Splintered Dreams

"Here and Now"

Chapter 41

At the gate Zack waited and watched as Tifa approached, emerging from the shadows of the past like a spectre. His vision momentarily clouded over with flashes of a younger version of her at a similar gate-donned in cowgirl get up-all wide eyed and lanky limbs that hadn't developed the muscle they had now.

He hadn't realized it then, but her odd questions made sense now. She had hoped to see Cloud-as much as Cloud had hoped to avoid her. It made his chest tight, thinking of it now, just how star crossed those two had been.

Zack wondered briefly if Tifa was right-would Cloud be happy for them? Would he have asked Zack to go to her if he'd known how hopelessly in love he would fall? A part of him hoped so. He wanted to believe that Cloud had peace in the afterlife, and could rest assured that Zack would look after Tifa for as long as she would allow him to.

"Thanks for waiting," Tifa murmured when she was finally close enough, drawing him from his thoughts and towards her. Like gravity, he mused. Forever pulled into her orbit wasn't such a bad thing, though, and his steps did not falter.

When the moon broke from the clouds and illuminated her face Zack could tell that she'd been crying-but she seemed calmer now, almost content, and when her eyes met his, they softened. Zack rubbed a hand along his chest, rubbing the ache that bloomed there. He loved her so damn much. Of course he'd wait for her. Always. "Yeah. Of course," he replied, echoing his thoughts.

He studied her face, instinctively moving closer to reach out and touch her as soon as she was within reach. His thumb followed a dried tear track down her cheek. "You okay?"

She nodded, lifting her own hand to wrap her fingers around his wrist. "Yeah." She leaned her cheek against his palm, closed her eyes for a moment. "I am now."

"Tifa-" he began, his voice hoarse. He still had so much he wanted to say to her-explain to her.

"Zack-" she whispered, cutting him off. "You had your reasons for not telling me. Stupid reasons," she added with a brief glower up at him, but then she brushed his hair from his forehead and gave him a searching look. "None of that matters. What matters to me, right now, is: Are you alright?"

He blinked. The urge to flash his dimple and ignore the churning tension still in his gut from his trip down torture lane was strong, but she had said there were no more lies to be between them, and if she was willing to move forward and forgive him, then he wasn't about to screw that up. He swallowed back his witty reply and offered up the truth. "Not really, no." He answered. "But I will be."

Tifa accepted his response with a firm nod. "Yes, you will." She smiled, fragile and thin, but genuine and for him. "Because I'm going to be right by your side to make damn sure you are."

Zack let out a breath, bending to press his forehead to hers, their noses brushing. "Promise?"

For a moment-just a brief heartbeat, she glanced up at the sky and something close to sadness, but not quite, flickered in her eyes, but then she nodded, her smile tender. "Yes, Zack. I promise."

The others were quiet when they joined them at the Buggy. It was downright unnatural, Zack thought, having Barret and Yuffie both silent at the same time. Aerith regarded their approach with sympathetic, but speculative, eyes from her seat on the grass and Nanaki broke off whatever hushed conversation he was having with Cait and waited, his flame tail flickering in the darkness. It was more than a little unsettling to have all of their attention-gazes weighed down by pity and concern.

He knew they had questions-more than he wanted to answer-and he also knew that they wouldn't wait forever for them, but for now, they were giving him his space. He felt Tifa's hand on the center of his back briefly before she moved around him to join Barret. The big man nodded at her once but Zack could see some of the tension leave the other man when she leaned against the Buggy beside him.

Tifa had that effect, he thought with a rueful quirk of his lips. "Where's creepy?" Zack blurted, breaking the heavy silence. Really, there was only so much concern a guy could take. The absence of their newly acquired mercenary wasn't all that unsettling, if he was honest. If the former Turk had decided to bail once he reached the great outdoors after spending a few decades in a musty coffin, who could blame him. Besides, Zack still wasn't all that comfortable with having him-or his mystical swirling cape-around.

"I was scouting the area." The voice came from directly behind him, so close the low timber ruffle the hairs on his neck.

"Jumping Leviathan." Zack spun on his heel, his eyes narrowing. "That's a good way to get stabbed," he warned.

"My apologies," Vincent inclined his head, his ruby eyes glinting in the moonlight.

He didn't look sorry, Zack thought, crossing his arms, but it was hard to tell with half of his face hidden by his collar.

"And?" Barret spoke up.

"And?" Vincent blinked lazily.

Barret threw his hand up in the air. "What did you scout?"

"Nothing." Vincent replied, melting into the shadows. His cloak flapped a brief wave and then he was gone.

"Boy, he sure is super useful" Yuffie chimed with an amused snort.

Zack sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Maybe the silence hadn't been so bad. "Okay, yeah. Look, it's late-we've all had a hell of a day. I say we make camp, figure stuff out in the morning."

"I like the way you think." Yuffie agreed, yawning, flopping back onto her pack and snoring between one breath and the next.

"Barret?" Zack glanced over.

Barret blinked, his scowl darker than the night around them. "Why the hell you asking me?"

"You usually have an opinion." Zack offered. "Figured you'd have voiced it by now."

"My opinion is that the sooner we get gone, the better." He glanced down at Tifa who was studying her bootlaces. "But yeah. We rest."

"If no one objects, then that's the plan. For now at least." Zack looked around the tired group. No one objected.

"I'll get the tents." Tifa rolled her shoulders, pushed away from the Buggy. "C'mon, Barret, you can help. Cait, work on starting a fire, yeah?"

"O' course lass. Then again, ye can light my fire-"

"Reeve!" Zack started forward.

"Not me!" The little animatron swore, crossing it's heart-or at least where a heart would be-before scurrying towards the trees followed by Nanaki.

"I know you're probably not hungry, but I'll start some dinner," Aerith mentioned, rising to her feet. Zack reached out a hand to help her up. She took it and he felt her slender fingers tremble before giving his hand a squeeze. She closed her eyes and let out a shaky exhale.

"Aer…" He tugged, pulled her close to wrap in a comforting embrace.

She made a soft sound of distress, a hiccup of sound into his chest and then her shoulders shook and Zack knew that she was weeping. "I didn't know…" She shook her head, nose buried in his chest. "I didn't...Oh, Zack...I was so angry at you…" She clutched her fingers into his back.

"Shh," he soothed, pressing his cheek to her hair. "It's okay. I'm okay." Instead of easing, her sobs increased and Zack felt the dampness against his skin, having soaked through his shirt.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, broken. "I'm so sorry."

"Aerith…" Zack rubbed her shoulders, down her back. "Hey, you didn't know. It's okay. I would've been pissed too."

She nodded, her shaking easing. "I just...that place…"

"I know," he whispered. And boy, howdy, didn't he know. He'd rather she not know, truth be told, and he'd be damned if she ever knew the full extent of what happened in that hell, but it was done-the past the past and they couldn't go back. So many lives had been altered and ruined, and he had no more answers now than when they'd strode into the fake village, but the truth was, it was starting to matter less.

Stopping Sephiroth was still of utmost importance- that still had to happen, no matter the cost, but reliving his past-getting answers to what and why Hojo had done what he'd done...that all seemed so unimportant in the face of what he had now.

Over Aerith's head he spotted Tifa, her arms loaded with burlap and stakes, her dark hair sliding along her back as she moved. Sensing his eyes on her she glanced in his direction, her brows coming down in concern when she spotted Aerith crying. He could see the worry building in her posture and sent her a reassuring half smile. She nodded once, moving back behind the Buggy and motioning for Barret to do the same, giving Zack and Aerith some privacy.

He placed his hands on Aerith's shoulders and eased her back so he could look her in the face. "It's going to be alright," he said, his voice firm in the conviction.

She offered up a tremulous smile. "I believe you."

"Good." He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. "Now you mentioned something about food…"

She couldn't sleep.

Tifa rubbed a hand over her face, exhaling a slow breath, trying to even her breathing like Zangan had taught her. She focused...in...hold...out… Let go of the weight, she told herself. Feel the cares leave your body. Let the spirit rest, Tifa, or the fighter will fall.

She groaned when, instead of feeling the tension leave, she felt her neck muscles tighten up. Stupid breathing exercises. She could almost feel the creaking of dawn outside the tent. She knew she needed to sleep-at least for a couple of hours-if she wasn't going to drag ass all day.

After another failed attempt to control her breathing she turned her head, only to find Zack wide awake and staring at her. He slept on the mat beside her, but he hadn't tried to hold her. Part of her wondered if it was because of the snoring giant of a man on his other side and part of her-loathe as she was to admit it-wondered if it was something else. Someone else, her traitorous heart whispered.

For all of Aerith's acceptance and her own confidence in Zack's heart, Tifa couldn't help but wonder at what could have been between Zack and Aerith had ShinRa not stolen years from them. Being here-in the place he'd been held-did that make him wonder too?

Zack frowned at her, a furrow forming between wings of black. "What is it? he whispered, wiggling a bit closer.

She shook her head, tried to smile. "Can't sleep," she whispered in return.

Zack seemed to accept that, his gaze flicking briefly to the canvas peak over their heads. "Yeah. Me either." He sighed again before turning his attention back to her. "You should try."

Again she nodded. "I know."

But she didn't close her eyes.

And he didn't move away.

Or closer.

Tifa bit her lip, worried it with her teeth. "Zack?" she hedged, and hesitated when he focused those violet-blue eyes on her-all earnest and open.

"What is it?" he murmured, that concerned furrow back between his brows.

She closed her eyes with a little shake of her head. "Nevermind. Nothing. I'm just silly, that's all."

"Teef-"

Behind him Barret let out a rumble and snore, drawing both of their gazes and Tifa found herself holding her breath, hoping he wouldn't wake up. Not just yet.

Barret grumbled something about "Damn Turks" and rolled so that his back was to them.

Tifa made a face, scrunching her nose. She should just shut her mouth and try to sleep. The last thing she wanted to do was interrupt Barret's much needed sleep-or keep Zack from his. Zack, however, seemed to have other ideas because he levered himself up onto his elbow, staring down at her.

"What's on your mind, Lockhart?"

You and Aerith. She pressed her lips together. That would sound stupid...and jealous. Which she wasn't...was she? She paused, considering, and realized that was true. She wasn't jealous. That much was a relief. She adored Aerith, and felt-deep in her heart of hearts-that the flower girl's friendship was good for Zack, and for her.

No, it wasn't jealousy.

It was so much more complicated and simple at the same time. She let out a pent up sigh and lifted her eyes to Zack's waiting and expectant gaze. "I love you," she said quietly.

Zack's eyes widened and his mouth parted on a startled breath. She watched the blue in his eyes light up, like breaking dawn, and he abruptly pressed his fist to his mouth. "Damn it, Tifa," he mouthed around his fingers, doing his best to keep his voice low. "You gotta tell me something like that when I can't shout it off the mountain?" He gave Barret's slumbering form a quick glance before he pushed himself closer to her, crowding her down onto her sleep mat, his lips brushing hers as he spoke. "Say it again."

Tifa lifted her arms, wrapped them around his neck and held his gaze. "I love you," she whispered. And then, because he deserved the truth in all things, she added before he could kiss her, "And I'm afraid."

That pulled his head back a little. "You know," he said, voice like rough silk and his eyes heavy lidded. He pushed her hair back from her face, his palms framing her jaw. "That I love you."

She nodded. She did know. "But what about Aerith?" she ventured.

Zack blinked at her clearly caught off guard. "Uhm...come again?"

"I know that you and she...aren't...that you don't…" Words, Lockhart, she scolded herself, use them. She swallowed the lump in her throat and started over. "You don't know what could have been with her, you know, if given a chance, and I just...ShinRa already took that away from you once, and I don't want to be the one to take that away again-"

Her words were lost against Zack's lips, her breath stolen by the ferocity of his kiss. She gasped against him, her arms tightening reflexively, pulling him closer. He didn't lift his head until she was soft and pliant, her eyes dreamy and her skin flushed.

"Tifa." Her name rumbled from deep in his chest. "I love you. Here. Now. What could have been...is just that. A could have."

"But-"

"Shush." He placed another kiss, this one soft and lingering, against her lips. "I love Aerith. Always will. You loved Cloud." He tipped his head, his expression soft.

Tifa waited for the flare of pain the name usually brought, but was surprised-although she really shouldn't have been-by the swell of tender affection and acceptance in it's place. She nodded. She did love Cloud. Part of her always would. But she loved Zack. In the here and now. Probably forever, if the frantic state of her heart was anything to go by. But that was different. She told him as much.

"But if Cloud were alive...if he were here…" She paused. "What would you do?"

Zack, to his credit, didn't dismiss the idea outright. She could see him weighing it. And then, he shook his head, his smile bittersweet. "I'd fight for you."

That hadn't been the answer she'd expected. From his expression, it may not have been the one he was expecting either. "Oh."

Zack shifted his weight, slipping his arms beneath her and rolling them so that she was draped over his chest, the long strands of her hair falling around them like a curtain. He tucked her some of that loose hair behind her ear. "You were expecting some noble answer, weren't you?"

She nodded.

He chuckled quietly. "Sorry. But I love you. Whatever may have happened in the past is irrelevant. In case you missed it Aerith is alive and two tents over. Assuming she even felt the same-which she doesn't-"

"I know."

"Okay, then. Anyway, assuming she did...I don't. I'm completely," a kiss against her nose, "irrevocably," another on her jaw, "hopelessly," the corner of her mouth, "in love with you."

"You're hopeless alright. Both of you." Barret grumbled, sitting up. He shot them both a narrow, bloodshot eyed, look. "I'm gonna go take a piss and when I get back, if you two could be done," he motioned blindly "whatever the hell this is, that'd be great."

Tifa flushed from her toes to her roots. Shiva, Barret had heard! She may never show her face outside this tent ever again. She ducked her head, pressing her flaming cheeks against Zack's pulse.

Zack, for his part, shrugged. "Or you could go climb in the Buggy. Nice and private."

Barret flipped him off and flung open the tent flap. Outside the sky was muted gray at the horizon. Dawn was only a couple of hours away.

Once they were alone Zack tugged her up so that she had no choice but to face him. He brushed his fingertips along her neck, over her pulse, down her arm, until he laced his fingers with hers. His lips turned up at the corners. "You're stuck with me."

Relying on instinct rather than her own convoluted thoughts, Tifa pressed herself forward, taking Zack's mouth in a slow kiss. She felt his startled appreciation when she tentatively rolled her tongue over his lips and then between when he parted for her. She crawled over him until she straddled him, his hands clenched tight against the back of her shirt and hers buried in his thick hair.

Zack was panting when she finally broke the kiss, his eyes swirling with flecks of green. She felt her own pulse slamming in her chest, a low ache in her belly and a heat between her legs where he was pressed against her.

"Tifa," he groaned her name, his lips finding the hollow of her throat. "Please," he whispered against her skin. "Tell me."

"I love you." The words, once locked away so tight, fell freely now. "Zack," she clutched him closer. "I love you." Why had that ever been hard to say? She felt something deep within herself uncoil, loosen and rise up.

"Again," his voice was ragged, his hands hot on her skin and she realized he'd tugged up her shirt enough to stroke her back.

But the words were halted. Outside they heard the approach of heavy feet. In consideration, Barret paused outside. "You two had better be decent. I'm counting to ten and then coming in. One…"

On four Tifa, reluctantly scooted off of his lap, but Zack didn't allow her complete retreat. Instead he looped an arm around her waist and hauled her close-her back to his chest. He pressed a soft kiss to the nape of her neck. "Sleep," he instructed, tucking her beneath his chin.

And to Tifa's surprise she felt her lids grow heavy and instead of focusing in her own even breathing, she was lulled by Zack's. She yawned, burrowing her face against the curve of her arm and before long she drifted.

Barret gave Zack a look when he poked his head into the tent-a good fifty count after he'd arrived. Zack raised a brow, flashed a grin. "She loves me." The words felt way too damn good to not share them.

"Happy for you, Princess," Barret grumbled, flopping onto his mat. He punched his rolled vest into the semblance of a pillow and gave a big bear yawn.

Just as Zack was about to follow Tifa to sleep he heard Barret grouse one more time."Coulda told you that weeks ago."