Chapter 6: Home
Author's Note:
Thank you for all the favorites, follows, and reviews. I really appreciate those who reached out. I know I shouldn't have gotten upset over a few mean comments but I felt like if I didn't acknowledge them, they would keep happening and I didn't want that. But I absolutely adore the rest of you who made me feel so much better 3
But I can see many of you dislike Edward at the moment and this is completely understandable. He hasn't shown Bella that he is worthy of her trust yet, although he does feel remorseful for his actions. But keep in mind, this is ultimately a romance between the two, and there is going to be some tension for a while before we get to the much awaited reconciliation part. For the guest who commented about Alice's update on Bella, she isn't his assistant. She isn't constantly there with him, keeping tabs on Bella and retelling the details of her life like a spy. She visits her brother, because she loves him. She goes when she can and isn't too busy in her own life and although the purpose of her visit is not to torture him with details of Bella's life, she does mention her because they are all close and she thinks maybe it would be good for him to know. Such as the comment in the last chapter about her returning to work. She didn't linger on it and go into depth, she casually mentioned Bella going back to work and that is what I meant on updating Edward on Bella.
But in the same comment, by the same guest, I agree that that scene should have probably taken place the night before, I wrote this chapter in a rush trying to get it out soon, and I miss things sometimes because I am human, but from now on I will pay closer attention to details like this.
For frostedglaze, I deeply enjoy your comments because they never fail to make me laugh. Although I'm humored by talk of Edward's dissected balls, I am a little defensive toward him because I know how I want him to end up in the story and I am working to get everyone to see him as I do in good time.
I am still in the market for a Beta, so if anyone knows how I can get one or if you are interested please let me know, I would love to work with you. But keep reviewing, suggestions that I can include in future chapters are welcome, I am grateful for the help. So anyway, here is the next chapter, hope you like it.
Edward's POV:
I stared blankly out of the window in front of me. I couldn't recall how I got home from Bella's house nor into my office, but all I could do was stare out to see the Seattle skyline as if it had all the answers to my inner turmoil. The sun was setting, making the room around me glow in a warm orange hue. No amount of light could help me see what the hell I was going to do next. Her words made my head spin as I repeated them over and over.
"We have to go our own way. I'm sorry" I repeated aloud, as if saying the words myself would make them real enough to believe. My tear stained face had finally dried, the water my body produced finally coming up dry. I could see my hair in the reflection in the window. It was crazed and pointing in all different directions from the amount of times I tugged on it in frustration. I could feel the pain in my chest constricting as the anger rose. I stood up, no longer able to sit in that chair and wandered around my office, pacing. I yelled into the still air and slammed my first against the wall.
I ruined everything. I ruined Bella's trust in me. I ruined the loving way my sister used to view me. I ruined the one chance of happiness I had. It was my fault and I knew it. If only I had seen what an idiot I truly was before and had been brave enough to stay that morning, things would be so much different than they are now. Alice was right. I was ruled by this incessant need to please my grandparents and be their stupid "golden child". Most of the time, I didn't even know I was doing it, being with them for more than half my life made things like that blur together. They were my normal, but it was no excuse. Alice turned out beautifully. She made the same brave decision as my mom. Emmett wasn't influenced by them at all, he was living in a small house with his wife Rosalie and hardly ever visited the Masens. Why was I so adamant about pleasing them? Why the hell should I let them control my life with empty promises? They always flashed shiny things in my direction and I caved, but none of it mattered. None of this bullshit mattered because I had effectively destroyed everything I cared about. Bella was the one genuinely good thing in my life. She was my rock, keeping me steady, grounded to reality. The nights I spent with her in her apartment, eating pizza and watching reruns of the Office, were the best of my life. She never expected me to be anyone other than myself. She loved me for who I was not because of what I could potentially do for her. I had taken her for granted, thinking I could wait until I was ready, hurting her in the process, and now I lost her. She deserved so much better. I wasn't worthy of her right now. She had every right to turn me away. I deserved it. But I was going to do everything I could to make her see that I am willing to change for her. I was going to be a better man, someone reliable, and able to take care of her.
My self revelation was interrupted by the sound of keys turning in the door. I walked out of the office and perched myself on the arm of the sofa, waiting for Victoria to come in. We had to talk. She didn't even notice me at first, her hands full with shopping bags, and her cell phone pressed to her ear.
"Yes Kate. I know it's coming up soon. That's why you have to help me with the planning, I just got some of the prettiest shoes you have ever seen. OMG yes! I will text you a picture in a second, I am walking in the door… Oh, hi Edward. Kate I'll call you back. Ok Bye."
The second she saw my disheveled state and somber expression, the smile on her face melted and she approached me warily. Her red hair was, for once, in it's naturally curly state. She looked like a fiery lion and once upon a time ago I would have found that an attractive quality, but now I could only notice how unlike Bella she really was. Her eyes were a pretty green, but I could never get past the way that they looked at me. Calculating accuracy. As if I was a test, and the more answers she got right, the more likely I would be to actually fall in love with her. How wrong she was. As if I could ever love a woman like her, out for a title and to keep up appearances. She was the embodiment of what our world strove for, she played a role perfectly, but I knew her game like the palm of my hand because up until today, I was one of it's strongest players. But no more. Never again.
"Edward? What's wrong? Did you have a bad day at work?" she spoke slowly, as if speaking any faster would set me off and I would break. She wasn't wrong.
"We have to talk, Victoria." Her shoulders stiffened at the mention of her full name. I never called her that, it was always Vic.
"I can't do this… I won't do this with you. When you sent out the wedding invitations without my having proposed to you, my permission, shit... my consent? I didn't say anything before because it was what we agreed on, but I can't go through with it. I won't. I'm sorry if this causes embarrassment or anything like that with your friends, that was never my intention. But I am not marrying you, I can't marry somone I don't love. I just wanted to tell you that in person before I went public about it."
The look on her face was not what I expected. She wasn't shocked, she wasn't angry, she wasn't anything. Her face remained blank for a few moments, like a robot, calculating the outcomes in her mind before she chose the one with the best scenario. Her green eyes met mine and when they did I saw the fire behind them.
"You think that this was about love? Edward you're even dumber than I thought. I don't love you, but we are doing this because it is what we agreed on. Do you actually think you were going to embarrass me like this? Who do you think you are? Because let me tell you, without my dad, your grandparent's company would have been destitute a long time ago. Landings basically owns Voltera. You wanted to keep Voltera in the family? Well suck it up because there is no other way that we're going to do this other than walking down the aisle!"
As I stood there watching Victoria unravel, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She didn't know any better. This deal to marry me, is what she has wanted most of her adult life. Although the Landings would never be without money or influence, becoming a Cullen would keep Voltera in the family loop, effectively joining our companies through a modern day merger. She and I were the bargaining chips of something way bigger than us, being groomed our entire young adult lives for this moment. She didn't know anything else other than life in a high society circle, this was her world. I had just forgotten what mine was like. I felt like the blindfold had been taken off and I was ready to accept the truth of who I really was and was ready to become. I was not a Masen, I was a Cullen and it was about time I started acting like one.
"I'm truly sorry for this hurting you Vic. But us getting married? It's not going to happen. I wish you happiness because you deserve it. I just wasn't the one to give it to you. I'll have my stuff out of here by next week, you can keep the apartment."
I walked into our joined room and began to pack a bag with essentials. I could hear her hyperventilating in the living room, her sobs evident from a room away. I felt guilty to do this, but it had to be done. I wasn't going to live a lie anymore and neither should she.
Once my bag was packed, I walked out of the room and over to Vic. I wasn't a heartless bastard, breaking hers because I felt like it. It was never my intention to hurt her. I cared for Vic in a way you would care for a friend or an acquaintance, but I could never find it in me to love her the way I should have. I made my way over to her zoned out figure and pressed my lips to her hair in an apologetic manner. Once more I uttered "I'm sorry, Vic." and I walked out the door.
-0-
The drive to the Masen manor was a short one. I reached the gates and right away was beeped in, the security recognizing the Aston Martin. Surprisingly, I was calm. My decision was made before I even got into my car, the thrum of the engine gave me reassurance as the drive up the pathway came to a stop. The Masen's new butler came out ready to take my coat and keys when I walked through the door.
"Good evening master Masen, let me take your coat. Madame Elizabeth is in the kitchen taking tea and Master Earnest is in his study. Would you like me to call them down for you? You can meet in the parlor, I am sure they would be thrilled that you came home for a visit."
"Hello, Alfred. Yes please that would be great, thank you. I am not going to stay for long, I just had to have a few words with them."
He hurried off to get my grandparents and I made my way over to the parlor. This was the grandest room in the house. The mahogany floors shined from being freshly waxed. Every piece of furniture looked regal as it was placed strategically to look inviting for social gatherings. An original Van Gouh sat perched on the mantle, followed by a Remebrant, and a Pollux. I never knew why we had these three paintings if they obviously didn't go together in style or color, but I was pretty sure it was for show, to demonstrate the wealth the Masens obtained.
Everything shined in the room as the large ceiling to floor windows with the billowy white curtains let in a beautiful amount of light. The plants sat in their jade pots, livening up the rest of the room. I caressed one with the tip of my finger and waited impatiently for my grandparents to show up.
They both came in at the same time. My grandmother, Elizabeth, made her way over to her cushion seat and perched like a bird, ready to fly away at a moment's convenience. My grandfather, Earnest, gave me a curt nod and stood by my grandmother's chair. Their regal appearance made me stick out like a sore thumb, still raggedy from the day's occurrences.
The first words to come out of my grandmother's mouth were "You ignorant little boy. We know why you're here. Did you think we wouldn't find out immediately?" So they knew. Great this wouldn't take very long.
"Grandmother that is precisely what I came to speak to you about. I came to apologize in person because I will not be going through with the wedding. I will not marry if not for love, and I don't love Victoria. Plus I think we all know she views me as a toy, someone to play with when you want and then discard when you're done."
My grandfather spoke firmly, with all the authority in the world "Edward. You will marry Victoria Landing because it is what we decided on together. You want medical instruction from the very best? You better mark my words and follow through because as you know in the business world, when things capsize, the entire company suffers."
"Well, I am not a company, or a player in your stupid game. I am a human being, a person, and above all your grandson who has done everything you have asked of him for as long I can remember! I want to marry for love like my parents, Alice, Emmett, and everyone else on this planet. I deserve that one thing. I deserve happiness too.
"You push and push until everyone around you is afraid of you or is overpowered by you. That isn't love. That isn't family. That is a dictatorship and if you want to continue that way, then this is the rebellion."
My heart thudded in my chest, threatening to make its way out of my body. My hands shook, not with fear, but with vitality, with courage. I had never felt more alive than right now. They deserved to be talked to in the manner they speak to others, a taste of that they have done to me all these years.
My grandmother spat coldly, "You don't know what love is…"
Oh how she was wrong. With Alice and Emmett, I was surrounded by love, my parents made me from love, and I loved a woman as deeply as I possibly could. "I have more love in my life than you will ever know. I am finding my way in the world and as of today, happiness comes first."
"Then be happy, alone. You are no longer allowed the privileges of a Masen. Your cards are insufficient, your car and apartment are now our property, and your last name will no longer be Masen. You are not one of us."
I smiled wildly. Effectively this took them off guard. I took my car keys out of my pocket, along with my credit cards and let them fall to the floor.
"I have always been a Cullen, time to start acting like one."
With that, I walked out of the parlor, feeling lighter than I ever had in this house. My body sang with every step, the sun making that last stretch home into the sea, and I was finally free.