Breaking up with Josie Saltzman definitely wasn't one of your finest moments. Even as you forced that fake smile on your face while hers crumbled in front of you, there was a voice screaming in the back of your head. Still what was said cannot be unsaid and you walk away from the person you know is the love of your life. (You kind of knew this was the truth at the time but a year spent away cemented the fact for you. It was as much the truth as you needed to breathe to live. Josie Saltzman is the love of your life.)

You had been arguing for months, each angry interaction ending with more distance between you than the last. There is a chasm in your relationship with the name Lizzie Saltzman on it. You try not to feel too bitter whenever you wonder if Josie will ever be able to see the way she bends over backwards for her sister isn't healthy. You wonder if she does see it and continues to do it because her heart is too big for a world as cruel as this one. You decided you couldn't watch Josie let herself suffocate.

You'd kind of always known the way Lizzie treated her twin wasn't right, and you knew you could never really keep your mouth shut about it enough to get away with it, but something in you decided to fall in love with Josie anyway. There was something light in her that always made you want more. You craved the times she did speak up about something, especially if it was some witty sarcastic comment people didn't think she was capable of. You fell in love with the way she scrunched up her nose when she didn't like something or didn't expect it. She was optimistic sunshine and being with her made you feel like you were walking on clouds. Being with Josie was easy, easier than taking your next breath, and better than coffee in the morning. You never thought you could let her go, or that you would ever be willing to.

You tried in the beginning, pushing Josie to stand in her own light, step outside her shell. There was never much progress before Lizzie was having another breakdown or accusing you of forcing a wedge between the twins. Josie always took her side, staring at you with those apologetic doe eyes, and you both knew you'd always forgive her.

Still you tried anyway, little nudges like when Josie would say, "I need to help Lizzie with something." You'd just distract her with kisses and promises of more, eyes begging her to stay. You'd manage 10 minutes, then 20 before Josie would tell you she really had to go and all you could do was breathe a quiet, "Okay" before slumping back and letting her leave.

Once, you managed to convince Josie to send Lizzie a text that said she got caught up in homework, but Lizzie had marched over to your room and started screaming at Josie about how you always took too much of her time. You'd just screamed back about how Lizzie never let Josie have any space for herself.

"Well I let her date you didn't I, Park?"

"Well have you ever stopped to think that Josie is her own person and doesn't need your permission to do anything?"

You continue until Josie puts her hand on your arm and mumbled, "It's okay, I'll just go." You feel your breath get knocked out of your chest and turn away to pretend your eyes aren't burning as Josie picks Lizzie over you again. The door closes behind you and you are left in the cold silence.

The fights between you and Josie always ran along the same lines; a broken record that neither of you knew how to fix. It's not for lack of trying on your part but you can't help but ignore Josie longer and longer each time. You both always come back together with apologies but never for the right thing.

So you break up with her. She looks like she's been slapped, like this break up came out of nowhere when it had been brewing for months. You wish it hadn't been so public but she was saying, "Sorry but I have to cancel our lunch tomorrow, Lizzie needs help with Potions and I promised I'd go over it with her at lunch." and you snapped at her.

"Maybe we should just cancel everything and you can go focus on Lizzie as you always do."

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" Her brow furrows and the pout that normally gets you to forgive everything is starting to form but you find yourself unaffected by it just this once in your anger.

"It means I'm breaking up with you, Josie. I'm sick of always being second place behind your selfish twin and the fact that you never fight for me, for us. So I'm done. It's over. We're cancelling everything." You spit out the words, far too loud to be any semblance of private in a hallway full of students eyeing you. You leave her dumbfounded and stride away as fast as you can to your next lesson, ignoring the fact that maybe you should be feeling something more than this vague disinterest. You wonder if there's anything you touch that doesn't break.

It isn't until you get to your room at the end of the week that it hits you, a sucker punch to your ribs, and you let the tears fall. "If you really loved her, you'd fight for her." The voice in your head is screaming at you. You think you've fought enough for someone who didn't fight back. There a part of you, the same part as your voice, that wants you to turn around and apologise, grovel for forgiveness because your words were too harsh, too false. The bigger part of you is exhausted from constant arguments pretending to be smoothed over with soft kisses and whispered apologies.

It takes you weeks to even look at her without somehow walking a different way (but you definitely were not avoiding her because that would be immature). Still, you manage to put on a façade for your friends, the group of witches who follow you blindly and laugh at everything you say. You crack jokes about the relationship and how being tied down was just too difficult. You pretend you can't see Josie's sad puppy-dog eyes staring at you when she thinks you aren't looking, the way they switch to angry glares when she thinks you are. You think the only person who really understands you is the person you (don't) run away from.

Lizzie starts calling you Satan and while your friends are offended, you kind of like the new moniker. (The voice in the back of your head whispers "It's just the truth"). You fold it into your new personality, as you push yourself further than ever before in your studies, trying to find the boundaries in your magic and realising they're much further than you ever thought. You manage to project a bubble of confidence and hope no one sees through the cracks. (There are so many and every single one of them is named Josie)

As the months pass you find yourself (childishly) provoking her into giving some sort of reaction at your antics, because at this stage your body still doesn't know how to live without Josie in your life and your dumb fucking brain can't help itself. You keep heckling Lizzie as she walks through the halls, making snide comments "Oh watch out, her majesty Elizabeth is passing through. Better not breathe too loud."

Lizzie side eyes you while turning her nose up, "I wasn't going to say anything, but don't you think Satan looks even more pathetic today?" She says to Josie. Josie just turns to glare at you and you give a saccharine smile and blow her a kiss as though that one acknowledgement from her doesn't make your insides buzz.

Two new kids turn up at Salvatore, Raf and Landon. The twins are of course tasked with giving them a tour and Lizzie obviously fawns over Raf's muscular figure. But your eyes notice the way Josie scans over him appreciatively and a hot wave of jealously washes through your stomach. You knew Josie would just let Lizzie have him though. It was the same story, different object. Your eyes meet hers as they walk past and you smirk knowingly while Lizzie glares, "That's Satan, Josie's evil ex, you can ignore her." She says to the two boys. Their confused faces look over and you wink at the boys while continuing your conversation with the witches in front of you.

You plan a party at the old mill because you could use a distraction from the fact that Raf would pick Lizzie over Josie as always and Josie would just let it slide with a smile on her face. In some weird, twisted way, you'd rather see Josie date Raf so she could at least try to be independent and take what she wanted for once. It might kill you to see it but if she was happy. Happier than she was now, after you selfishly broke her heart. You ignore the small part of you that hopes she would just tell Lizzie to fuck off and come back to you.

So you throw a party. Jed's managed to talk his way into a ton of alcohol from the local and you don't really care who's invited because you just needed a good time forgetting. You don't expect to see Josie there and you kind of (definitely) do a spit take when you see her arrive. You decide to toss back the drink you're holding and again your dumb fucking inebriated brain decides to do something reckless.

You spot MG in the crowd and your mind zeros in on him as your choice. You decide to invite him into the kitchen so you'll be alone.

"You look thirsty, I bet you could use a little pick me up."

You automatically roll your eyes when he stutters and starts going for the stash of blood in the fridge and pull your hair to the side, baring your neck to him.

"Wouldn't you like to try it from the source?" You tease.

The rational voice in your head is yelling at you, once again, that this is quite possibly the dumbest thing you've ever done. The irrational part knows that being fed on can be a very pleasurable experience for both parties.

So you pull MG closer by his collar and walk your fingers up his collarbone to wrap your hand around the back of his neck.

"What are you waiting for?"

You hover your lips over his close enough that you can feel his unsteady breath before kissing him soundly. Some part of you hoped it would lift some of the bricks from your chest. The bigger part of you knows those bricks have made home there.

You're rudely interrupted by a familiar gasp and turn your head to see Josie standing in the doorway for a brief moment before she flees. A stupid sliver of hope wonders if she'd decided to follow you there before you manage to quash it. There was no room for hope in the house of bricks within you.

MG guiltily backs away.

"Oh shit. I shouldn't have done this. I… I gotta go."

He's gone before you finish blinking and you breathe out a sigh. A vindictive voice approves of the fact you managed to use Josie's best friend against her. Your heart is still racing at the thought of nearly being fed on, forgetting about rippers in the heat of the moment. You're no longer in the mood for a party.