Chapter 6. Secrets

Daniel sat at his desk, his head in his hands. His eyes were tired and gritty from the salty tears and he rubbed at them. What a failure he was! He had Sha're in his arms again, and he still hadn't been able to save her. At least her son would be safe with Kasuf – that had been the least he was able to accomplish. God, he was useless. Pathetic. Pitiful. Worthless...

"Daniel?"

He quickly rubbed at his eyes before he looked up, forcing a smile to his face. "Hi Sam, I'm fine, really, I'm..." He trailed off, frowning as she drew closer. Her eyes were almost as watery as his.

"Sam? What's wrong?" He stood, wanting to go to her but stopping himself. That was not his place any more.

"Hmm? Oh," She chuckled, shaking her head, "Daniel, I came here to see if you were okay."

Daniel sighed. Turning away from her, he went to the couch that stood against the wall, half covered in books, and flopped down on it.

"I... don't know." He answered honestly. Sam moved to stand before him, but remained silent.

"She was right there, Sam, and I couldn't..." He sighed again and leant back, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes until spots danced across his vision.

"A year ago, when all this started, I never even allowed myself to consider that I wouldn't...that I might not get her back. But now... I'm losing hope, Sam." It pained him to admit it, but it was the truth.

He felt the couch sag and looked out from behind his hands to see Sam sitting across from him, her sad eyes full of concern. "Daniel, if the military has taught me anything, it's that you can't save everyone. Sometimes... the odds are just too great." She reached across and took his hand, pulling it away from his face and holding it tightly between two of her own. "But if you've taught me anything, it's that it shouldn't stop you from trying."

He stared down at their entwined fingers, the warmth of her palms seeping into his. He had almost forgotten what this felt like.

"Sometimes, no matter what we do, the universe has a different plan in store for us. Sometimes, you work your whole life towards something, only to have the rug that you didn't even know was there ripped out from under you."

Daniel frowned. He didn't think she was talking about him anymore.

"Sam?"

A glimmering tear slipped down her cheek, and Daniel reached out with his free hand to wipe it away, cupping her face in his palm and tilting it towards him, searching.

"My father has cancer." She finally admitted, two more tears slipping silently over Daniel's fingers.

"Oh, Sam." He sighed, pulling her into his chest and wrapping his arms around her. He may not be her place of comfort anymore but he was still her friend.

He held her tightly, his fingers stroking through her soft hair as she shuddered in his arms. Tears leaked from his own eyes, dripping from his lashes and disappearing into her golden hair. Sniffling, she pulled back a little, wiping at her eyes so that she could look up at him. Eyes that were so blue, shockingly blue, intoxicatingly blue, and he was drawn to them, wanting to taste her soft lips again, to mould her pliable body around his and...

What? No! Startled by the sudden strength of his feelings, he pulled away, releasing Sam from his embrace. Mere hours ago, he had told Sha're that he would always love her, that nobody could ever take that away, and now here he was, lusting after another woman, wanting to kiss her and do a whole lot more.

He leapt up from the couch, suddenly needing to put as much distance between himself and the astrophysicist as possible. "S-sorry Sam, I, uh, I'm probably not very good company right now, b-but if you want to talk about-"

"It's alright." She stood, smiling softly through her teary face. "I'll be okay, Daniel. And you will be too." Still smiling painfully, she turned towards the door.

"Sam, wait!" He cried out, causing her to pause and look back at him.

"I, uh..." He didn't want her to leave; he wanted her to stay, but if she did...

"I'm really glad to-to still have you as a friend."

Her smile turned into a genuine one, though it was gone again in a flash.

"Me too, Daniel. Me too."