Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Star Wars or any of the amazing characters

Rey

Rey had been laying in the bed all morning and into the afternoon, long after Kylo had left to shower, get food and then go out to teach their students for the day. She wasn't tired, so she didn't sleep, she just didn't have the will or the energy to get out of bed. Besides Kylo had told everyone that she wasn't feeling well so all of her work in the hanger had been given away for the day, so there was nothing for her to do there. Kylo had taken the students off to work without her today and would probably shoo her back to bed if she showed up to practice with them.

It's because he really doesn't need you, the dark little voice inside of her head said.

"That's not true," Rey said rolling over as though she weren't talking to a part of her own psyche.

You say that but, really, the only-

Rey cut the voice off saying, "We've been through this. There is nothing more important and more precious to me than Kylo. Try again, darkness."

Sorry, the voice said, and the voice was almost sarcastic. Let's go meditate. I can show you some more of the power of the dark side, the voice suggested.

The thing inside of her head had finally had a good idea.

"Yes, I think meditation will help," Rey said.

She got up and changed into a clean pair of leggings and a lightweight tunic. She slipped on her shoes and tied her hair up. Rey didn't like to look in the mirror anymore because she could see the toll her free fall into darkness was taking on her appearance.

She left the room thinking of the best place to meditate. She'd been meditating a lot more lately. Sometimes she was alone and sometimes, most times it seemed now, she meditated with that dark part of herself. She never felt alone with her darkness was present and talking to her. At times it truly felt like the darkness inside of her was a separate being all together. A being that Rey didn't know if was really her friend or if it was a foe. Her instincts told her that she should be fleeing from this entity but Kylo had told her that her being predominantly light meant she would instinctually flee from the darkness until her body and spirit accepted the internal mixture of the light and the dark.

That meant she didn't put up a fight against the attack on her psyche.

So where are we going to meditate today? The sunshine didn't help 3 days ago, the abandoned temple wasn't any better yesterday, the darkness said.

"I'm just going up to the roof of the castle," Rey told the darkness as she walked along the long main hall that ran down the center of the main building.

Rey didn't see anything as she walked. Her mind was awash with thoughts of the past, worries for the future and this over arcing sense of doom for those she loved. She passed by new faces and old friends in the hallway, but she didn't acknowledge them. Luckily things were still so busy with getting the hanger and weapons manufacturing plants set up that people barely paid Rey any attention.

At least until Rey ran into Finn and Poe. The two males were seated in the main hall near the stairs that led to the upper floors talking and eating their lunches. Rey hadn't even heard their conversation as she walked right toward them.

"So, you taking Essie out for more one-on-one training later," Finn asked with a smile on his dark, handsome face.

"Ah, yeah. My swordsmanship is really improving," Poe said running his fingers through his hair which had grown longer since the Force had returned to all of their lives. "She's improving with the bow too though," Poe said. "Hey, don't look at me like that. Sure, I like Essie, but we've never even kissed… Oh hey Rey," his voice only penetrating Rey's trancelike state when he had said her name.

She shook her head, clearing the fog from her mental processors.

"Hello," she said subdued. "I didn't notice you guys there," she said honestly.

Finn and Poe shared a glance before the two of them got up and approached her, concern etched lines into their faces that had nothing to do with the stress of their very present war against the dark side.

Rey's dull hazel eyes looked the two over in confusion.

Look at them, her darkness started making Rey flinch. They both still look at you like those men did back on Jakku. They want to claim you the way Kylo has claimed you even though they call their selves your friends. Even though Finn has claimed Rose. Even though Poe wants to claim Eshreal. Filthy dogs, men are, the darkness said, voice full of contempt and disgust.

The darkness went on this tangent every time Rey thought about trying to go spend time with her friends. It made her feel completely uncomfortable around the two men even though she knew neither of them really thought of her in that way anymore, but she had begun to avoid them pretty much all together.

Finn and Poe had seen the flinch and were trying to figure out what to make of it when Rey decided to just continue on her path.

"Rey, hold up a second," Finn said taking her arm and pulling her around to face them.

"What's going on with you? Ren said you weren't feeling well but you look like hell," Poe said in a soft voice.

"Gee, thanks. That's just what I needed to hear," Rey snapped.

She knew she didn't exactly look like her usual glowing self, but she didn't need anyone to point it out. Especially with the darkness filling her head with so much negativity. The comment though said out of concern just triggered Rey's new irrational temper.

"I have things to do. Maybe the next time I run into you two I won't look like Hutt dung," she snapped and snatched her arm away from Finn. Rey took off down the hallway before either of them could move to stop her.

As she hit the corner near the stair, she heard Poe say, "I think we need to go see tell someone about this."

Rey didn't care. She kept moving toward the roof with purpose now in her stride. She kept her head down, so that she didn't make eye contact with anyone else who would want to stop her to talk. She actually sighed in relief when she got to the roof without coming in contact with anyone else and the roof was mercifully empty as well.

Alone at last, the darkness said almost gleefully.

As alone as I can get, Rey thought even though she knew the darkness would hear the thought.

Her head was never her own now days, between the invasive darkness and the bond linking her to Kylo's thoughts and feelings, Rey was beginning to feel like maybe she had gone insane back on Jakku and this was all some sort of delusion and her poor mind was now having trouble keeping up with this new level of complicated or maybe she had developed multiple personalities.

It was all very confusing and slightly painful for the young woman.

We could always just get out of here, the darkness suggested.

"What," Rey asked, startled.

We could just leave for a week or two. Just to fully concentrate on us and becoming centered again with no distractions. Just me, you and the light, the voice coaxed.

"I already am free of distractions. So free that I'm growing bored out of my skull. And as you said before, nothing is working. Not meditating, not sparring with Kylo and the others, not talking with you or anyone else," Rey said a little angry. "I don't understand the need for the darkness. It just makes me feel terrible. I mourn that Ben had to feel like this as a child, that he had to live like this for so long," Rey ended with another heavy sigh.

The darkness was quiet for so long that Rey thought maybe it had retreated into the recesses of her consciousness.

Then Rey's breath caught in her throat as she froze for just a second. There was tension in the back of her neck that usually meant danger was near for just a moment. It was as though the Force had taken a breath, removing all of the oxygen from the world around her, leaving her in pain from the lack breathable air. Then the pressure was gone, and Rey could breathe again.

The dark is just as important as the light because living beings are comprised of both the light and the dark. The spirit is birthed grey and outside influences as well as some genetic factors are what pulls one to the light or the dark. We all have the potential to be grey but too many people believe that any darkness is going to send them to some sort of purgatory in the afterlife, the darkness said. You can't handle the negative because you were taught that it held no place in things but that's not true. How can you appreciate joy if you've never experienced pain, how can you enjoy the sun if you've never felt the rain? The darkness asked in a somehow seductive voice. Rey there is so much I could show you, the heights of power and knowledge, the darkness said, and Rey found herself nodding.

She sank down into her meditative pose and closed her eyes. She couldn't explain why all of a sudden, she agreed that she needed to get away from everyone else. Rey knew how dangerous it would be to leave the compound, especially alone but she couldn't deny that she wanted to do whatever it took for her to start feeling like herself again.

"But where would I even go? And Kylo would be coming after me as soon as I got a ship off of the ground," Rey said.

Don't worry about that now. We have all of the time in the world to plan our little vacation. As long as you hide it from Kylo, the darkness said.

And with that Rey buried her thoughts of sneaking off world deep into old memories that Kylo would have no reason to even go looking through. She spent the next few hours meditating and feeling both sides of the Force and the balance in between. Every time she was feeling okay, the darkness would bring up something terrible from her past or visions of terrible things to come in the future. Then she would find herself spiraling down into anger, despair and loneliness.

One particular vision of Kylo dead, along with two children that she could only assume were her and Kylo's future younglings and all the rest of the people she cared about, had Rey so furious that the ground began to tremble, and loose stones began to float around her. The vision went on to show Rey fighting against an army of Zoroyais' clones with no hope of being able to defeat enough of them to ever get to the person responsible. Still she tried, cutting through the endless Force sensitives with the quarterstaff she'd been given back on Jasmenerth because her light saber just wouldn't do against their strange black armor.

Rey let out a scream as Zoroyais came into view through the crowd. She doubled her efforts vowing to kill the Sith lord before she breathed her last breath. She was sweaty, exhausted and covered in blood, but she kept pushing forward. Determination to get justice for her loved ones blended in with a black cloud of vengeance that had Rey reveling in the death and destruction that she was causing.

Outside of Rey's meditative state, like every other time she tapped into the dark side, the nearby plants began to die, the stones that had started to float were now circling Rey's head and the building underneath her began to tremble with the force of her pain and rage.

In the vision, Rey had slaughtered all of the clones and finally had a clear path to the being behind all of her suffering. She strapped her quarter staff to her back and traded it for her double bladed light saber. As the golden blades ignited, vision Rey couldn't help but notice that the core had gone from a very pale purple to a pale red color, though she really couldn't be bothered to wonder about the how's or the why.

She held her blade in both hands as she charged Zoroyais with fury and anger pushing her every movement. This carnation of Rey didn't bother with battle precognition to dictate her moves, she just went with the feeling of it all. After what felt like forever Rey finally landed the fatal blow to Zoroyais, taking his head in one clean swipe of her golden blade.

"You are a fool, Rey. You could have the world, if only you would take my hand," Zoroyais said in a voice that was strangely familiar.

Rey looked up to find that the headless body was holding its hand out to Rey. She went to strike at the would-be corpse to discover that her once golden blade had turned a deep blood red color. She shook her head in disbelief. She threw the blade down and took a step backward as the head of Zoroyais rolled toward her.

The head fell away from the helmet, but it was Snoke's disfigured visage staring up at Rey. Then the face changed to a man she hadn't seen in a very long time, a man with Hazel eyes and deep brown hair like hers. Her father had replaced Snoke's face.

Rey began screaming.

"Join us Rey! We can help stop you from losing any of those you care about," the head said even as it changed again to the visage of a man Rey had only seen in holograms when Leia told tales of the end of the Empire. "Take my power for yourself Rey and you will be the most powerful being in the entire galaxy," Darth Sidious promised a second before his face shifted to become Rey's own face, distorted from falling completely to the dark side, staring up at Rey with red ringed, yellow Sith eyes.

Rey are you okay, Kylo's panicked voice came down the line of the bond.

As Rey continued to scream, Kylo manifested in front of her, something he hadn't had to do in a very long time. He lifted her to his feet and pulled her against his chest. Rey was babbling incoherently as Kylo held her. The feel of him against her helped a bit but the shock of seeing her father and then herself, a dark version, a Sith version, mixed in with Darth Sidious, Snoke and Zoroyais was just too much. Rey's already fragile state of mind was fracturing.

What happened, Sweetheart? Was it Zoroyais, Kylo asked, concern and his overprotective instincts making his deep voice even deeper.

Rey shook her head, leaning back so that she could look up into his eyes.

No, it was nothing so serious. I was meditating, and the darkness showed me something that frightened me, Rey admitted, allowing Kylo to see the very end of the vision, minus the sound because Rey didn't know if his darkness had ever spoken to him in such a way.

Kylo pulled her back against him. He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. He pulled away from her.

Where are you so I can come to you? He asked.

It's okay. I'm done meditation for the day. I think I'll head back to our rooms. That... vision took a lot out of me, Rey said as realized just how tired she was now.

She stepped back from Kylo noticing that he was shirtless and there was a fresh wound on his chest. It was her turn to be concerned.

Are you okay? What happened, she asked a bit frantic.

Zer-o and Falbell got into a fight because they were both being stubborn, so I had to show them that they still had a lot to learn, he answered with a shrug.

How bad are they if you look like this, she said sounding worried for the two other males?

Zer-o has a light saber wound too. Bell's nose is broken. Otherwise all 3 of us are okay, Kylo said in a calming voice.

Rey gasped as Kylo showed her what had happened after their talk this morning. She couldn't say she was surprised that those two were the ones to get into an altercation. Both Zer-o and Falbell had strong personalities and were both very head strong. They were going to have their hands full with them.

What are we going to do about those two? She asked with a sigh.

Just being in Kylo's arms and talking about normal things were enough to make Rey feel a little better, a little more like herself. The more she thought about anything other than that awful vision, the better she felt.

With Kylo this prominent in her head, her darkness was pushed to the back of her mind. Briefly she considered what would happen if she just left the bond open all of the time. Sure, her mind and Kylo's mind would eventually become so interconnected that they would have a hard time telling what thoughts came from who. And closing the bond off again would be a monumental task but if it kept Rey from feeling like the darkness was slowly devouring her, she could deal with the rest.

I think they finally got it through their heads that at the end of the day I'm the alpha male of the group. We'll see tomorrow when we try the exercise again. If they still can't work together, you may have to take your turn showing them their place in our pecking order, Kylo told her.

Rey could feel just how much he would enjoy seeing Rey put Bell and Zer-o through some paces. She chuckled a little. She went up on tiptoe and laid a gentle kiss on his mouth.

Why don't I let you finish getting fixed up? I'll go get us food from the kitchens and then we can meet up at our rooms, Rey suggested.

Kylo nodded and then said, Sera is finishing up with setting Bell's nose. Zer-o is up next so I should be done within the hour.

Okay. Try not to get into any more fights on your way to our rooms, she said jokingly.

You don't have to worry about that. The next physical activity I do will involve you naked in our bed, he said in a dark voice that made Rey shiver with anticipation. See you soon beautiful, he said and began to disappear from her mind.

Hurry my love, Rey whispered to the spot where Kylo had just been.

With a sigh, she made her way to the door of the roof. She felt so alone now that Kylo had retreated back into his own mind. Even as the thought crossed her mind, she could feel her darkness slipping back in.

You never have to be alone again, it said, the words strangely reminiscent of the words Rey and Kylo had spoken to each other all those months ago back when the Force Bond had first started opening.

Rey shuddered looking at the dark version of herself. She walked down the long hallway toward the kitchens and fought not to remember her earlier interaction with Poe and Finn. That hadn't been at all how she imagined her first conversation with her two best friends in a long time going. And her darkness was to blame.

"I know I'm not alone. Kylo and the others are always with me," Rey said.

Then why do you feel so lonely, Rey? The dark Rey came around so that she was standing a few yards in front Rey. She crossed her arms over her chest and said, No one understands me like you. Not even Kylo.

Rey walked right through her.

"Kylo probably understands me better than I do. I really don't need your lies clogging my head up right now. I felt so much better when it was just Kylo and I. Maybe I don't need you. Kylo feels like my balance more than you do," Rey said in a low voice.

Rey reached the kitchen and slipped inside. It was after lunch but before cooks would begin the preparation for dinner, so no one was inside. She quickly grabbed a tray and began filling it with pre-made sandwiches and fruit for her and Kylo.

If that's how you really feel, why don't you tell Kylo about these conversations? Why didn't you let him hear what that severed head had said to you in that vision? You think it's anything Kylo hasn't heard before, the dark little voice prodded. Why didn't you tell him about the plan to leave Vodran?

Rey flinched, almost dropping the glass jar of juice.

"Because you make me feel he won't believe me or he'll scold me or think I'm not good enough or strong enough to be with him if I can't tough this out," Rey said shaking her head.

Rey hated that she let the negativity that the darkness was always trying to spread, affect her relationship with Kylo, but every time the little voice in her head said jump, Rey always seemed to ask how high. No matter what it was. She couldn't seem to help herself.

She filled two flasks and loaded them onto the tray.

"Hello Rey. Who are you talking to," Leia's voice made Rey jump so hard had to catch the tray with the Force to keep its contents from spilling all over the floor?

"Oh, hello Leia. I, uh, no one. Just myself," Rey said averting her gaze from the wise gray eyes of the older woman. "I was just getting some lunch for Kylo and I," Rey explained even though Leia hadn't asked.

Rey wondered how long she had been standing in the kitchen. Rey's darkness swirled around her, making her question her trust in and for Leia. It made Rey angry, but she couldn't fight the feelings that immediately came over her at the insistence of her darkness. Just like the snap of fingers, all of a sudden Rey didn't like being questioned by Leia.

"Did you need something," Rey asked, blatant annoyance lacing her usually sweet voice.

"I was just coming in for a snack, same as you. Are you feeling better? Kylo said that you weren't feeling well," Leia asked.

"Yes. I'm fine," Rey snapped and then immediately wanted to slap herself when she saw the shock all over Leia's face. "I'm sorry Leia. I'm feeling better, or I was. Now I think I need to go and lie down for a while," Rey said quickly trying to move around Leia toward the door.

Leia grabbed Rey's arm and looked her directly in the eye as she asked, "You know that you can talk to me about anything right Rey? We all love you and would help you with any problem you have, right?"

Rey wanted to break down right then and there, but her darkness wouldn't let her.

Instead, she just nodded and said, "Yes, I do, Leia. Thank you for the reassurance." Rey said with a small smile that didn't quiet reach her hazel eyes, "You are more of a mother to me than I ever had so thank you."

Rey hoped that Leia could see the sincerity in her eyes before she dashed out of the room, grateful to be away from Leia's knowing, wise eyes.

"Do you think she sensed something," Rey asked her darkness as she headed back to the rooms, she shared with Kylo.

I'm not sure, but I'm sure if she did, we will find out soon, the darkness said ominously.