Final Fantasy VIII and all characters belong to Square Enix.
Chapter 3
My mouth felt furry as I struggled to sit up. The world felt like it was rocking as I moved, making me swallow air to try and quell my nausea. I was back on a cot, this time pressed up right against yours. The tubes and wires had been moved to one side and secured, keeping them away from any flailing arms and legs. The beds were connected in the middle, one rail up on yours and the other rail up on mine, like some kind of makeshift crib for giants. I pushed off the scratchy blanket covering my lap. The morning sun had faded into an afternoon glow, and I realized I had slept away several precious hours.
"Seifer." Dr. Kadowaki's voice floated over to me. I blinked rapidly to clear my vision, and her form became focused. She stood on the other side of your cot. I could see others behind her, some standing, some sitting in plastic chairs. I struggled to sit up more, but Doc put her hand up silently, commanding me to hold still.
"Just stay there, Seifer." I blinked, tears threatening to overtake me again.
"I'm not ready…" She smiled at me, her eyes hard yet kind.
"You never will be. But, have faith in him. Stay with him, right there. Ok?" Normally her babying tone would piss me off, but now I appreciated it. I felt like I was made of glass as I nodded, dizziness starting to abate, swallowing hard and taking your hand in mine. It seemed so small. I could feel the group's eyes on me as I stroked the back of your hand. Dr. Kadowaki looked around the room, taking in each individual before proceeding. She didn't ask if we were ready. I think she knew the answer anyway.
Quistis stood by your feet as Doc started to untangle some of the tubes. I saw the tears glittering in her eyes as she watched the machines start to go silent, one by one. I watched the rise and fall of your chest as the ventilator went silent, holding my breath as you exhaled and ceased moving. I grasped your hand harder, still holding my own breath, willing you to take one of your own, willing you to be strong because I was selfish and I couldn't live without you.
Your chest rose with a rattle, a jerky movement but one that was your own all the same. The disconnected tubes whistled on your chest. Your lips parted slightly around the tube and I heard the breath escape as you exhaled on your own too, a wheezing breath that sounded horrible but still brought me immense joy. Selphie let out a happy sob from her chair, burying her face in Irvine's jacket. Rinoa let out the breath she had been holding too. Even though they hadn't known you long at all, they all recognized what was so special about you. I felt so proud of you in that moment, and looked at Doc, not able to voice my question as I listened to your breathing start to settle. She gave me a slight smile.
"We aren't out of the woods yet, but this is a promising start. Without the pain of the ventilator, we can stop using magic to keep him asleep. We'll take out the tubes but he'll still need to get fluids intravenously. It's up to him now to wake up. I don't think there's permanent damage to his brain, but we can't be sure. He's strong, but you all need to be prepared for both possibilities. It might be days before we know anything more."
I saw Quistis nod out of the corner of my eye – she always was pragmatic. She squeezed your foot before escorting Dr. Kadowaki back out. I sat on the cot, watching as Selphie gently kissed your cheek. She paused to squeeze my shoulder too before Irvine led her out. The girl wore her heart on her sleeve, and I loved her for it. Before long, I was alone again, trying to push down the hospital cot's rail on my side so I could stand back up and resume my vigil at your side.
"Just what do you think you're doing?" Doc strode back in, wagging a finger.
"I can't figure it out." I pulled at the rail again. She surprised me with a laugh.
"I know. You're staying right there, young man." She brushed past, ignoring my plight and instead focusing on your IV, checking your pulse. I leaned back and crossed my arms. "Still going strong. I'm going to take out the rest of the tubes so he can breathe easier. Then we can cast Esuna to start reversing the coma. It'll take at least a day before we see anything happen, most likely. The magic effects should dissipate immediately, but his body is going to be exhausted."
"Will it work?" The words were so quiet even I barely heard them.
"Hopefully." Doc never sugar-coated her words, and I appreciated the honesty. I hated false hope. "That's why you're staying right where you are. Help me sit him up a little."
I scooched back over towards your cot and snaked an arm under your shoulders. I carefully tilted you forward, your body so limp against mine. You were always light to me, but now I could feel just how much your body was wasting away. I used my other hand to keep your head straight as Doc shoved a firm pillow behind you, adjusting the cot to angle up. I leaned you back as carefully as I could, surprised at how happy I felt to see you sitting up, even if it was just a tiny bit, and even if it was because you were propped up by my arm and pillows.
"Hm, I should hire you to help out more often. Hold him still for me." I left my arm around you and braced you against the cot as Kadowaki reached for the tube snaking down your throat. I looked away, unable to watch her take them out. Even the sounds made me queasy. I was glad you were still asleep for this part. I felt the warm tingles of magic as Doc let a few spells run through your body, but I didn't look back until I felt something warm and wet pressed into my hands.
"Here, wipe down his face. The tape always leaves sticky bits. I'm going to get the smaller heart monitor." I gripped the warm cloth in my hands and turned back to your face. Without the tubes, you looked so much smaller. Your skin was still so pale, but I could see the small pink patches where the tape had irritated your always-sensitive skin. I used the washcloth as gently as I could to wipe away any traces of the sticky residue. I brushed it over your cheek, feeling some of the warmth sink into your cold skin. I traced your lips, noticing how dry and cracked they were. I carefully ran it over your eyelids, using the lightest touch I possibly could. I'll be honest, having a job, even though it was so small, made me feel more stable, more grounded.
I was trying to get a stubborn spot on the side of your nose when it happened. Your body tensed under me, and I worried I hurt you. I froze in place, the cloth still brushing your cheek. I watched as your eyes twitched beneath closed lids.
"Doc?" I called, but my voice cracked. Your eyelids fluttered, and I could see the whites of your eyes peeking out. "Doc!"
She came bustling back in, all business as she saw what was happening. As she reached down to grasp your tiny wrist, your eyes opened. Those stormy blues focused on me and I couldn't breathe. I watched as the fog cleared, but I wasn't prepared for the panic that replaced confusion. You thrashed, pulling your arm away from Dr. Kadowaki and knocking me away into the other bedrail, deceptively strong. I watched, stunned, as you yanked out your IV and tried to sit up on your own, hissing in pain. Your eyes were stormy seas, adrift, rolling back and forth in blind fear.
"Seifer! Damn it, hold him boy!" Like a good soldier, I followed Doc's commanding tone and grabbed your arms, pinning them by your sides. As gently as I could, I drew you back towards my own body, hugging you to my chest. I could hear your wet gasps of panic, I could feel your body trembling as I tried to soothe you. I remembered the rain back at the orphanage, your tears over Sis, your panic at being left alone. I rocked gently like I had back then, whispering in your ear.
"It's ok, Squall. You're safe. You're not alone. I've got you." I held you tightly but let my fingers rub small, gentle circles on your bare arms as I watched Kadowaki prepare a syringe. As she stepped forward, it was my turn to hold up a hand, silently telling her to wait. Your body was still shaking but you had stopped struggling against me. Your breathing was more even. I relaxed my grip, still whispering in your ear.
"I…" Your voice was a tiny croak but I heard it, I felt it in my own body as I pressed myself against you. My heart leapt. "Dr…eam…?" You started coughing then, your voice gone unused for too long, your throat irritated from the tubes forcing breath into your lungs. I winced for you – it sounded so painful.
"Squall, don't try to talk. Just nod your head, ok?" Doc capped the syringe but didn't put it down as she squatted in front of your cot. "Do you know where you are?"
I didn't let go as you slowly turned your head, taking in your surroundings. You gave a quick nod. I squeezed your arm gently.
"Do you know who I am?" Another nod. "Do you know who that is?" She pointed at me. A moment's hesitation, another nod. "Are you in pain?"
You tilted your head to the side, gave a shrug. I surprised myself by letting out a laugh.
"That means yes, Doc." She smiled, finally setting aside the needle.
"Stubborn as ever. I can't even believe you're awake already. I should have known. Alright, a potion and then back to sleep. Wait here." She left the room, leaving me alone with you. I watched as you turned your head to the side, eyes taking me in cautiously. I met your eyes and lifted a hand to cup your cheek.
"I'm so sorry, Squall. It's all my fault." You looked confused, lips tightening in a pale line. For the first time in a long while, I couldn't quite read your expression. "I let her control me. I fought you on the float…I couldn't shake her until I saw you falling…I thought you were dead…" I trailed off, not wanting to ramble, not wanting to cry again.
Your eyes narrowed, still confused as you traced a hand over your shoulder, feeling the huge scar from the icicle. They widened in surprise. You didn't open your mouth, but I knew what you wanted to say. We'd always had that kind of connection.
"How much do you remember? The sorceress went mad. Edea…Matron…she wanted to go to war. They sent you to stop her – do you remember that? Deling City?" You nodded quickly, chocolate locks falling in front of your eyes. You looked up in irritation – your hair didn't stop growing just because you were sleep. The expression made my heart swell. You were really awake, and really Squall. I brushed your hair out of the way.
"She…I don't know. It was like a spell, and I couldn't fight it…" You laid your hand over mine and squeezed. I shut my eyes. "Felt like I was stoned out of my mind. We fought on the parade float, but you kicked my ass." I chuckled, feeling your body relax more against mine.
"You fought her too – Matron. With Rinoa and Irvine." You nodded again. "She attacked you with some kind of ice magic. The icicle…it went right through you. You fell off the float. I snapped out of it when I realized it was you."
You didn't nod this time, but you did lean back against me completely. I tucked my chin against your good shoulder. I would never take this closeness for granted again.
"I was scared." You twined your fingers between mine. I was surprised at the sudden intimacy from you, but didn't dare say anything.
"I…had…" I tried to pry my hand away so I could lean you back against the pillows again, but you gripped me harder.
"You're going to hurt yourself."
"Ni-ghtmare…" You started to cough again and this time you did let me lean you back against the pillow. Your lip had split and was starting to bleed. I arched an eyebrow at you.
"You were dreaming?" A stern nod. "Bad ones?" Your head bobbed again. You stabbed a finger at my chest, drawing a line over my heart.
"I…kill-ed…" You choked out between coughs. Your voice got even raspier as you kept trying to speak.
"You killed me?" A single nod. You left your head down, brown locks hanging in front of your face. "I'm ok, Squall. I'm right here. Everything's ok." I put a finger under your chin and tilt your head back up. I'm surprised to see your eyes shimmering with tears.
"Seemed pretty real, huh?" You nod again, slowly this time. "I didn't think you could dream in magical sleep." You shrug, furiously blinking away the unshed tears, scowling at showing emotion. It's such a Squall expression. I can't help myself. I lean forward and brush my lips against your rough ones, gently running my tongue over your bloodied lip. As I lean back, your eyes are so light, the color of a cloudy day, wide with shock.
I don't say anything else. I settle back down next to you, straddling the small line between our cots. In the silence, I heard Kadowaki come back in. The timing is too perfect – I wonder how long she's been listening at the door.
"Think you can drink this? It'll help your throat too." You nod again, your face still holding the barest traces of a blush, reaching for the vial. Potions never taste good, and I watch you grimace as you down it. Almost immediately I see your eyes grow foggy again, darkening once more, and I know Doc put a little something extra in there to help you sleep. Panic flickers in your eyes as you realize you're drifting back to unconsciousness.
"It's ok. I'm not going anywhere. Doc wouldn't dare kick me out." I smirked at her and she just smiled back. I touched your cheek gently. "No more nightmares." Your gaze flicked between us and satisfied with that, you closed those gray-blue eyes and sank back into sleep. Kadowaki took your wrist again, ensuring your pulse stayed strong as your breathing deepened.
"I don't know how he woke up already. Stubborn as all hell." She muttered, shaking her head. I grinned.
"That's Squall for you." I squeezed your arm again, liking the feeling of your body settling back against my arm. Kadowaki notices and I see her smile briefly before turning her face away.
"Well, you need rest too. You can't keep everything bottled up like that again, Seifer. Never thought I'd see you, of all people, have a panic attack." I left my eyes on you, using my thumb to stroke your arm. "Guess only Squall can get to you like that, though."
"I love him." I said simply. The words were out there now, and I wouldn't be taking them back. I shouldn't have waited so long to say them out loud in the first place. Doc just smiled.
"I think everyone's known that for a long time except for the two of you." She laughed. I smiled sheepishly as she touched your forehead and checked your pulse once last time.
"Stay here tonight, Seifer. Get some rest yourself. Tomorrow we can start talking about Squall's recovery. I expect you to be there to help." Her eyes twinkled at me, knowing I wasn't going to object. I had a feeling you were, though. With a final chuckle, she left the room, gently closing the door behind her. I snuggled back down into the cot, pulling up the scratchy blanket to cover us. I didn't want to move away from you, so I gently pulled your body closer to me, leaning your head on my chest. You shifted and pressed next to me, nuzzling your head under my chin like a kitten.
"Lo-ve you too, Sei-fer…" You mumbled sleepily. I could only imagine the shocked face I pulled hearing your hoarse voice barely whisper the words, but it quickly became a huge grin I couldn't stop from spreading across my face. I resisted the urge to pull you into a tight hug and instead settled for brushing my lips over your forehead, wrapping my arm around your back. A tiny noise of contentment from under my chin was the last thing I heard before I joined you in blissful slumber, heart soaring as for once, I looked forward to what the future might hold.