Talking
It had been about a month since it ended.
A month since Laina's memory had finally been put to rest.
A month since I returned to school.
A month since I had my name cleared by the government.
A month since I had killed Jared.
Everything had kind of gone back to normal – Megan and I were talking again, Carter and I were back together, and Kasey and I weren't keeping secrets anymore.
Of course, some things were weird – Mimi was not only Kasey's friend again but was mine too, and Megan was still at All Saints, and Lydia and I hung out pretty often (when she wasn't busy. Somehow, she has more stuff to do than I did). But things weren't all that bad – in fact, they weren't bad at all. Just weird.
Weird or not, they were okay. "The new normal," my mom had said when Mimi dropped by to hand off homework to a flu-ridden Kasey with a smile. And I think she was right. Not everything was resolved – I doubt it ever could be – but everything was a new kind of normal. And I liked it.
Mom and Dad had gone out for a "weekend getaway" to reconnect after everything, leaving me in charge and Kasey under my watchful eye.
Honesty, I was surprised when they had proposed it – surprised that they still trusted me after everything. But they apparently did, and Kasey and I were left alone at 3pm after school on a Friday.
Kasey had gone to her bedroom to work on an essay about an hour before, and I had begun going over some of my digital portfolio. I really needed to weed some stuff out – somehow, I had taken sixteen photos of the inside of my coat pocket.
"Sup." A voice chimed suddenly, startling me enough that I yelled.
Lydia was laughing.
"You scare easier than my mom!" She tittered. I turned towards her voice, heart beating fast and breathing hard as I glared at her. She shrugged and made a semi-apologetic face.
"Sorry," She started, "I just got back from Rugby. It is so much more fun when they can't tell who's pushing them."
I looked at the clock.
"Rugby let out, like, an hour ago."
She looked visibly shy, which was kind of an odd look on her, and I almost regretted mentioning it. She waited a minute before responding.
"I went to see my parents, too. I left my mom a little note, nothing too conspicuous, and found some socks my dad was looking for." She smiled a little, "They're doing okay, but I'm not opposed to offering some encouragement every once and a while."
I nodded. Nothing wrong with that.
"However," She added, and I looked up. She didn't sound wistful anymore –she sounded like she was about to make a joke. "I do suggest that you go check on your baby sister."
My eyes shot up. I wasn't suspicious of Lydia – it had been a long time since we established that she was a good ghost. I knew she wouldn't do anything dangerous, and her tone suggested that no one else had done it, either.
"Why?"
She smiled and shook her head a little.
"Just go check up on her. I'm gonna go stare at the cake in your fridge and pretend I can taste it."
And then she was gone, and I was alone again with my laptop (Kasey and I had been given ChromeBooks as gifts, but I kind of suspected they were really incentives to not get into more trouble). A tiny bit of worry nibbled at my stomach, but I pushed it back. Lydia wouldn't have joked if something was wrong, but I had no idea what else it could be.
I stood up and stretched, then headed towards my door.
Maybe she had spelled something so badly it was funny in her paper, or had fallen asleep with her head on her keyboard and now had a big section of ";iogvg;nvng;;ng;ngv;gv" in her word document.
Or maybe Lydia wanted to play a prank, and was just waiting for an audience.
Either way, I pulled my door open and walked the few feet to Kasey's, careful to knock first.
"Kase? You okay in there?" I called, trying not to startle her. I heard some shuffling.
"…Lexi?"
Her voice was… funny. Soft, and muffled, and distorted. It was a little concerning.
Huh.
"I'm gonna come in now, okay?" I asked, receiving only an "augh" in response.
I opened the door cautiously, honestly expecting the worst.
Kasey was on the floor, face down. Her left foot was tangled in her blanket and still on her bed while the rest of her was splayed out below – it was obvious she had tripped getting off of the bed.
"Everything okay?" I asked, fighting the paranoia telling me that she was paralyzed, or unconscious, or dead, even though she had just spoken moments before. And then she lifted her head to face me, and the plush carpet came with her. She gave me a small, grimace-y smile, partnered with a wobbly thumbs up.
Her braces had gotten caught on the rug, and I burst into laughter.
"Kasey, oh my gosh!" I cackled, doubling over. I couldn't help it – it was ridiculous.
"Laugh it up," She said from her position on the floor, and then she pppbbthh her tongue out a little to get the carpet fuzzies out of her mouth.
"What on earth did you do?" I laughed, plopping down beside her head on the ground. She gave a big long sigh and looked up at me.
"I was doing my essay, and then I got stuck and couldn't think so I was going to get up and get my headphones so I could listen to music, but my foot got caught in my covers and so I fell, and then I tried to get up and my teeth are stuck." She made an angry face. "I hate these things!"
I laughed and gave her a good-natured head pat.
"Ah, but it's the price you pay for not giving up your binky till you were six."
She turned red immediately and glowered at me. "Well, at least I learned how to ride a bike before the ninth grade."
"I will leave you stuck here." I said, mocking seriousness. She made an "uh!" noise, and I stood up.
"Well, I guess if you don't need my help, I'll just be going…" I smiled, sing-song as I started too slowly towards the door. I heard her sigh, big.
"Lexiiiii," She whined. "Please?"
I turned around, saw her blue eyes doing the puppy-dog beg, and went back over to her.
"You're lucky I'm the best big sister ever." I joked, reaching down to unhook her brackets from the carpet. She rolled her eyes.
"Wha-e-er," She mumbled, mouth open as I fiddled with the metal. I finally got her free, and we both sat up. Kasey started unravelling her foot from the sheets, and I looked around.
It had been a good while since I'd been in her room. It was messy, like it always used to be, but it looked a little more organized now – just enough so each category of things was designated to a certain pile. Papers were scattered on her desk, three empty and one half-full medicine bottle lay on her bedside table, her lamp cord was knotted before it plugged into the wall, and Tupperware boxes sat rifled-through all over the place. There was nothing out of the ordinary, really, and I almost didn't give her open closet a second glance.
But I did.
The clothes were half hung up and half falling out of the clean clothes basket in the floor, and shelves were covered in books that hadn't been touched since we moved here. What struck me, though, were the upper shelves. More specifically, the dolls on the upper shelves.
I gave Kasey a wary glance as she finally ended up yanking off her sock to get her foot out of its ensnarement.
"Kase…" I started, glancing back at the shelves. "I thought you stopped collecting dolls."
She didn't look up at me.
"I guess I didn't." She shrugged.
"I just thought…" I paused. I didn't really know how to phrase this. "I guess I just thought after the whole…thing, you wouldn't want them anymore."
She stayed focused on the ground. I knew what she thought I was saying – I thought you'd be smart enough to stay away from them.
I guess, in a way, I was kind of saying that.
"You can say it, Lexi." She spat, her eyes finally meeting mine. "After the time that I was stupid enough to let myself get possessed."
I saw the hurt on her face and tried to backtrack, but she stopped me before I could.
"I mean, obviously I don't do porcelains anymore, and I don't ever get antique ones, either, just in case." She paused, then huffed out of her nose. "I'm a collector, Alexis, not a masochist."
I put a hand on her knee.
"I don't think you're stupid, Kasey."
She looked at the ground, and I noticed then that she was sniffling.
"I just like them, okay? I like holding them and pretending I'm not—Acting like nothing—" She stopped and sucked in a breath. "I like pretending that I'm still a kid sometimes. Because I went and fucked things up before I could grow up on my own terms."
I looked at her, but she didn't look back. My hand tightened on her knee, and I leaned in closer to her.
"Kasey, it wasn't your fault."
She laughed, bitterly, and turned her head to look at me with a teary face.
"Wasn't it, though?"
Silence.
Neither of us said anything, neither of us really breathed. The air had changed from silly and fun to dark and depressing, and I was starting to gather why.
"Kasey… you've never really talked to anyone about this, have you?"
More silence.
"Would you like to?"
She shook her head, then started to get up. She plopped onto her bed again and pulled her laptop into her lap, beginning to type. She looked up at me after a minute, but she didn't make eye contact.
"Please just…Just leave me alone for a little bit." She mumbled. "Okay?"
In all honesty, I was a little bit hurt, but I got it. I got not feeling like talking about something so personal, so painful, and so I nodded, got up, and went back to my room.
If she needed to talk about it, I trusted she would. If not to me, then to Keaton, or Mimi, or maybe even Mom.
Hopefully.
Carter and I had planned to make dinner together like an old married couple, and by nine-fifteen we were happy, covered in flour, and eating a sad little sponge cake that had ended up tasting a bit like dish soap. Kasey hadn't come down for dinner, even when I knocked on her door and asked if she was hungry. I didn't think much of it.
"Does she not like me?" Carter asked finally, pushing the cake around on his plate. I thought about it.
"No, I don't think it's that," I said, watching him finally take a bite and grimace. I laughed. "You don't have to eat it if you don't like it."
He spit the piece in his mouth into his napkin and gave me a sheepish smile. He had been in charge of dessert.
"Sorry," He laughed, "I'm not a baked-goods kind of guy. Pillsbury cookies from a package are good enough for me."
I laughed back, then picked up both of our plates and went into the kitchen to dump them in the garbage. As I started the dishes, Carter came over beside me and boosted himself onto the counter (he knew I was particular about how my dishes were washed).
"I really just don't think she likes me, Lex. It's like I'm the plague – whenever I'm around, she hides."
I gave him a look.
"Carter, she always hides when people are here. She sits with us at lunch, doesn't she? Is that not enough?" I went back to scrubbing pasta sauce off a bowl.
I heard him sigh, and when I looked up at him he looked puzzled.
"Yeah, I guess, it's just… I don't know, it just… rubs me the wrong way." He shook his head as if to get the thoughts out. "It's whatever, though. You're why I'm here."
He leaned down with a smile, giving me a small kiss on the lips.
"Not everyone has to like you, your highness," I joked, giving him another peck. He leaned back, pulling an aghast hand to his chest like an old southern woman ready to faint.
"Well, I never!" He drawled. I laughed, and without thinking I shoved some dish-soap bubbles onto his face. He blinked once, then reached over and scooped up some foam and plopped it onto my head.
And then is was an all-out war, with lots of shrieking and bubbles everywhere. My hair, my clothes, his sock, the window…
Everywhere.
"Carter, stop!" I shouted, laughing hard as I dodged a handful of suds soaring past my face.
"Well, bless my soul, Alexis Ann, I just don't think I want to!" He was still lathering on the southern accent, which was hilarious to us but probably horribly annoying to anyone else.
"You'd better!"
We were both cackling, tossing bubbles and ducking under counters, when, suddenly, Carter stopped.
"Uhm," He sputtered, not to me but to the living room, accent forgotten. I followed his eyes, confused.
Oh.
"Oh, hey, Kasey," I said, out of breath. "Did you want some dinner?"
She looked from me to Carter, then back to me.
"Uhm…" She stuttered, fiddling with her hands. "Uh, yeah, that'd be great."
She looked nervous, but I didn't ask why. Instead, Carter cleaned up the wet mess that was the kitchen while I reheated her a bowl of pasta, and no one said anything.
"We're gonna go up to my room, okay?" I asked finally. The air was getting awkward – no one had spoken, only a thank you as I sat the bowl down in front of Kasey. She nodded, eyes on her bowl, and I took Carter's hand and led him upstairs.
"See what I mean?" He finally asked, sitting on my bed as I closed the door. I sighed. Yeah, I did see what he meant – but I wasn't sure if it was him that made her act like that. Sure, she was fun and bubbly at school, but when we got home…
"I think it's me."
Carter gave me a look, and I moved to sit next to him. His arm was around me instantly, and I started again. "I do, she's been acting, like, weird. Especially today."
"You don't think…" He didn't need to finish. I shook my head.
"No, it's not like that. She's just been…. Distant. Quiet." I thought a moment. "Sad."
Carter was quiet, and I was too.
"Do you think she might be depressed?" He broke the silence softly, but the words hung like a weight in the air.
Yeah. Honestly, yeah, I did. When we talked a few months ago, she'd told me that she'd basically tried to kill herself when Aralt was still around. But that was then, could she still be feeling like that?
"She said she wasn't going to try and…do anything." I managed, avoiding looking at Carter's exposed arms. I looked at his eyes instead, and they weren't hurting – they were soft and understanding.
Helpful.
"You don't have to be suicidal to be depressed, Lex. You know that."
He brushed some hair from my face, and I leaned into him with a sigh.
"I know." I finally said, "I just… I wish she'd talk to me. I wish I could help."
"I know." He nuzzled my head. "You're always like that. It's one of the reasons I love you so much."
Carter hadn't meant to spend the night. He really, honestly hadn't. One minute we were watching Death Bed: The Bed That Eats, and the next we were waking up with the laptop dead on our laps and the neon numbers reading "2:31" on the bedside table.
"Crap," I hissed, sitting up and blowing hair out of my eyes. I wasn't supposed to have anyone stay overnight when Mom and Dad weren't home. Not like I'm a goody-goody or anything, but it seemed like after everything they deserved a bit of rule-following. I leaned over to nudge Carter awake, but his eyes were already blearily opened.
"Whassat?" He slurred, unfocused eyes looking around the room.
"What's what?" I asked, throwing off the covers and sitting up, "You have to go home, it's almost, like, three in the morning."
He sat up a little, but he didn't respond. Not to me, at least.
"Kasey?" He asked, and I turned my head so fast I could have given myself whiplash.
The door creaked open then, after being acknowledged, and Kasey stepped in.
She was still dressed from the day before, and her hair was in an extremely messy bun on the top of her head. She was fiddling with her shirt, but looking right at me.
"Hi." She said, eyes wide. I could practically hear her texting mom and telling her that Carter had spent the night.
"Please don't tell mom." I immediately insisted. Her face looked startled for a second, then confused.
"What? I don't care about that."
Silence.
I looked at Carter. He looked at me. We both looked at Kasey, who was looking between us.
More silence.
"So…." Carter started, and I finished.
"What's up, then? Are you sick?"
She shook her head, still standing right inside the doorway.
She seemed frozen for a few minutes, and eventually I waved my hand in front of her line of vision.
"Earth to Kasey," I chimed, "Is there a particular reason you're in my room at… two-thirty-six AM? Or is it just for kicks and giggles?"
She bit her lip.
"Uhm… you know what you said earlier?" She finally asked. I paused.
"Uhh…That you're lucky you have the best big sister ever?"
She looked at me seriously and I dropped my smile.
"I think I'm…I… I wanna talk."
Oh.
Oh.
"Yeah, yeah, of course," I said a little too quickly, sitting all the way up and turning on the lamp on my bedside table. Carter looked at me and gestured towards the door with his head as he started to get up. Kasey noticed and fiddled with her shirt more.
"You can stay. If you want, I mean."
He sat back.
I scooted closer to him and patted the newly vacated space to my right. Slowly, she came forward and sat down tentatively on the edge of the bed.
I think we were all holding our breath.
"So I think, the way it started, is just that I was really sad."
Carter reached down and took my hand. I nodded, and Kasey continued.
"I was sad, and lonely, and confused, and my only friend was being nasty to me. And then, on like a Tuesday, I was crying because I couldn't figure out my math and someone said my name. At first I was confused, because I didn't think anyone was awake. But when I went back to my homework, I heard it again, louder, and it was a voice I hadn't heard before."
She didn't have to say who it was.
"I was just so lonely, Lexi, and she was there. She was so nice at first, y'know? She talked to me about how she was lonely, too, and she had been made fun of, too, and how her best friend had been a jerk, too. Everything matched up, except… She was better. And she was trying to help me get better, too."
That made sense to me. Getting better is a big motivator when it comes to making promises to malevolent spirits. She went on.
"She told me about how when she turned ten, she got this beautiful doll, and she told me that she liked my dolls a lot, too. So at first she was just my friend, and she helped me with little stuff. You know, like, she was really good at math and I wasn't, and she knew how to spell, and she helped me calm down when I was upset, and we played dolls together. She was… A really good best friend at first."
Kasey looked a little uncomfortable talking about it, and I was almost ready to remind her that if she wanted to stop, she could. But honestly, I was interested in where this was going.
Even if I already knew.
"So that was, like, the year before eighth grade, almost the whole year. She was just so good to me, and nice to me, and she never asked me to do anything bad. Not until, uhm… not until I turned thirteen."
She stopped, and I noticed her going a little teary, a little trembly. Carter hadn't said anything, but he gave my hand a squeeze, just in case I needed support. I waited to see if she would continue, but she didn't.
"What happened then?" I prompted, and the way she hunched over made me wish I hadn't said anything.
I reminded myself that she needed to get it out; she needed to talk about it. If she didn't, she wouldn't have come to me – and she was strong enough to keep going.
I let her breathe a moment, and then she straightened back up.
"Well, uhm, on my thirteenth birthday, you know how it was a Monday, and how Mommy was working and then the toilet in the downstairs bathroom broke so Dad was fixing that, and you had homework?"
She looked at me through a puffy face, and I nodded. She looked back down.
"I was really sad, and I was in my room, and then she came in. She was glowing, because it was really dark, and it startled me 'cause I hadn't seen her in the dark before. And she asked me why I was sad, and I said because I was lonely, and she said I didn't have to be." She paused and took a big breath in, then let it out. "And I said, 'what?', and she said that she had a birthday present for me. At first I didn't know what it was, because I didn't think she could give me anything because, honestly, I doubted she was real.
"But then she started telling me about how, for three years, she was tormented by people at school. And like, I knew she was, but I didn't know for how long, and she told me that it ended up killing her."
Kasey looked ready to break. No doubt was this painful for her – not only was she talking about her demonic possession, but she was talking about a friend – a friend who died, and deceived her. But she didn't stop.
"She said, 'you know, before I died, I never got to kiss any boys, because momma wouldn't let me until I was sixteen and I only just made it to thirteen'. And I shrugged and said I didn't think we were missing much, 'cause boys are gross." She turned then, to Carter. "No offense."
He gave a light chuckle that was only a little out of place in the somber atmosphere. "None taken."
Kasey looked back at her hands.
"But then, she, uhm, she said that she wasn't gross, and she made me look her in the eyes – and you know how much I like green eyes – and then she kissed me, like, on the lips and everything."
Now this was something I didn't know. And, to be completely honest, it made me even more angry. Because not only had this spirit deceived my sister, and made her ruin her own reputation and almost kill everyone she loved, but she took her first kiss. And that's, like, middle school virginity. I know it didn't really mean anything, but I could see in Kasey's eyes that it meant something to her. And that's what mattered.
If Sarah wasn't already dead – no, if she wasn't already sent out of this world, because I'd find a way even if she was just a ghost – I would be ready to punch her lights out.
Kasey looked at me, abruptly, and her face had moved from reminiscence and hurt to fear.
"And then I…I don't remember. That's how she did it, that's how she took me. Because then I was in my room, and I had that doll in my lap and a few splinters from the attic ladder in my socks, and I didn't know how I got there."
She sniffled and wiped her nose with her sleeve.
"I...I kind of remember bits and pieces of the next few months. I remember when Mimi broke her arm, and I remember you telling me that story, and I remember finding the reports in my backpack, and I remember seeing you and Carter –"
She blushed, big, and looked at him.
"I am so sorry, by the way."
He shook his head.
"Don't worry about it. You were possessed, that's not your fault."
She looked at her hands and made a face.
"Uhm. No, I wasn't right then, actually. She just… She made me think that nobody liked me, that - that Lexi didn't want me anymore, and when I saw you two, she whispered in my ear that she was the only one who cared about me, and I got upset. So, yeah. All that mean stuff was … all me."
No one said anything for a minute.
"It's okay." Carter finally broke in. "Really. I get not feeling like yourself. I get feeling alone."
She looked at him and gave a watery smile before looking away again.
"And then I remember waking up one night and I was in Lexi's floor and my face hurt, bad, and I started crying, and I thought she'd hit me and Mom came in and I told her, and then I was gone again until the next morning." Pause. Glance at me. "Sorry about that, too.
"After that it's even more blurry. I don't.. really remember anything until I was waking up in the house and there was smoke everywhere and I had – I had hurt them, and you told us to leave and we did, and then after we were all outside and you came out, and I started throwing up."
I remembered all of that much, much too clearly.
I fell.
I remembered the fall, and it hurt, a blinding, sharp pain all over my body, but the sense of peace was almost overwhelming. My eyes shot back and forth (I assume I was likely going into shock), finally landing on the group at the base of the oak tree.
Megan and Carter were coming as fast as they could to my side, both weak and supporting their limping selves with each other's shoulders, and they were yelling. I couldn't hear them, though – no matter how flustered, terrified, and loud their words were, they fell on deaf ears – because my eyes were on my sister.
Kasey was standing at the base of the tree, but her eyes were glossy and her skin gray – she was breathing heavier than anyone should, and it looked like she was shaking. The thought of her trying to kill me just minutes earlier was gone, and my mind went straight into my Big Sister duties. I needed to get to her, to help her.
Megan and Carter got to me then, Megan crying and Carter panting, and they managed to drag me back towards where they had been by the tree – out of the line of flames as the firetruck sped up the long driveway.
"Oh my gosh, Alexis," Megan had sobbed into my hair, pulling herself onto the ground and pulling me into her lap. Carter faltered to a stop beside her, his hand immediately going to mine.
"Alexis, what hurts?" He managed, but I could tell he was weak. I shook my head – that's not what mattered. Kasey hadn't joined us.
"Kasey.." I croaked, hoisting myself into a seated position. My collarbones ached and it was hard to breathe, but I didn't care. "Kasey."
She was about five feet to the right of us, within hearing distance, and cocked her head gently towards me when I said her name.
"Lexi, I'm so sorry," She rasped, and now that I was closer, I could see the cascade of tears waterfalling down her ragged, flushed cheeks. She was sweaty, and shaky, and looked terrible – and all I wanted was to go to her. She saw me reach for her, something I must have done subconsciously, and stumbled towards us.
I felt Megan flinch, but I didn't care. I needed to touch Kasey, hold her, know she was going to be okay – because right now, no matter how much I hurt, no matter what I'd been through, she had to be terrified, and she looked about ten seconds from death.
About two feet away from us, Kasey stopped. Her breathing was even louder, and she was crying desperately like a dying animal.
Megan watched her, and Carter squeezed my hand. I painfully looked up at Megan, and she seemed to catch my drift.
"Kasey? What's wrong?" She called.
A loud sob followed, and Kasey's lips quivered horribly.
"I don't know, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I—"
And then Kasey lurched forward, falling harshly onto her knees with a dry heave all while her lips emitted a terrible whine.
I reached out to her. Megan held her breath, and it felt like Carter was about to forget his injuries and move to block Megan and I from the dangers of a possessed little girl.
But then Kasey lurched again, her stomach contracting, and this time she threw up violently onto the grass.
Growing up with Kasey, I hate to say, I've gotten rather accustomed to her puking. She has what the doctor called a "nervous stomach," which means that every time she gets stressed, she ends up throwing up. She manages it better now, but when we were little, she used to be awful – her bed, the hallway, the car, you name it, it's seen Kasey vomit. I'm very used to it, and normally it doesn't even alarm me. It made sense that now, of all times, would be a stressful enough situation to make her gag.
Kasey was convulsing, the kind that you do when you get norovirus from some snotty kid at Walmart and you can't stop heaving for six hours on end. It looked painful, and the way she was crying it sounded painful, too. I wanted to go to her, hold her hair out of her face, but I could barely even move my head. Kasey vomited again.
The first time, it didn't worry me so much. It looked like normal kid vomit, nasty and pungent and something I'd seen about a million times.
But then it changed.
Her cries were louder, more guttural, more pained, her body contorting and contracting in a way that really made this incident even more like The Exorcist than it already was. Her hair was flowing strangely around her, which already weird, and then my eyes caught sight of her hands, trembling and covered in vomit, and my heart stopped.
Kasey wasn't a picky eater when she was little, and so I felt like I'd seen everything that her stomach could possibly reject – one time she had even eaten cotton candy for breakfast and puked Barbie Dreamhouse pink all over the interior of a Disney Land "It's a Small World" cart – but this was entirely different. Gross colored sludge had changed to something thicker, something gooier, something black – It was almost like my baby sister was coughing up tar.
It stuck in her hair and coated her hands, and it was even getting caught in her mouth before it could splatter down to the ground. It was so thick and so dark, it didn't look like anything that should ever come from a person, not even a little bit. But she kept gagging and it kept coming out of her, and she kept sobbing loud, desperate sobs.
None of us could go to her. Megan was pretty much trapped under my bodyweight, and Carter was barely staying conscious from what appeared to be a pretty nasty concussion, and I couldn't do anything except watch. It was terrible.
Of course, now I know what that was – because when Aralt had got to me, really got to me, I had been in almost the same situation. Except for me it was forced by my own hand, which was forced by Kasey, and for Kasey it was either involuntary or caused with some crazy intense will-power.
Beside me on the bed, Kasey made a little noise with her mouth, kind of like a gag. She must've been remembering the sensation of being un-possessed, and I know for a fact that remembering that is nauseating.
"When, uhm, when that was happening, Sarah was…there. She was right beside me." A deep, shuddering breath wracked her body, but she didn't stop. "She was there, but her body was thin and wavering, and she was—she was yelling at me, telling me I didn't care, and that I should fix it, and that I was awful and- and all kinds of awful stuff. She yanked on my hair until her hands weren't solid anymore, and her nails ripped down my back until they couldn't, but I didn't do anything. I made myself throw up until she was gone, even though it hurt so bad and I hate throwing up, cause I didn't know what else to do."
It was quiet, and she was crying. I put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
"You're so strong, Kase, even if you messed up a little. And you fixed most of that all on your own."
She shook her head harshly.
"That's the thing, Lexi. I didn't. Before you found out…If you hadn't found out… I wouldn't have stopped. I would've thrown everything and everyone away, just for some...manipulative, homicidal, puppy-love girlfriend."
"She was in your head though." Carter broke in. It was the first time he had talked in a while, and I had kind of forgotten he was there. He went on. "And even if she wasn't, she made herself the only thing that was important to you. She forced herself into your heart, and then took control of it. That's not your fault." He reached out with the hand that wasn't holding mine and put it on her other shoulder. She whipped her head around to look at him, startled, with tears running down her cheeks. "And we all act kind of stupid for love. If she had been your sister and I had been you, I think I would've done the same thing."
Kasey smiled, just a little. "But Lexi wouldn't do anything like that. Lexi's good."
I almost laughed, but it was obvious she believed that with her whole heart. It was sweet. Carter continued.
"But the sentiment's the same. You opened your heart, and she took advantage of that. And when you realized that there was something wrong with what she was doing, you worked your butt off to stop it. You made yourself puke in front of two almost strangers and a yard full of firemen, all with her still tormenting you." He thought a moment. "I don't think I would've had the resolve to do that, especially not with my hair being pulled."
Kasey gave a tiny chuckle.
"Kinky." She announced.
My mouth made a surprised 'o', but Carter took in stride. He narrowed his eyes at Kasey and wiggled his eyebrows, and she couldn't help but to laugh fully. I couldn't either, and soon all three of us were just sitting on the bed, laughing in the dark.
After a while it died down a little, and Kasey sighed.
"Is that what's been bothering you?" I finally asked, tilting my head. She waited a moment, then nodded.
"I think so. Just… All of that, knowing what all I did, just… scares me. Especially after Aralt."
I remembered that conversation, about how she had almost killed herself as a sacrifice for him. How she had thought about trying again.
"Tell her that Aralt's a lil bitch and that he didn't deserve her gay little ass anyways."
My head jerked up to see Lydia, standing at the edge of the bed and crossing her arms. I gave her a pointed look, and she shrugged.
"What? I can't exactly turn my ears off. I was busy filling your shoes with wet grass."
I didn't bother to question it. She's done worse. Instead, I turned to Kasey.
"Lydia says that Aralt didn't deserve you anyways."
Kasey looked at me quizzically, but Lydia just cleared her throat. I sighed.
"And that he's a lil bitch."
"I… I didn't know Lydia was in here," She sputtered, and at first I was scared that she was upset. But instead she started laughing. "But I'm glad she said that."
"She's right." Carter said seriously. "He's the smallest bitch I've ever encountered."
It is important to note here that none of us – not Kasey, Lydia, or even me – had once heard Carter cuss.
Lydia screamed.
Kasey and I were still in shock, and Carter shrugged.
"What? Just speaking the truth."
Kasey burst into giggles, and I grinned at him.
He seemed to notice that Kasey's face was no longer damp with tears, and he smiled back at me.
"Alexis, tell him to say fuck. Please, as my dying wish, get Carter Blume to say fuck." Lydia begged, her hands clasped in front of her. I gave her a look.
"It can't be your dying wish. You're already dead."
Lydia looked terribly offended, and both Carter and Kasey turned their gaze to me.
"Lydia wants you to say fuck." I sighed to my right.
Carter looked to Kasey, and for just a moment everything was quiet.
"Kasey." He finally said, one hundred percent serious. Kasey looked up. "Would it, by any chance, make you feel a little better if I said the f word?"
She could barely contain her laughter, but she nodded as solemnly as she could. Carter turned to me next.
"And where is Lydia?"
I pointed. Lydia threw a peace sign.
Carter followed my gaze, and nodded his head once before taking huge breath in.
"Fuck."