Splintered Dreams

Chapter Thirteen

"Pushin' On"

She ached.

In more ways than one, she ached.

Her body was drained—physically exhausted from travel and battle, and her spirit was empty. Her heart, still wounded and bleeding from Cloud, was such a shredded mess that she wasn't sure it could ever be salvaged.

She tossed the picturesque cottage behind her a glance and felt the ribbons of her heart tremble. Quaint and simple, offset from the dirt and ruin of the slums, it should have been safe haven. Instead, their fight had brought darkness here; had smeared the image with fear and ruin.

From her vantage point she could spot Barret in the garden with Elmyra, and she knew he was coping in his way. Barret liked busy-work. If he was active, then he wasn't stuck in his grief.

She knew he would mourn. Knew he would cry. But she also knew that he'd fight that much harder, too. For Biggs, Wedge and Jessie. His conviction was strong before, but today Shin-Ra cemented his hatred.

It was her conviction that she was questioning.

She had once believed that AVALANCHE—and what they stood for—could make a difference, but all they seemed to be doing was causing more hardship, more pain...more death. She'd seen enough death to last her through several lifetimes, and the idea of being responsible for any more ate at her.

Barret had told her that Shin-Ra was to blame, and yes, they were...mostly. But didn't they have a share of the blame? Hadn't they provoked Shin-Ra's wrath?

She knew he expected her to stay with him, knew he expected her to pick up the pieces and keep going—because it was what they had done so many times before. She just didn't know if she had it in her this time.

With a sigh, she bowed her head, closed her eyes, and tried to find the resolve to keep fighting that was buried somewhere beneath her grief.

Because he felt he needed a distraction, Zack began the mindless task of polishing the dirt and grime from his Buster Sword.

He tried—ineffectually—to ignore the silence all around him. He wasn't good with silence. It clawed inside his skull and made his skin crawl. It hadn't always been that way, he thought with the familiar sting of bitterness, but after Hojo... He shook off the thought. It did no good to dwell on things he couldn't change.

With a sigh, he glanced at the clock above Elmyra's stove. Tifa had gone for a walk twenty minutes ago, Marlene was put upstairs for a nap and Barret had gone with Elmyra...somewhere to do something. He was sure they'd told him, but his attention had been on a set of rigid shoulders and a swaying ponytail walking away from him.

Always away, he thought, and exhaled through his nose. The walls had been bad enough, but this chasm she'd put around herself was damn near impossible to breech. He shouldn't be as angry as he was. It wasn't in his nature to get pissed, but the truth was, he was angry. And hurt.

Did she think she was the only one in pain, right now? In need? He'd offered her comfort, certainly would give it—if she'd let him—but she offered him none in return. Hadn't he lost friends today? Wasn't Aerith still missing?

He knew from experience that this was her way to cope. Bottle it up, shut it down. And he was trying not to let that bother him; trying not to feel like he'd been kicked in the gut by her. Trying...and failing.

She needed space. She needed time... and he needed to go.

Aerith still needed his help and he wasn't selfish enough to refuse that.

"Papa?" Quick, light feet pattered down the steps and drew him from his thoughts. "Papa?"

Zack ignored the burst of relief he felt at having the silence broken. He was a grown man, for Ifrit's sake. "He'll be back soon," he called to her. "It's just you and me here, kiddo."

"Oh." Marlene rubbed her eyes as she approached him. A few feet away, she inclined her head, blinked and yawned wide enough to swallow her face.

Zack smirked. That kid was damn adorable.

She maneuvered herself closer to his side, watched him quietly for a few seconds. "Zack?"

"Hm?"

"Do you like Tifa?"

The hand polishing the gigantic Buster Sword paused. "What?"

"Do-you-like-Tifa?" Each word was exaggerated in its enunciation.

That's what he thought she'd said. He cleared his throat, resumed polishing. "Of course I like Tifa. You know that."

"As more than a friend?"

Zack drew back a little. This was not a conversation he wanted to be having, considering his thoughts just moments ago; much less one he wanted to share with a five year old. "Why do you ask?" he countered.

"Because I wanna know." Well, there was certainly logic there. "So do you?" she prodded when he remained silent.

Zack shuffled the sword to one side. "She's nice," he evaded.

A dainty foot stamped the tile. "Everyone knows she's nice." She frowned at him and the disappointment on her face actually made him feel guilty. "Don't you think she's pretty?"

He scratched the base of his neck. "Marlene— "

She edged closer, peering into his face, eyes that were moments ago crusted with sleep glittered expectantly. "Johnny thinks she is. He wants to marry her. He said so. Don't you think she's pretty?"

He leaned back, more than a bit uncomfortable. It was amazing how intimidating a five year old could be."Yeah. OK, yes. She's pretty."

Showing that she was indeed Barret's daughter, Marlene was relentless in her pursuit. "And you like her? Right?" Closer still, until her little nose almost touched his. "Because she's nice and pretty, so you like her. A lot. Right?"

He stood, looking for escape. "Uhm..." He walked around the table.

Marlene trailed after him. "Zack?" She skirted around him, tugged at his pant leg, drew his eyes down. "You do like her right? Like a girlfriend? Because I think you should. Tifa's nice and she helps me."

There was a higher pitch to Marlene's voice than usual, Zack finally noticed; an edge that bordered on frantic, if he listened. He bent down on one knee so that he was eye-level with her, and carefully studied her expression. "She helps all of us," Zack agreed, his own voice gentle.

Marlene blinked a couple of times, rubbed at her eyes. "I just want...someone to help her."

Hope and protectiveness, all in one so young. She was so earnest, and Zack suddenly didn't want to let her down. She'd had too many things crumble in her life already.

He touched her shoulder. "I think you are a very brave and strong girl, Marlene. Just like Tifa."

"Really?"

"Really."

Unexpectedly, she threw herself into his arms and buried her face in his neck. There were no tears, she only gave a soft sigh and a small shudder and then she was squirming back and away. And off she went out the front door, taking a larger piece of his heart than she had before.

On the porch, Tifa stood statue still. Guilt and pride, love and sadness all swamped her, overwhelmed her, and for a moment it was all she could do to just breathe. In the kitchen Zack was still crouched, his profile averted and if she looked, really looked, she could see the tightness of his jaw, the hard slant of his mouth and the slight slump of usually straight shoulders.

It was obvious that he was hurting and if she hadn't been so busy wallowing in her own misery she would have realized sooner that her distance was hurting him and Marlene—two of the few remaining people she cared about—and that just wasn't acceptable.

She would just have to find a way to cope with her grief. She was sure if she tried hard enough she could push it down, bury it where Nibleheim and Cloud lived until she had the time to deal with it. It wouldn't be the first time she pretended to be fine when she wasn't. She'd become an expert at feeling one thing and projecting another. She could do that for them.

Newly resolved, she opened the door.

Zack waited a beat before he stood, then grabbed his sword. He adjusted the straps, slipped it onto his back. The heavy, familiar weight was both comfort and burden. He wondered, briefly, if Angeal would have approved of how his family's ancestral blade was being used.

His head snapped around when he heard the screen door bounce shut and he felt his heart squeeze. Framed by the wanning afternoon light, her hair shimmered with hidden fire and her pale skin glowed and had it not been for the grim line of her mouth and the flat sheen of her eyes he would have called her silhouette ethereal. There was, however; an all too human frailty about her and his hands reflexively balled at his sides as he fought down the urge to reach for her. He didn't think he could take the rejection again.

"You're going, then?" she asked him.

He tried for a neutral tone. "Yeah. I have to." He rifled through his hair, loosing strands to fall before the blue of his eyes. "Aerith needs me." Tell me you do too...

She didn't. Instead, she simply nodded. "Okay."

That was it? Okay? Zack glanced away before she saw how much her easy acceptance of his departure stung."Do you know where you'll be going?" he asked. Wanted by Shin-Ra and having no home anymore, he wondered at her options, at the struggle she and Barret would face.

"Yeah. I'm going with you."

"What?" Surprised, he turned. When he looked at her he shook his head."Tifa, I can't ask you to come with me—"

"You're not." Her gaze wandered to the window where Barret and Elmyra could be seen in the garden. "She wouldn't be involved if it weren't for me. I'm going."

"Tifa..." He sighed, ruffled his hair again. "Aerith was there because of me, and you aren't responsible."

Reluctantly, she turned to face him and he could see the fractures in her walls."If I stop...if I stay here or anywhere...I'll go crazy. I need to do something."

He took one look into her eyes—usually so vibrant, and now so empty—and agreed. Tifa was a fighter. It was in her spirit to want to make a difference, to champion and to protect. That had been seriously damaged today and whatever else he did, Zack was determined to put that light back in her eyes.

He straightened his shoulders, still felt the need to caution her. "Before we go, you gotta know, I'm going to Shin-Ra HQ. If you come with me, you need to be prepared for the worst."

"I will be." She nodded once. "There's a weapons vendor just outside of Sector Six. I'll need some gloves."

"And I'll need some ammo."

Both turned to the new voice.

Barret nodded at them from the open door. He set Marlene to her feet, crouched in front of her. Elmyra stood behind him. "Marlene, you're gonna stay with Ms. Elmyra for a bit, okay?"

Marlene studied her father intensely. "You're coming back, right, Papa?"

Zack saw the other man's subtle flinch, but his smile never wavered. "You know it, princess." He kissed her forehead, pinched her cheek lightly.

Appeased, Marlene smiled back. "Love you."

"Love you too." His voice cracked. He cleared his throat, rose to his towering height. He turned to face Elmyra. "This place is dangerous now. You have anywhere else you can go?"

"Yes." She jotted a quick note on a scrap piece of paper, handed it to Barret. "You'll find us there."

He looked at it, nodded once. "Thank you."

"Just promise me you'll come back to her. Safe." She placed her hand on his arm. His metal gun arm, Zack noted, without so much as a flinch. And the big man seemed pretty enthralled by the action himself.

There was a long pause before Barret shook himself and whirled around, his eyes immediately finding Zack's half-smirk. "What the hell you lookin' at? Let's go." He pushed his shoulder, nudged him out the door.

Zack shrugged, kept right on grinning.

Tifa watched the men go, shaking her head. When she turned back around, she dropped to one knee, opened her arms for Marlene. "Be good, and draw me lots of pictures, okay?"

Marlene's arms were surprisingly tight around her neck, but Tifa relished the moment. She buried her face into soft hair, and inhaled the scent of innocence. She had her reason to keep fighting.

Slowly, she rose and handed Marlene over to Elmyra. "I..." Tifa swallowed, spread her hands. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Just be safe."

"Thank you."

She found Barret and Zack just beyond the cobbled path, both men staring into the distance. She came up on Barret's left, and in silence they stood and listened to the faint sound of sirens and helicopters while smoke billowed around the wreckage of Sector Seven.

Instinctively, she wanted to help. Wanted to dig through rubble and debris, hoping against hope to find survivors, but she knew they wouldn't get within a hundred feet, so they were left staring and helpless.

It was Zack that broke the uncomfortable silence. "We should head to Wall Market."

Barret agreed with a soft grunt. "Considering there ain't no trains going to the plate right now, I'd say that's our best bet." He looked to Tifa.

"Sounds like a plan."

They made a stop at the weapons vendor that Tifa had mentioned. The shop was small, but well-kept, and smelled faintly of incense and smoke. In the back room of the shop, where the ammunition and explosives were kept, Barret began dismantling his gun arm and fitting in some new pieces.

At the counter, Zack purchased a pouch for his belt and some small containers of potion and some other miscellaneous odds and ends while the balding shopkeeper rambled on and on about some odd thing or another. Every so often he'd grunt or make a small sound of assessment, and the shopkeeper kept right on chattering.

Across the small shop, Tifa rummaged through the fighting gear and came up with a pair of leather shorts and sleeveless top. A few bins later she triumphantly found a pair of steel-toe boots in her size and a set of elbow pads.

"Here."

Startled, she glanced up to find Zack at her shoulder. In his hand he held a strip of leather cord.

"For your hair," he said with a shrug when she simply continued to stare, confused.

"Oh." She took the strap, careful so her fingers didn't touch his. "Thanks."

"Sure." He turned away, his entire frame tight.

Tifa watched him walk away and sighed softly. "Zack?" She approached him carefully.

"Hm?" He spared her a glance over his shoulder.

She turned slightly, pulled her hair into a ponytail. "Tie it for me?"

His eyes widened marginally. "Sure." He stepped behind her, took the cord from her hand.

He tied a quick, secure knot but before she could lower her hair she felt the light touch of his fingers to her nape. It was gentle, and fleeting, but she knew if she were to lean back, he'd be there.

She took a long quiet breath. "Thank you."

"Anytime."

A throat cleared and Tifa opened eyes she hadn't realized she'd closed.

"You two ready?" Barret's brow was quirked and Tifa couldn't tell if it wasin irritation or amusement. Either way, it caused her to step away from Zack and pick her clothes up. "Yeah, just let me go change."

Both men watched her walk off, and when she disappeared behind the dark green curtain Barret tossed Zack a look. "We're headin' into some heavy shit, ain't we?"

"Yeah."

Barret adjusted his arm, cricked his neck. "We keep her safe."

"Yes."

They shared a mutual nod and waited.

Wall Market was far less crowded than their initial visit, Zack thought as they strode through the main walk. He assumed many of the people in the sector had heard the commotion from the plate bombing and had gone to see. Not to mention there were probably several people that had come from Sector Seven with family and friends still there. He didn't want to think about that. If he were to dwell on it, his anger would get the better of him, and his guilt.

"Where to?" Tifa wanted to know as they neared the Pharmacy.

"Not sure," Zack stopped walking, looked around. Most of the merchant shops had closed signs up.

Barret shifted his weight, surveyed the area also. "I say we pay Don Corneo a visit. If anyone is gonna know anything in Wall Market, it'd be him."

"Uh, yeah...about Corneo..." Tifa shot Zack a look, who simply shook his head.

Barret watched the silent exchange before he ran his hand down his face and exhaled. "You didn't," he said.

"Well..."

"Teef, what did I say about goin' off half-cocked?"

Zack pinched his lips together when she simply shrugged and murmured, "I don't know, I tend to drown you out after awhile."

Barret sighed in exasperation. He turned to Zack, "Shock me and tell me you weren't involved."

"Can't."

"That doesn't surprise me." He rolled his eyes. "All right, so Corneo's is out, thanks to you two—and don't think you aren't gonna tell me exactly how you got in there," he warned Tifa, "so we need a new option."

"Hey! Hey you guys! You wanna see something awesome?" Two boys, probably a year or two older than Marlene stood a few feet away, eager expressions on their faces. "There's a rope that climbs to the sky!" the smaller of the two proclaimed.

The three companions glanced between each other, and after getting go-ahead nods from Tifa and Barret, Zack made a gesture for the boys to lead the way. Couldn't hurt to see what they were so excited about, he thought.

Behind him, Tifa and Barret fell into step and their little parade marched toward one of the the darker alleys of Wall Market just behind the gym.

As the shadows deepened, Zack tensed a bit, his fingers twitching reflexively. He knew many desperate people that weren't opposed to using children to lure unsuspecting marks into something unfriendly, but he relaxed a minute later when he spotted a slim girl, dressed in worn clothing and twirling a broken doll between her hands. Behind her, a dead power line hung against a graffiti tagged brick wall.

He angled his head, stared up. The rope seemed to go on forever, but it was so dark, it was hard to tell just what was overhead.

"Everyone's been climbing up," the little girl informed them.

"Do you think we can climb it?" Tifa asked, also staring up at the apparently never-ending wire. "Will it lead to the plate?"

"Only one way to find out. We climb it," Barret stated.

"Whoa." Zack held up his hand. "We don't know how far this thing even goes."

"It goes all the way. You know what I see here?" Barret didn't wait for them to reply. "I see a shiny, golden wire of hope."

Zack snorted. "Okay, that really bad analogy aside, we have no idea how much weight that line will even hold, much less how far it goes—" He stopped when Tifa stepped past them and hefted herself up the wire.

"It's the only way we have right now, and we need to get to Aerith, right?" She told them over her shoulder. "So we chance it."

Barret nudged his shoulder. "You heard her. We chance it."

"Alright. I'm just sure as hell not climbing behind you," Zack nudged him back, followed Tifa. Yeah, the view was much better this way, he thought, and tried not to grin.

AN: So, so sorry for the looooong delay in an update. I do hope you enjoyed it, though. I appreciate all the encouragement and thoughtful reviews, and the continued reading by you guys! It means the world. Next up "Raid on the Shin-Ra Tower", and I feel I should mention in advance that some of the scenes in the coming chapter(s) may be a little more intense than what's been so far. Just a heads up. Again, thank you all so much!