Author's Note:
A big thank you to all who reviewed! I noticed there were some questions people wanted answers to so I will gladly clarify. For the timeline of the story, Bella recieved the invitation about two weeks after she and Edward had sex. For clarification, he didn't send it to her, he didn't even know about it until they had already been mailed and delivered. This will be explained in this chapter in his POV. She took some time off work for 'personal days', about 2 weeks, so she is approximately four weeks along in her pregnancy. Edward has been keeping tabs on Bella through Alice who is a constant in Bella's life. This will also be explained in this chapter. But she is Edward's sister and is looking for any reason to get him to dump Victoria and finally man up enough to go after what he wants in life and as frostedglaze said "get his dissected ball away from his grandparents, Victoria, and Victoria's dad." Don't worry though, Edward will eventually come to his senses, just give him time. In my head he is not as bad as he is right now. I want to make his character progression gradual and have him come to an epiphany. I want to make him slowly realize that what he is doing is hurting people, even if he doesn't know how to make it better. Thank you for your input, I laughed very hard. But please take into account that I am a novice writer and I literally come up with the plot as I go. I have a general outline for how I want everything to play out, but that may change. Thanks again for everything. Allonsy!
Chapter 5:Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are,
I came to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
- Coldplay
Edward's POV
"Alice! Enough. I understand that you're upset but there's nothing I can do about it!" I snapped.
Her small body felt like it was towering over me. Her red face was contorted in pure anger. If looks could kill…
"What the hell do you mean you can't do anything about it?! Yes the fuck you can! Vic did all this without your consent. She, the Masens, and her daddy dearest went behind your back and orchestrated this whole ordeal without you! You can definitely use this as the last straw. Edward don't be an idiot!" She nearly screamed at me.
"Well, I hate to break it to you, but we're Masens, we can't dissociate ourselves from them, we're family." I muttered.
A quick flash of sadness pricked in her big blue eyes. I could see the tears welling up in them, making them into tiny oceans, ready to drown me.
"I am not a Masen. I was a Cullen and now I am a Whitlock. But you, I guess you really are a Masen then. You're greedy. You're too blinded by flashy things and let these people use you for what? Money? Status? Business Opportunity? Well I know damn well that if mom and dad were here to see this, they'd be horrified.
I stared back at her, my mind reeling in shock. Slowly I lowered my head in defeat. My breath caught in my throat. My chest constricted and my eyes burned with unshed tears. My father's kind, blue eyes came into my mind. He was watching me from wherever he was and my whole life I worked for him to see me as a good man, a good son, worthy of his memory. My mom's eyes I saw everyday in the mirror, haunting me to be better than what I am. For her. For them. Alice knew exactly what to say to shut me down. But I knew deep down, she was right. I had to be better.
When the first tear I shed, hit the manilla folder in front of me, I saw Alice relax her fighting stance. She quietly made her way over to my side of the desk and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. Unconsciously, I leaned into it. She may only be two years older than me, but at this moment, she reminded me of my mom. She was fierce and loyal, and was always there to remind me of where I came from, I respected that.
"I'm sorry. That was too far. I know they loved you and you're a good man Edward. You're just making a really awful decision. Think of everyone involved. What you and Victoria are doing to each other is awful. Marrying someone you don't love for money. It won't work. What you did to Bella? She barely got back up on her feet this week. I think today was her first day back at work since she got the invitation.
"Right now as your sister, I'm telling you that you're making the biggest mistake of your life. You have a beautiful woman who adores you, knows you like the back of her hand, is your best friend for crying out loud, and you're throwing your chance at love away for a stuck up bitch for money? You deserve better than that and frankly Bella does too."
She was right. Bella deserved so much better than everything I had put her through. She was beautiful. Intelligent. Driven. Kind. She was everything I have ever wanted. She was worth every risk. I nodded my head, coming to a decision.
"Ok Alice. I'm going to talk to Bella. I'll talk to her tonight. God, I've been an idiot. I don't even know what I would say to make her forgive me but I am going to try until she does."
Alice squeezed my shoulder and gave me a knowing smile on her way out of my office, "I bet you will. But you have to talk to your fiancé first and cancel the wedding. There is no way I am going to let you walk down that aisle with her. She can go butter up someone else's brother."
I opened the laptop on my work desk and searched for flower arrangements to be sent to Bella at work. I wanted them there before she walked in the office, to surprise her. I knew already that this wouldn't fix anything, but it was a start. This was the start of my attempt to be the man she wanted me to be, the man she deserved. I wish I could have been there to see the look in her face, but it was the message that was really important:
Please forgive me. I was an idiot and you deserve so much more. I will be at our usual spot tonight, meet me there so I can show you how sorry I truly am. I love you.
- Spider Monkey's Best Friend
-0-
"Can this be our usual spot?! This is the coolest place in the whole world, Edward! I'll buy you something from Orange Dracula if you say yes", 18 year old Bella pleaded. Her long dark hair was flowing in the brisk Seattle wind, whipping across her grinning face. Her big chocolate eyes were all the warmth I needed in that moment, the cold summer air no longer biting at my exposed skin.
"I think Pike Place itself is too touristy for my taste, but since you've only just got here I can see the appeal. Yes, my Bella, this can be our usual spot, we have to meet by the gum wall everytime and then we will head in for food." I replied cheerfully. It was her first week here in Seattle since she moved from New York. God how I had missed her, she made everything so lively and enhanced everything she touched.
College was starting up soon and there would be a lot less time to visit touristy things, so right now, this month before classes I was going to show Bella the ins and outs of Seattle. I was glad to finally get her away from New York. The whole spectacle with her mom really had hit her hard and I knew she wanted to bolt the second she could, but her love for her dad is what kept her there so long.
She led me to the little bookstore inside like place and she candidly conversed with the owner about Candide by Voltaire. I couldn't hear their conversation but I did pick up a phrase This is the Best of All Possible Worlds. In that moment I couldn't think of a fiercer truth. In that second with Bella finally with me after so long apart, she was the best of all possible things.
-0-
When the clock struck 4, I swiftly grabbed my suit jacket and my keys, walking straight out the door of the office. I couldn't wait until 8pm to see her at the gum wall, I had to see Bella now. I had gone too long being an idiot, avoiding the talk that we should have inevitably had in the past month, but I was scared. I was scared that my ridiculous actions had ruined things between us. She was my best friend and I couldn't lose her. I wouldn't. I would keep trying until she was happy.
Nearing her office I felt my heart beat wildly at the thought of seeing her again. What would she say? What would she do? Would she forgive me so quickly? Or would she turn me away?
The doorman let me in right away, recognizing me due to the countless times I have come to take Bella to lunch. I made my way up to the 12th floor and past a row of cubicles to her large office. My heart thudded in my chest with every step. I stood outside her door, gathering my resolve. The moment my hand touched the doorknob I was interrupted by a guy behind me.
"Hi, can I help you? Ms. Swan, isn't in right now." He said warily.
I turned around and took in his dark muscular frame. In my head I wasn't intimidated because we were basically the same height, but I couldn't help but acknowledge his confident demeanor.
"Where did Bella go? I thought she was back in today?" I inquired.
He sized me up, obviously not knowing who I was to her. But what could I tell him? What was I to her? Was I still her best friend? Was I something more? Or was I a stranger to her now?
"She went to the doctor with Angela. She wasn't feeling well and left after lunch. She should be back tomorrow." He relented softly. I could see the nervousness in his eyes and the way he shuffled his hands together. He was worried about her…
"Anyways, can I ask who you are so I can pass on the message?"
"Edward. Edward Cullen. We grew up together and I came by to talk with her about a few things. Do you know if she received the flowers I sent today?" I asked hoping she did.
The look of anxiety passed immediately and his dark eyes lightened exponentially. He quirked up a half smile and was holding back what I thought was a laugh. Fear crawled up my stomach and I could only imagine what she did with them. I knew her better than anyone and knew that when she was upset, it wouldn't end pretty. But what bothered me the most is this boy who clearly liked her, got to witness what exactly she did with them.
"Yes sir. She did receive your flowers. She was very passionate about them, to say the least. I will be sure to tell her tomorrow when she comes in." The boy had the audacity to laugh outright. That fear that knawed in my chest, made its way through my whole body. I nodded at him once and walked out the door. Was it jealousy I was feeling? Did I have a reason to be jealous? I didn't know.
I made my way to my car, turning the key in the ignition, and speeding off to Bella's home. If she was sick, then I had to go make sure she was ok. When I reached the outside of her apartment building, I nearly ran up the stairs to the second floor condo she owned. My hand hovered above the door and with all the courage I had left in my body I knocked. I was expecting a sickly, flu-like Bella to open the door, in a robe or some sort of PJ's. But the woman who opened the door was lovely. Her hair was freshly brushed, cascading around her shoulders in waves. She wore a cute casual top that flowed across her frame beautifully and some jeans. I noticed right away that she was barefoot, adding to the summer princess vibe she had coming off of her. My eyes made their way up to her full pink lips which I instinctively wanted to press a soft kiss to. But when my eyes met hers, green and honey, I saw the flat out surprise in them, grounding me back to reality.
Her surprise quickly turned to anger. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Bella, I came to talk. I had to come and see you and explain." I pleaded.
"How did you know I was home?" She stepped back and put distance between us, each inch cut into me like a blade.
"The new guy from work told me you were sick. Are you ok? Let me come in, I can make you your favorite", the thought of making her chicken soup with swirly noodles made me hopeful.
"Jake shouldn't have told you where I was….but I guess he didn't know any better. I'm not sick, I just have a little bug, that's all. Nothing contagious. Um sure you can come in, but only for a little while. I'm leaving soon" she stepped aside and let me in. The lovely aroma of her apartment washed over me, leaving me feeling cleansed in a way. She walkways grounded me, brought me back to life. More importantly the life I wanted to have, with her. My serene bubble popped quickly.
"What are you doing here, Edward?"
"I came to see you. I couldn't go another day without talking to you. You know this is the longest we haven't talked? Even when I moved out here we would rack up the phone bill and Charlie would be furious that you'd bring home a 300 bill every month. I've missed you Bella."
"Oh so your fiancé knows you're here? She knows while you're at home with her, you're actually 'missing me'? Please. As if." I could see her anger progressing. She stood on the opposite side of the living room, her arms crossed in front of her, her tiny hands balled into tiny fists, trying hard to control her anger.
"No Bella, she is not my fiancé. I never proposed to her. All the decisions of that wedding were made without my acknowledgment or approval. Please believe me when I say that I didn't send out those invitations. I didn't even know about them until they had already been sent and received by 'guests' at this supposed wedding." I explained genuinely.
She shook her head slowly, her eyes never leaving mine. I saw the tears welling up in them and I fought the urge to go to her, to cradle her face as if she were the most precious thing to me, to wipe those tears away. "You made a lot of promises that night. But you left me that next morning. No goodbye, no explanation, not even a fucking phone call for weeks. Did you really expect that a bouquet of flowers and a sporadic visit were automatically going to make things ok? That I am going to forgive what you did to me that easily? You broke me."
I flinched at her words. But they were true. I had been a coward, postponing the inevitable and now it was too late to take it back. My heart clenched in my chest at the truth, the magnitude of what I had done to the person I love the most in this life. She was my strength and I had caused her to waver. My breathing became unsteady, every one a half breath, not able to get enough oxygen to my chest. But I had to let her know how I felt, I had to tell her because if I didn't, if I walked away right now, I would live my life regretting, living a life of 'what ifs'.
"I will never be able to live myself for what I did to you Bella. I agree that it was unforgivable. But I didn't come to get forgiveness, I came to explain. I meant what I said to you that night. I love you, I always have, and I always will. I don't love Victoria and she doesn't love me. All this bullshit began with a business arrangement I had set and agreed to with my grandparents. The Masens want me to be the next head to Voltera and I agreed because they will give me what I want in return. That wedding was never supposed to happen like that, without my consent. But they went behind my back and used me as a pawn and I am calling it off.
After tonight, there should be another announcement mailed out apologizing for the confusion, but effectively cancelling the whole ordeal. The Masens are going to cut me off like they did with Alice, but I don't care. I don't care because whatever they offered me, whatever I have grown up having, is worth nothing if I don't have you."
Her hands trembled and rose to cross in front of her abdomen, protecting herself, closing herself off to me once again. She nodded, still not looking into my eyes. The tears from my own flowed freely now, blurring the last image of her that I would have for seemingly a long time. I had ruined her trust in me, the loving look she would get when she was in my presence, my happiness.
"Bella. I'm sorry. Please forgive me for being an idiot. You didn't deserve this. You deserve so much more. Please give me the chance to show you I can be more for you."
She looked up at me, the tears evident in her eyes as well. Even from across the room I could see them streaming down her flushed cheeks. Step by agonizing step, she made her way to me, pausing right in front of my face. She wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her body to mine. I sighed in relief at the action and mimicked her, wrapping my own around her middle. I tightened my grip on her, not wanting to let go ever again.
My heart dropped at her words, whispering in my ear.
"Edward. You know I love you. I have always loved you, even before you noticed. But I need time. We can't just pick up where we left off and pretend nothing happened. It did happen and I can't do this. I thought I could, but I won't be the one to take away your happiness. You are exactly where you're supposed to be and I am getting to where I am meant to be. We need to call it off here and now. Maybe in the future we can be better. But for now we have to go our own way. I'm sorry."
I squeezed her tighter. My sobs being muffled by her neck. I had done it. I had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me and I deserved every ounce of pain I felt then and there. But I would make it better. I had to.