Part 18
"Best friends since childhood. Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both school yard and battlefield.."
Bucky and Steve had indeed been friends since they was kids. This was actually due to the fact that Bucky's mother Alice was good friends with Steve's mother Sarah. Both mothers regularly organising play dates with their boys and with Bucky only a year older than Steve, they had joint birthday parties every year that the entire street would attend. The boys were inseparable, hanging out like kids did and letting their imaginations run wild. Even during their teenage years, the boys would ride their bikes through the busy streets of Brooklyn and narrowly missing the mass of people making their ways through the city on the daily commutes to work. The boys were more than best friends...they were family...confirmed by Sarah Rogers constantly referring to Bucky as "her other son"
As the years progressed the boys remained close with their bond of true infinite friendship growing stronger than ever. Even with the imminent threat of war and the tragic death of Sarah Rogers, Bucky Barnes was the rock his friend needed and was determined to be there for him even more than ever. While Bucky had grown up to be athletic, handsome and popular, Steve was a literal polar opposite. He was small, shy and scrawny. Bucky took it on himself to be the protective older brother like figure in Steve's life now. With his size it made Steve am easy target for bullies. He had Bucky to thank on numerous occasions from saving him from many a viscous beating. Bucky Barnes was his only true friend. With him at his side, he truly felt like he could take on the world. Without him, without his friendship he honestly didn't know how to cope in life. Even know all these decades later... Nothing had changed...
Two weeks had now passed since Tony Stark's funeral and the world was slowly taking steps embracing the sense of normality from within. Young children lost in the snap went back to school. Adults went back to work, ready to finally start rebuilding their lives from the devastation of the events of 5 years previously...
In the Barnes household, things were indeed getting back to normality as the now reunited family finally felt ready to begin their new journey together at long last. James was excited that Bucky had agreed he could have a new goat to be a playmate for "Coco", Brogan had decided that her calling was to help people and decided to train as a counsellor. While Rebecca announced that she had a big gymnastics competition coming up at school and was over the moon when Bucky said he'd help create the perfect training schedule for her. As for Bucky... Well Little Morgan Stark's words of him becoming a father once more was still permanently etched in his mind. Ever since she told him what Rebecca had said, he found himself laying In bed constantly thinking about having another child again. Could he handle it? How could he cope knowing the child was likely to have the serum inside them just like Rebecca had? So many questions. One night as he lay next to Brogan, she rolled over onto her back and Bucky even found himself gazing at her bare stomach as her vest pulled up just slightly. Brogan hadn't mentioned being Pregnant and hadn't shown any signs but that little voice in the back of his head just couldn't help but wonder. Wonder if indeed his unborn child was in there and could indeed hear him, listening to his every word. Being as gentle as he could, he kissed her stomach softly and mouthed a silent "Soon...I promise" to the abdomen of his sleeping wife..
Tonight, Steve had visited for dinner with Brogan preparing a gorgeous smelling meaty casserole for them all. As they all sat at the table, laughter soon filled the air of the dining room. Happiness had been elusive for Steve Rogers, yet right now he could see it in the faces of every single person sitting around the table. He tried desperately to force out a smile to them all but something was missing in his life. He wished he had what the family had so badly. Yet it was a nice relaxing evening though and Steve truly did enjoy being with them all. With them busy with the washing up, Steve soon decided he needed some air and headed back outside. The veranda stretched the entire front of the house. Steve instantly could smell the fresh paint of the fence from Bucky's decorating earlier in the day as he headed to one of the floral cushioned wicker chairs ahead of him. He paused briefly to look back through the kitchen. A proud smile filled his lips at the Happy scene in front of him. Bucky had crept up behind Brogan and made her jump. She yelped out loudly before bursting out laughing at him getting her for the millionth time. She slipped her hands round his neck for what Bucky hoped was a kiss but right at the last moment she scooped up some bubbles from the sink and playfully put the suds on his nose. Feeling like she needed some payback, Bucky turned on the tap and placed his hand underneath. The spray covered Brogan instantly leaving her soaked through. After several minutes and much pleading from Brogan, Bucky turned off the tap and immediately burst out laughing at his soaked love. Steve watched on as after playfully scolding him, Brogan passionately kissed him hard on his full perfect lips. Both not caring how soaked they both had become. You instantly could feel the sheer love and devotion both had for each other. Truly two halves of one whole...eternal soulmates
"you're a lucky man Bucky... So lucky" Steve Sighed "Im glad you found her..."
Smiling, Steve sat on the chair and pulled out the compass from his pocket. He slowly opened it and was greeted once more by the beaming smile of Peggy Carter. His heart would ache when he caught sight of his lost love looking back at him. Looking at the joy and happiness that Bucky had with Brogan, he truly would give anything to experience that with her. Letting out a deep heartbroken sigh, he closed the compass and thought back to that moment on the time heist when he saw her once more. He desperately buried his feelings for her deep within the confines of his heart but seeing her again as he his in the shadows made everything come flooding back. He so wanted to be with her again and with the machine he'd helped create, maybe it was indeed possible. Running his hand through his hair, numerous thoughts began to run through his head as he found himself torn. Knowing he had to give up a hell of a lot but that would mean nothing if it meant him finally getting the happy ending he so desperately wanted. He wanted Peggy. He wanted to bring her joy, he wanted to be the source of the light in her eyes and he wanted her love. The wheels in motions already set from his conversation with Bucky earlier..
"Hey man, thought you might like one of these" cried Bucky, handing his friend a beer that instantly snapped Steve back to really. Bucky knew something was very wrong with his best friend "So You gonna tell me what's wrong or am I going to have to beat it out of you... Just like we was kids...honestly its so good remembering the past... "
"Bucky listen. I need to say something... "
"Do you remember that family that lived opposite us? The Kingsley's that was it? The dad hated me so much for dating the eldest daughter... Donna was her name right? Her brother beat me up so bad one time" Bucky laughed, seemingly ignoring his friend "Wow...they are all probably long gone now"
"can I ask you something Buck?" Steve finally looked up and met Bucky's concerned gaze "if you had a second chance at happiness would you take it? Even if it meant given up all you had?"
"wow that's deep my friend" replied Bucky, swigging his beer "i think I already have" he smiled proudly "yes, I've done a hell of a lot of bad things and I don't think I will truly ever free from the nightmares of what was inflicted on me but right now...for the first time in decades I can say I'm truly happy. All I need in life is under this roof. I have a purpose and I'm somewhere where I belong. I've been blessed with a second chance and I ready to embrace where this journey will take me.. At last I feel I can put hydra and the Winter Soldier behind me. I'm at last James Buchanan Barnes...I couldn't have got here without you and Brogan coming into my life... Where's this all coming from?"
"Buck...there's something I need to tell you...something big" Steve sighed sadly "with everything back to normal I've been tasked with putting the stones back... Bruce will assist"
"That's a good thing right?" smiled Bucky, squeezing his friends shoulder "The world and even you Captain America can move on" with Steve still staring emotionless in the distance, Bucky knew there was more to this "Why do I get the feeling you're not telling me everything?"
"Listen, I see what you have here and I want to experience the same. For years. I've put everyone else's happiness before my own and look what it's bought me? Nothing! Nothing but hurt and pain. I feel like such an awful person for what I'm going to do but it needs to happen and is the only way. I'm doing this because its something I want to do. Not the government... Not captain America ..not the avengers but for me Steven Rogers"
"Steve I know my mind is still hazy but what the hell are you going on about?" Cried Bucky, more confused than ever "layman terms please man"
"Bucky, I'm going after my second chance. You have finally got yours but now I need to go out and get mine. I'm done with being a superhero. I want to be a husband and a father. I want to have a child that looks up at me with the same love and devotion that Rebecca and James have for you. I want to dance with my love. You got you second chance Buck and I Steve Rogers am gunning for mine"
"look man I told you. There's someone out there for everybody. If someone as broken as me can find their soulmate then so can you" Steve's expression remained the same as Bucky smiled soothingly "ok I get it...you're lonely but what the hell has this gotta do with you putting the stones back?"
"you're right there is and I know exactly where to find her too" Steve handed the compass to Bucky and finally forced out a smile "she's why I put myself toward to put the stones back"
"carter? You...her!?" Bucky sat stunned "but last I heard she died years ago.. You're not making any sense buddy"
"walk with me to the car Buck" quickly placing the compass back in his pocket the two men crossed the pathway down to Steve's awaiting car. As Steve opened the boot, Bucky saw a large leather satchel shaped like a circle "when I put the stones back... I've...I've decided I'm going to stay there. Its killing me to say this to you but I'm going to stay in the past... With her"
"I don't understand...how?" Bucky could already feel like his head was going to explode "you've lost me"
"when Tony and I was on the time heist we found ourselves at an old military base. I hid in an office and that's when I saw her again. It just opened up everything inside me that I've kept hidden for so long. I need to be with her. She is the one thing that has got me through every battle and mission I've been on. Yes she has passed on but he spirit has been with me always. But that's not enough now... I want it in reality" he continued "I've got the chance to live out my days with the help of Bruce's machine with her...and yes I know its selfish of me but I need to take the chance Buck"
"its not selfish. Its the thought process of a man in love" Bucky smiled, he reached for his shoulder before letting out a sigh "im never going to seen you again am I?"
"maybe. I don't know... In all honesty you're the reason why I shouldn't go"
"me? Why?"
"well if I do stay in the past... There Will be a version of you still out there.. The one tortured...the one experimented on...the one brainwashed by hydra. If I interfere in that you may never get what you have now...and if you lose what you have I'll never forgive myself" sighed Steve "that's going to be my curse for staying there...Knowing that my best friend and brother will be going through all that and there's not a damn thing I can do to help him...God I'm an awful person"
"Listen to me. You are not a bad person. Believe it or not I can understand your reasoning in doing this" Bucky smiled "obviously I'm gutted that I might never see you again but if this is going to make you happy then so be it. We all deserve a second chance at happiness even you Steve Rogers. And truth be told, you never gave up on me and I'll forever be the same to you...regardless of the timeline" he laughed "if the roles were reversed I'd of probably done the same.. I'll miss you Buddy... I really will"
"I'll miss you too Buck...all of you.." the two men hugged and after several seconds Steve lifted up the satchel, handing it to Bucky "This is for you... Think of it as a leaving gift"
Still confused, Bucky took the bag and slowly unzipped it open. Letting out a gasp, he clasped his glowing metallic hand over his mouth and turned to his friend stunned beyond words. There in the bag was Captain America's iconic shield. The familiar red, white and blue in all its patriotic glory. For the first time In his life Bucky Barnes was at a loss for words. The shield was more than vibranium and greater than its iconic colouring. The shield was a symbol of protection and those who held it were its protectors. It was a symbol of love and courage to do whatever it took to keep the country safe. Everything the moniker of Captain America stood for...
"I...I don't know what to say" almost in tears, Bucky took it out of the bag and slipped it onto his arm it definitely was a lot more heavier than it appeared that was for sure "why? Why me?"
"firstly it looked good on you pal" smiled Steve as the pair began back to the porch. Bucky's eyes locked down at the shield "you deserve it. You didn't ask for any of what you went though. You've been through so much and I cannot tell you how proud of the man standing in front of me right now. You've earned your redemption my friend. This shield is the symbol of a new beginning. I want you to say goodbye to The Winter Soldier once and for all...and start a new life as Captain America"
"But the things I've done... My past... Steve I just don't know if I'm worthy of such a responsibility " sighed a torn Bucky "im truly honoured you think that though"
"i want you to have it. Captain America was always just a title as well as a symbol of faith and hope. You have found hope at last Buck so its yours" Steve watched on as Bucky paused at the kitchen window "only if you want it of course"
"Steve, I'm honoured I truly am but..." peering in the window Bucky could see Rebecca and James already in their pyjamas helping Brogan with preparing some hot chocolate. He smiled as James reached for the cream and sprayed it into his mouth before playfully being scolded by his mother. Pride soon filled his heart at the loving family unit ahead of him "You're choosing something that you want to do and I'm gonna do the same. I have a family now and if Rebecca is right and Brogan is going to fall pregnant again sometimes soon then I don't want to miss a single second. I cannot thank you enough for thinking of me first but I think we both know someone more than worthy of taking up the mantel and he deserves it more than me" said Bucky, removing the shield "im not going to lie it felt great it really did but I choose family Steve...for the first time in decades my mind is clearer than ever. Don't be mad at me but those three in there are my priority now...my family...we will all miss you "
"I'm disappointed but I understand Buck. You deserve to be happy Bucky Barnes and if its not with this shield then it will be with your family...I'm proud of you...and yes you're right... I know who should carry on the Captain America name"
"Sam will be perfect plus let's be honest im not exactly the most stable of men am I? Imagine the governments reaction to me donning the shield?" laughed Bucky "I just want to enjoy life with my beautiful wife, my amazing kids and who knows maybe a new little bundle at some point... And I'm not talking about the new goat I promised James"
"you just have to do what's right Bucky" Steve smiled propping the shield against the chair "Seems like we've reached yet another crossroads my friend"
"seems to be a regular thing for us right? But regardless of where the journey takes us...Im with you till the end of the line Steve" The two men hugged once more "Now you better get in there in break the news...they are both going to miss their uncle Steve that's for sure"
"I know but I don't know how they are gonna take it" sighed Steve, his heart breaking "I love all three of them...'
"come on you can do this...they need to know " smiled Bucky, reaching for his shoulder "Till the end of the line?"
"till the end of the line... "