I Choose You

by Futurenovelist123

Bella can't deny her feelings for Edward anymore. After one heated night of passion between the two, Edward is forced into an engagement he doesn't want. But when Bella finds out about the consequences of their one night together, she has to decide whether telling him will ruin his chances of happiness or give him the push to realize what he's been wanting was there all along.

4. Ch4

Chapter 4: I've Been Waiting for You

You thrill me, you delight me

You please me, you excite me

You're all that

I've been yearning for

I love you, I adore you

I lay my life before you

I only want you more and more

And finally it seems

My lonely days are through

I've been waiting for you

- ABBA

Author's Note:

Sorry for the delay, but work and school have been hectic. I've been writing on my 30 minute breaks and at 1am when I'm trying to fall asleep, so bear with me. This is the part where things get juicy. Thank you for reviewing and following I Choose You! It absolutely makes my day when I get those email notifications. Not going to lie, my writing muse has been playing nice with me these past few days so I am taking advantage of her while she is here. I'm getting kind of nervous though because instead of writing my 10 page research paper I am writing 10 pages of fanfiction, but to be honest who hasn't been there? Anyways, enjoy ;)

Bella POV:

I rushed around my apartment, ignoring the pangs in my stomach, craving sustenance. My head was all over the place as I tried to gather all my manuscripts and my keys. Today was my first day back at work since the incident and I needed to be on my A game. I woke up feeling under the weather, my stomach churned at the thought of food, my head ached, and my back hurt. But I was determined to push through it. Just because a little bump in the road comes along, there's no reason to roll over and die. Well in my case it wasn't just a bump, it was a fucking mountain and on the bright side I only laid down and cried for a little anyway.

The once pristine wedding invitation now hung on my fridge, covered in wine, mac and cheese, and mascara. I looked at it every morning to remind me that Edward had not called me in a month now and his wedding was only three months away. Alice said that it was going to flop, so not to worry but how could I not? How could I not worry when he was making a huge mistake? Even though I loved him, he was my best friend first and foremost and my first instinct was to worry. Could I be happy for him if he actually went through with it or would I grow to hate him for what he did to me? My breath stealing, darkness consuming, shooting pain of a heartbreak had slowly healed into a constant annoyance. It was always there, that underlying reminder of what could have been, occasionally stabbing me in the chest at the mere mention of his name. But other times, I was able to go about my day and almost forget. For those few precious moments I could forget and pretend as if I hadn't lost him, lost myself. They were fleeting of course but I took advantage of them all the same.

Working at Seattle Publishing Co, was the dream of a lifetime. After studying English Literature on a full ride at the University of Washington, I was thrilled to have been selected for an internship straight after graduation. Now three years later, at twenty four years old, I have worked my way up the ladder to be one of the lead editors in fiction. About a thousand manuscripts passed through my hands a year and my favorite part of the job was that excitement, that thrill of when something you are reading is so good, you would pass up food, bathroom breaks, and sleep to keep going. That is how I distinguished an ok book from a thrilling novel, worthy to be published.

Today I was back at work from some personal time off. My friend Angela in Sci-fi, welcomed me back with a genuine smile and a big hug. "Bella, you are back! We've missed you around here. Have you been ok? You had is kind of worried there."

I nodded at my friend, "Ya I have been ok, just needed to take some personal time off to figure out some things with my family, but everything is settled and I am ready to be back baby."

She chuckled at my eagerness, gave my hand a quick squeeze, and winked at me over her shoulder before returning back in the direction of her desk "Good! That is what I like to hear! Oh! Someone left you a little something on your desk."

My glass top desk was cleared of everything it previously contained other than my work computer and in the middle sat a large vase filled with large red roses in full bloom. The arrangement was elegant and downright beautiful. The shock was evident on my face as I walked in, I could almost hear Angela giggle across the hall. My perfect work bubble popped and I felt the stinging tug in my chest once more. There was no one else who would send me these other than him, but why now? Why an entire month later?

There was a small card sticking out at the top of the arrangement and in no time I had ripped off the envelope, letting the shredded paper fall to the floor, not caring where it landed. The small lace, lined card read:

Please forgive me. I was an idiot and you deserve so much more. I will be at our usual spot tonight, meet me there so I can show you how sorry I truly am. I love you.

- Spider Monkey's Best Friend

My heart hammered in my chest, not allowing me to take a breath. I felt my stomach churn once again, making me a bit light headed. I stood there for a moment, trying to collect myself. My mind was spinning at a million miles an hour. Would I meet him at the spot? Would I forgive him that easily? Could he even be forgiven? What good would forgiving him even do? I shook my head, anger filling me with fake courage. How dare he? How could he have the audacity to just try and bribe me into forgiveness, without having the balls to come and tell me himself or even the decency to pick up the phone when I called? No. I would not absolve him of his guilt so soon. If we wanted my forgiveness he would have to earn it.

I picked up the heavy glass vase and walked over to Angela's desk. Her eyes grew wide when she saw my livid expression. "Ang, do you want these? If you don't take them I am throwing them out a window"

She could barely contain her laughter at this point. "I think that would kill someone walking downstairs and land you in prison for murder so yes I will take them off your hands, as a favor in saving your freedom."

I rolled my eyes at her laughter as I walked away back around the corner to my office. The little card in my hand burned like a lighted match and I wanted nothing more than to set it on fire. Instead I ripped it up into little tiny pieces, grumbling about him being a fucking idiot and the audacity. I felt the figure behind me before I heard them knock at the door, but nonetheless I still jumped as if I had been tased. I turned around and at the door was a tall someone I had never seen before, which was odd because I knew everyone in this office, even the janitors.

"Can I help you?" I inquired professionally, pretending I hadn't just ripped up a love letter.

"Hi Ms. Swan, I just wanted to formally introduce myself, my name is Jacob Black. Marcus recently hired me to take over the Children department." he smiled widely and stuck out his hand. I wrapped my hand around his and couldn't notice the stark differences in skin color and temperature. His skin was a deep russet brown and almost searing to the touch, while mine was pale and icy. I followed the line of his muscled arm up to his built chest and finally up to his handsome face. His teeth were beautifully white and straight, contrasting nicely with his skin. His nose was smooth and strong. His hair was almost as black as Alice's and cropped short and gelled neatly. Finally his eyes were a warm brown, much darker color than mine but still much kinder. He was surprisingly very handsome. I snapped out of my momentary lapse of judgement and met his eyes once again.

"Hello Jacob, it's nice to meet you. Please call me Bella. How nice of Marcus! We've been needing a new outlook for children's. The last editor had a deep seated bias toward talking animals and while I am all for the rainbow fish giving his scales away, I think if we publish one more Tiger Tongue Twister Tale, Barnes N Noble will go on strike toward our company". Jacob gave me a funny look and my heart dropped, thinking to myself that I had already blown it with the new guy, when his face broke out into a wide grin and laughed so hard tears came to his eyes. I couldn't help but laugh along because his happiness was so infectious, it was ridiculously difficult not to.

"Good to know. I'm glad that I can be the person to single handedly save Seattle Publishing. Makes it more likely for you to keep me." He said with a wink. I could feel the heat creeping up in my cheeks.

"Hey Bella I also swung by here to say that whoever thought a basic bouquet of roses would make up for whatever mistake he made, is an idiot." With a genuine smile and a quick tap on the frame of my office door, he walked out. This was going to be an interesting week.

-0-

Angela and I agreed to go out together for lunch. She knew about Edward, but not about the whole dilema, so we went for sandwiches down the street at our go-to spot. Once we had sat down and ordered, my stomach began to make its presence known once more. I sipped my water and let the cool liquid run down my body, praying it would make the nausea go away.

"Bella are you ok? You're looking a little green over there," she worried. I nodded absently and tried to compose myself.

"Ya I've been feeling kind of off lately, I thought it would go away by now but maybe I'm just hungry. Ang, I'll be right back. I am going to go wash my hands really quick."

It was really weird of me to be feeling so sick, I didn't usually get sick. But maybe there was a bug going around and with my bad luck I caught it. I honestly wouldn't be all that surprised. I stood from the table and as soon as my body was fully up, my stomach clenched tightly and I quickly ran to the ladies room, almost knocking someone over in the process. I barely made it to the stall before I heaved into the toilet. I wasn't surprised that Angela had followed me inside the bathroom, she was probably super worried.

"Bella are you alright?! Oh god. Ok ok just let it out. Let me know when you're done." She stood there leaning against the stall door with her hand over her face to block the smell of my insides becoming outsides. Once I was done I quickly flushed the toilet and stood up slowly. My body felt weak and ached.

She led me over to the sink and I rinsed the bile out of my mouth with water. When I looked up she already had a piece of gum out and waiting, bless her.

"I am so sorry Ang. I had no idea that was going to happen. Ugh that was so gross" I groaned out.

She shook her head as if what I said was pure nonsense. Pulling out her phone she pushed a few buttons and had it to her ear in less than a minute.

"Hey Jake. Let Marcus know that Bella and I won't be coming back today. Bella is sick and I'm taking her to urgent care. Yes, yes she's ok, just a little bug is all. Ok, thank you. I'll let her know. Owe you one. Bye"

I was already starting to shake my head but she silenced me with a look and we were off.

-0-

When I was 18 my favorite movie in the entire world was Juno. The quality of colloquial language in the movie made me laugh for days on end. Edward would sit with me on Charlie's couch and endure countless reruns of Juno and never complained once.

If I was a flower growing wild and free all I wanted you to be was my sweet honey bee…

Once the harmonica solos began in the opening sketches my body had a mind of its own. I couldn't help but stand and dance around my living room to the tell tale song that promised me a near future of laughter as my favorite movie started. Edward was in the bathroom so I took advantage of awkwardly moving my legs and arms in a failed attempt to dance, but soon a purposeful cough behind me stilled my actions immediately. His muscular body was leaned up against the door frame to my kitchen and he had one dark eyebrow quirked up questioning my dance moves. I could see the mischievous glint in his beautiful green eyes and slowly but surely that faint half smirk appeared on his face, making my heart beat wildly. But with one laugh that he covered with a cough made me lose it and I fell on the couch in a fit of giggles. His deep laugh resonated through the room and he jumped from his spot on top of me and proceeded to rest his head on my belly.

When Juno enters the convenience store and pees on the stick the best line to come out from that movie: "that ain't no etch a sketch, that's one doodle that can't be undid home skillet". I laughed full heartedly and Edward poked my belly, making me laugh even harder because it tickled. He turned his head to the side and wondered out loud "Bella, I think you'd be a great mom... You're so kind and funny and you care so much about everyone else. You put people before you without even asking, making sure everyone is happy. I can't wait to meet your kid one day because I would love to see that little squirt have all your qualities but in tiny. That would be so cool."

I playfully rolled my eyes at his nonsense "Shut up! My kids are gonna be their own person, I hope they take after their dad because with my weird dancing and clumsiness they'd be the laughing stock of the school". We continued to watch the movie together and I remember that night dreaming of little ones with brown hair and big green eyes.

-0-

After the doctors did their tests, Ang and I waited in the exam room patiently. My stomach was feeling much calmer now so guilt ridden I apologized to Ang for making her take the rest of the day off.

"Don't be silly! You were hacking up your guts in the bathroom at our sandwich shop. I was going to drag you here whether you liked it or not." She quipped. I laughed dryly at her attempt to cheer me up, she was a great friend.

We heard a soft knock at the door and in walked a beautiful woman probably in her mid thirties. Her auburn hair was piled up neatly in a stylish bun, and had black glasses over her very blue eyes. Her nails and makeup were impeccable and when she smiled it seemed to fill me with ease.

"Hello Ms. Swan! My name is doctor Montgomery and I just came by to read you over your results myself. You have all the classic symptoms: nausea, vomiting, back aches, frequent urination, and I was hoping if you could answer one more question for me? When was the start of your last period?" She suggested softly. I could practically feel the gears in my brain clicking each other into place. I counted backward once, twice, three times to make sure and no matter how many times I rechecked the same answer appeared in my head.

My period? My period. My very very late period was... missing?I couldn't help shake my head, trying to erase the very idea. I couldn't be. There was no way. I looked up at Dr. Montgomery with panicked eyes and she just smiled knowingly. "I know this may come as an alarm to you Ms. Swan, but I'm pleased to inform you that you are indeed pregnant. From our tests you are about four weeks along give or take. Let me be the first to offer you congratulations. Now I have prescribed you an array of prenatals that you can pick up at your local pharmacy."

The more she talked the less I could hear her. She sounded as if I had been dunked underwater and I couldn't more or less feel the vibrations of her voice rather than actually hear the words she was speaking. Pregnant. I was pregnant. My heartbeat thumped loudly, blood rushing in my ears. I took one deep breath in attempts to calm myself but no avail. I was pregnant.

-0-

Angela pulled up to the front of my apartment building. She leaned over the console and took my hand in hers. "Hey it's going to be ok. You're going to be just fine Bella I know you are." With that I nodded gratefully and began to make the short walk from the elevator back home. My foot caught on a bump in the long rug and my knee broke my fall, sending a shot of pain up my leg, but not even touching my knee or making sure I was ok, my hand flew to my still flat belly. Instinctively I clutched it and thought Are you ok? But I shook my head out of my reprieve and hurried carefully back upstairs to my apartment.

In the full length mirror of my room I lifted my tight blouse around the bottom of my breasts and rubbed my hands against my still flat belly. There was no way. My mind fluttered back to that one dream I had long long ago and little ones with dark brown hair and big green eyes were ingrained behind my eyelids. I was going to have a baby. This little thing was something Edward and I made out of love. That night was pure and utter love, no doubt about it. The only problem was that he fell out of love the next morning, he made a choice that had broken me and benefited him. If he wanted that life then he could have it. I had something much much better.

But my mind wouldn't still. How would I tell him? Would I tell him? Did he deserve to know that he was in fact the father? My gut clenched at the idea of having split custody of it, having it go on weekends to live the dream life with Edward and Vic and resent me for not being able to give it that lifestyle when it was here with me. No. That would never happen. I wouldn't allow it. Edward has his happiness and I finally know that yes he had a role to play in mine, but it was completely unexpected. I had this whole little person who in a matter of hours had become my whole world.

Tears fell steadily down my cheeks. I cried and laughed softly at the same time, still rubbing the bear skin of my belly. I could do this. I was going to do this and no one, not even Edward was going to get in the way of it because it was just me and this little bug I contracted against whatever they threw at us.