Final Fantasy VIII and all characters belong to Square Enix.

Chapter 2

I opened my eyes and sat up too quickly, unsure of where I was. I was angry at myself for lying down until I remembered you were next to me, only an arm's length away. I reached out, brushing past the wires, and touched your arm. Still cold. I rolled over and boosted myself up, groaning as I stretched. The sun was up, peeking through the trees outside of Garden and lighting up the copper tones in your hair. I tucked a lock back gently, tracing your scar with my thumb. You looked the same as yesterday.

I raised my arms overhead and stretched again, idly scratching my stomach. I wondered if today would be the day you'd open your eyes. I wondered if it would be the day your body decided it was too much to keep trying. Standing over your cot, I felt so helpless. It should have been me lying there between life and death. Not you. Never you.

"You finally get some sleep, man?" A light tapping on the door told me Zell was coming in. I straightened up and ran a hand through my hair, smoothed my t-shirt. I know, vain as ever. I imagined you rolling your eyes.

"Yeah." Zell had come further into the room, lingering at your side and looking at your monitors as though it meant something to him. The short yet intense experiences he already had as a SeeD had mellowed him out considerably. You'd be proud to know I had stopped teasing him – for now, anyway.

"We had Edea's service yesterday." Zell spoke without making eye contact. I nodded even though he couldn't see me.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there." The other man flapped an arm at me.

"We all understand. Besides, someone had to stay here with Squall." Zell bounced from foot to foot, trying to get rid of his anxious energy. "Things are getting back to normal out there. Looks like there won't be a war after all."

I just grunted in response, fixing my eyes on nothing in particular. It seemed so stupid. The mad sorceress had been taken down by a large group of adult SeeD soldiers, prepared for battle with a powerful enemy, junctioned to GFs with full stacks of high-level magic, while you lay here because you were sent to fight her with a ragtag team of new graduates, a cadet, and a girl playing revolutionary. It made my blood boil. I was angry at Garden, I was angry at Headmaster Cid, but most of all I was angry at myself. I let myself get swept up by the sorceress, and instead of fighting by your side, I somehow battled you instead. Would it have been different if I had been fighting her with you that night? Would we have beat her then and there? Could I have taken her blow instead? Hyne knew I deserved it.

"Seifer." Zell's voice broke through my thoughts. I closed my eyes, already knowing where he was going by his tone.

"No."

"He signed off on the papers when he became a SeeD. We all did."

"I don't give a shit." The corner of my mouth twitched, but I tried to push my anger down. It wasn't going to help anything.

"It's been weeks. Nothing is changing. Squall…wouldn't want to stay like this." The words were finally spoken. The group had been dancing around it for days now, and Doc had been bringing it up too. Instead of the anger I had been grappling with, I suddenly felt full of despair. It felt like a trapdoor just opened in my body and somehow spilled my guts all over the floor. Someone came by and stomped on my heart for good measure. I squeezed my eyes closed tighter.

"It's already past the three weeks he listed in his directive. At some point, we have to follow his wishes, Seifer. If he can't survive without the machines, we have to let him go." The blonde was nearly whispering, not wanting to speak the words himself. I swallowed, refusing to open my eyes.

"He'll wake up." I felt my hands clenching into fists again. I dug my fingernails into my palm, trying to focus on the pain instead of my emotions. Sometimes I wished I could have your cool demeanor instead of my own fiery one.

"He might. But he might not. Either way, we can't keep hooked up to this shit forever."

"Why not?" I cringed. It was supposed to come out threatening, macho. Instead, it sounded like a childish plea. I felt the tears building up beneath my eyelids. One slipped out and ran its way down my cheek. I brushed it away angrily, biting the inside of my cheek to try and force the tears back into my skull.

"Seifer-" I cut off his soothing tone.

"I can't! I have to tell him I'm sorry! It's all my fault…" I opened my eyes, horrified to feel myself losing control and yet powerless to do anything about it. My face was flushed and I could feel the tears start pouring out of me, no longer drops but full rivers of sorrow making my face burn. My breath hitched and I tried to hold back my sobs as my hands shook at my sides.

"It's not your fault-"

"It is my fault! I went to Timber to help him and instead…I wasn't there when he needed me. I should have stopped her. I have to tell him I'm sorry, I have to tell him I love him…" The sobs escaped me now, there was no holding them back. I felt like a child again, overwhelmed by emotion. Had I even cried this hard as a child? I couldn't remember a time when I felt this broken, this helpless. I barely noticed Zell's wide eyes as he took in my words and my reaction. I ignored him and moved to your bedside instead, needing to be near you but still embarrassed that somewhere, wherever you were, you might see my breakdown. Just because I couldn't stop didn't mean that I wasn't feeling ashamed of my childish display of emotion.

"Squall, please wake up…" I sobbed, grabbing your hand as tightly as I would dare and pressing it to my own chest. The guilt ripped through me and made me feel like I was being crushed. Tears dribbled down my chin, my nose was completely plugged up. My chest burned with a hollow pain, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could handle this. I was a mess, but there was no stopping it now – the dam had broken and everything I felt about you, about what happened, about me, it all poured out of me in tears and sweat. I felt my breath coming in shorter and shorter gasps as I tried to wrestle for control, willing the swirling thoughts to stop, to shut up, to go back into their corner where I could safely ignore them and protect myself. It was a losing battle until I felt a tiny prick in my upper arm, and then everything spun to black instead.

"You're such an idiot." He said as we sat on the flat rock. I wasn't looking at him, but I knew he had one of those rare side smiles on his face. I smiled myself, watching the waves roll into shore. The shame at failing another SeeD exam eased already in the presence of the brunette.

"Ohh, my feelings, Leonhart." I grinned, turning to him so I could catch that smile as he scoffed, slapping my arm. He leaned back on his hands, tilting his face to the sun. These were my favorite moments. In public, our teasing seemed cruel, hateful, but we couldn't help ourselves. Our protective walls stopped us from showing anything else in front of others. In private, we could finally let our walls down and acknowledge each other – maybe not quite friends, but somewhere in between rivals and friends at least. I hoped, anyway.

"I wish you would stop fucking around so you'd finally pass. How am I supposed to do this without you?" He was mostly teasing, but his voice became child-like towards the end. I realized he was scared. One point for friends.

"I'm not going anywhere, Squally." I smirked as he swatted me again. "Even if I'm not SeeD, I'll follow you around until I am." He glanced at me with a sad smile, those eyes of his saying more than his mouth ever would.

"Do you still want it?" I was surprised at his question and thought for a moment.

"I guess so. What else is there?" Squall sat up and tucked his knees under his chin.

"I don't know. But I don't feel as excited as I thought I would about passing. I don't know if this is what I want anymore. A life of fighting. So much responsibility." His gray eyes reflected the ocean. This was the most I've heard Squall talk in a while. He was throwing it out so casually, but I knew it had probably been on his mind for a long time.

"Well," I stretched my legs out and threw an arm over his shoulder. "it's not like you signed your life away to Garden. You can leave when you want, if you really want to do something else. This doesn't have to be forever."

"Yeah." He sighed, a breeze ruffling his hair. "What about you? Are you still going to follow me?" The tone was sarcastic as he tilted his head to look at me, but I could read between the lines. His eyes narrowed, showing hints of anxiety and fear. Something else glittered behind those gray swirls too – something I sent back as he met my own gaze, locking eyes with me.

"I'm not going to leave you, Squall. I'll follow you wherever you go next. You can't get rid of me that easily." I squeezed his shoulder, images of Squall waiting for his 'Sis', abandoned and crying every night until he finally realized she wasn't coming back flitting through my mind. No, I would never leave him.

Squall lowered his head again and leaned on my shoulder, a rare sign of affection. I left my arm around him, his hair tickling my nose in the wind, the words I so desperately wanted to say stuck behind cowardly lips and teeth. I craned my neck and looked up into the clear sky.

'Tomorrow. I'll tell him tomorrow.'