Chapter 5. Need

Sam was bent over her workstation, carefully arranging the Naquadah sample she'd obtained from that god-awful planet. Daniel was pacing like a caged tiger behind her, but she was pointedly ignoring him, and also trying to ignore her rising ire at his presence. She tried to remind herself that it wasn't really his fault, that the sarcophagus had messed with his brain, that this wasn't really Daniel. But then the image of Daniel kissing Shyla flashed through her mind, and her lips pressed together in a thin, pale line, anger bubbling up like acid reflux.

"You're going to wear a hole in the floor." She finally snapped, only briefly glancing up at him.

"I can't get her out of my head, Sam. I think I've made a big mistake."

She stopped what she was doing then, staring at him in disbelief. "You're not serious?" She scoffed.

"I am."

Sam gaped, struggling for what to say next, what would snap him out of this. This wasn't Daniel. "You have a wife."

"Had." Daniel waved a finger in the air. "Had a wife. Come on, seriously. How long am I supposed to wait? Even if I find Sha're one day, what are the chances she'll ever be the same again?"

Sam was stunned. Was that really how he felt?
No, Sam reminded herself again, this was not her Daniel. "Look, your endorphin level was through the roof when we came back. And now you're coming down off of it. The effects of the sarcophagus are like a narcotic Daniel."

"Yeah, that makes you smarter, stronger, you live for hundreds of years, feel great. What the hell is so wrong with it?" He sniped, pacing away from her again.

"I think it's partly what makes the Goa'uld as bad as they are."

Daniel turned to her, condescension written all over his face. She was starting to reeeeeally not like this version of Daniel. "How?" He sneered.

"Who knows. It's Goa'uld technology, Daniel. Maybe it's healing effects alter your brain chemistry. Increased adrenaline; the hormones that make you more aggressive and irrational. Pyrus probably used to be a decent man." She watched him as she fiddled with one of her microscopes, his skin pale and clammy. "Look at yourself." She begged of him. "It's like you need a fix. You've only used it a few times and already it's changed you."

"We can't just leave it there. We have to study it."

"We can't go back either."

Daniel rubbed his hands together, fidgeting like a junkie jonesing for his next score. "Well I'm going."

"She used us to get you addicted."

Daniel slammed his fist down on her worktable, sending vials and lab equipment flying and making Sam jump. She had never seen Daniel display a violent outburst, and especially not directed at her. It reminded her a little too much of her ex, Jonas, and a fission of fear run up her spine. He stormed up to her, his face inches from hers, and stared into her eyes; his gaze somehow even bluer without his glasses.

"You've never really known what love is, have you?" His words were quiet, but sharp as any knife, and Sam was sure that, if she looked down, she'd see her intestines spilled across the floor. She turned away, refusing to let him see how much he'd hurt her. He drew in closer, his chest almost touching her shoulder. "Even this...this thing between us...everything's a secret with you. You don't care about me finding my wife. You don't care about Shyla. If anyone is using me, it's you!" He hissed, twisting the knife a little further.

Rage clawed at her insides, barely masking the deeper hurt, but she managed to rein it in, to control her emotions as she had always done. "See, the Daniel I know would never have said that." She told him, proud that she was able to keep her voice from breaking. He backed off, swiping his hands across her desk and shattering a few more things across the floor as he stormed out.

It's not really Daniel, she told herself, it's not really him. And she tried to remind herself of that when he arrived on her doorstep later that night.

"Sam, I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean any of that stuff I said, I wasn't... I wasn't in my right mind. Can you ever forgive me?" His eyes pleaded with her, full of sorrow and anguish, his mouth pulled into a grimace.

She offered him a smile, but didn't move out of the doorway. "It's okay, Daniel, I know. You weren't yourself. I understand." The relief on his face quickly turned to confusion when she still didn't allow him in. "But maybe...maybe it was a good thing, anyway. This...was never a good idea. And I would never want this to get in the way of our friendship, or come between you and your wife."

"No, Sam, I didn't really mean that, I swear!" His eyes were wide and panicked, and it killed her to turn him away.

"It's for the best, Daniel."

His whole face fell, and it almost broke her resolve. "Oh, o-okay. If that's what you...really want."

"Yes, Daniel," she lied, "it's what I want."