A/N: Yeah that was a rough cliffhanger chapter. I am finally on summer vacation and am trying to read up on Harley backstory to get the creative juices flowing - some other things may be in the works, stay tuned...

Chapter 4: Change their World

So the days float through my eyes

But the days still seem the same

And these children that you spit on

As they try to change their worlds

Are immune to your consultations

They're quite aware of what they're going through

"Changes", David Bowie

"Um, yeah, I am." She said, shushing me with her finger, "You don't need to fucking scream it out to the world."

"How the – what – the – I don't even…" I sputtered.

"If you wait a minute, I'll explain. My mom doesn't even know yet." She said.

"I have to sit down." I said, plunking myself onto one of their breakfast bar stools, which was harder than I imagined it being so my tailbone hurt like a motherfucker.

"I know it's kind of a shock."

"Ya think?" I said, my voice sounding hollow.

"Listen to me, don't make this about you. You tend to do that."

"It's a little hard not to make it about me! What the hell, Pam? How did this happen?"

"Um…I think you know HOW this happened."

"Shut the fuck up. Don't get sassy with me. This is not the time for sassiness."

"Ok, ok, fine, you're not in the mood for facetiousness. I get it." She rolled her eyes, which infuriated me more. I hated it when she did that.

"You better explain yourself fast, mama."

She glared at me for a moment, then continued, "Ok, here's the thing. Oh my God, it's so utterly shameful. You're going to kill me. Like, literally kill me."

"If this is Bruce Wayne's child, I am going to throw myself out a window." I said, feeling dead inside.

"Oh, no, no, no," she shook her head vehemently, "But you're close."

"IT'S BANE'S!" I said triumphantly, "Wait, how is that even possible? He is like humongous."

"That is not correct, sweetheart. And hey, if I was truly straight, I would definitely be interested in seeing how the mechanics of that would work. But no. Try again."

I sat there for a moment, thinking of people close to Bruce.

Then it hit me like a ton of metaphorical bricks to the tits.

"No." I said with realization.

"Yes." She sighed.

"NO."

"Yes."

"Not that little rat-faced fuckhead, Dick Grayson!" I howled.

"I told you that you'd think I was stupid…"

"NOOOOOOOO." I wailed.

"It was a revenge fuck…you know, with everything with Barbara…"

"Fucking…Jesus…argh." Coherency wasn't happening for me today.

Then she started laughing her ass off, more than was appropriate for the situation.

I stared at her, "You're just fucking with me."

"Yes!" she sputtered through her laughter, "I just needed to see the look on her face."

"I hate you. I hate you so hard."

"Ok then, I'll move along. When I went back to New York, as you know, I backslid with Selina - right, we talked about that and I'm not readdressing it – and I also got a little reckless with one: my sanity, two: my alcohol intake and three: my birth control methods. Not a good combo."

"I am literally going to kill you." I interjected but she interrupted me.

"ANYWAY – I was picking up dudes in bars like nobody's business. I was on fire. I was killing it. But then again I was in a pit of misery and despair so there's that too. Point is, the possibilities lie in three different men that I slept with in that period of time."

"So…this is like Mamma Mia?!" I jumped up, startling her.

"Don't even start with me on that shit, Harleen."

"This is so exciting. It's like a mystery novel except with promiscuousness."

"Dear Lord."

I ignored her, "Ok, so who are the three suspects?"

"This is not Law and Order."

"I thought being hunted down by a gang was enough to get this story rolling but oh man, the hits keep on coming!" I grinned.

"You are a sociopath." Pam said, dead-pan.

"Tell me who they are please please please."

"Ok, fine." She sighed, "I think one said his name was Adam? I met him at the late night bar on Madison…he was a…law…something."

"Lawyer? Law clerk? Law professor?" I suggested.

"Something like that."

"That's extraordinarily unhelpful."

"Winner number two I'm a little clearer on; his name is Nick, he's a tattoo artist in Brooklyn. Hot, so hot. Such abs, wow."

"That sounds more promising."

"And behind door number three…Bruce Wayne."

"WHAT?!"

"Just kidding again!" she cracked up laughing. She shielded her face as I attempted to claw her eyes out, "Oh calm down!"

"I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS." I was beyond help.

She merely ignored me and pulled her out her cell.

"The third guy's name is…" she started scrolling through her phone, "Oh, here – um, his name is Hans."

"HANS." I started snorting with laughter.

"Oh, wait no, that says hands. Why would I put someone's name down as Hands?"

"I have no fucking idea what drunk you's mind is like."

"Apparently I do. Hands. What the hell. Ok, he must be good with his hands?"

"Amen to that." We high-fived.

"That still doesn't solve what his name is."

"I have an easy way to fix that." I snatched the phone from her and started dialing his number on my own phone and pressed 'call'.

"Wait-" Pam started to say, but the man picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hello, I am calling from your mobile company. Who am I speaking to?" I said, trying to sound professional but monotone like a telemarketer.

"This is Michael. What is this regarding?"

I hung up.

"See, now we know his name is Michael and he has a decent vocabulary. Cute voice. I see it happening." I said.

"Harley, you literally heard him say 7 words." She said wryly.

"It's plenty." I clapped my hands together, "Oh, this is so exciting!"

"My unplanned pregnancy is exciting to you?"

"Um, duh! You're my best friend. Didn't you want to get pregnant?"

"Well, yes, I did. The circumstances are less than desirable but at my core, I am pretty happy about it. You know I've always wanted to be a mom, and when Selina took Edward away from me, I thought it was all over for me. Even though he wasn't really my child, I took care of him like my own. I was so heartbroken, I didn't think I'd ever get over it. But…" she looked down at her stomach, "This might make up for all that."

I felt my eyes well up with tears.

Pam grabbed my hand, "Oh no, don't cry over me."

"I'm just so happy for you. I know how much you needed this." I said, wiping my eyes.

"Yeah, after the whole prison thing, this could really turn things around."

"God, you were pregnant in prison." I said in sudden realization, "What a stereotype, Pamela."

"Shut up." She said, laughing.

"This is so Orange is the New Black it's not even funny."

"Stop."

…

After Pam and I talked through the plan – my plan, really – to go to New York and solve the mystery of the unplanned pregnancy (Nancy Drew has nothing on us), I wandered upstairs to find my man and our own unplanned lovechild. I'm such a loving, doting parent. Be jealous.

I found them napping together in the sitting room off to the side of their den. It was so sweet I almost vomited. Again, loving and doting parent.

He opened one eye, "Hello."

"Hi." I said quietly, sitting down on the arm of the couch.

"What was all the exclaiming about? I heard commotion in the kitchen."

"I'll tell you later." I rolled my eyes, "Basically, Pam is an idiot."

"That's 99 percent of the time."

"Yes, well, this particular action is slightly more idiotic than usual."

"Sounds intriguing."

"Indeed it is. You will be agog."

"Aghast, even?"

"I wouldn't go that far."

He chuckled softly, "We are killing it with that witty repartee lately."

"Hashtag relationship goals."

"I would have to disagree. I don't think we should be anyone's idea of a normal, healthy romance."

"I respect that assessment." I nodded in affirmation, "Let's just say they won't be penning any romantic ballads about the Joker and Harley Quinn."

I stared down at our daughter, "Have you thought about what we're going to do with her?"

"I already talked to Angela. She agreed to take care of her for the time being."

"Is Mike going to be ok with it?"

"Whatever she says, goes. You know that."

"Fair point." I brushed away her little straw-blonde bangs from her face, "It's going to be weird, being without her."

"You're more accustomed to it than I am."

"Spectacular dig, thank you ever so much." I said, dead-pan.

"Couldn't resist." He shrugged slightly.

"That being said, I do think it's the best solution at this juncture. My sister would be so pissed at me if I dropped a child into the mix after she's been newly married."

"She'll be pregnant tomorrow." The Joker said.

"Don't say that about her. She will wait a respectable amount of time to get knocked up. At least she's married."

"Again, something that we could remedy." He put Olivia down to rest on the couch, "If you'd answer my question."

"I still have no answer for you, bro, sorry."

"As loving as that term 'bro' is, it doesn't still confidence in our relationship."

"Let's say this: we fix this shit that you started, and I will give you an answer." I said, sticking out my hand.

"We have an accord." He shook my hand firmly.

"Are we pirates now?"

"We really might as well be. Anyway, what did Pam do that was so stupid? She's not pregnant, is she?" he started laughing.

When he saw my face that totally betrayed the truth of the statement, he stopped abruptly, "Oh, well, fuck."

"Yeah," I drawled.

"Who…what…how?" he was just as speechless as I had been.

"It's a long story."

"That doesn't bode well."

We had dinner with the Isley clan that evening, me and Jay being ever so silent about the whole unplanned pregnancy thing. I didn't imagine Pam's parents were the type to be super upset about it but it was still not news I wanted to deliver to people who weren't my own family members, as much as it felt that way.

I thought then about my own parents for a brief vulnerable moment. I tried not to think that much about them, to be honest; it was very painful considering, you know, I was in a relationship with the man that inadvertently killed them.

Let's not mention how fucked up I am.

I suppose that could stem from my childhood…but that's a story for another time.

Something that was always going to bother me was that they would never see Olivia. If you believe in Heaven or some plane of existence, then perhaps that's comforting, but I don't know if I really do.

I can't really fathom it at the same time because perhaps if they were still alive, maybe she wouldn't even exist. It's amazing how one moment can change the entire course of your life. Or, I guess, one big fire. Maybe I would have married John – I mean, whatever that fucking actor guy – and maybe I would have been happy. I realize that the Joker did me a favor in killing him and I would really rather have not found out 10 years into the future that our life we would have built together was a lie. I don't think I could have bared that knowledge, being lied to for that long. But here I go again, dwelling on the past. That's psychological torture at its finest.

"Are you alright, Harley?" Pam asked, "You look a little lost."

"Just thinking." I said dismissively.

"About?" Angela inquired, looking up from her plate.

"My parents." I replied, not daring to look at the Joker while I said it.

"Oh," Mike said, "Where are they?"

I realized then that Pamela had not explained much of my past to them.

"Oh, um…they're dead." I said matter-of-factly.

Angela reached across the table to grab my wrist, "I am so sorry, dear, I really had no idea. Pamela, why didn't you say anything?"

"Forgot." She replied, looking very much into her green bean casserole.

"You forgot to tell us that your best friend's parents are dead?" Mike shook his head, "Or conveniently slipped your mind?"

"Honestly, it's fine." I said helplessly over their arguing.

"Honey, no, it's not fine." Angela said firmly, "What happened to them?"

I paused. I couldn't tell them the whole truth. They would kick the Joker out of their house posthaste a la Jazz from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. As funny as that would be, I couldn't do that to him.

"Um, well, they actually died at my wedding."

Angela and Mike stared me down, clearly in disbelief. They glanced over at the Joker.

"Oh, we're not married!" I said quickly, "I was engaged before – twice actually but that's beside the point – to a man named John. I had moved to this small town in upstate New York and we met when I set up a practice there. The day of our wedding, a huge fire broke out in the rectory; John and my parents died that day."

Angela's hand flew to her mouth with an audible gasp, "Dear holy Lord! Weren't you devastated?"

"Oh yes, at the time. It was a few years ago; my life has changed so much since then. It's just…um, I was sitting here and remembering our own family dinners and wishing that it could be that way for me again. It is still a little painful. It happens at random moments; it sort of just hit me right now that I won't have family dinners with them again. I mean, it's awesome that I still have my sister, but it's only a small consolation at times." I said, feeling my eyes well with tears. I had to admit that they were real; I wasn't faking it for the attention.

Angela got up and rushed to me, embracing me tightly, "Harley, you are welcome at our table for as long as I am living. You know that."

"I do, thank you." I said, meaning it.

Angela looked over at Mike, "Speaking of, I have something to talk to you about."

Mike raised an eyebrow, "And that is…?"

"Well, Jay and Harley have to take a lengthy trip to New York to handle some business, so we're going to take care of Olivia for a little while." She said firmly, in a tone that suggested that she was not to be argued with.

"That would be fine, dear. I think it would be nice to have a little one around here; it's been so long since we've had a child around here. Since Pammy is not really interested in having one…"

I glanced at Pam, and she caught my eye.

I mouthed, 'Do it.' I don't think she was going to get a better opening than that.

Pam cleared her throat, "Well, Mom and Dad, actually there's something I need to share with you."

They both slowly turned to look at her, her mom blanching slightly.

"I'm pregnant."