Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Star Wars or any of the amazing characters

Kylo

Kylo recovered enough to call for help. Luckily two patrol men heard Kylo and helped him back to the base to be healed by Asera. While she was healing him, Kylo filled the group in on what had happened on the practice field. They searched for Rey for hours but with the bond closed off and her hiding her presence, whether on purpose or not, did not help things.

Finally, she came back on her own.

She'd been so upset when she ran off that the fact that she was calm when she returned was eerie. She apologized for the loss of control of her powers and for running off, but it was like she was only saying it because she knew that it was what she was supposed to say. Kylo questioned her all the way back to their rooms but Rey just said that she had need the time to herself to figure out why her powers had gone haywire. She didn't mention the fact that she'd been screaming and holding her head like it was going to explode.

Kylo and the others all noticed how she isolated herself from everyone else, not even bothering to complete her daily duties and most times leaving before Kylo awoke for the day and not returning until long after dinner.

Leia didn't have to tell Kylo that something was obviously wrong with Rey, but he wasn't exactly sure what he could do to get through to her.

When the Knights returned with Kaithur Ren was the first time that Rey had spent any real amount of time with the rest of the Resistance, though the whole situation was tense and not just because Rey was being weird.

Before the sun even crossed the line of the horizon, Kylo and Rey were woken up by pounding on their outer door. They exchanged worried looks as Kylo leaped out of bed and threw on a pair of loose fitting back pants. With his light saber in his hand, he left their bedroom to go to the door that led out into the hall. He snatched open the door and was relieved that it was just Poe on the other side looking just as disheveled and half asleep as Kylo felt.

"Sorry for showing up here so early but I just got a message from the guards on patrol," Poe said and then paused, glancing down at the ignited light saber in Kylo's hand. "Planning on being attacked here in the castle," he asked curiously.

Kylo extinguished the blade.

"You never know these days," Kylo said, tucking the hilt into his waistband. "What's up?"

"Essie and the others are back with a plus one," Poe said, folding his arms over his chest.

"Are we meeting right now?"

Poe nodded and said, "Finn and Rose are collecting Leia and the others. We're meeting back in the hall in an hour."

"Okay. We will be there," Kylo said, to which Poe nodded and took off down the hall to his own set of rooms to throw on some proper clothes.

Kylo shut the door and returned to the bedroom to find that Rey had already started getting dressed.

"I take it you heard that, " he asked her naked back.

Rey turned to look at him over her shoulder and nodded. She continued wrapping her breast band around her chest and didn't say anything. Silences like this were killing Kylo slowly but surely. He had to do something about it.

"Before you meet Kai, you should know... She's very free spirited," Kylo said, taking a fresh undershirt and tunic from his chest of clothes.

Rey turned to look at him fully.

"What does that mean," she asked.

He could see the confusion on her face, but he couldn't feel it with how closed off the bond was. It made him feel as alone as he was before Rey had come into his life. He wanted to tell Rey that, but he also didn't want to crowd her when things were still so uncertain between them.

"She loves love. Whether it's platonic or romantic," he said.

That didn't seem to do anything for Rey's confusion. He sighed. He was just warning her so that when Kai did something Rey might consider flirting, Rey would know she really didn't mean anything about it and Rey wouldn't freak out on her. Or him.

"Just know, she means no harm. It's a trait of her species," Kylo said, pulling the tunic on over the undershirt as Rey did the same.

Rey's look went from confusion to a type of curious irritation that said just maybe she kind of understood what he was getting at. Her eyes searched his face trying to see if he was hiding something from her, but he gave her blank face. If she really wanted to know something, she could ask him openly or just open the bond. Kylo would gladly show Rey that nothing had ever happened between him and Kaithur Ren, but he knew with whatever was going through her head wouldn't allow her to do so. And if she would not ask, then she would just have to wait and see for herself what Kaithur was like.

Once the tense couple was ready, they headed down to the meeting hall. They walked in uncomfortable silence.

There was more distance between the two of them than the foot of space they maintained as they walked. Rey was afraid that if she touched Kylo, he might pick up on something he wasn't supposed to. Kylo didn't touch Rey because he was afraid that she would pull away from him.

He couldn't take anymore rejection from the woman who would eventually be his wife. Or maybe she wouldn't now.

Things between them were so uncertain that Kylo didn't even know if Rey still felt that way about him. He loved Rey more than power and knowledge and his own mother and he thought Rey loved him but that was before this sinister change in the young woman. Now she barely even looked at him, said 'I love you' only as a response to him but she never said it first, and she hadn't lain with him since that day in the meadow.

They met up with Phasma, Datoo, Maatis, Poe, Finn, Rose, Connix, and Leia just outside of the hallway that led to the meeting room. The ten of them paused to talk. Another uncomfortable silence met the group as they just kind of stood there for a moment.

"So Kylo, what can we expect from this Kaithur Ren," Poe asked.

Kylo found himself being scrutinized by 6 pairs of eyes. Rey's being the most intense out of the bunch. Kylo focused on Poe instead of the others because he'd asked the question. Phasma and the other reformed members of the First Order all knew Kaithur, so they already knew what to expect from the female.

"Well Kai is a Zeltron," Kylo started and Poe gave Kylo a surprised but appreciative look, which Kylo ignored completely. "She isn't the biggest fan of real conflict, but she is definitely willing to put her life on the line for what she believes in. She prefers fighting for sport, plus she likes to drink and have a good time which is probably why she was in a bar on Nar Shadaa in the first place," Kylo explained. "Fighting wise, she dual wields two light sabers; a tonfa that she uses to block and a Shoto for striking. And her fighting style is a mixture of Form 3 and Form 5," Kylo said.

The last part was directed more to Rey and Leia than anyone else as the rest of the group wouldn't know what the forms were.

Rey nodded in approval. The only thing she still seemed to care about was building the strength of the resistance. She crossed her arms over her chest and started toward the hall.

"If that's all, we shouldn't keep our newest recruit waiting," Rey said.

Her words were clipped as though she had already made her mind up about one of Kylo's oldest friends without even meeting her, letting him know that she'd seen Poe's look.

"It would be rude," Leia said, starting after Rey after sharing a worried look with the rest of the group.

Phasma looked to Kylo who nodded for her to follow after Leia. Maybe Rey would open up to the two of them, if she couldn't talk to him.

"And you know Poe just wants to make sure Essie is okay," Finn teased lightly.

Poe blushed a bit before he was able to school his expression.

"I was worried about the whole group. Nar Shadaa is not the place to be caught supporting the Resistance let alone being a full member," Poe said quickly.

"If you are infatuated with the Curian, there is no need to hide it. I think she likes you too," Connix said lightly as though she hadn't had a crush on Poe until quite recently.

"It's more complicated than that," Poe sighed as he, Kylo, and the others began making their way to the meeting hall. "Essie is still growing up in a sense. She likes me. We've kissed enough times to know that, but she's never even seen a relationship to know how to behave in one. So yeah, things are complicated," Poe said, running his fingers through his slightly messy hair.

"Things will work out for you two," Kylo said in a calm tone that hid how much pain he was in

"I'm sure things will work out for you two, too," Rose said gently, making Kylo look at the short woman.

Kylo looked toward where Phasma, Rey and Leia were waiting by the door to the meeting hall. Rey wasn't looking at Leia but Kylo could tell that his mother was talking to Rey. He was curious to know what they were talking about but again he didn't want to pry

"Are we ready," Leia asked when the rest of the group joined the three women by the door.

They all nodded, and Leia opened the door heading in first.

The Knights of Rey were seated around the giant holotable eating breakfast, while Nik and Bell were talking to a tallish, pink skinned woman with ice blue hair and bright green eyes. She was dressed in a skintight, black leather bodysuit. It was sleeveless, had cut outs showing the taunt pink skin of her stomach and her whole right leg was left bare from her hip down to her boot clad foot. She had a black poncho on over the bodysuit that hid her light sabers and protected her from harsh weather.

Kaithur looked exactly like Kylo remembered her.

The trio stopped talking when the group walked in to take a seat.

Kai frowned slightly as she looked at Leia, not even bothering to acknowledge her. The Kai looked at Phasma, their eyes locked and something passed between the two women but then they nodded to each other and it was over. Kai saluted Datoo and Maatis.

"Good to see you all stuck with him," Kai said and sounded a little sad.

"Don't worry, Nikkinem was too lazy to come down to greet you but he's still around," Kylo said, drawing Kai's attention.

Kai's glass bottle green eyes landed on Kylo and a bright smile formed on the woman's luscious lips.

"Ben" she cried and ran over to him, jumping into his chest so that he either had to catch her or let her fall to the ground.

Kylo caught her, and she threw her arms around his neck. She kissed him on the cheek before pulling back to look at his face. She positively beamed at him.

"She calls you Ben," Rey asked in a tone of voice that made Kylo set Kaithur on her feet and Kai turn to look at Rey.

"She's the only one he could never get to call him Kylo. She used to call him Ben Ren," Nik said smiling at her friend.

A mixture of jealousy and anger came off of Rey in waves.

It's not what you think at all, Kylo tried through the bond.

If Rey heard him, she didn't acknowledge it. She just stared at Kaithur and her scantily clad body. The frown on her face not comforting.

Kai, reading the situation, dropped to one knee in front of Rey with her head bowed.

"I, Kaithur Ren, pledge my undying fealty to you Rey of Jakku, soon to be wife of Ben Solo now known as Kylo Ren," she said in a serious voice that took Rey by surprise.

Kylo let out a sigh of relief as Rey's face softened.

"I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, Ben is like my brother," Kai said getting to her feet. Kai threw her arms around Rey and kissed Rey's cheek before saying, "That makes you my soon to be sister!"

"Is it just me or did that turn around blessedly quick," Poe said.

Rose nodded but Finn elbowed Poe in the ribs and shook his head. All eyes swung to the three of them, Kai's landing hungrily. Finn took one look at Kai and slipped his arm around Rose and pulled her close. Kai smiled looking at Poe.

Essie who couldn't see Kai's face didn't know what was going on but when she saw Finn possessively grab on to Rose and Poe's slight blush, she caught on. It was her turn to look pissed off.

Zer-o and Cade picked up on it first, looking their captain over.

"Hi there," Kaithur said. "You can call me Kali, though."

"Uh, Hi Kaithur, I'm Poe," Poe said his voice.

"My boyfriend," Essie said, quietly at first.

Kylo and Rey looked over at her.

"What did you say captain," Cade asked.

"I said Poe is my boyfriend," Essie said louder this time.

Taliki and Asera smiled at their friend, while the guys all eyed Poe like they wanted to give him the what for.

Kylo just shook his head. Things were probably about to explode all over the meeting hall. It was times like this when Kylo wished things were back to normal with Rey. He would love to get her view on the situation but when he looked over at her, she seemed to be lost in thought looking out the far window as though she didn't hear or see anything happening right in front of her.

Kai looked back at Essie.

"So, this is your handsome commander," she asked with a sly smile.

Essie nodded, still blushing. Her face was only a shade or two lighter than her purplish, red hair. Her eyes dropped to the ground as Poe came over to kneel in front of her.

Everyone in the room looked away from the newly dubbed couple to give them the illusion of privacy.

"So, now who wants to explain to me what this Ember Order to me. Neither Nik nor Bell are good for anything other than giving orders," Kai said going to take a seat at the round table.

Bell scoffed at her.

"I told you, it is a group of Force users without the restrictions of the Jedi and but more limits than the Sith," he said and shrugged.

"Oh, yeah. That explains so much," Kai said sarcastically. "Can one of you smart people please explain your plan for the future of the Force," she asked. "Pretty please."

The group all looked at Kylo. Everyone except Rey. She still seemed to be separate from the goings on in the surrounding room.

Rey, Kylo tried through the bond. When she didn't answer him, he said, "Rey, this is usually when you share your vision for the future with our newest recruit."

"Are you feeling okay, Rey," Leia asked putting a hand on Rey's shoulder making her jump at the sudden contact.

Kylo watched as Rey looked around the room with wide, confused eyes. It was as though she hadn't been aware of leaving their bedroom and coming here. He had been worried before but now that she seemed to be losing time, his mother's words held more weight.

He used to lose time all the time when Snoke was rooting around in his head.

"Kaithur was asking you to explain what the Ember Order is all about. Since you are its grandmaster, I figure that would be more your area of expertise. I'm just the example of what not to do," Kylo said, in a solemn voice.

Rey's dull hazel eyes turned to look at him finally. She looked at him with concern. It was odd seeing that sort of look on her face.

"You are its co-grandmaster and I more than anyone in this room know that you are a prime example of how to work both sides of the Force to your absolute advantage. That is what the Grey Ember Order will be, or I hope it will be," Rey said.

"We will leave you Force Wielders alone to get your newest recruit all caught up to speed," Leia said after a moment.

Finn, Rose, and Connix nodded in agreement waving as they headed off.

"Kaithur, it good to have you at our backs again," Phasma said.

"I'd follow those 3 to the ends of the galaxy," Kai said referring to Kylo, Nik, and Bell.

"That's good to know because we feel the same way about Rey," Zer-o said, from his seat next to Cade.

"And Essie," Taliki added, to which all of the Knights of Rey nodded.

Essie blushed as she looked from Poe to the friends who had just vowed to follow her to the ends of the galaxy.

"We can talk once the sun is up," Poe told her and kissed Essie on the cheek before getting to his feet to join the others.

"I'll see you for breakfast," Essie said, and Poe nodded in agreement.

The group of 11 Force wielders took seats around the large table with Rey and Kylo seated at the head.

"We got woken up for that," they heard Finn grumble just before Poe closed the door behind them.

Kylo shook his head. It was true, none of the people who'd left needed to be here to greet Kaithur.

Realistically the only people who needed to be woken up was Rey and Kylo. They would be the ones to get kai situated within the castle, the resistance and the Grey Ember Order.

"Now that we are alone, Rey would you like to continue," Kylo asked looking over at her.

"Sure," she said.

Kylo thoroughly enjoyed listening to Rey talk about her plans for the reimagined Jedi Order.

She was so passionate that the light was back in her eyes as she talking about a ranking system, recruiting and training practices and the purpose of the order in the first place. She did ask Kylo for input every now and then. It was almost like Rey was back to her normal self.

It didn't last though. As soon as the meeting was over and she and Kylo made their way back to their room, Rey went back to being her, as of late, usual withdrawn self. Kylo was back to running both classes and training lessons by himself because Rey was too busy doing whatever it was that she did during the day.

Then finally Kylo'd had enough.

He woke up early enough that she was still asleep but stayed in bed. A million thoughts went through his head as he tried to come up with the perfect thing to say to her. The one thing that would get through to her, the one thing that would make her darkness recede just long enough for her to let him in.

He made sure that the bond was closed off so that she wouldn't feel him thinking so hard. Kylo was so nervous he was practically vibrating with the building energy. He watched her slow even breaths as she slept next to him until the pace changed. He went still as Rey stirred and then slowly came awake. He waited until she sat up and turned to get out of bed.

"I've been giving you space, but we really need to talk Rey," Kylo started. He could feel her tense but when she didn't say anything, Kylo continued, "You've been distant and moody and everything I was when I was falling to the dark side. I know something is going on with you that you won't tell me about, I just don't know why you seem to think that I would think less of you or be angry with you for falling to the dark side. I've been there. I was there for years and you were the only one who could bring me back to the light. Why won't you let me do that for you," he asked, his voice stuck somewhere between anger and sorrow.

He was pouring his heart out to the woman he'd thought was his soul mate and she hadn't made any move to acknowledge that he had even spoken to her. Kylo felt his anger flare to life as he stared at her.

"Aren't you even going to say anything? At least tell me to kriff off or something," he demanded.

Rey let out a sigh and moved to get to her feet.

Kylo was out of the bed and standing before her in a flash. Real anger burning in his bedroom brown eyes as he stared down into her dull hazel ones. He stood so close to her that she had to lift her chin to stay staring into his eyes. As he looked down into her, he could have sworn he saw a dark shadow move across her eyes.

"Kylo, I…"

He just stared at her as she started to say something and stopped. He watched as she appeared to be listening to something or someone else. Kylo took her shoulders and shook her, bring her attention back to him.

"Stop listening to it Rey! Is Zoroyais in your head? Is he," Kylo demanded.

Rey shrugged him off, turning away.

"Damn it, Rey! Gods damn it all," he groaned.

"It's not Zoroyais," she said in a low voice.

"What," he asked.

"It's not Zoroyais in my head. It's a woman in my head but she's not separate from my psyche," she tried to explain but Kylo cut her off.

"Snoke showed himself to me as my grandfather for the first few years. I believed it was him because I wanted it to be him so badly that I was willing to take whatever I could get. He showed himself as someone I could relate too and used that to gain my confidence when the light in me was screaming for me to run," he explained even though his was something that Rey knew, or should have known.

"She's me Kylo! It's not some outside entity trying to warp my mind. It's the version of me that I saw on Ach-To when I was first mediating to feel the Force," she yelled back at him. "It's not…not some big bad that's trying to hurt us, it's me!"

Kylo was so stunned that he couldn't think of a single thing to say.

No wonder she had been so distantly lately. His Rey was afraid that she was going to hurt him or one of the people that she cared about. Only Zoroyais could be strong enough to put that kind of doubt in her head.

"Rey…I," he started but she shook her head.

"I'm afraid that if I stay around, I'll lose control again and hurt someone like I hurt you," Rey said in a small voice that made Kylo's heart ache for her.

"That didn't hurt Rey. You tried to cut me in half with a laser sword. We've been through worse. You don't have to hide from me at least. Open up and let me help you," he pled.

Rey turned to look back at him.

"I love you Kylo Ren, but I need to do this alone," she said.

She went up on tiptoe to kiss him gently on the lips but then she immediately pulled away from him to go into the 'fresher.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Kylo said into the empty air of their bedroom.