Splintered Dreams
Chapter 5
"Safe Haven"

A chilly breeze hung in the pre-dawn air as Zack and Tifa made their way through the maze that was the Sector Six slums. Every now and again, as they followed the twists of the path, Zack would catch sight of searchlights or hear the thrum of motor vehicles, but those were becoming fewer and fainter. It appeared that the search was slowing. He had expected as much.

Shin-Ra didn't delve too deep into the slums.

Pulling his attention away from the diminishing search effort and back to the narrow dirt trail in front of him, Zack neatly sidestepped a pothole. He held out his hand for Tifa, who, as he suspected she would, ignored it and stepped around the hole unassisted. He gave a small sigh as she passed before following her up the incline.

He was a fairly good judge of people, and based off of what little Cloud had told him, what he'd seen with his own eyes, and the general vibe Tifa radiated, Zack knew she wasn't a cold or unfriendly person, yet he could practically see the barriers she threw up between them. Logically, he knew trust was probably a factor, but there was something else too. Something intangible, yet there, skirting the edges of the invisible walls. Something probably best left alone, Zack reasoned, even as he found himself initiating a conversation.

"So," he began, "how long have you been part of AVALANCHE?"

Tifa tossed him a glance over the curve of her shoulder and kept walking. "Awhile."

It was short and succinct, but it was the first she'd spoken to him since leaving Aerith's house and Zack had the urge to hear more. "How'd that come to be?" he inquired as he climbed behind her over a small outcropping of rock. "It's not like there are recruiting fliers hanging on poles."

One pale hand pushed her long spill of dark hair back to wipe the sweat off her brow. They'd been walking for hours and despite the fact that no direct sunlight ever filtered below the plate, heat rose and simmered in the air, trapped and sweltering early on and through the day for lack of anywhere else to go.

He didn't expect her to stop, so when she did he almost bowled her over. He caught himself before he did so and hastily backed up so he wasn't crowding her. He got the impression that she liked her space, and if she was going to ever open up to him he needed to stay in her comfort zone.

She cricked her neck, stretched down to touch her toes and then back up to level him a speculative look. "What does it matter?"

Zack shrugged and kept his tone nonchalant. "Just curious. What made you want to join?"

"I wanted to make a difference," she finally answered in a manner that suggested she was weighing out exactly how much to reveal. "I wanted to fight back. I met Barret and he recruited me."

"Just right up off the street?"

"No. He came to my bar. We started o talk more and more to each other...we became friends. We share a common goal."

He didn't press for elaboration on their common goal—he had a pretty good idea what it was. So instead he went for more personal conversation. "Seventh Heaven is yours?"

She nodded once. "Yes."

Zack digested that bit of news. By his recollection Tifa would have to have been very young to have opened a bar those years ago. She must have read the question on his face.

"Property is sold cheap in the slums and no one really cares how old you are so long as they get what they want."

This was true. "But still, you must have been what? All of sixteen and running a bar."

She looked up at him through lowered lashes and Zack thought he caught the hint of a smile flirting with her lips before she turned away. "It was supposed to be a diner," she informed him. "But every time someone came in all they wanted to do was drown their sorrows. So...my diner became a bar."

"Probably a sound economical choice," Zack murmured thoughtfully. "Easy money to be made off of misery."

And as quick as that Tifa's face closed up and her smile vanished. He could feel her reinforcing the imaginary walls. Too late he realized his mis-step. He had made it sound like she had taken advantage of those suffering, when he knew from stepping foot in Seventh Heaven that she had done just the opposite. He decided to tell her so. "But, I've been in your bar, and you offer more than a way to drown sorrow. You built a place of hope in a hopeless place; where a few gil can buy a warm meal and a misery free hour. That's commendable."

Tifa blinked a few times, clearly flustered by the unexpected compliment. Her face warmed to a light rose hue, Zack noted with some surprise and a bit of that something else... that something he didn't want to acknowledge, so he ignored it.

"Thank you."

Beneath a fringe of black lashes his violet-blue eyes sparkled and his grin was affable and immediate. He was a man that liked to laugh and the easy way his mouth slid into smiles only emphasized that. "Just callin' it like I see it," he told her.

She began walking again."We're almost there. Only another mile or two."

"Yippee." Zack marched beside her. "Well, now you have my interest, so, tell me more about yourself."

She shrugged. "Not much to tell, really."

"I find that difficult to believe."

"How about you tell me about yourself," she countered. "After all, you're the one tagging along."

"Okay." Zack agreed. "What would you like to know?"

She made a face at his easy acceptance. "Hmm…anything?"

"Nearly."

"Okay." She thought for a moment with her lower lip tucked beneath her front teeth. "What made you want to be a SOLDIER?" Although her tone was neutral, there was a tension in her posture that spoke of something deeper.

Zack gave the question genuine consideration. "I suppose it was because I wanted to be a hero," he answered finally, taking an interest in his boots.

"Like Sephiroth?" Her voice was definitely tight now.

"Yeah, in a way." He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. "He was a legend. I wanted to be a legend too."

A low sound came from Tifa that set Zack's teeth on edge. It was mournful.

"So much alike," she murmured, whisper soft.

Zack felt his own chest constrict, knowing full well who she was referring too. He turned his head toward her, the twinkle now absent from his eyes. "I'm sorry."

She sighed, her own eyes closed. "So am I." She took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders, and steadied herself. When she opened her eyes again there was a steely resolve in them that impressed Zack.

He leaned in just as she turned and their chests brushed. Her face tilted up, filled his vision and he thought to himself how easy it would be to get lost in her eyes. Look away, he told himself, but found it impossible to tear his gaze away from hers. There was something, just beneath the surface of her dark brown; glimpses of crimson and hidden emotion, that held him fast...pulled him in...

"We should get going." She turned away from him, but didn't move away.

Zack shook himself; nodded. They began walking again, but this time, when Zack held out his hand to help her over some tangled scrap, she took it.

The next mile and a half passed quickly, and Tifa found herself oddly disappointed to see the outskirts of Sector Seven as they rounded the final bend. Zack was a talker by nature, so the lapses between conversation were few and his penchant for storytelling made the journey almost enjoyable. Tifa now knew that Zack had loving parents, a "boring" childhood, a fondness for Chocobos, and a severe—yet comical, so he said-- allergy to locoweed.

He was also hungry, if the rumbling growl his stomach just emitted was any indication. He rubbed one hand over it in a broad circle and let out a long, pitiful sigh. "Man, what I wouldn't give for some jelly donuts and peanut butter right now."

That little craving earned him an incredulous look. "When we get inside I'll make you some real food."

"That is real food," he argued.

"No; that's kiddie junk food," she argued back.

"What can I say? My stomach stopped maturing when I was ten."

"Just your stomach?" she quipped, unable to refuse the opening he'd given her.

Zack took a step back in mock dismay, hand over his heart. "You wound me."

Tifa rolled her eyes and bit back an answering smile. "Uh-huh."

He gave her a friendly shoulder bump and she bumped him back.

"TIFA!"

Both heads swung around as the door to Seventh Heaven banged open with enough force to dislodge the hinges. Tifa barely had time to brace herself before she was swung up and in a circle by Barret.

"Don't you ever, ever do something so fuckin' stupid ever again! You hear me?" He shook her once, then pulled her tight once more. "You can't..." His voice cracked. "I thought I'd lost you."

"Barret..." Tifa wheezed. "I can't breathe."

He set her down and wiped the back of his hand over his eyes. It was then that he noticed Zack. "You gotta problem, princess?" he glowered.

Zack shook his head and held up his hands.

Barret flicked a look between the two of them. "What's up with you two? This joker's stuck to you like shit on a shoe."

Zack crossed his arms and rocked back on his heels. "Flattering."

"He saved my life." Tifa's soft spoken words brought Barret's head around. "After I fell from the catwalk--"

"You mean after you let go." There was an angry edge to Barret's voice and Tifa knew she was likely to hear a lecture at some point.

She huffed. "Alright, fine. After I let go, I landed in a church. Zack was there."

"In a church?" Thick brows met hairline.

"Yes. A church."

"Uh-huh." Barret shook his head as he eyed her narrowly. "And you expect me to believe that cockamamie story?"

Tifa crossed her arms and tapped her foot. "If you know what's good for you."

Barret snorted. He turned back to Zack. "She's home now. You can go."

"Actually," Zack replied with a slow roll of his shoulders. "I was thinking of staying on for awhile."

"Say what?" Previously raised eyebrows dropped to a straight line. Never a good sign with Barret.

Tifa hastily stepped between the two men. "You're the one always telling me we need more people."

"Oh hell, You went and told him about AVALANCHE," Barret hissed.

"No, she didn't," Zack defended. "But since I do know about you, and you need help, who better than a former SOLDIER? Someone that has been on the inside?"

Tifa cocked her head. "He has a point." Then, softer, "And he did save my life."

"Fine." Barret snapped. "He can stay." One blunt finger pointed in Zack's face. "But I don't trust ya. If I so much as think you're spying for Shin-Ra I'll tear your arms off and beat you with them." With that he spun on his heel and stomped up the steps. "Now get your asses in here."

On the porch,Zack held the door. "He just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You think he just needs a good ole fashioned man-hug?"

She aimed a look at him as she brushed past. "Sure, try it. And you'll probably feel all broken and bruised on top of your warm fuzzies."

He shot her a quick charming grin. "Might be worth it."

Tifa shook her head but couldn't quite dislodge the smile that had crept over her lips. She was hard pressed not to smile with Zack, she realized, and for some reason that thought sent a shiver down her back. She hastened her steps and put some distance between them.

Inside of the bar Barret led the way to the old pinball machine that sat along the right wall. Tifa motioned for Zack to step closer and indicated the outline of a secret panel on the floor beneath them. "Be careful."

Barret pressed the flipper button. With a loud whine and grind the floor shifted and the trio was lowered, rather jerkily, to the sub-level of the bar.

"Tifa!"

Tifa opened her arms and caught the small bundle of polka dotted lace that flung itself at her from the back of the patch-work sofa. "Marlene!" she hugged the girl tight.

"You're okay!" Marlene squealed.

"Yes, sweetie. I'm ok." Tifa buried her nose in the girls soft hair and inhaled. Marlene smelled of sweetcakes.

"Papa's been letting you eat junk again." Tifa sent Barret a look over her shoulder. He busied himself with the computer.

Marlene nodded. "But that was only because he was too upset to cook. He was swearing an awful lot. He said you were a damn fool and--" her eyes widened and she stiffened in Tifa's arms.

Tifa angled her body so she could see what had upset the little girl so. Zack offered a toothy up grin. Marlene buried her face in the space between Tifa's neck and shoulder. "Oh, honey, it's okay. That's Zack. He's a friend."

Marlene shook her head, her fingernails biting into skin.

"Hey." Zack eased himself alongside of them. "Who's this lovely girl?"

"This is Barret's daughter Marlene. Marlene, come now. Don't be rude. Say hello to Zack," Tifa urged.

"Mmello." Tifa's shoulder received the greeting.

"Marlene, properly," Tifa scolded gently.

Marlene lifted her head, her eyes wary. "Hello."

"Hi." Zack nodded. "I'm Zack." Marlene studied him for a minute, her little face scrunched in speculation. "I'm always nervous meeting new people, too" he continued. "Especially pretty little girls, but Tifa told me not be scared."

Marlene's head rose further, her hazel eyes alight with intelligent inquiry. She peered at Tifa. "Is that true?"

"Uhm, yeah," Tifa said with a quick glance at Zack.

"Well, that's just silly. Why would you be scared of a little girl? You're much bigger."

Zack nodded solemnly. "That's true. I suppose it is silly to be scared. Tell you what, I'll make you a deal. I won't be scared of you, if you're not scared of me. Deal?"

Marlene thought this over. "Deal."She stuck out her small hand.

Tifa watched with mixed emotion as Zack shook it. He was so different than she remembered. So different than she assumed. It was disconcerting. She caught Barret's gaze on them as well, and she noticed that his scowl wasn't quite as dark as it had been a minute ago.

From the cellar stairwell a voice called. "Hey! Barret! Biggs just called. We're on the news! Quick turn on the—Oh my Gods! Tifa!" The door swung open and soft green eyes widened.

"Hey, Jessie," Tifa greeted.

Jessie let out a whoop. She turned and hollered back down the stairs. "Wedge, call Biggs back, Tell him Tifa's here!"

"Tifa?"

"Yes, Tifa!"

"Hell yeah!" Another joyful whoop from the wine cellar.

Jessie whipped back around, her smile brilliant. "We thought we lost you."

Tifa nodded, apologetic. "Sorry about that."

"Looks like you had your guardian angel with you again, huh?" There was an admiring gleam in Jessie's eyes and a flush to her freckled cheeks.

Zack cleared his throat and rubbed the nape of his neck.

Marlene gaped. "You're an angel?"

"Figure of speech, honey," Tifa corrected.

"All right, enough," Barret groused. "What were you yammering about?"

"Oh, right." Jessie nodded. "We're on TV."

All eyes turned to the mini-set above the computer.

On screen an overly made up blond was speaking with practiced enunciation, "Due to yet another terrorist attack by the group named AVALANCHE, parts of Midgar will be temporarily out of power, but should be restored momentarily. Following President Shinra's lead, Mayor Domino also spoke out today in public against AVALANCHE. He is asking for anyone with any information on the members or the whereabouts of the group to come forward. There is a substantial reward offered by the Shin-Ra Electric Power Company for confirmed members."

"Let the man-hunt begin," Jessie murmured. She gave herself a little shake. "We must be doing something right, if they want us that bad." She turned to Barret and Tifa for confirmation.

Tifa set Marlene on the ground, a frown on her face. She looked toward Zack. He shook his head immediately. "I don't want or need any Shin-Ra money."

Tifa felt like a cad for even thinking it, but he owed them no loyalty, had, in fact, been a member of Shin-Ra's most elite fighting force. Her concern was warranted, yet she still felt guilty for it. For maybe hurting him with the implication. She tried no to. She didn't want to care what Zack felt... but she did.

Tifa spent the remainder of the day setting up Zack's room and catching up with her companions while he and Barret returned to Sector 5 to retrieve Zack's personal belongings. He had said there weren't many, but there were a couple of items he refused to leave behind—for sentimental reasons.

Tifa hadn't questioned it.

Barret had.

Which was why he insisted on tagging along with Zack. He didn't trust him. He made no secret of it. And Tifa was surprised to find that she did trust him. It was part of that immediate connection she felt with him. The one she cared not to dwell on because it both frightened her, and reminded her...

The overhead bell chimed, pulling her from her thoughts. The regular patrons had begun arriving for the meal time rush and Tifa was thankful for the diversion. She found comfort in the familiar pacing. Greet, order, serve. Greet, order, serve. It was mindless and task oriented, yet fulfilling. Her tip jar tinked every so often as a spare Gil was tossed in, and she always smiled her thanks. Her tip money, usually sparse, was being put with the money Barret had hocked away fro Marlene's education. It wasn't much, but it was something.

After a few hours the dinner rush passed and in came those looking less for a meal, and more for an escape began to trickle in. This was when her job wasn't only to serve, but to listen. Each problem laid at her feet, each tear slipped past bleary eyes, each lost soul was a reason for her to fight, and to keep fighting. She had enough reason on her own—with the life that Shin-Ra had demolished-- but not everyone could fight like she could, and if able, she was willing to champion their causes.

It was nearing midnight when the door chimed again and she looked up to see Zack and Barret walk in. Both men wore scowls, and both men went their separate ways as soon as the door shut behind them. Barret toward the stairs—to go check on Marlene, Tifa was sure, and Zack towards the bar.

She had the Junon Ale on the counter before he sat down.

Zack thumbed the cap off. "Good memory." He took a drink, set the bottle down and proceeded to try and peel the label with his glare.

"So," Tifa leaned on the bar. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened." His answer was quick. Too quick.

"Something did," she countered. "You come in glaring like a devil and Barret is even more unpleasant than usual. So what's up?"

He frowned and took another swig; finished it off. "Another," he ordered. Then softer, "Please."

Tifa slid another across the chipped wood. "Zack...did Barret say something to upset you? Because I know he can be rough sometimes--"

"He didn't say anything."

She cocked a brow. Now she knew he was lying.

"At least nothing that wasn't the truth," he amended.

"Ah." Tifa lifted her index finger. "Be right back." The couple at the end of the bar, whom she'd earlier served up a few shots of Cactuar Needles to-- the house special-- were merrily singing drunken ballads as she ushered them off. After seeing them safely off the porch Tifa made her way to the back booth to collect the empties before she returned to the bar.

By the time she got back Zack had polished off three more beers. "You want me to run a line right from the keg to you?" she questioned, crossing her arms.

"Can you do that?" He sounded entirely too hopeful.

She sighed. Before she could voice her next thought, however, Jessie rounded in from the kitchen.

"I'm going up now. The cellar is locked and the stock list is on your desk."

"Okay, great. Thanks, Jessie."

"No problem." When she smiled, Jessie was positively adorable, Tifa thought. Her red pony tail bobbed as she walked. "Glad your back, Tifa." A blushing pause. "Goodnight, Zack."

He lifted his bottle in salute.

Tifa began wiping the bar. "She likes you."

"That's her mistake," he brooded, finishing off yet another beer.

"Zack, what happened? This self-loathing thing you've got going on right now, it's really unbecoming." She took away the empty. "Not to mention punishing on your liver."

His smile was humorless and very un-Zack. "Mako body. Top-of-the-line Shin-Ra experimentation right here, baby. Beer can't hurt me."

"Zack--"

"I killed Cloud."

That stopped her. The bottle in her hand shattered. She shook the glass shards off, ignoring the sting of alcohol in cuts."What?"

He refused to meet her eyes. "I may as well have," his bitterness was directed at the bar top. "For all the good I did him."

She placed her palms on the wood to keep herself steady. "But you didn't...right?" She needed to hear the words. "You didn't kill Cloud."

"No," he answered after what felt like an eternity. "I didn't fire the shot." He swore, low and harsh. "But I didn't stop it either." He lifted his eyes to hers finally and Tifa drew in a sharp breath at the pain reflected there. "But I would have. I wanted to. I tried, Tifa. I tried."

Her throat was tight. Constricting.

"I killed the ones that killed him though." His lips twisted in a sad mockery of his easy smile. "I killed them all."

Tifa felt a cold ball knot in her stomach. "How many, Zack?"

He shook his head, swallowed hard. "Don't know for sure. Hundreds. I lost count."

Hundreds. Tifa took an involuntary step back, her mouth open in shock. She was speechless. She swallowed, found her mouth too dry, and reached for a drink. "They sent hundreds after you?"

He said nothing.

She couldn't even fathom that. How horrifying it must have been. For him...for Cloud... She fought down her tears."You were defending yourself, Zack."

"Now you're looking for an excuse."

"No. You killed, because you had to. You had no choice. It was them or you."

"That time." He acknowledged. "But there were other times..." His sigh was rough. "I was a SOLDIER. First Class."

She nodded. She was used to her patrons unloading on her, but this was different. His words rang with a heavy sadness that was an echo of the pain she harbored silently in her heart.

"Do you know what you have to do to earn that rank?"

"No." She didn't want to know.

"You have to do a lot of killing."

It unnerved her to think of funny, kind, affable Zack as a cold blooded Shin-Ra killer. Her hand fluttered to her heart. "Zack, please...enough."

He didn't seem to hear her. "Do you think a man is born evil, or is he made that way? Is it 'once a killer, always a killer?'"

Tears continued to burn her eyes, but she blinked them back. She knew now what Barret had said. "I can't answer that for you. Only you can answer that for yourself."

His eyes seemed to glow faintly in the shadows of the bar. "I want to believe that I'm not what they wanted me to be. What they tried to make me."

Following instinct, Tifa slipped her hand over his, giving it a quick, hard squeeze. "You are who you are, and no one can take that. Not even Shin-Ra."

Zack stared down his hand, still warm from her touch though she was already two feet away and headed for the stairs."Thank you," he whispered to the shadows. Upstairs in her room Tifa crawled into her bed, buried her face in her pillow, and wept.

Minutes later footfalls padded down the hallway. Tifa's head perked when the steps stopped just outside of her door. Her breathing paused and she lifted her face and waited-- uncertain as to what she was waiting for exactly. A minute passed, and then the footfalls moved away. Tifa let out a puff of breath that she hadn't realized he was holding.

Not two seconds later she heard a mutter of something and the footsteps were headed back her way. Tifa watched the play of shadow beneath the crack of her door with mild confusion. It was Zack, she knew, and she should acknowledge him, but she didn't know if she could hear anymore of what he had to say.

"Tifa?" It was barely a whisper. "Are you awake?" He sounded like he half hoped that she was fast asleep. "I just wanted to say goodnight." He walked away again.

"Goodnight, Zack." She closed her eyes.

AN: Well, there we have it. Sorry for the long delay on updates. It's been crazy in my world. Anyway, thanks again go out to Bof for all her thoughtful input. Also, specail thanks for all the reviews and PMs. I can't tell you how appreciative I am of you for taking the time to let me know what you think. Thank you all so much, and enjoy!