When it was fully dark, Kakuzu extricated himself from Hidan, who growled and clung to him in his sleep. Kakuzu brought his masked creature over from the door and had it take his place, then swiftly dressed and went to order them a simple meal to have before leaving. Glancing back from the door he couldn't help but smile at the sight of them together - Hidan's arm flung over the mass of writhing black tendrils; a claw shaped black hand resting on the ivory skin of his shoulder. They'd always seemed to like Hidan, as if they were Kakuzu's instincts without his inhibitions - or perhaps they'd just recognised a fellow blood-crazed killing machine.

But remembering that last time he'd seen Hidan standing in front of them all he had to take a deep breath and close his eyes a moment. He held hard onto the doorframe, trying to ground himself, but with his eyes closed the images were even more vivid. Hidan pointing to the water creature dissolving in an oily black puddle, looking - just for a moment - like a child whose pet had died. Not so long after, his hand letting go of his scythe, panic in his eyes. Swiftly replaced with his own brand of overconfident insouciance, sure, but still visible to Kakuzu all the same. Why, why hadn't he smashed that kid with the lightning creature? He'd only needed the fire and wind to deal with Kakashi! It would've been easy to stop him taking Hidan away. Easy.

He'd made so many bad choices that day. What had been wrong with him? The only explanation he could come up with was that his brain had been working so hard at suppressing any recognition of the chemistry that had grown up between himself and Hidan that it had actually begun to cloud his judgement. He'd suppressed awareness of genuine risks along with it. He hadn't been fully concentrating, and they'd both paid such a high price.

Again, now, he remembered so vividly that awful pain in his chest. And a different kind of pain in his heart - Hidan's in trouble. What have I allowed to happen? Thinking; sort this mess out. Then go and sort out that little idiot, again. The backup coming. Kakashi saying: the next generation always catch us up, it's the natural order of things. Then, nothing. Nothing at all; a chunk of life missing. Nothing until a sudden sense of warmth beside him, on top of him, pressing against him - and he was so cold. The heartrending awareness of Hidan crying - that Hidan was there at all was information that wasn't processed for a few moments more - Hidan was crying, and his head had leapt right back in with its familiar mantra. Sort this mess out. So that's what he'd tried to do.

And now. Well, the mess was far from over. He shook his head, trying to clear the images, and turned into the dimly lit hallway. If they could just get far enough away while Konoha regrouped. If they could manage not to leave a mile wide trail of destruction behind them. If they could stick together, not start to hate each other... Stop thinking about it, he told himself sternly. You keep dwelling! It's not good for you. Stop it.

Hidan awoke in a mess of tendrils. He struggled into a sitting position, not exactly alarmed by the creature but a little disconcerted because the chakra signature had made him sure that Kakuzu was still beside him. Threads were snaking around his wrists, combing through his hair. As he automatically tried to detach himself the mask face swung around as if to gaze into his eyes. Very slightly menacingly.

"Hey buddy," he said, tilting his head to one side. "You able to give me a little space?" The threads tightened and a clawed hand emerged to rest immovably on his forearm. "No?" Hidan chuckled. "Alright then. Hey, does Kakuzu see through you guys? How does he even control you? Fuck, are you part of him? Or do you just live in him?"

The mask tipped noncommittally from side to side. "Six of one and half a dozen of the other, huh?" Hidan relaxed back against the black mass - no point wearing himself out struggling with this beastie - he didn't mind lying in bed a little longer. It was in constant low level movement, the individual threads slipping and writhing over each other. It wasn't uncomfortable; he closed his eyes and tried to imagine that it was Kakuzu holding him. It didn't quite work though, not now he was fully awake. "Where is he anyway?" he said, opening his eyes. The mask jerked towards the door.

"Well, duh!" He giggled as a thread tickled his cheek, then the mask itself pushed against his face like an animal leaving its scent on him. "Hey, you're getting keen!" he said. He caught his bottom lip between his teeth, frowning a little. The idea that Kakuzu's consciousness wasn't animating this creature was starting to disturb him now. And its next move was to begin to insinuate itself between his legs; it was with a fair amount of relief that he saw the door begin to slide open.

Kakuzu had the presence of mind to set the tray with their food down on the floor as the creature dropped Hidan and hurled itself back towards him like a cat caught crapping on the rug and dived into his back. He sewed it firmly back into position. "Hidan?" he said, alarmed, striding over to the futon. "Was it harassing you?"

"It was getting pretty fucking frisky, man, yeah." Hidan straightened his yukata which was considerably wider open than it had been. "It was dead set against me getting away, as well."

"That's unusual!" Kakuzu leant down to look into his eyes, a finger just hovering under his chin, raising his face up. "I didn't command it to behave like that, I assure you! It must've been mimicking my behaviour in some way, I suppose. Perhaps it's got used to being near you. Forgive me."

"Hey, it's okay." Hidan took the hand Kakuzu offered him and got to his feet. "I guess it thought it was just doing it's job..."

"Playing with the boss's honey isn't part of the job description!" Kakuzu's voice was like velvet now; he stroked along Hidan cheekbone with the backs of his fingers. "I won't be giving that one the gig next time I want a babysitter for you!"

As soon as they'd eaten and gathered up their few possessions they hit the road. Kakuzu had managed to procure a cloak - and some trousers - for Hidan and he was glad to have his own back; the night was cold.

He drew his headgear on and Hidan immediately reached up to remove the mask. "No-one's around," he reasoned. "And it's dark as fuck. I want to see your face!"

"It's dark as fuck," Kakuzu echoed. "So there won't be much for you to see." But he let him anyway, taking it from him to stow away in his pocket; taking his hand with it and not letting go. So they walked down the dark road hand in hand.

"Kakuzu?" Hidan said, after a few minutes of silence.

"Yes, Hidan?"

"Where are we going to go?"

"Away." Kakuzu glanced down at him, silver hair and pale skin illuminated in the moonlight, and marvelled silently at the trust that Hidan still so unhesitatingly placed in him. "That's as far as I've got. So far we're heading out of the Land of Fire towards the North-West. We'll need to avoid the Land of Rain, of course..."

"You really do want to leave the Akatsuki then?"

"Hidan, there's never been a better opportunity. I was coerced into joining, just like I helped to do to you. There was an agreement - protection. That's been violated. I don't mean for me - no-one could've helped what happened to me. But you. Where were they? They left you - they abandoned you." Glancing down; seeing a frown start to gather between Hidan's eyebrows and suddenly so afraid of wounding him further, he added, less seriously, "Maybe they doubted their ability to keep you in order without me!"

"Or to put me back together," Hidan suggested with a flicker of a wry smile that somehow spiked Kakuzu's growing anger even more. "Maybe they didn't want to deal with an angry severed head for all fucking eternity!"

"But seriously, now, where were they?" Despite both of their attempts to lighten the tone of the conversation; Kakuzu found he couldn't drop it after all. "Zetsu could've got you out of there! Leader-sama" - his tone was scathing and bitter - "would've known your location from your ring. That reminds me!" He tugged off his own ring, then Hidan's and hurled them as far as he could back into the blackness. "Not any more!"

A few more miles down the road and it started to rain. It came on stealthily at first, then sheets of it. Thunder rumbled overhead; forked lighting split the sky. Kakuzu winced. Hidan pressed close to his side, trying to scrounge a little shelter.

"We should try to find somewhere," Kakuzu gasped. "This is ridiculous!"

"Fuck!" Hidan hunched over, trying to present a smaller target to the elements. "This is bullshit! It was a fucking beautiful day!"

"That's really no guarantee of anything..." Kakuzu felt obliged to point out, but if he was honest he felt similarly betrayed. Plus, the lightning was suddenly making him deeply uncomfortable. It was ridiculous, really. He'd used a massive lightning attack himself so many times in the past. He'd relished the power of it then, the crackling energy. Not now. With the next flash his hearts were pounding and he was coming out in a cold sweat. For a moment he actually thought he was face down on the muddy ground, his jawbone dislocated, his body numb, he could hear a high pitched twittering noise that he told himself over and over wasn't really there but it made no difference. It was really there in his head.

"Kakuzu!" he heard, and, Hidan? he thought. Thank goodness, he's just in time. Another moment and Kakashi would have skewered me with that raikiri - but will he know what to do? I need to warn him, I need to tell him about that jutsu but I can't speak-

"Kakuzu!" Hidan gripped his shoulders. "What the fuck's up? Fuck, you're pale!" He shook him a little. "Why've you stopped? Hey, don't do this to me, man!"

Kakuzu couldn't stop shaking. He began to recognise that he was standing in the rain with Hidan, not lying in a crater, alone in the burning sun - but even that couldn't force his body back under his control. He dimly remembered having suffered episodes like this once before, after barely escaping from Konoha alive almost seventy years ago. This can be a normal reaction! he told himself desperately. Normal. A normal reaction to a massively traumatic experience.

But it didn't make him feel normal. Hidan had his face between his hands now, and he could feel him trembling as well. "Kakuzu," he was saying, and if there was a tremble in his voice he was suppressing it with everything he had. "Kakuzu, what's with that faraway look - look at me you stupid fucking prick! Where the fuck are you?!" He wasn't doing such a good job at suppressing a rising note of panic in his tone.

Kakuzu just about manage to focus on him then, and the old habit to reassure and calm him kicked in, albeit weakly. What would I say if this was him? he asked himself. What did I say? I said breathe, breathe. He made himself try to breathe.

"Alright," Hidan said, getting on the bandwagon a little late. "Alright, alright, that's better, man, that's better."

Kakuzu took another deep breath. He was gripping Hidan's forearms so tightly he knew he'd be leaving marks but Hidan's steady gaze into his eyes didn't falter and it kept him grounded. "We're together, OK?" Hidan said, and his voice was calmer now too. "Nothing can fucking touch us when we're together, remember?" His hands shifted to link together around the back of Kakuzu's neck and he pulled himself up so their faces were level. His lips parted, he hesitated; then, "Say something," he pleaded. "I'm shit at this, Kakuzu, and it fucking scares me, you have no fucking idea how much I need you to be okay-"

"I'm sorry, Hidan," Kakuzu forced out, his voice was shockingly ragged. "I'm sorry to scare you." He released the bruising hold on him, wrapped his arms around him, pulled him closer.

"Bullshit, you don't need to say that crap," Hidan said, slightly breathlessly because Kakuzu was squashing the air out of him, "Even if I could never even see you again I'd need you to be okay, I just-"

Kakuzu relaxed his hold just a fraction. "Don't even think about a prospect that awful," he whispered hoarsely. Another bolt of lightning, and before he could think about it Hidan's lips were against his, the thunder cracked and rumbled above them and Hidan's tongue was in his mouth, his hand on Kakuzu's jawbone, tilting his head, making his mouth open wider, and he found if he poured all his focus into that point of warmth and connection then, yes, he was aware of being utterly soaked and freezing, of crashing and rushing sounds all around them, but it was okay. He felt okay. His hearts began to settle into a normal rhythm.

Rain was pouring down Hidan's face, he could taste it as he kissed him, he didn't want to stop, but- "We really ought to find shelter," he murmured finally.

"Mm," Hidan assented, kissing him one last time before they made a shaky, painfully halting dash in the most promising direction, where something that might be a cliff face loomed through the darkness.

About a quarter of a mile along the base of the cliff - shielded by it from the worst of the weather - they found a pitiful little enclave beneath an overhang, surrounded by scrubby shrubs and bracken. Even optimistically, it couldn't be called a cave - a hollow, at most, but so long as the wind didn't change direction it would keep the rain off them. Kakuzu managed to get a small fire going though there wasn't much material to burn, only what they could scrounge from the very base of the cliff. Then they collapsed exhaustedly together, attempting to dry off a little.

Not so long ago they'd sat for six days in the pouring rain, performing a demanding jutsu, and they'd thought nothing of it other than as a mild inconvenience. Something to bitch and moan about for a bit, no more. But now. They were both low on chakra - something neither of them had experienced for a very long time. They were beaten up physically and emotionally; they had to accept that things were different now.

Kakuzu unrolled a travelling blanket that he'd also managed to procure at the onsen and wrapped it around them. Hidan's cloak wasn't anything like the quality of the Akatsuki ones - it was already soaked right through. Kakuzu used his threads to unbuckle it - his fingers felt numb. "I've told you before about not scrimping on the essentials, Kakuzu!" Hidan said through chattering teeth. "What is this piece of shit, a négligée?"

"This piece of shit is all there was." Kakuzu propped it on two sticks by the fire, and unfastened his own cloak, holding it open. "Come on, then."

Hidan eased in next to him. "Fuck, I didn't appreciate mine enough while I had it!" He wriggled closer, getting an arm behind Kakuzu. "Shit, you're still almost warm!"

Rain pattered down, and down and down and on and on. Kakuzu tugged the cloak and the blanket tighter around them. "Out of all of this, why is it the fact that it's autumn now that's the hardest to accept?" he mused.

"Because you've never liked losing time, have you, you impatient fuck," Hidan said into his chest. "Unless you're fucking keeping me waiting!"

"I suppose you're right," Kakuzu sighed. He looked down at Hidan, who'd closed his eyes. "Are you going back to sleep?"

"No," Hidan's voice was muffled and drowsy.

"You are..." He tightened his hold about him, stopping him from slipping down further, then couldn't resist running his fingertips lightly over his perfectly smooth skin, teasing him back into wakefulness.

"S'all right for you, fresh from your fucking eternal rest and all that," Hidan griped. "But I didn't exactly get a lot of good quality sleep down in that hole!" He hesitated a moment. "What was it like, anyway? What happened after you ... you know ... died?"

How to put this? Kakuzu hesitated too, then bit the bullet. "Hidan, there was nothing. Nothing at all. No heaven, but I wouldn't have expected that. No hell either. Just nothing at all from the moment the raikiri hit me to the moment I woke up to find you weeping over my lifeless form!" He kept his words light, because he suspected this might not sit well with Hidan.

And indeed, Hidan's hand went straight to his rosary. Kakuzu could feel the cold metal against his chest as Hidan brought it up to his mouth, felt Hidan's lips moving. And he felt something he didn't expect, which was a surge of an emotion that he could really only characterise as grief. Was there always going to be this wall between them? This point of no-contact? I don't want to share him, he found himself thinking. And he didn't want to admit it, but sharing him with something so illogical and so vicious felt even worse.

"Maybe you don't remember," Hidan said. "Maybe people can't remember..."

"Most people don't come back from that much dead." Kakuzu's voice was curt. "What I had was what there is; nothing."

"How can you not believe now?!" Hidan shot at him. "After my heart brought you back? How much more is it going to take?!"

"Hidan." Kakuzu pressed his lips together. "No amount." It was a bad choice of words - Hidan's face lit up a moment before Kakuzu inexorably continued, "There's nothing that could change me. 'Jashin-sama'-" - and as usual he couldn't keep the mocking note out of his voice as he said the name, though he hadn't meant it to be there - "-could appear before us right now and it wouldn't make me accept him as a god, or feel that I in any way owe him the kind of devotion you put yourself through hell for!"

"That doesn't make any sense! How are you always so fucking sure you're right?!" The light was gone and now it was Hidan's face that was etched with incredulous grief.

"I simply don't have the capacity to believe in divinity. Or for worship." Kakuzu wanted to shut this down now. Why had he let it be opened up in the first place? Idiot, idiot, he chastised himself. Why couldn't you have let it go for once? "Our techniques complement each other, that's all, in fact you could say they're perfect together. I don't for a moment think what you did would have worked on an ... ordinary body..."

"It wasn't working at first. It took prayer as well!" Hidan and struggled out of the blanket and got up. "You were banging on before about not having the capacity for love and that turned out to be bullshit! Didn't it?"

Kakuzu got up as well. "That wasn't exactly what I said," he replied pedantically.

Hidan let out a little huff of annoyance and grabbed his still wet cloak, started to pull it on. "Oh, come back here, Hidan!" Kakuzu urged. "That's not anywhere near dry!"

Hidan just shrugged; Kakuzu grabbed him by the shoulders. "Where are you going? What happened to 'nothing can touch us when we're together'?" Again, accidentally, the mocking, mimicking tone - he didn't know where it came from, it didn't express how he felt at all.

"That was before you took my heart and literally shat all over it!" Hidan shot back at him.

Kakuzu couldn't help laughing at that. "No, no, Hidan, I literally took your heart, but I only metaphorically shat all over it!" He held onto Hidan as he tried to twist away from him, his smile fading. "And I'm sorry for that, OK? I'm sorry. What can I say? I can't do what I can't do."

"Well, neither can I!" There was a strange flatness in Hidan's voice and he stared up at him, emptiness in his eyes.

What did he mean by that? Kakuzu let go of his shoulders. Was he just saying any crap that popped into his head? But he sounded so uncharacteristically serious. Did he mean..? "You mean you can't love me, then?" The words just slid out, he hadn't even meant to say it aloud, but there it was. "Well, how could I blame you," he added, turning away. He leant heavily against the wet rock. So tired. The events of the day seemed unreal now, like a bright and perfect dream. He'd stay like this a moment, when he turned around Hidan would most likely be gone. And then. The future looked blanker than the nothing that had started this argument in the first place.

"Not this again." Hidan's voice brought him back to his senses. He hadn't gone anywhere. "Is this how it's going to be every fucking time we have a fucking disagreement? Fucking, 'You don't love me'!" Now it was his turn with the mocking mimicry. "Every fucking time! It's not what I meant. And who even brought the word 'love' into it? Not you for fucking sure!"

Kakuzu turned around. "Alright." He walked over to where Hidan stood, right up to him so that Hidan had to tilt his face right up to look at him. "I love you, Hidan. I love you, and I don't want to share you with fucking Jashin or anyone. I don't want to watch you stabbing yourself anymore, I don't to see your blood spilling onto the ground, I don't want to hear you wincing as you pull a pike out of your heart. And I don't want you gasping in ecstasy from anything but my touch."

Hidan gazed up at him open mouthed, seemingly speechless.

"I know it's unreasonable," he continued. "I know I don't own you. I don't expect you to change anything. But if I seem ungrateful to Jashin, well, those are some of the reasons why. If he exists, I hate him. And if he doesn't, you've been through so much for nothing."

"Kakuzu!" Hidan said finally, his voice cracking. He laid a hand on his chest. "Wow, your hearts are really thumping." He fitted his forehead into the crook of Kakuzu's neck, hiding his face from him. "Let me tell you something, then." He took a deep breath. "I don't want any of that, either. I'm fucking scared of doing my next ritual. I've lost faith that I'll even survive it. And I've - I feel like I've just ... just had enough of pain." He shifted his head a little, to glance up at Kakuzu. "And ... the ecstasy?" - Kakuzu could feel rather than see his little smile - "Well ... let's just say I've discovered something else that can get me there." And his body moved up against Kakuzu's so sensually, the tiniest shift, but Kakuzu was half hard in seconds. "More than get me there..." Hidan added.

Kakuzu held onto him tightly, pressing back against him, and there were actually tears in his eyes as he said, "Then, please, please, can you not do it?"

"I don't know," Hidan whispered back. "What if I fucking fall apart! What if I -"

"I don't think you will." Kakuzu smiled, pressing his lips against Hidan's wet hair and blinking rapidly. "I think - well I've thought about this a lot, actually..." Perhaps this was too much. But Hidan was hearing him at last, for the first time cracks were showing in his devotion; he couldn't stop now. "At first I thought it might just be a bloodline limit that's very very hard to awaken," he said, trying to keep his voice as level and soothing as he could. "But now I think it's more likely some kind of blood contract. Like a summoning technique, but somehow you summon another person's chakra pathways into your own body. And maybe Jashin is a thing, in another realm," - for some reason he imagined some kind of horrible gargoyle squatting on a rock - "and think about it, if all those tiresome Kuchiyose types don't summon anything for a year or two it doesn't mean their contract is void. It's binding, even beyond death. I think you've already paid and Jashin is the one who's contracted to keep on delivering. He owes you. You don't have to follow his way. You can do whatever the hell you like!"

Hidan was staring up at him with a crazy amount of mingled hope and fear in his eyes.

"We can just play it by ear," Kakuzu murmured soothingly. "If you start disintegrating, by all means let's both start singing Jashin's praises! Otherwise, let's stop turning you into a human pincushion, OK?"

Hidan hesitated and Kakuzu braced himself for furious accusations of blasphemy but, "maybe," Hidan whispered. "OK, maybe. I'll think about it, I need to think about it." He bit his lip; Kakuzu reached up and gently freed it, stroked along it, slid the tip of a finger over his tongue, leant in to kiss him.

"Think as much as you want, love," he said. "There's no hurry. If there's one thing we have got, it's time..." He led him back to the fire and peeled the cloak off him, propped it back on its sticks. "Come on, let's get this thing dry. When the rain lets up we should press on."

Well, I hope you all enjoyed this! Please review and let me know what you thought! The more feedback, I get, the sooner I figure out where this goes next!