I am sooooo sorry for this late chapter, really I am. But like always, I have no valid excuse so…
Hope you enjoy either way!
CHAPTER 11
To be honest I really just want to punch myself in the face. I am so stupid!
I've been back in Las Angeles for a good two months now and quite frankly, I couldn't say it feels good to be back. What happened to home sweet home? Where is the relief I'm supposed to feel now that I don't have everyone looking at me with sympathy and regret in their eyes? WHERE?!
The only good thing that's come out of me flying back was the distraction, it didn't take long for me to fall back into my usual routine; ever since I landed, my manager has been at my neck with fittings and shoots for upcoming launches – but I was grateful as it left me no time to think about what I had done. The mistake I had made. What was I thinking? I practically threw away the chance of me ever being happy again because of what? Fear of getting hurt again? My so-called boyfriend? My stupid, God-awful pride? Was it all really worth my happiness? I think the fuck not. Because I knew Helia wouldn't hurt me like that again, mine and Mason's relationship is pretty much non-existent anymore and as for my pride – well itcan go suck my dick for all I care because there he was – in all his glory – asking me to take him back, and like an idiot I said no.
And as for Mason, well he's pretty much acting like these past three weeks never even happened. Like as if he didn't just go all M.I.A on me for days on end. And it's not like I haven't tried to bring it up, believe me I have tried. But he just refuses to acknowledge any of my discomfort in our relationship and I can definitely say that that is not the man I thought I fell in love with. Not at all. And I wasn't having it anymore.
Which is exactly why I was sitting on our couch, in our three-bedroom penthouse, waiting for his ass to get back home so we can talk about it like the adults that we claim to be. It was around Nine O'clock when I finally heard the door click before swinging open. He walked in and froze as he saw me watching him with a glass of wine in my hand and a sceptical look on my face. It's about time, asshole.
He let out a sigh and nodded, before throwing himself on the couch opposite me. "I know I know. We need to talk, we've been meaning to for awhile now, I've just been too pussy to say anything and –"
"Who is she." I deadpanned, interrupting him with no emotion and no regrets. There was only one way this conversation was going to end and that's with me getting up, picking my pre-packed bags and walking out that door a single woman.
He flinched but refused to meet my eye. He scratched his neck and shook his head but I was already losing my patience.
"Who is she, Mason."
"It's not a she."
Oh…
Oh.
Now that, I wasn't expecting. And you could tell by the way my mouth dropped open and my eyes practically popped out of their sockets that that was the last thing I expected to come out of his mouth.
"You…You're –"
"Gay? Yeah. I am." He finally looked up and winced at the shock on my face, "God Flora I'm so sorry. It just kind of happened, you know?"
"So what? You just realised you were interested in men and thought it was fine to cheat on me?"
"What? God, no. I may have fallen out of love with you Flora, but I did not cheat. I respect you way too much to inflict that kind of pain on you."
His words only just about tamed the burning rage I could feel simmering within me.
"So why didn't you just tell me, Mason. Why ghost me like that for three weeks? You didn't even try to end things with me. I would have understood, you know!"
"I know! It's just…I wasn't ready for people to know yet. Especially since he's not used to being in the limelight, I didn't want to scare him off with all the celebrity gossip and paparazzi."
"How did you meet him?"
I watched as a small smile formed on his lips as he looked down at his lap and I could literally feel all the pent up anger and tension disintegrate into the air before disappearing like a cloud of smoke and I couldn't help but smile back. Ah the female mood swings, don't we just love 'em.
"He was my caddy at the local golf course and we just, it just happened. One minute he's just following behind me, handing me the correct clubs when needed and the next, he was just – I've never met anyone like him before, Flora. I mean yeah he knew who I was, but he didn't seem fazed by it – like as if me being a celebrity with thousands of fans wasn't a big deal and he just, he made me feel normal. God it sounds so cliché saying it out loud but he just, he didn't treat me the way everyone else does, like as if I'm some God that needs the ground I walk on to be worshipped." He explained, "But he knew about you, and so he kept his distance and I respected him for that. I ended up going to that same golf course everyday for the next week or so, demanding I get him as a caddy. Eventually I worked up the courage to ask him out and the bastard turned me down, so naturally I became persistent and insisted it was just as friends. And that's all he wants to be until I ended things with you. But that's where it got complicated. I refused to be the kind of guy that broke up with you over the phone, especially when you're meant to be happily spending time with your family. And I knew I couldn't just end things with you and claim it's cause I lost feelings – which okay, technically is true – but you deserve a lot more than just a brief explanation like that so I thought I'd wait until I was ready enough to finally talk about my new sexuality."
To say I was surprised is an understatement. I was gobsmacketh. Freaking Flabbagasted. Never did I expect this conversation to take a toll like this. When I decided to finally confront him, I expected him to just come clean and say he cheated on me with some other girl but this?
I mean how is someone even supposed to act when they find out their boyfriend of nearly a year doesn't swing your way anymore? Do I like, throw him a coming out party or something? I mean, yeah I'm hurt that he lost feelings and whatnot – but it's not like I didn't either. And I'm happy that he's found someone that makes him smile like that. God only knows how guilty I would feel if our relationship carried on like usual, knowing that my heart is not, and will not, be fully involved.
So in the end I just gave him the biggest grin I could muster up, stoop up and enveloped him in my arms. At first he stiffened before slowly relaxing when he realised that I wasn't mad. And I wasn't mad. I was beyond ecstatic that he didn't meet my assumptions of him cheating on me, even though some would still categorise it as cheating. But I don't. I don't love him and he doesn't love me so why would I be mad, knowing that deep down, I was kind of glad things would end.
"I'm really sorry I didn't tell you sooner, Flora."
I shook my head slowly; "No, don't worry about it. Besides, I'm sorry too. For the past two months all I could think about was my ex," I sighed, hating how true my words were.
"The hot millionaire that ran out of your wedding?" He asked, suddenly perking up. I nodded, somewhat amused. He grinned.
"I ship it."
"Mason, you can't say that!"
"Why not?"
"It's weird!"
He frowned; "It is not."
"My ex cannot ship me with my ex. It's not normal."
He rolled his eyes before getting off the sofa, he held out his hand to help me up and I gladly took it.
"So I guess this is goodbye huh?"
"oh absolutely not. I'll still see you around Flo. Just because we didn't work out as lovers, doesn't mean our friendship wouldn't work out. I'd still like you to be in my life, just not the same way."
"I'd like that too, Mason." I smiled genuinely at him before pulling him in for another hug. He rubbed my back soothingly before pulling away and reaching for the bags I had arranged by the corner. I was moving out of this apartment whether it's the last thing I do. The penthouse is under Mason's name so there is no point in kicking him out. Besides, I'm not exactly planning on staying in Las Angeles for long.
"SO where are you going to go?"
"Well, I'll stay in a hotel for a couple of days, I have a shoot in New York on the Twenty Second, so I'll be heading out for a while. I'll probably be there for a bit and then I'll see where things take me, you know?"
He gave me a lopsided grin and a brief nod; "Planning on meeting up with ex, are we?"
"Shut up you. I'm not planning on it, hoping maybe, but not planning."
He chuckied as we made our way down to the car park, loading all my belongings into the back of my car.
I walked over to the driver's seat and turned around when I saw him stop in front of me; "Don't be a stranger. I'll always be here if you need me."
I nodded gratefully before hugging him one last time. "Good luck with this secret lover of yours," I winked, before crawling into the car and shutting the door closed. He took a few steps backwards and waved goodbye until I had reversed out of the apartment complex and onto the road, where I could no longer see him.
Once I had checked myself into a room and settled in, I decided to call Myla since I hadn't spoken to her in a while, so I sat at the small corner desk in my hotel room and logged onto skype on my laptop. Like always, she picked up on the second ring and soon I was staring into the eyes of my younger sister.
"Okay spill the tea," She says before I could even open my mouth to greet her.
"What tea? I only drink coffee." I asked, with my eyes furrowed in confusion. She rolled her eyes and gave me a flat look.
"You literally only call me when you've got some juicy gossip to tell me,"
Oh.
"Whaaat? I do not," I scoffed, trying to pretend like she didn't have a point. She gave me a look that practically told me to shut up so I rolled my eyes and sighed, accepting defeat.
"Wait, where are you?"
"Oh, I'm staying at a hotel."
"What? Why?"
"Well…I may or may not have ended things with Mason."
"WHAT?!" The brunette screamed, making me wince and yank my headphones off, "When did that happen? Why am I finding out now?"
"Well probably because it happened like an hour ago?"
"Why? Was that bastard cheating? I knew it, I'm flying over right now to give that son of a –"
"No no, nothing like that. Well, not exactly."
She squinted and shot me a disbelieving look; "What do you mean not exactly? How does a person not exactly cheat on-"
"If you would just shut up then maybe I could explain," I shot back, huffing as she stuck her tongue out at me and gestured for me to proceed, "Mason's fallen in love with someone else but he didn't make a move yet because he was still with me so technically he didn't cheat. He didn't want to break up with me when I was back home because apparently he respects me too much to end things over the phone, and I appreciate that."
"So then why didn't he break up with you as soon as you got back?"
"Yeah, that's kind of where it gets complicated…"
"Flora Maxwell, so help me God, if you don't just tell me what happened I will actually –"
"He's gay."
…
"¿Le ruego me disculpe? What do you mean he's gay?!"
"What else could I possibly mean, Myla?" I asked sarcastically, rolling my eyes at her question.
"So, wait. Hold up, Mason, is in love…with another guy?" She asked, dismissing my sarcasm with an eye roll of her own. I nodded and shrugged in agreement.
"That's why he didn't want to break up with me yet, because he wasn't ready to come out and if we ended things the press would go ballistic and even if we lied about why we broke up, Mason wouldn't be able to meet up with his new guy without stirring up a whole issue."
"Wow, okay that's surprisingly a decent reason." Myla frowned.
"Yeah, when I confronted him about it today that was so not how I planned the conversation going. I packed my bags and everything, so ready to storm out of the apartment in anger. Instead we hugged it out and agreed to remain friends."
"So is he planning on coming out yet?"
"I'm not sure…I mean he's not the one that initiated the break up so that probably means he isn't ready to come out. It's up to him whether he's going to tell the public the real reason we broke up or not. Basically we just ended up doing what he didn't want to do in the first place," I laughed at the irony.
"So now what?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you're not just going to stay in a hotel from now on obviously, what's your plan from here on?"
"Well, I have a shoot in New York in a few days, so I'll head out there for a bit. I'm thinking I'll just find a nice apartment and settle down there until my contract ends. Then I'll see where to go from there."
"New York, huh?" She smirks, "You know who else is in New York?"
"Uh..my manager?" I say, innocently. She rolls her eyes at my immaturity and I groan in defeat once again.
"Are you planning to meet up with him?"
"Funny. That's exactly what Mason asked me."
"Just answer the question,"
"Well, I'm not planning to."
It was her turn to groan and I frowned, "You guys have been waiting years for this moment, why can't you just suck it up and call it a happy ending already."
"It's not that easy –"
"BULLSHIT! It is that easy. You're just making it complicated. You know what I think? I think you're just scared."
I scoffed. I am not scared.
"You're scared you're going to get hurt again. But Flora you have to realise that you're not the only one that was heart broken after the break up. Helia had to live the past five years thinking the love of his life cheated on him. He was hurt too."
"Hey that's not fair. I know Helia was hurt too. But it's not like I didn't try to fix it, he jumped to conclusions and that's not my fault."
"Okay, maybe you're right about him being too stubborn to hear you out. But look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't have acted exactly like he did if the roles were reversed."
I stayed silent.
She was right and I didn't bother denying it. I couldn't blame Helia for any of this. I pretty much would have also acted the same way he did, if not ten times worse.
Myla sighed and shot me a sympathetic look before continuing; "Helia knows where he screwed up, and he's been beating himself up ever since he found out. He still loves you Flora, and I know you do too. He would never hurt you intentionally, and deep down you know it too. So you need to wake up and see that this might be your only chance at getting back with him – and God help me if you say you don't want to get back with him because we both knowthat's bullshit."
I blinked. It felt like she just slapped me in the face, and I was more than grateful for it. Myla was right; even though I've tried so hard no to, I still love Helia and if I ever wanted an us in the near future, I need to stop denying it. There's no point in me doing so I know I'll never be ablre to move on if I don't at least acknowledge it.
Myla shot me a smug look, knowing she had won. She always wins, damn her.
"I don't know Myla," I sighed, "I'll see how things go from here on."
But she wasn't listening to what I was saying, Her camera went off but she was still on the call, indicating she was IMing someone else.
"Okay…tell Iker I say hi?"
At this she looks up and shoots me a confused look, I lift my phone and point to her to get my point across and realisation flashes across her face and she laughs, nervously causing me to narrow my eyes at her.
"Right…Iker, that's who I'm talking to." She said, uncertainly before shaking her head and smiling back at me. "Anyway, mum's calling to help out in the kitchen, got to go, bye, love you." And with that she ended the call leaving me to stare at the empty chatroom window in confusion.
What in the hell was that about?
I shrugged it off as Myla just being Myla and went to log out of the site, but just as I was about to click the button, a notification shot up on the screen making my heart just about leap out of my chest.
-Helia McGregor is now online-
Ah shit.
HM:
:Hey…I heard you were going to be in NY for a while?
Ah SHIT. Alexa, please remind me to kill my sister.
I took a deep breath and typed in a quick reply
ME:
Hey, yeah I have a shoot in a couple of days so I'll be moving there
HM:
:Wait
:Moving?
ME:
Yeah, I'm moving to NY
HM:
:What about Mason
Oh NO! Do I tell him the truth or…? Ah screw it
ME:
We just broke up
He'll find out eventually, rather he hears it from me than some random gossip tabloid.
HM:
:Oh
ME:
Yeah
HM:
:Have you found a place to stay yet?
ME:
No, not yet.
I'll stay in a hotel until I find a good apartment and sort everything out
HM:
:You could always stay at mine…
ME:
Helia…
HM:
:I'm serious Flo
:It doesn't have to mean anything
:Just until you find an apartment?
:I have plenty of room
:Flo?
:I can see you reading this
:Alright fine, it was a long shot anyway
:Sorry
I bit my lip to stop me from smiling. Did I really want to risk not being with this man again?
ME:
No.
Don't apologise
Alright, if it's not too much of a bother
HM:
:Don't be ridiculous. You could never be a bother
ME:
Only until I can find a place of my own
HM:
:Fine, deal
:I'll help you look for a place once you come here, how does that sound?
ME:
Thank you Helia, that would be great
HM:
:No worries
:When do you arrive? So I can set up your room
ME:
Set up my room? Helia, it's only for a few days
I could even just crash on the couch
HM:
:Flora Maxwell do you really think I would let you crash on my couch?
:Especially when there is a perfect good room for you to sleep in
:Besides, this is Manhattan we're talking about. It could just about take you a month to find you a decent apartment
ME:
Alright Mr. Gentleman
See you in three days x
HM:
:You know that means kiss, right?
I let out a slight laugh and looked away, finding it difficult to stop my heart from racing so fast.
ME:
I know…
HM:
:Oh my God
:Flora
ME:
Yes Helia
HM:
:I can't wait for you to come
ME:
Me too Helia
Goodnight x
HM:
:Good night indeed
…