Author's Note:
For LordOfLezzies on Ao3… Again!
Because you love the big gay cover-up wedding, And this is 'right up your alley.'
Shoutout to Hotgitay and 1 other guest, whoever you are.
Also for danielaperezsurga and outlawqueenpercabeth who liked this on Wattpad.
bobbiejelly
You Know, I Know The Feeling
Square tables sure are the worst things, like, ever (Except for maybe, love-squares, of course).
A fanfiction involving Addison Montgomery, Meredith Grey, Derek Shepherd & Mark Sloan.
Rated somewhere between T and M, I guess. Grey's Anatomy and also Private Practice.
A Four-Shot for Four Fabulous Fast Friends. MerDer. MerAdd. Maddison. MarkAndDerek.
Chapter 4: CORNER FOUR
"Ice chips!" Meredith Grey says excitedly as Derek Shepherd and Addison Montgomery return to the stupid sucky square table to offer the tray out to them.
"Here, take the limes if you want, Mark Sloan," Meredith offers to him sweetly, as she's gotten to know him enough in the past hour to know that he likes them.
At this seemingly natural gesture, Addison and Derek give each other a horrified look, as if to say 'what if the two of them got together while we were gone, and we're now both completely fucked?'.
But neither of the four of them, not Mark, Derek, Addison, or Meredith is ready nor willing to come clean with the truth right now.
So Mark and Meredith simply slide over to the inner corners of the stupid sucky square table as they motion for one of them to join the seat next to them.
Addison wants to sit to Meredith, but she doesn't, and she sighs as she makes the safe choice and sits next to Mark.
Derek wants to sit to Mark, but he doesn't, and he sighs as he makes the safe choice and sits next to Meredith.
And Mark and Meredith each give each other a sympathetic look as if to say 'sorry your "knight in shining...whatever" didn't just sweep you off your feet slash sit next to you right now'.
And this look doesn't go unnoticed by Addison nor Derek, but the knowing sympathetic look is misinterpreted as affection.
And it makes both of them extremely jealous, and of course, as we know, they are jealous OF their most recent ex-somethings.
Derek is jealous of Addison for sitting by Mark.
Addison is jealous of Derek for sitting by Meredith.
And off Mark and Meredith's clearly significant look…
Derek and Addison exchange a clearly significant look with each other.
And they used to be each other's 'significant other'.
So finally Meredith has more of a temper so she asks them to "cut it out" because they've "been divorced already".
So Derek and Addison look away from each other because they've been called out for that.
And Addison ends up turning towards Mark again because she's supposed to.
And Mark is still turned towards Meredith because she was just yelling.
And Derek gets upset that Mark is staring at Meredith because it's the worst possible outcome that his best-friend who he's secretly in love with would steal his most-recent ex-girlfriend after Mark had already slept with his ex-wife.
So he just says "Meredith, stop hoarding all the damn ice chips," because he's not going to say what he's really thinking, but this is his way of indirectly calling Meredith 'such a whore'.
And Addison gets upset that Derek is yelling at Meredith, so she says to Derek "she can have as many damn ice chips she wants because if you haven't noticed, they're free!"
And then Mark gets upset that Derek is still staring at Meredith and then Addison because they were both yelling at him, and it makes sense that he's looking at the women but he wants him to be looking at HIM.
So Mark offers all of the lime wedges to Derek, before the girls complain that that's sexist, and it all gets blown completely out of proportion, so Mark just sulks as he shuts up and sips on his whiskey.
No matter how hard Addison tries to stop staring at Meredith Grey, she's drawn to the girl every time she takes a fresh ice chip and lets it melt between her teeth.
Addison is fascinated as she glimpses periodically at the blonde girl who looks shyly away from her every time that their eyes lock.
And Derek is trying hard not to let his eyes wander to Mark over the table. But Mark is making that hard from him because he's taking the lime wedges and suckling the juices out.
Because Derek bites his lip every time Mark makes noise with his gruff breath as he enjoys the sourness and the vague sweetness that accompanies this garnish.
And Meredith can feel Addison's eyes on her, but she's half as sure they're just because she's her best friend and she's trying to give her signals to stop being new friends with Mark.
So Meredith looks away sheepishly, from her, because she doesn't want to let Addison down, so she dutifully tries to look at Derek again but gets bored, and he's not staring at her, back.
And Mark tries to recover from being called 'sexist' by offering the rest of the limes to the girls, hoping that Derek will praise him for that but he doesn't, so Mark looks dejected and sad.
And Mark tries not to stare at Derek so much, because Derek is flicking his eyes curiously between Addison and Meredith to see what's going on with them, and Mark misinterprets this.
And eventually, Meredith Grey is the one to be brave. She wordlessly stops sucking on ice chips silently. She takes out the salt shaker, licks her hand, shakes the salt on it before throwing the salt over her left shoulder for good luck.
Then she downs her entire shot of tequila at once, before grabbing a fistful of lime wedges and shoving one into her mouth, allowing the salty and sweet and sour to drown out the burn of the alcohol.
And then Meredith Grey blurts out to everyone, "I think I'm actually a little bit gay,".
She expects a smug look from Mark, who already knew that from talking to her, but he just looks away for a second, before agreeing with her.
"You know, I know the feeling, I think I'm actually a little bit gay, too," Mark announces to everyone, trying not to look at Derek in particular.
And then Meredith locks eyes with Mark and she nods approvingly, as if to thank him for following along with her bold and potentially alcohol-induced admission.
And then Addison and Derek lock eyes with each other, as if to dare the other to also admit what the others just did. But they're both terrified, because once they do, they'll have to explain their sham of a marriage, and they sigh as they think this.
"You know, I know the feeling, also, because I'm actually a little bit gay and I always have been," Addison finally gives in and lets go first as she said she would, earlier to Derek.
"Weren't you married to my ex-boyfriend for like, eleven years?" questions Meredith, and Addison tries to come up with something to tell Meredith without shaking.
But Derek rescues her, and announces "You know, I know the feeling, as well, I'm actually a little bit gay, and I always have been, and I'm sorry I never came clean, sooner, either," Derek finally admits this.
And Addison hums in approval at Derek, because she always felt sad at the thought that Derek might never be open about himself.
"So, you still never explained your whole wedding then divorce thing?" Mark asks of Addison and Derek.
"Oh, right, well, our parents sort of wanted to make us more straight, but it didn't work, and we're finally coming out of the closet now, and to hell with the consequences, because we're actually grownups and we don't want to be afraid anymore" Addison pleads Mark to understand this, since he's met her parents before...
"And by the way, I don't think my mom will be upset at you being gay, Mark, I know she's sort of like, your mom too. But she's just probably mad because I'm her only boy and after Dad died and I think that she might have wanted a straight guy to be a father in the family, even though she never said that directly" Derek says softly as Mark nods...
"Well, I'm glad your mom will still probably love me. I didn't really have good parents around other than your family, and I'll be really sad if I never get to see them all again over the holidays," Mark directs his comment to Derek, looking away from him shyly, though...
"I'm sorry you felt you had to hide yourself like that for so long, I know if my mom were still alive I don't know what she'd think, but she sort of knew I liked women anyways, I think but she just never brought it up, so anyways, you know I know the feeling. That I understand all of you..."
Meredith apologizes to everyone at the table, but mostly at Addison, though she's avoiding eye contact with her best friend right now, because she's afraid Addison will figure out that she likes her, but not like her back…
"I'm in love with a woman, and I'm so sorry Derek and Mark, but that's why we never worked out, and that's why I was an adulterous whore behind your back Derek, and that's why I didn't accept it when you cheated on me, Mark," Addison finally admits aloud to the group.
She expects Mark to freak out at her, saying she's a hypocrite and a liar. But to her astonishment, Mark says something similar, in that he says "you know, I know the feeling, because I'm in love with a man and I participated in two affairs rather than admit that I was."
And then Derek steps up to say "you know, I know the feeling, because I let myself participate in a pretend love story for my mom and Addison's parents just because I was still upset that my dad died, and I'm in love with a man now and I'm finally saying that. And sorry, Meredith, really."
But Meredith doesn't get upset either, she just says, "you know, I know the feeling, because I slept with a married man after I knew he was married, because I knew it wouldn't end well, and I wouldn't have to make up excuses. I'm sorry, too, Derek, that it came to this. I really am…"
And then they look at each other, as Addison says to everyone else, "you know, I know the feeling…" and she tries not to hope too hard that the woman Meredith is talking to is actually her. And she eventually decides to step it up, to for once and for all, "I'm in love with my best friend," Addison says, locking eyes with Meredith Grey.
"You know, I know the feeling," Meredith says back to her, as she looks Addison Montgomery right in the eye, as she announces "I'm in love with my best friend as well." And they both stare into each other's eyes, and reach their hands to hold hands across the table and squeeze each other's hands reassuringly. And they ignore Mark and Derek's looks of who knows what else…
Because the emotion of jealousy that both of them are experiencing, Mark and Derek, that is, is not about Addison or Meredith or women at all. It's about the fact that two of their closest friends just came out of the closet and found out they liked each other and look like they're willing to give seeing each other a shot. And sure, they've known each other less long than the boys…
But they still had a lot to lose with each other, and Mark and Derek recognize that. But eventually, Mark picks up on something in his best friend's eyes, because they did grow up together, after all. And Mark sees the hope there, the possibility and promise. So Mark says aloud "you know, I know the feeling, because I'm in love with my best friend as well."
And Derek practically leaps over the table at Mark, or at least tries to, but only succeeds in hitting himself in the chest with one of the damn corners of the stupid sucky square table as he does this. So he sits back down and surrenders and says to Mark "you know, I know the feeling. I'm in love with my best friend, and I always secretly have been…"
And that's the moment where Addison says to everyone "you know I know the feeling, and I think I also have another feeling, that maybe we should switch seats as we finish our drinks sitting around this Godforsaken stupid sucky square table so we can sit next to the people we're actually in love with, now in the present," Addison promises, and everyone seems to agree.
"You know, Addie?" says Meredith, who is responded by a "Yes, Mer?" From Addison, right, back at her, as they shuffle around the table so that Addison is tucked in with Meredith, and Mark is tucked in with Derek. And the girls take over the ice chips while the boys take over the limes. And Addison sips on her red wine, and Derek sips on his single-malt scotch and Mark sips on his whiskey some more…
"You know, I know the feeling, or I have a feeling, that you were right after all. That coming here, with our recent exes, to try to clear the air and see what sort of friendship we could salvage… That it really was the best thing after all," Meredith says to her sweetly. "And I think that this whole love-square really ended up working out for us after all, who knew that it could?"
And Addison smiles at Meredith, and everyone smiles at her answer. And Addison says "you know, I know the feeling, or I have a feeling, that this felt right all along. That we were waiting for the perfect time to come out and come clean with ourselves. And I'm glad the love square is no longer a problem. And at least now this stupid sucky square table lets us drink happily the 4 of us, all together, double dating like we always wanted to, if we'd just dated our best friends, sooner.
"You know," Meredith says all mischievously at Addison, now. "I think we ought to stop calling this square table stupid and sucky. Because at least we can each cuddle into each other without everyone's elbows being all in the way. And we can still talk to each other across it and share all the limes and the ice chips and drinks, but now that there is no more 'love square' and just two new happy out and proud gay couples…" Meredith starts to say but Addison finishes, "despite the pain if you get too damn close to the corners, it turns out the best bar table for us four best friends, each in love, after all, is a square."
* * * * ***** END OF CHAPTER FOUR
***** FIN *****
Author's Note:
So I like a happy ending.
Hope you liked this.
I'm off to play four-square... ;)
Just kiddin', LOL.
bobbiejelly
**** THANK YOU FOR READING, LEAVE A NOTE IT WILL MAKE MY DAY! ****
Further Reading, (Other works you may like. These are my other MerAdd works so far…): Falling Apart, Barely Breathing Soothe Chasing Butterflies A Seattle Grace Mercy West Swingers Party - Post Plane Crash Edition McCravings RED is the new BLACK. Five Reasons We Knew Calzona Was Made For Each Other & Five + More 6 Sentence Fics Out Of The Dark Hello, Seattle Peace Of My Heart Meredith gets her Mojo Back Tears Shed From A Drunken Conversation Who Can Screw the Shepherd Siblings Better? A Sex Bet Between Addison Montgomery and Mark Sloan. Elevator To Heaven To Build A Home - For Me & For You Sights of Seattle, Stars in the Sky Meredith Makes Her McCHOICE of a Lifetime. Chief Montgomery's Seductress MerAdd PROMPTS Consultation for bobbiejelly - INPUT REQUESTED ! After Italian 'Merley' (Meredith Grey/Miranda Bailey), eventual MerAdd (Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery), mostly for Lesbi_Honest_FP The whole MerAdd Series: MerAdd My Heart 3
Author's Note 3: Much love,
Hope to see you in the comments!
Chapter 41 of "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing" is up also :D.
Yours, truly,
bobbiejelly bobbiejelly