Yay! New ideas! Okay, this will be somewhat of an odd chapter, so bear with me. And thanks to all those who read the Life in Radiant Garden series. It's now one-years-old and it has about 69 reviews. So thanks for all your support.
-miano53
The Braig Burger and "Meat" Pies
March 25th, Prof. Sazh's room…
Kadaj and the other students were chatting constantly as Prof. Sazh had stepped out. "Hey guys! Let's all turn our desks backwards before Prof. Sazh shows up!" Kadaj said.
The other students agreed to turn their desk around. Prof Sazh reentered and saw Kadaj's desk faced the wrong way. The boy was chuckling.
"Alright, 'backwards boy'. Back your butt down to detention," Prof. Sazh said.
"Huh?" Kadaj said, looking around. No one else bothered to turn their desks around.
So, he left and headed for the detention room. There he saw that he place was overcrowded as the students were packed in there like sardines. All the while, Yen Sid was standing next to the room. "Over here, Jenova. The detention room is dangerously overcrowded. So, you'll be serving your time in the lunchroom," Yen Sid said.
For some reason, Roxas was in the overcrowded room. "Oxygen…running out…" he said.
"Yes, you should've thought of that before you threw that paper airplane," Yen Sid said to him.
Kadaj then headed to lunchroom. There he saw Ven, Zack, Firion, Vivi and hundreds of other students there. Yen Sid, who saw that even the lunchroom was overcrowded, muttered, "This overcrowding in detention is becoming critical. It's a powder keg waiting to explode in unacceptable behavior."
The lunch lady, Mrs. Lovett, walked over while holding a pan of…what she called pie mixture (of "meat" and toast) and said, "Don't be complainin' to be, guv. Thanks to the latest budget cuts, I'm down to using Grade F meat."
"Hmm, do you think there's a common solution for both our problems?" Yen Sid asked.
"If there is, that'll be great," Mrs. Lovett said.
Braig, who Kadaj unwillingly sat next to, said to Kadaj as Mrs. Lovett drew near, "Hey, Kadaj, watch this."
He then tripped her, causing for the pie mixture to fall on him. "Ow!" Mrs. Lovett yelled.
"What the…? My favorite outfit!" Braig yelled.
"Braig Archer, this is by far the worse…" Yen Sid said. He then tasted the mixture that was on his hands, he stopped.
"Mmm….Mmm….! Braig, why don't you…assist Mrs. Lovett in the kitchen," Yen Sid said.
"Bite me," Braig said.
"That is very likely," Yen Sid said, looking at Braig as if he was a roasted chicken. Kadaj saw this and thought it was odd.
In the kitchen…
Braig, who was helping Mrs. Lovett put meat in the grinder, said to her, "It's hard for me to put the meat in the grinder when you keep spilling meat tenderizer on me."
"Oh. Sorry, love," Mrs. Lovett said. She then smiled evilly once Braig turned back to the meat.
Within seconds, Mrs. Lovett pushed the teen into the giant pot full of meat. "Hey!" Braig yelled.
"Sorry, love. Times is hard," Mrs. Lovett said and turned on a particular switch. She closed the lid of the pot and continued to make lunch for the school.
In the faculty lounge…
Prof. Xehanort, with the other teachers, began eating burgers made by Mrs. Lovett. Much to their surprise, the burgers were good after months of eating Mrs. Lovett's "meat" pies. "Mmm! Mmm! This sandwich tastes so young and impudent. Yen Sid, what's with the good grub?" Prof. Lucrecia asked.
"Well, perhaps I should let you all in on a secret. You remember when I told Braig Archer that I will make something of him one day," Yen Sid said.
"Huh? You tellin' us that you killed Braig, had Mrs. Lovett process his carcass and served him for lunch?" Prof. Sazh asked.
Yen Sid looked smug and Prof. Sazh laughed, not believing him. The teachers then continued to eat…
In the lunchroom…
Ven and Roxas (who survived the detention room by breaking the door's window, effectively saving everyone) were served these meat pies by Mrs. Lovett. Noticing that Braig didn't appear to take their lunch money, Ven asked, "Hmm…Where's Braig? He should've come with the others to take our lunch money an hour ago."
"Well, ya don't gotta worry about that no more," Mrs. Lovett said.
"What?" Roxas asked, getting suspicious.
"He got transferred to another school," Mrs. Lovett said, lying. The twins didn't notice this and looked relieved.
Loz rushed in and cut in front of the entire line, saying, "Can I have another Archer Burger, Mrs. Lovett?"
"Sure thing, love," Mrs. Lovett said and gave him another burger.
Yen Sid saw the boy cut in line and walked over to him. "Ooh, this is good! I'm in my happy place, guys!" Loz said happily.
"I'm glad you like it!" Mrs. Lovett said.
"That is your third helping, young man. It's making you fat…and flavorful," Yen Sid said, muttering the last part.
"Huh?" Ven said, hearing him.
"Uh, you just cut in line. Report to detention, Jenova," Yen Sid said.
"For how long?" Loz asked.
"About six minutes a pound should do it…" Yen Sid said. With that, Loz was led to the detention room…
Two days later, Thursday afternoon…
Ven and Roxas came home, extremely worried as the KS team didn't see the guy for two days. Kadaj and Yazoo were quite worried and had called the police. Sephiroth, Terra, Aqua, (surprisingly) Cloud, Tifa, Angeal and others from the university began helping out in the search. Due to them not finding him, anyone who knew Loz was distraught.
"DAD!" Ven yelled after Roxas and he entered the house.
"In the kitchen!" Eraqus yelled.
"DAD!" Ven yelled.
"I said I'm in the…!" Eraqus yelled.
The two teens entered and saw what was on the table. It was a box that said, "Mrs. Lovett's Meat Pies".
"Um, since when did Mrs. Lovett start making pies outside the school?" Roxas asked.
"I dunno. But Dad, is it just me or whenever she cooks, someone disappears from the school?" Ven said.
"They do?" Aqua said, taking Mrs. Lovett's pie out of the oven. After doing that, the four began eating.
Terra, Cloud and Tifa entered the house and saw them eating. "NO!" Terra screamed and threw the pie out of the window.
"Hey! What did you do that for?" Roxas yelled.
Terra then took the plates and threw them out the window. Ven and Roxas saw the poor pie splattered on the ground. "Terra…" Eraqus said warningly.
"Don't eat those pies!" Terra said.
"You could've said that before chucking the pies out the window…" Roxas said.
"Why not?" Ven asked.
"We found out what's in 'em," Cloud said.
"You know how you all said that people kinda disappear after Mrs. Lovett makes her good pies?" Tifa asked.
"Yeah?" Aqua said, wondering where they were going with this.
"Well, I just heard that Marluxia disappeared from his home yesterday and Mrs. Lovett mysteriously showed up at the home with a pie," Terra said.
"So…you're saying that the people who went missing…are in the pies?" Eraqus asked.
"Yep, you got it," Tifa said.
"Do you have any proof?" Eraqus asked.
"Um…no…Well, the pie could've…" Cloud said, muttering.
"Until you have proof, don't start condemning people," Eraqus said.
Aqua, quite distraught and disgusted, said, "We'll go vegetarian for a while…"
That Saturday…
Terra, Cloud, Ven, Roxas, Zack and Zidane all decided to break in the school and gather proof on the whereabouts of Loz, Braig, Marluxia, and, most recently, Larxene. They began packing equipment to break in and began dressing in stealth attire. After preparing that day, the six headed into the car and headed for the school.
There, they found the cars of Yen Sid and Mrs. Lovett in the parking lot. Much to their surprise, security wasn't in the parking lot that night. "Okay, since they're here, we gotta be really careful," Terra said.
The others agreed and took out their equipment. Zidane picked the lock to the gym and managed to open it. "Okay, you guys…Zack, Ven and I will head for the kitchen. You three, head for Yen Sid's and see if you can find anything," Terra said.
"Okay, we'll meet back here if Mrs. Lovett doesn't find us and turn us into pie…" Cloud said.
"Wow, vote of confidence, Cloud…" Terra said.
With Terra's group, the three managed to bypass security and head into the kitchen. There, they didn't find anything out of the ordinary. Hearing someone coming, Terra motioned for them to hide in the meat locker. They did and left the door slightly cracked.
Mrs. Lovett came in with Yen Sid. "You know, we got the entire Pelletier family wasting away in the freezer. We messed up by turning that Jenova kid into a pie. Now he got family and friends looking for him," Mrs. Lovett said.
"The Pelletier family can be lunch for next week. The Acerbi family was quite good on yesterday," Yen Sid said.
Ven started to silently gag and Mrs. Lovett said, "We need to think bigger if we wanna expand the business and give the school more money. We can't just keep puttin' the locals and toast mix in the pies. It'll only make about 1,000 pies a week at most…"
Yen Sid said nothing and Mrs. Lovett said, "Well, that Senator…what's-his-name was quite plump and he made 100 pies. With the price of meat around the world…"
"Ah," Yen Sid said, getting it.
"Good you got it. We need to get more of those fat cats in the castle and we can make at least 5,000 pies a week. Then we could make about 30,000 pies a month and can sell it around the world! We'll be able to feed the world with these pies," Mrs. Lovett said.
"Then we can start with those looking for the Jenova boy," Yen Sid said.
"Yes! I'll get started," Mrs. Lovett said. She then pulled out a pie from the oven and Yen Sid looked confused.
"What is that?" he asked.
"It's 'Priest'. I got it today," Mrs. Lovett said.
"Yes, it's quite fatty," Yen Sid said.
"Only where he sat. He's quite good, actually," Mrs. Lovett said.
Roxas vomited and Terra sighed. "Oh no," Ven whispered.
Mrs. Lovett heard this and headed for the meat locker. Terra took Ven and Roxas and headed for the nearest vent. There, they entered and rushed out of there. Mrs. Lovett entered the locker and saw Roxas' vomit. "Huh. That wasn't there before…" she said.
Yen Sid saw that it was fresh and said, "We have intruders." He then used a radio to talk to someone who was also still in the school.
With Cloud, Zack and Zidane, the three headed into the office and saw on his desk the recipe for Mrs. Lovett's meat pies. Cloud read it aloud and said, "'Three cups flour…One egg…a tablespoon of baking powder…milk…two onions…a potato…and…fresh, locals' meat…'"
"This'll prove that Mrs. Lovett's trying to kill us all!" Zidane yelled.
Zack and Cloud shushed him when they heard the sound of a door opening. "What the…? What are you all doing here?" Prof. Xehanort asked.
"W-w-we were t-trying to…" Zidane said, quite frightened.
"Find out what's in the pies? I was doing the same thing," Prof. Xehanort said.
"So, how did you get in here?" Zack asked, getting suspicious.
"I have a key," Prof. Xehanort said.
"Oh yeah…" Zack said, getting it.
The four then heard the sound of moaning and saw that the other teachers, minus Prof. Sazh who found a bone in his meat pie and stopped eating it days ago, were corrupted with human meat and walking down the halls. "Yen Sid said there's meat in the ventilation shaft!" one of them yelled.
"Oh no…We gotta go," Zack said.
Back in the gym…
Terra, Ven and Roxas ran straight for the door, hoping that the others had made it. Sadly, they didn't and the corrupted teachers blocked the exit. "Oh, we got more meat for pies," Mrs. Lovett said, coming in the gym.
The north doors to the gym opened up and she saw that the teachers had captured Prof. Xehanort, Cloud, Zack and Zidane. "Ooh, more pies. I could make at least…600 pies…" she said.
"Meh, we can eat them straight," one of the teachers said.
That same teacher held Ven and he screamed bloody murder. The teacher was about to eat him when…
In Ven and Roxas's room…
Ven woke up screaming in his bed. He was sweating profusely and his hair was matted. "What's wrong?" Roxas said, waking up in his own bed.
"I-I-I-I had a dream where that Yen Sid turned school kids into lunch!" Ven screamed. That woke up Terra and Aqua.
"What's going on?" Terra said with a yawn, coming in.
"Ven had a dream that we all got eaten by a crazed Yen Sid," Roxas said.
"He what?" Aqua asked, wiping sleep from her eyes.
"Yen Sid and the lunch lady turned us into pies and sold us around the world!" Ven screamed.
"Ven it was just a dream…" Terra said.
Ven jumped out of bed and began hugging Terra. "But it felt so real like it actually happened! It was worse than Giygas!" he screamed.
"Ven, how many chili dogs did you eat last night?" Terra asked.
"Um…" Ven said.
"About 20. And watching a lot of Sweeney Todd and the Book of Eli didn't help," Roxas replied.
"So that's why you thought that the teachers were going to eat you. You need therapy or something?" Aqua said.
"N-No…" Ven said, still shaking.
"Alright, we'll get you in therapy tomorrow," Aqua said and left. Terra followed right behind her and told Eraqus what had happened.
After they had left, Roxas asked, "Are you sure you can go to bed without screaming in your sleep?"
"Um, I think so," Ven said.
"Okay then," Roxas said and fell back to sleep.
Ven did the same and had a dream that Mrs. Lovett attempted to give him a Ness pie. "NO!" he screamed and woke up again.
Sadly, poor Ven couldn't go back to sleep that night…
Poor Ven. And for those who didn't get it, Mrs. Lovett's from Sweeney Todd.
-miano53