arm slung around her shoulder and Cal lying half on her knee and half on his own chair, having fallen asleep.
"Publicly humiliating their leader, their clan loses all power if they no longer command respect." Lexa put in, looking around the table to gauge their reactions, "I am going to call the head of the Desert People to the capitol. And then I am going to fight them in single combat, they will lose and be denied a warriors death, the public disgrace of the whole matter will be punishment enough I believe. And now, I think it may be time for us all to head to bed."
"You all look like you haven't slept in days." Octavia laughed.
Ontari looked across at her soberly, "We haven't."
Lincoln kissed the top of her head, "The last few days have been hard for all of us Octavia, I'm so glad your back with us."
"We all are." Raven smiled.
It didn't take long for them to all drift off to their rooms, collapsing into bed in whatever they were wearing, the exhaustion of the week and sleep deprivation catching up to them as the residual tension melted out of their bodies.
For the first night in four, Clarke was relaxed and happy when she lay down, beckoning Lexa closer so she could wrap her arms around the other girls waist.
"I love you." She breathed quietly against Lexa's ear, falling asleep a second later.
Lexa smiled and shifted closer so they were lying nose to nose, "I love you too Clarke." And then sleep took her as well.