Tw: panic attack

She won't look him in the eye, won't talk to him.

So he runs and tells his therapist and it's the same reaction, fear, and shock and he goes back to Lux to lick his wounds and maybe disappear forever.

Except killers don't stop just because the devil wants them to, and he still has a job to do so when he gets the call from Dan of all people he goes.

The man tries to keep him on a leash, with really bad results, because he doesn't care anymore. If they are going to kick him out so be it, he's used to that too.

The second body drops and suddenly there is Maze who is angry so angry because Chloe won't look at her, and Linda won't talk to her and of course it's his fault. All of this is his fault.

His mother escaping, his brother's death, Chloe and Linda leaving, Amenadiel falling, all of it. So he stands in front of the shooter while the detective arrests the man, and leaves before she has a chance to talk to him, running away with his proverbial tail between his legs.

He goes back to Lux to drink or have sex and he does neither instead sitting in front of his piano with a drink in his hand trying to breathe.

Trying is the keyword because he can't. He can't.

He doesn't even need air and he still feels his lungs fighting for it, panic setting in, consuming him, and no matter what he does he can't calm himself down.

Father is using him to send his Mother back to hell. Mother is using him to keep herself out of it. Amanediel is fallen, Maze isn't talking to him, Linda and Chloe won't look him in the eye, and Uriel is dead.

Uriel is dead, and he killed him, and he can feel the blood dripping from his hands and he can't clean it off no matter how hard he tries and he can't breathe and he is shaking and...

Somebody's calling his name, he recognizes the voice from somewhere, not sure from where. He doesn't try to look up, he can't look away from his bloody hands. Where does it come from; he cleaned it. He cleaned it.

A small hand gently wipes away his tears, stroking his cheeks telling him to breathe.

He wants to but he can't. He is a monster, a murderer, and everything the humans ever called him. He should have gone back to hell when Amenadiel first asked when he was accused of killing those kids when he killed his brother when his friends stopped looking at him.

He is shaking and sobbing and taking panicked breaths through his mouth when his lungs don't seem to work. The hands-on his face are the only thing that ground him to this world, the only thing that seems real beside his panic.

So he focuses on it.

And oh, there is the voice again telling him to calm down, promising that everything will be alright. He wants to laugh because alright was a millennia ago in heaven, when Dad was still home and Mom still smiled and humanity wasn't even in his father's mind. Everything just went downhill from there, and he wants to just stop-

Oh.

It's the Detective.

But… Why?