Chapter 5: Boss Fight
Death flashed centimeters from Johnny's face as he twisted through the ⸢Ruin Kobold Guardian⸥'s ranks. Their maces hammered down around him, deflected aside by his darting spear. It wasn't a weapon he had ⸢Proficiency⸥ in, but then again, it wasn't like he could go around using a dagger and throwing out ⸢Corruption⸥ skills. It'd be obvious that he was the one who'd been going around stripping female players, and that wasn't something Johnny wanted. It would be so much harder to play if he was made after all. So Johnny had picked up a spear. He liked spears well enough. Well, really he liked halberds, but there weren't any halberds until the ⸢3rd Floor⸥.
There was another plus side to using spears. So far he had managed to stab Asuna in her ass about half a dozen times. 'By accident' he defended, wide-eyed with a look of innocence when Asuna had angrily confronted him. It was because the spear he was using was a new one he had bought for the raid and it was longer than he was used to, he had said. Payton and Koharu had bought it, while Kirito had ignored them and kept killing ⸢Ruin Kobold Guardians⸥.
Honestly, Kirito-kun had the gall to say that Johnny got tunnel-visioned, when the older boy was even worse about it? Bah! Hypocrites. For her part, Asuna had flipped him off, looked chagrined when Payton chided her for being mean to a child, and then flipped him off again when Payton's rather pleasant back was turned.
Johnny quite liked Asuna. She had spunk. And a nice ass. As did Payton and Koharu, something he had had plenty of time to absorb as he was playing the rearguard. He'd probably focused most on watching them dance between enemies, Payton's tight pants emphasizing her rear. Koharu wore a pleated skirt which didn't cling to her as much as Payton's pants did. But on the plus side, it was quite the short skirt, and Johnny had caught about a dozen flashes of green side-tie panties.
Neither of the two girls had noticed, though Asuna had. She'd glared angrily at him for that. He'd stabbed her in the ass again. Business as usual. Eventually the main DPS groups had managed to bring the boss' health down to the final bar. ⸢Ruin Kobold Guardians⸥ stopped spawning, and Illfang the Kobold Lord roared his anger to the skies, reaching for his weapon.
"Everyone get back! I'll finish this!"
Johnny blinked in surprise and looked to see who shouted. Diavel had broken away from her group and was rushing towards Illfang, her shoulder length blue hair trailing behind her. She bent low as she charged, but it wasn't quite enough to get a look up her skirt, much to Johnny's disappointment. Still, that she would choose to attack against the predetermined plan meant that she was either a beta tester or an experienced MMO player, looking to get the last attack bonus. Eh, either way, she should be ready for…
"No, wait! That's not a nōdachi, that's a talwar!"
Johnny twisted to look at Kirito. The older boy was staring wide-eyed at the weapon in Illfang's hand. When Johnny looked back at Diavel, it appeared the woman was also in shock at the change. So, she was a beta tester who had expected the game to be the same, and was caught off guard when it wasn't.
Still, she did an admirable job of holding off Illfang's attacks, shield and sword turning aside crushing blows with well disciplined efficiency that spoke of quite a bit of prior experience with SAO's combat system. But in the end it wasn't enough. She messed up. Mistimed an attack, and was caught in skill-lock, Illfang's massive blade descending towards her head. It was to be expected—she had been prepared for a much different moveset, one that she'd most likely practiced many times over the course of the beta. Against this new pattern, she had only experience to fall back on, and that just wasn't enough.
As Diavel's death descended towards her, Johnny planted his foot and twisted his body, sending his spear hurtling through the air. It slammed into Diavel, shunting her sideways away from certain death. Her arm was sheared off by Illfang's blade, but she was alive at least. In seconds, Johnny was on her, dragging her away from the raging boss and behind the rest of the players, who quickly moved to engage the boss as the plan had dictated before Diavel decided to throw a wrench in it.
"You're an idiot," Johnny commented, as he pulled a health potion out of his inventory. "Didn't think they'd change the boss for the full release?"
Diavel shook her head in chagrin. "Not really. I mean, why would they? He had the same weapon throughout all of the beta, so that's what they have the most data on. Why on earth would any sane developer change from something that they know is balanced based on the beta to a random weapon that only two other enemy types use?"
"Fairpoint," Johnny agreed, placing the potion at Diavel's lips and pouring it down her throat. "Still, why not try and KS like a sane person? Wait until the boss is almost dead, not at one bar of health. It's like...you don't Dagon when they're at 10 percent health, you Dagon when they're at 10 health."
Diavel laughed tiredly. "You certainly sound like the kind of person to do that. An unethical little shit, right?"
Johnny looked at her, pretending to be offended. "Why, what brought you to that conclusion?"
Diavel fixed Johnny with an unamused look. "The fact that you've got your hand up my skirt and spent the entire time you were dragging me over here groping my breasts?"
"Quite the nice breasts, really," Johnny commented with a cheeky grin. "Well sized, but still firm. Judging by how much you were clenching your teeth as I was moving you, your nipples seem to be somewhat sensitive as well. Which always makes it more fun to play around with your breasts."
Diavel frowned as Johnny reached down and picked up her limp arm, waving it about in front of her. "And now you've traded away all of my underwear to yourself."
"And your money and pants and skirts, except the one you're wearing," Johnny added without a shred of shame. "Have fun farming enough ⸢Col⸥ to buy new clothes while commando. That'd be a funny thing to watch." With a few taps, Johnny materialized the panties she had been wearing until he stole them and examined them.
They weren't the most adult pair: blue fullbacks with white lace about the waistband. Not as adult as Koharu's green side-tie ones or Asuna's plain white, but not particularly mature. And the choice of colour… "Seriously? I know you like the whole white and blue thing, but come on now."
"It's not like I expected anyone to see my underwear," Diavel muttered in anger, blushing slightly. "Besides, white and blue is a perfectly respectable choice of colours!"
Johnny shrugged. "Maybe… but this kind of lace? Not really appropriate for a woman of your age, huh?"
"Are you saying I'm old? I'll have you know I'm only 24!" Diavel half shouted half muttered.
Spinning the blue and white panties around his finger, Johnny smirked. "And these would be fitting on someone half your age. Though, I'm surprised that you're not more angry about what I'm doing."
"Well, you know. You seem like a sneaky little shit. You'll just lie your way out of anything I accuse you of, right?" Diavel shrugged. "Though if I could move right now, I'd be kicking the shit out of you. Of course, that's why you poisoned your spear, right?"
"You're real smart!" Johnny beamed. "You've been doing this internet thing for a while, haven't you?"
Diavel smiled slightly. "Sure have. Since I was six. My dad… well, it doesn't matter. By the way, once this poison wears off you'd better be far away you little shit."
"Don't worry," Johnny said. "I plan on it. Oh, look! Kirito-kun is killing the boss."
Johnny lifted Diavel into a sitting position so she could see. She shot him an angry glare when his hand slipped into her skirt. His slim fingers flitted across her tight ass, before reaching between her legs and rubbing her nethers. He paused when he felt his fingers passing over a small bit of hair.
"So, do the carpets match the drapes?" Johnny asked cheekily.
Face red, Diavel fixed him with a glare. "I take back what I said. You can run as far as you'd like, I will find you and have my revenge for this!"
Johnny's response was interrupted by a roar of pain from Illfang. Both boy and woman turned back to the boss in time to watch Asuna and Kirito double-team the boss and carve it into polygons.
The poison was wearing off, so Johnny darted away to go join Kirito again. He arrived just in time to catch Cactus-head ranting about how Kirito must have been a beta tester because he knew that the boss had a different weapon or something like that. Johnny watched with amusement as Kirito proclaimed himself a beater, equipped an edgy looking trench coat, and stormed off.
"You know, Cactus-head, I really didn't think you could sound any dumber." Everyone turned to look at Johnny, except Asuna, Payton, and Koharu, who had chased after Kirito.
Cactus-head bristled at Johnny's words before fixing Johnny with an aggressive glare. "What, defending your boyfriend? You probably planned this all from the..."
Johnny cut him off. "What, you think I care that you insulted Kirito-kun? ...well, I suppose I do, but that's not why I think you're stupid. I'm more offended by that awful name. I mean really. Beater? Sounds like you're looking to jack someone off. You just made a portmanteau of cheater and beta tester, and a gay one at that."
"I believe your friend said that the name sounded, in his words, 'cool.'" Once again, the large black man interceded into the argument. "Also, I would appreciate it if both of you," and here he looked at both Cactus-head and Johnny, "would stop implying that being gay is something negative."
Both of them looked at him, and shrunk under his disapproving gaze.
"...fine. I take back my boyfriend comment," Cactus-head muttered. "It was out of line. I still say that he's an asshole though."
"Ah? Sorry then. Internet. You pick up some bad habits… like Kirito has." Johnny sighed, placing a hand on his forehead, pretending to have a headache. "Honestly, you said he thought the name was cool? Yeah, that's because he's a bit of an edgelord. It's cringy at times."
A cough brought everybody's heads turning towards another person. Diavel limped up, still missing an arm (and a bra, which one could tell if one stared at her chest hard enough) and planted her sword in the ground. "Then, perhaps we should just call him a beta tester. Both to avoid being… 'cringy', as I know many of you hate to be considered, and also to prevent the dislike between beta testers and normal players from widening."
"Says the beta tester!" Cactus-head shouted angrily, turning on Diavel. It seemed he had found a new target for his ire. "I trusted you! No, we trusted you! And it turns out you're a beta tester?"
Diavel flinched at the words, but met Cactus-head's gaze. "Was that trust misplaced? You don't know this, Kiabou, but I stayed behind at the ⸢Town of Beginnings⸥ and trained players. I showed them how to fight, how to survive. You do not know this Kiabou, because you too were one of the people who abandoned them. You may not have been a beta tester, but you still have experience with gaming. There are many without even that. Did you stay behind to help them? No. So please, don't lecture me about the beta testers abandoning others. Everyone here is guilty of that, to some degree or other."
Chastised, all the players looked at each other, muttering. She was right, each of them could most likely have stayed back and helped someone. Instead, they had all rushed off to farm as best they could. Beta testers might have had an advantage, but as experienced gamers, they weren't helpless or anything. They had come together to fight the boss because they were the strongest. And one did not become the strongest by sitting still or staying back to help those much weaker than you.
Sighing, Diavel rose to her full height. She paused for a second, before bowing low at the waist. "Still, you are right. I did not tell you I was a beta tester. For that, I apologize. Please, accept my apology and do not let my actions lead you to hate the beta testers."
While she was bent forwards, Johnny took the time to palm a ⸢Recording Crystal⸥ into his hand and drop it onto the ground, facing up Diavel's skirt, while also getting a good shot of her hanging breasts. Sure, it was taking advantage of the situation, but really? That's what he did. Took advantage of situations.
Cactus-head crossed his arms before finally relenting. He stepped forwards and placed a hand on Diavel's shoulder, raising her back up to a standing position. No words passed between the two, until finally Cactus-head nodded once, sharply. "Apology accepted."
With that, he turned and stormed away. The rest of the assembled players took that as the sign to disperse. Some followed after Cactus-head, while others went their own way. For her part, Diavel gave a sigh of relief. Then she stiffened, her eyes darting to something in the corner of her vision.
"Cactus-head unfriend you or something?" Johnny asked, slipping next to her.
Diavel swiped at something on her HUD. "Sheesh. You're really an observant one. Obnoxious as well." She didn't confirm it, but her silence was all that needed to be said.
"Want something to take your mind off of it?" Johnny offered. "I know a place. Me vs you. It's good for the stress, don't you know. And hey, if you win I'll even give you your panties back."
Diavel looked at him before breaking into laughter. "Seriously. You're such a strange kid, you little shit. Fine, let's do it. But kicking your ass will be all the payment I need."
Johnny tilted his head. "So does that mean you won't want your panties back if you beat me?"
"Hey, I didn't say that!" Diavel answered quickly, sighing when Johnny laughed at her reaction. "Walked into that one, didn't I?"
Together both boy and woman walked off in… somewhat companionable silence. They would continue like that until they reached a quiet off the path part of the dungeon where they proceeded to try to beat each other's brains in, the problems of the day temporarily forgotten amidst the song of steel.
Both would go their separate ways with a smile on their face. Though Diavel's would be somewhat less cheerful. She also had quite the blush. Johnny had given her her panties back...but only because he had cut off her skirt and had felt bad about making her leave with nothing covering her. That said, he had made her stand in about a dozen humiliating poses that he recorded before giving the panties to her.
And thus, the first great hurdle of SAO was cleared. Illfang the Kobold Lord was felled, and there was much rejoicing. Only 99 hurdles left to go! Yeah, this was going to last a long time. Which gave Johnny plenty of time to humiliate more people.
Chapter finished. Yay. Regular schedule once more! Hype. Lots of Diavel in this chapter. A bit more Agil the Chocolate Mountain than in cannon, and Kirito continues to be an edgy child. Johnny and Diavel have a...strange relationship. I suppose Diavel could have tried to lash out more at Johnny for what he did to her, but that'd be less interesting so we've got this instead. At this point, Diavel sees Johnny as more of an annoying brother...no, more of that little brat who you babysit who keeps trying to see your underwear. Though admittedly Johnny is more successful than the kid usually is. No I'm not speaking from experience. Definitely. Yeah.
Also, no Beaters! Such a dumb name, Beaters. But Johnny already went over that, so whatever. Different note, I need to stop ordering pizza. It tastes so good, but makes me feel so sick. Also, some slight changes to the previous chapters. See Sash's note for context.
Sash: Hi! I'm sAzhe, pronounced Sash, I'm Morgan's beta. If you've seen me in earlier chapters and wondering why I'm introducing myself now, it's because I haven't been a proper beta until now. My changes to the earlier chapters are retroactive. (Nothing major so you don't need to go back and re-read the story.) Anyway, I'm still new at this so I'll be in your care.