"So, Argo, what's this about?" Johnny asked, dropping next to the older girl. In the past, Argo had shrieked and jumped when he appeared out of nowhere. She was clearly getting used to him, as she only flinched slightly. Hm. Next time, maybe should appear from under her dress. That might get a better response.
Argo interrupted his thoughts. "Scoutin' for the boss, Jay-chan. Got a quest tha' might 'ave somethin' related ta a weakness or somethin', sa."
"Eh? And nobody found the quest until now?" Johnny thought about it. "Well, I suppose we're speedrunning it. What's the quest?"
"There's a druid miniboss tha' uses poisonous trees ta protect her house. We have ta enter the house and subdue her—"
Johnny perked up. "Her?"
Facepalming, Argo fixed Johnny with a tired look. "Yeah, her. That's why I didn't wanna bring ya with me on this one. But everyone else's off grindin', ya know? Yer the only one free, 'cause you don't grind. How yer so strong, I'll never know."
"I'm not."
Argo blinked. "'Scuse me?"
Nodding, Johnny pulled up his character screen and showed it to Argo.
The Rat-themed girl took one look at it and choked. "W-what the fuck?"
"Language!" Johnny reprimanded her, earning him a slap on the head from a flabbergasted Argo.
"J-jay-chan, this…" Argo glanced at him. "Yer level 20?!"
She was in disbelief, and not in a good way. You could take the boss on when you were more or less the same level, but most clearers waited until they were around 10 levels higher. Johnny, on the other hand, was 10 levels lower. That was akin to suicide!
"250 [Health]?! 8 [Armour]? Are ya tryin' ta die?" And what's more, those defensive stats! That was the base [Health] and 7 points more than base [Armour]. Running around like that was a great way to get yourself killed.
There were three stats in Sword Art Online that were typically were considered the primary defensive stats. [Health], obviously, [Defence] as well. Finally there was [Movement Speed]. The best way to increase [Movement Speed] was through [Agility]. [Agility] increased one's damage with [Finesse] weapons, such as Rapiers and the like, as well as increasing [Movement Speed] by both a flat number and a percentage.
So, while Johnny's [Health] and [Armour] might be far below what is safe, at least he'd have some maneuverability, right? Or not, as Argo would soon realise, staring wide-eyed at the big fat [5+(3)] in [Agility]. That was base [Agility], with a minuscule 3 additional points from some piece of equipment. "What th' 'ell kinda gimped build is this, Jay-chan?" Argo cried in horror. "I mean, whaddid ya even level, ka?"
Johnny reached over and tapped the HUD in front of Argo, scrolling down his [Status] screen. "Movement Speed," he said.
Sure enough, Johnny had decided to place his in [Movement Speed]. Which Argo hadn't even known you could do. Regardless, the difference was obvious. Quickly, the girl pulled up her own [Status] screen. As a Tank build—though you wouldn't expect it from the daggers Argo was always carrying around—the information broker had fairly low [Agility], putting her movement speed at only around 131. Johnny was at 485. At level 20. Even Asuna, who dumped all her points in [Agility] only had 293 [Movement Speed].
"I am, and I can not stress this enough, fast as fuck, boy?" Johnny quipped cheekily.
Argo could only shake her head, feeling a headache coming as she stared at his stats. "Do ya even do any damage?"
"Don't need to. [Corruption] works as long as my weapons are in contact with other people. And with it maxed out, it does percentage damage to equipment. I mean, it also scales off damage, but not too well. And poison is flat, with no difference based on my stats. Luck'ed be the only thing that matters, to farm and craft more poison. But I steal enough [Col] to buy that stuff."
"And if ya face a boss who's resistant ta poison?" Argo asked. "Like, I don't know, the next boss?"
The boy stopped to consider it. "Ineffective strats never stopped me from meme runs in Dark Souls!" he finally declared firmly.
Grabbing him by his collar, Argo lifted him into the air and shook him. "Rather than Dark Souls, tis more like Darkest Dungeon! There's no room fer memes 'ere! One mistake and yer gonna die, sa. Tis' not a game, do ya get it Jay-chan?"
"Tell you what, Rat. Let's go fight this Druid of yours. I'll take it seriously for once." Johnny smirked. "Bet I can do more damage than you."
"A single hit'll kill ya, sa!"
Rolling his eyes, Johnny clapped her on the back. "A single hit was always going to kill me. But don't worry so much, I won't get hit." Argo didn't seem to be convinced. "Come on, this quest is important, right? Are you really going to risk the lives of a bunch of other players just because you don't trust me to keep myself safe?"
Argo flinched, considering it. After a brief, if agonizing, time mulling it over, she made up her mind. "Fine then, Jay-chan," she grumbled through gritted teeth. "Let's go, sa. But you'd better not die!"
"I'd never dare!" Johnny exclaimed. "After all, then I wouldn't get to enjoy myself anymore. And that sounds far too dreary."
Together they set out, quickly arriving at the quest location. A small wooden house lay at the center of a field of roses.
Johnny pointed at the house. "That it?" Argo nodded.
"We should approach slowly and silently," she began, already coming up with half a dozen plans of attack. Johnny scoffed.
"Speed is armour." And with that, he burst forwards. The second his foot touched the outermost part of the clearing, the roses erupted into motion. They whipped towards him, crimson buds attached to thorny stems. Argo stared on in horror as half a dozen roses shredded the area where Johnny was standing. But they were too slow, managing only to catch the breeze as Johnny blasted past them.
Realizing their failure, a storm of roses burst from the ground, intent on rendering him into nothing. The first strike had been a probe, more to warn off then to actually kill. This time, the roses came in a tidal wave of thorny plants, striking from every direction. Even for an experienced player like Argo, there were too many to track. It was like a Bullet Hell from Hell, with attacks coming from three dimensions.
And yet, Johnny danced past the barbed plants with grace efficiency Argo had never seen. He spun amongst the twisted forest, thorny roses catching nothing but air. Argo stared on, wide-eyed. Johnny hadn't been lying about being fast.
In truth, it was so much more than just speed. In the thick of the storm, Johnny spun, his eyes flicking about. There was a reason Johnny had been a well known figure amongst certain parts of the PvP community. He rarely ranked particularly highly amongst the top players. And yet… and yet anyone who fought him, including top tier experts all had the same thing to say.
He was untouchable. No one knew why, but in any fair fight, every attack they made was dodged, or blocked, or otherwise predicted. Johnny was untouchable simply because of how fast he could process information. Oh sure, Kirito was faster at reacting. But the other boy moved instinctively. Johnny moved with a purpose.
In the midst of the onslaught, Johnny took in everything. Every plant was noted and accounted for, their path of attack predicted. Routes forwards were found and taken, or if there was no path, then one was made, courtesy of a dagger, spinning forwards in a buzzsaw of dirty crimson light that signified a [Corruption] enhanced attack.
Thorns brushed Johnny's pants, traced lines across his skin, and raked his coat. But none found purchase. And in the midst of it all, Johnny smiled. This was the life—a life lived on the razor's edge, the slightest misstep representing death. One wrong move, one missed rose, one bad throw of a dagger, and that was his end. And that's what he loved. He lived for this. Well, this and humiliating Asuna and Argo and the rest of them. That was quite fun too. Fun that he would no longer be able to partake in if he died here.
So of course, he wasn't going to die. The thorny storm picked up. Johnny laughed cheerily. Well then, so would he. A blur became a flash, darting between the roses that sought to waylay his path. Red buzzsaws carved his path forwards, disassembling plants with a touch. A wall of roses blocked his path. Johnny planted a foot on the ground and hurled a dagger forwards once more. It tore a hole in the wall. A hole that was quickly closing. At his current speed, he wouldn't make it through, and he'd be torn to shreds. Johnny scoffed. As if.
Shoving off of the foot he had planted on the ground, Johnny disappeared. When he reappeared again, he was through the garden of roses and before the door to the house. Johnny glanced back at where Argo was standing, still outside of the clearing. He waved cheekily before ducking inside.
Argo took one step into the field, before a rose caught her in the arm, sending her stumbling back with a hiss of pain. These things bypassed the [Pain Link]? How annoying.
Pulling up her HUD, Argo sent Johnny a message, asking if he needed any help. Her response was a picture of a middle aged elf holding a staff, her face red. Probably owing to the fact that her tunic was in tatters, exposing tanned skin and a bra made out of what seemed to be faux leaves.
So it seemed he was doing fine. Argo dropped onto the ground and waited. Soon a message popped up on her HUD. It was a picture of a battered NPC elf, bound with ropes, and in just her rose print panties.
Taking a tentative step into the field, Argo sighed in relief when no roses rose up to attack him. She walked briskly towards the house, when suddenly a storm of plants erupted around her. Johnny had managed to duck, dodge, and cut a way through the onslaught. Argo was not so skilled. The thorny roses shredded her [Health] and her [Armour]... and then they were gone, pulled back into the ground. Argo gazed around her, before glancing down. Upon doing so, she groaned in annoyance.
Her clothes had been rendered into scraps, leaving her in just her yellowish brown sports bra and boyshorts. Tapping her HUD, a cloak materialized around her… and was shredded just as quickly as her clothes had been before.
Argo fixed the field of roses with an angry glare. One of the roses poked itself out of the ground and waved itself at her cheekily. Muttering curses under her breath, the petite girl stomped up to the house and kicked open the door.
"Jay-chan!" she yelled through gritted teeth. Johnny was reclining on an armchair. He glanced up when she entered.
"Oh, hey Argo. Not that I'm complaining, but what's with the view?" He leered at her exposed body.
The girl bristled angrily. "Y-you! Argh! Just… just lemme complete this damn quest!" She turned towards the restrained elf woman. "'Kay then, tell me what th' boss' weakness is, sa!" Though she squirmed under Argo's unhappy glare, the elf gave no answer. "Tell me, or I'll leave ya 'ere with Jay-chan an' come back in a day or somethin'."
The woman looked up at her resolutely. "Do your worst. You think I fear the elf killer!"
Johnny looked affronted. "I've only killed a few elves! Kirito and Asuna've totally killed more," he complained.
"Yeah, but yer real brutal 'bout it, Jay-chan," Argo reminded him. "Slittin' their throats or slowly snappin' their legs 'fore leavin' 'em to get eaten by spiders. Or just cuttin' up their clothes an' the like, sa."
As she talked, the elf went paler and paler, but remained firm. Johnny shrugged sheepishly before perking up. "Right, cutting up their clothes!" Twirling a knife, he descended upon the elf. "I just noticed I forgot your panties!"
"N-no, wait!" The elf paled suddenly. "I'll tell you, I'll tell you, if you leave my panties!"
Johnny ignored her pleas, forcing Argo to slap him across the back of the head. "Johnny, we need the info more than ya need ta see 'er naked, ta."
"Booooring," Johnny whined, his knife slid under the waistband of the elf's panties. He fixed the elf with an annoyed look. "Better hurry." His knife burned with crimson light and began slowly cutting threads of silk.
"The boss is a Treant that the council of Druids created, the secret is using lightning on the poison ducts located at the base. The lightning will travel straight to the core, disabling the Treant's poison. Don't use fire unless it's almost dead. Fire will just ignite the poison gas, turning the whole area into a firestorm. It'll kill the Treant eventually, but probably kill you first."
Johnny removed his knife with a huff. Argo was typing furiously. Finally the information broker nodded. "Okay, got it. Let's go, sa."
"By the way, you were worried about my survivability, right? So, how's I do?" Smirking, Johnny prodded Argo in her exposed side. Twitching, Argo sighed.
"Fine, ya were right, ye didn' get killed. Yer good, 's that what ya want me ta say? Or do ya want me ta strip for ya? Humiliate me more, sa?" Argo hissed. Johnny sighed.
"Oh come on, don't be so pissy, Rat. Honest question, would you feel better if I was stronger?" Johnny asked.
Argo nodded sharply. In the next moment, a shower of polygons filled the room as the elf druid shattered, her gaze one of horror.
"Jay-chan!" Argo yelped.
Picking his dagger up, Johnny looked over at her. "What? I got stronger." Argo watched as his level ticked up rapidly. 20. 21. 22. Finally it stopped at 34. 14 levels in one go. Noticing Argo's astonishment, Johnny shrugged. "If you're a higher level than the enemy you get less [XP] but better [Drop Rates]. The opposite is also true. The lower your level relative to the enemy, the more [XP] but the worse the [Drop Rate]."
"That doesn't explain how ya gained 14 levels in one kill, ta," Argo countered. "Tis a 100% increase per level under the enemy. Tis the Third Floor, so the elf'd be 'bout level 35 or 40 or so."
Johnny wagged his finger, like Argo was some child who just said something really silly. "Come on, you didn't check? For shame, Rat. For shame. No, she was Level 55." Argo stared at him in disbelief. "Though probably because her field of roses increases her challenge rating by a lot and therefore her level. She actually had stats around a level 20 mob. Still, level 55 is a 35 level difference. Which multiplied the [XP] by 3500%. And I just used my [XP Boost], which doubles that. So, 7000% [XP]. A level 55 is already worth quite a bit of [XP], so. 14 levels in one go, easy." A smirk. "Why do you think I didn't raise my level for so long? Though, I suppose finding a level 55 is just really good luck. Now, I've got a day left on my [XP Boost], so I'm going to go grind. See you later. And, Rat? Consider putting some clothes on. Not that I mind."
With that, Johnny disappeared. One second he was there, the next nothing. That was… a lot faster than before. Argo facepalmed. He put all his levels into [Movement Speed] didn't he? He was trying to give her a heart attack or something.
Cursing adrenaline junky brats, Argo equipped a backup set of clothes and teleported back to town to deliver news of the boss' weakness.
Long time coming, this chapter. I've been travelling Europe. A bit of a 'Oh, you had cancer? Well now that you're all better, let's travel the world' thing with my family. It's been fun so far, but I haven't had too much time to write. You know how it is.
Anyways, I wanted to mention something. I'm planning on running a DnD campaign, focused on the kind of hijinks Johnny gets up to. You know, EUF, ENF, some bondage, that kind of thing. Any kinks, really. Or, most kinks, really. I'm fine with most things, short of snuff and guro. Like, I'll kill characters, but you don't have to be cruel about it or anything. Though I have a L4D2 story almost done that might be a bit brutal at times. In my defense, zombies.
Well, whatever. What I'm saying, is that if you want to be Johnny (Or Argo, I don't judge, subs are just as good as doms) and run amuck in a DnD campaign, DM me. Or, like, leave a review. You don't even need to know how to play DnD. Because honestly, DnD is just using your imagination. Boom, easy.
Oh, also. If you were wondering how stats are calculated, below is a list. I have an Excel document as well that calculates stats and that kind of thing, but I can't link that. DM me if you care for that. The XP Boost is an item that Kayaba gave to everyone at the same time as the mirror. Give everyone a bit of a jump start, you know? Using the chart, see if you can calculate Johnny's Movement Speed at the end of the chapter. I dunno, I'll write a 2000 word short about whatever for the first person who can.
And as always if you're looking for more stuff like this story, check my profile. Sometimes I publish other things. Usually it's lewd.
Argo, Level 40 (Projected Level 47.2), Tank (4/1 Strength Agility Split)
Title: Information Broker (Enhances Social Skills)
Strength: 161 (+29)
Agility: 44 (+7)
Luck: 5
Health: 5709.15
Regen: 45.05755
Resistance: 95 (+95)
Damage: 200
Capacity: 1900
Armour: 9.285
Movement Speed: 137.145
Attack Speed: 6.994395
Perception: 1248.8
Drop Rate: 1.05
Crafting Success: 1.05
Crafting Speed: 1.05
Critical Chance: 0
Skill Points: 2050
Skill Slots: 10
Skills:
Martial Arts (Bonus Skill)
-You're like Bruce Lee
Durability
-I reject your status effects
Stealth
-Sneaky Beaky like
Enhanced Perception
-See much evil
Quest Checker
-Using the wiki lul
Acrobatics
-Do you think this is Assassin's Creed?
Dagger Proficiency
-What, you egg? Stabs him.
Map Hacks
-Secrets and wonders can be found in the most tenebrous corners of this place.
Robot Spider
-I'd use scanner, but Isaac is better than Gungeon
Identify
-Good news, it doesn't cost a bunch of GP
Light Armour Proficiency
-Lul, light armour classes
Formulas
5 Attribute Points per level. Base stats are 5/5/5. If you increase a specific stat, like Movement Speed, with your attribute points, then you get an increase of double what the attribute (Strength, Agility, Luck) would have given you. For instance, putting an attribute point into Health would increase your Health by 40. Putting a point into Movement Speed increases your Movement Mod by 2. Not all attributes can be increased in this way.
Strength
+20 Health
+0.1 Regeneration
+1 Resistance
+1 Damage
+10 Capacity
Agility
+0.16 Armour
+0.05 Movement Speed Multiplier
+1 Movement Speed
+1 Attack Speed
+10 Perception
Luck
+1 Drop Rate
+1 Crafting Success
+1 Crafting Speed
+1 Critical Chance Multiplier
+10 Skill Points
All Stats (Currently)
True Health = ((Base Health+True Armour)+145)
True Regeneration = (Base Regeneration+((Base Regeneration*True Movement Speed)/100)
True Resistance = (Base Resistance*System Synchronization)
True Damage = (Base Damage+Weapon Damage)
True Capacity = (Base Capacity*Storage Items)
True Armour = (Base Armour+(True Resistance/100))
True Movement Speed = ((Base Movement Speed+Movement Mod)*B25)
True Attack Speed = (((Base Attack Speed*True Movement Speed)/Armour Class)/100)
True Perception = (Base Perception*Movement Mod)
True Drop Rate = (Base Drop Rate*Level Over Suggested Level)
True Crafting Success = ((Crafting Success/100)+1)
True Crafting Speed = ((Crafting Speed/100)+1)
True Critical Chance = (0+(Critical Chance Multiplier*(Times Attacked Since Last Critical/10))
True Skill Points = (Base Skill Points+(Level*50))
Skill Slots = Round Down(True Skill Points/250)