I thank all the readers of this story. Please review ;)

More Durins in this long chapter. I absolutely love Thorin but, in this story, he's completely the stern, haunted and intelorant king.

And no Tauriel here. I'm not very comfortable with Kiliel.

Chapter 8

I recommend listening to Winter from The Four Seasons by Vivaldi for this chapter.

The town smelled of fish and despair. People were not happy here, struggling every day.

It made Selis sad. She had never liked towns, nor places where there were crowds. She disliked where the earth and the grass disappeared underneath houses and other constructions. She felt more at ease in natural places, with lots of trees, stone, earth, water, animals, and especially clean and pure air.

She was floating above the town, peaking through the windows, trying to find the Company who, she had heard from the gossip of the inhabitants, had arrived in town.

After searching for almost two hours, it was dusk when she finally arrived at a big house, just at the far east end of the city.

A window on the ground floor was open, and loud voices could be heard discussing agitatedly from inside.

"We leave tomorrow at dawn, as planned" Thorin was saying, his tone final.

"We must if we are to find the door on Durin's day" affirmed Balin nodding.

"But Kili will not be fit to travel for days" stated Dwalin darkly "even if the human healer removed the point of the arrow from his leg."

"Then, we must leave him behind" stated Thorin sombrely.

Several members of the company were frowning at that. They were all gathered in the dining room, next to a roaring fireplace. Selis let out a deep breath when she noticed that all seemed to be unarmed.

Her heart thumped with relief when she saw Fili standing next to his uncle, his arms crossed firmly over his chest. His face was full of disapproval.

"Then I will not be leaving with you" Fili said loud enough for anyone to hear.

"Don't be a fool, Fili!" Thorin snarled, his eyes flashing with anger, closing the distance to stand in front of his nephew "The Heir of Erebor should be there when the door will open. You belong with the Company."

Thorin's face seemed darker, even more serious than the last time Selis had seen him. Something haunted his mind, and a shadow was gliding on him as the Mountain grew nearer.

But Fili would not have it. He stared back into his uncle's eyes and stated with a firm voice:

"I belong with my brother".

And he left through a door at the end of the dining hall. Thorin followed him and reached for his arm as he was climbing up a staircase. Selis peeked through the widow up the staircase. She could not see the two dwarves but could hear them quite clearly.

"Fili! We cannot afford to lose another day!" Thorin said "Time is too precious if we are to succeed."

"Well, I'm not counting the days" Fili answered, his voice quivering slightly, but growing angry with each word "I'm making each day count. And another day with my brother is not lost time!"

"This is your quest!" Thorin roared "I'm doing this for you! So that's you can rule our Kingdom one day".

"Don't put your weight upon my shoulders!" Fili shouted back "This is YOUR quest, not mine!"

Thorin took a step back, betrayal in his eyes. Fili felt guilty. He did not want to hurt his uncle. He loved him but he would not follow him blindly to whatever end.

The blond dwarf sighed and said, his tone calmer:

"I just want to be alive, and be with the people I love… That would be enough for me. A life well lived…" he paused and saw the look of utter sadness and misunderstanding in his uncle's eyes "I'm sorry…" he added "I'm going to check on Kili" and he climbed the stairs up to his brothers'bedroom.

Selis could hear Balin inside the dining room sighing: "He has grown so much…"

The white-haired dwarf was remembering acutely in this moment his words to his King at Bag End some months ago, telling him he did not need to go on this Quest. Thorin had built a new life for the dwarves in the Blue Mountains, a life of peace, and plenty. That seemed to be enough for the young nephews, but not for their stern uncle. Thorin was too proud and bitter to think that any other life was worth more than all the gold in Erebor.

"Well, that was something…" Kili told his brother when he entered his bedroom, his face dark and serious.

KiIi lay on a man-sized bed, his left leg bandaged, his face tired with dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he just had a terrible fever and was just recovering.

"Uncle has changed" Fili told him frowning, sitting next to the bed, clutching his hands together "This Quest had completely clouded his mind."

"We always knew it was his life's goal, to reclaim the Mountain" pondered Kili with a weak voice "But it's true that it seems that Erebor is the only thing that matters for him now."

Kili winced at the pain when he settled his head back on the pillows. Fili frowned and got up to give him some water.

"Fili?"

The eldest brother nodded to him; his eyes concerned for his little brother as he gave him the cup.

"Do you think we'll ever come back home?" Kili asked in a sad voice "that things will ever go back to normal?"

Fili sighed and took his brother's hand in his: "I honestly don't know… We're supposed to make a new home in Erebor, but it's seems so uncertain…There's a dragon in there!"

Reality was coming back to Fili with amazing strength and bitterness as the hidden door grew nearer.

Here they were, at the other side of the word, one of them injured, and both worried by this adventure. They had been thrilled, scared, cold, famished in the last few months. It was a lot to take in.

"Are you eager to see inside the Mountain?" asked Kili curious "The Halls of your Fathers…"

"I'm curious of course" Fili answered cautiously "But I don't know what I'll feel…Will it be home?"

A heavy silence settled between the brothers.

There was a strong gust of wind against the window of the bedroom. They ignored it; but there was another one, and another one, and Fili understood. He rushed to open the window, the wind came in and Selis materialized in front of Kili's gobsmacked face.

Fili immediately went to hold her in his arms, needing her comforting presence to chase away the doubts that clouded his mind. Her skin was fresh, and her hair smelled like the warmth of the sun.

He turned to Kili who was still staring at her as if she had grown two heads: "I'll explain"

"I think my fever is coming back…" stuttered Kili, his face white.

Fili chuckled, patting his brother's hand in a reassuring gesture: "Rest, little brother. Everything's fine."

And he went to seat in a big armchair in front of the fireplace with Selis on his lap.

Night had fallen, and they talked in hushed tones during hours while Kili was sleeping. They were comforted by each other presence, but Selis had never felt so anxious.

Fili told her of their imprisonment by the elves, their flight on the river and arrival to Esgaroth.

"You could have been killed!" Selis told him frowning at his crazy story of floating barrels.

"It was scary, especially when Kili got wounded" Fili confessed, his eyes lost in the flames of the fire "I was so scared, so helpless. He got a terrible fever… but when we arrived in Lake town, a healer removed the point of the arrow from his leg and he got better."

"How could I have faced Mum if…" he croaked, almost to himself.

Selis saw his distress and tried to calm him.

"But it did not happen. You took good care of him" she told him with a small smile "He's better now so it does no good to dwell on the past, nor on what could have happened. You are both alive and for that, I thank the Valar every day".

"I missed you, so very much" he told her, kissing her on the cheek and holding her closer to his chest.

Then he noticed that her arms were still fresh, even colder than when she arrived, even with the warmth of fire so close, and his own heat as well.

He frowned and turned to face her. She seemed to small and frail in his arms, suddenly. She was shivering, her lips thin.

"Are you ill?" he asked concerned.

"I'm never ill" she answered automatically, but thinking back, she had never felt like this before. She did not want to think to much about it because it scared her. But she needed to tell him of her fears.

"But I'm cold, often… and hungry, even when I'm not in my human form" she told him, the doubts plain in her eyes.

"You never felt this before" he stated, stroking her arms to warm her skin.

"No, never" she said in a small voice "My head hurts all the time, from the summons of Nature and from my thoughts of you… They are mingled together, and everything gets blurry. It's scary."

Fili did not know what to say, but he was worried. He wished Gandalf were there to help her, to give him his wisdom about these changes she was experiencing. Selis was not fine, no longer the careless and smiling lass he had met some months ago. He wanted to hold her and make everything fine, to take her with him to Ered Luin, where he would care for her.

"I will protect you" he said smiling confidently "Though I do not know the way…"

"Mithrandir spoke of a choice I will have to make" she whispered secretly, and there were tears in her eyes "How will I know...?"

Fili felt the pain of her helplessness crush his chest. He held her in his arms harder, so that their faces were so close their breaths were mingling.

"I will love you whatever you choose" he told her fiercely.

Selis smiled at him, her heart warm, and told him: "And I will love you, Fili, to whatever end"

And she pressed her lips against his own, tasting him, filling her every being with his scent. Leather and silver with the warmth of the last summer breeze.

The voices were screaming in her head as they kissed, again and again, mirroring the explosion of sensations her body was feeling for the first time. Her skin was tingling everywhere as her fingers buried inside his hair. He circled her waist, stroking her arms and thighs; and wrapped them both inside his coat. There was no doubt. They could both feel how much they fit with each other, how much they needed each other. Through their kisses, they stopped to smile at each other, foreheads touching, the air between their faces becoming their scent. Their own unique scent.

The morning came too soon, and Selis left very relunctantly before Kili woke up.

She looked exhausted by her inner turmoil. Fili knew she had to go, to calm the voices in her heard. She promised to come back, as usual, but her face was so serious this time, that neither knew what the taste of their next reunion would be.