Large snowflakes fell to the ground in a flurry around me. My breath was visible in front of my face. Normally the sound of traffic would be present around this time, but it was silent. It had started to get darker earlier in the day, it was officially winter. The holidays were right around the corner, and as per usual i had no idea what present to get usagi. I told him not to pick me up today because I had to go shopping. I had no idea what to get. I walked down the normally busy sidewalks to the shopping district, in the middle stood a large tree. The area was crowded with couples, taking pictures to celebrate the occasion. I pulled my scarf tighter around myself. Maybe one day i would feel comfortable enough to do that with usagi. Even if I did, would that be something possible for him? Would tabloids and gossip columns make up rumors?
I walked into the first shop and perused ties and wallets, but that seemed too easy. I sighed in frustration just as a sales associate approached me. "Is everything okay, sir?"
"What would you get someone that doesn't need material things?" She seemed confused by my question. Why would I be here if I wasn't going to buy anything? It was my struggle every year since the start of our relationship. You would think I would be used to it, but something about spending another holiday unsatisfied because I had to give Usagi another mediocre gift was too much to deal with. He always accepted whatever I gave him graciously. He put all the presents out on display no matter how horrible they were, and when I regretted the gifts later and tried to hide them away somewhere he always noticed. Part of me knew Usagi didn't care what I gave him. He would treasure it either way, and it passed years it had made me get complacent. I had told myself I would put in the most effort this year. I'd find the perfect thing.
"Well, if someone doesn't need anything you should go for an experience." Experience? "Like a date. Or a trip." How would I be able to plan something like that?
"Do you know of any events around here?" She bustled around behind the counter before coming back with a flyer.
"There are plenty of things around here. Your girlfriend must come from a wealthy family to not want for anything." I laughed nervously and took the pamphlet. "The most popular event is putting ornaments on the tree out there, also ice skating. There's plenty of romantic movies playing too."
"Is there anything really unique? Or with less people?" She tilted her head to the side.
"You could have dinner on the boat and watch the light show. That can get a little pricey, but definitely more intimate than the other options. I think they also have some very nice suites where you can enjoy dinner and the rest of the evening in. Those are more for proposals or something though. Oh are you going to propose?" I could tell I was turning red.
"Well I don't know about that...but the boat sounds nice. Is there any information on that?" She walked around the counter and grabbed a flyer.
"It doesn't have the pricing or anything, but it does have the website where you can book the trip." It looked like it was going to cost my life savings.
"If you were going to get a man something to wear what would you choose?" This poor girl was probably tired of me already. "Something for a nice evening out. He has plenty of suits, but maybe something to jazz it up a little."
"I have just the thing." She clapped her hands and ran into the back. When she emerged she had a box of what looked like fabric squares. "A pocket square." I looked over the expensive fabric and my eyes stopped on a baby blue fabric with a small bear embroidered on it. "Do you like this one?" She picked it up. "Very popular among the dads going out with their daughters." I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.
"I'll take this one." I walked through the chilling air to the train station to make my way home. I was about to buy a ticket when Usagi pulled up, nosy as always.
"You're late." I looked at the time and it was about a half hour later than I said I would be. I got caught up talking about the plans I was going to make and had forgotten to check the time. I tugged my hat around my ears and avoided looking into Usagi's eyes. Once I made eye contact he'd go in for the kill.
"I didn't realize what time it was, sorry." Snow was beginning to stick to my eyelashes. I would have to play the innocent card, but it was going to cost me later. I'd learned over the years if my apology appealed to Usagi's perverted side all would be forgiven, but I wouldn't be able to walk in the morning. If I was going to keep a secret I was going to have to make a sacrifice. Usagi was standing in front of the car with his arms crossed. I walked over to seal my fate. "I really didn't know what time it was." I tugged on Usagi's sleeve. "Don't be mad." The wind whipped around my already red face, probably making me look even more pathetic without even having to try. I instinctively stepped closer to him to block myself from the wind, I took it too far on accident. I was going to get annihilated. His look alone said.
"Get in the car. It's cold." The pure amusement in his eyes sent waves of sheer terror through my body. And as if I wasn't already in for it when I turned to walk around to the passenger side of the car, I tripped into him. My clumsiness was going to be my downfall. I was already so close I had no option but to fall right into his grasp. I'd be surprised if we made it home. My arms were wrapped tight around Usagi's middle. I took a couple steps back.
"Sorry." Despite it being so cold my face was on fire. Usagi looked like a lion, and I was a gazelle. I had no choice but to dig my hole and get it. I was going to have to take this opportunity for all it was worth. I was bad at lying. I'd gotten the pocket square to make lying easier if I had to. I had gotten a physical gift, Usagi could see the bag. He would think that was all he was getting and then he wouldn't confront me if he noticed anything else. I'd put the bait right in front of his face, but the only way for this to work was for him to be completely distracted. "You're not mad right?" Usagi opened the car door. I grabbed the back of his jacket, the final nail in my coffin. He was pretending to keep it cool, but I knew that look anywhere. I was in trouble. "Usagi-san…you're not mad are you?"
"Misaki, get in the car or I can't promise you that you won't end up embarrassed." I'd gotten him. I got in the car and stared straight ahead. Usagi started driving but I could see his fingers tapping on the steering wheel. I had to think of a way to make it home.
"I know how I can make it up to you." Usagi raised an eyebrow. "It's been so chilly all day it's a perfect day for a bath. I can wash your hair. Nii-chan used to wash my hair all the time. I would always fall asleep after though." He practically had flames in his eyes. I'd successfully distracted Usagi and ensured we made it back home before he tore all my clothes off. The bath probably wouldn't happen, but the very idea of the possibility would give him enough patience to get us home.
"Takahiro did?" He was interested, shockingly. It was easy to say that because it wasn't a lie. Takahiro took care of me for a long time after our parents passed. There were many cold days he'd wash my hair and blow dry it so I wouldn't catch cold. It was also the quickest way to get me to fall asleep. I fell for it every time. The memory made me smile. I could tell Usagi was staring at me although I hadn't turned in his direction. I eventually looked up to him and he had a strange expression on his face.
We rode in silence the rest of the way home. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Normally he'd be all over me in the elevator, but he stayed on his side. Even after we unlocked the door he didn't pounce on me. "I'll go get the bath started up." I walked up the stairs and sat on the edge of the bathtub and tested the water. What was that look on his face? I dug through the cabinets and found some bubble bath, and Usagi appeared just as I was turning the water off.
"I can wash your hair too. You never asked me." He was jealous. Part of me wanted to believe he wasn't serious, but I knew he was.
"Isn't it a little embarrassing for me to ask that at my age?" I stuck my hand in the water one more time to make sure it wasn't too hot. "It's ready." I had to stop Usagi from pouting and there was only one way. I took my shirt off and tossed it in the laundry basket. I could feel his eyes tearing through my body even turned away from him. I fumbled with the button on my pants before quickly stepping out of them and sinking into the tub up to my ears. It did feel amazing on my cold skin. I let out a content sigh. Usagi was still standing in the doorway. "Aren't you coming in?" He seemed to be having some sort of fight with himself. Maybe he was onto me. "If you don't want to wash my hair that's fine…"
"I knew you wanted me to." He shut the door and took his tie off. He was so simple. Why was he so jealous of random childhood memories I had with Nii-chan? I thought of Usagi's own past and it didn't take long for the answer to come to me. We both easily fit in the tub, Usagi's bathroom was lavish like everything else in the condo. A normal sized bathtub would not have worked for him at his height. I handed him the shampoo and turned around so my back was facing him.
Usagi worked the shampoo into my hair until it lathered. It felt different from when I was younger, maybe it was his strong hands or the feeling of him being so close. Usagi carefully scrubbed my scalp and I couldn't help but sigh. I could already feel my eyes closing. "Does it feel okay?"
"Mm-hm, perfect." I could melt right now. My face started to turn red, and luckily I wasn't facing Usagi. "You can rinse it out so I can do yours."
"No it's okay. I can keep going." The tone in his voice was not a nice one. I was back in trouble.
"I don't want to get too sleepy before I wash your hair." I dunked my head under the water to save myself. Nothing good was going to come from that tone. I turned around and kneeled in front of Usagi, putting shampoo in my hands. He was still almost as tall as me just sitting down. Usagi's hair was always soft. I massage shampoo into his scalp, it was a little embarrassing from this close up. I covered his eyes and rinsed out the shampoo. Usagi pulled me up against him, I was straddling his lap, my heart beating out of my chest. I'd put myself in the position of control. The only problem was I crumbled every time I was in this position.
All I could think of to do at the moment was kiss Usagi's forehead. It just seemed right in the moment. Usagi never got flustered about anything, but there was a first time for everything. His ears turned red, and honestly I was surprised. It was probably the most innocent display of affection. It could be that I was the one who made the first move, but usually if I could get up the courage to make the first move Usagi would just finish it himself sparing me the embarrassment of trying to navigate my way through anything sexual. Usagi was rarely rough with me. He would pretend to be that way when in reality he was always careful with me. He knew how my body would react to things, and he would never do too much. The way he kissed me could only be described as violent. His arm around my waist smashed me into his chest and he grabbed my chin, smashing my lips into his lips. His tongue entered my mouth before I could even comprehend what was happening.
I finally pressed my hands to Usagi's chest, pushing him back against the back of the tub. We were both breathing hard. I had a metallic taste in my mouth, blood from my bottom lip. I touched my finger to my mouth and pulled it away. Usagi looked horrified. He'd never been that way with me. I felt like my lungs were about to burst. I sucked on my lip, confused. "Misaki…" Usagi started, but didn't say anything else. Usagi wouldn't look up at me. I put my hands on either side of his face and kissed him. Usagi pulled me closer to him, kissing me slowly this time. The kiss deepened and his hands were all over me. "Misaki-"
I cut Usagi off. "I'm fine." Usagi got out of the tub and scooped me up so quickly I didn't have time to react. He tossed me on the bed. "Wait a second-"
"I can't." Still standing, Usagi pulled my hips into his forcing me to my knees. I turned around and grabbed Usagi's wrists. I was out of breath and didn't understand what was happening.
"Sit down." Surprisingly Usagi listened to me. I didn't really have any clue what I was doing, but I'd figured it out. Usagi never looked frazzled, but he did now. He'd thought he hurt me, but I was just surprised. I kneeled over Usagi, taking him in my mouth.
"Misaki!" Usagi wasn't good at handling affection. In the past this worked for me because it was hard for me to show it in the way he did. Usagi was an attentive lover, but most of my advances ended with him taking control. I had unconsciously been taking advantage of this to avoid my fear of being vulnerable. He'd flipped out with one kiss to the forehead. It was a gesture everyone knew, something a mother probably did every night after tucking a child in but Usagi hadn't experienced it. I freaked him out.
"Hm?" I placed my hand on his thigh bringing my head lower. It was embarrassing, but Usagi did it all the time. Had I ever really put in any effort to make Usagi feel good?
"Misaki you don't have to…" I placed my arm over his thighs, pressing down to keep Usagi from turning this around to him gaining control. I dipped my head slowly, it was all new. I carefully ran my tongue over him taking in the taste of him. I used my tongue to explore slowly, feeling my way up to the tip. I could feel Usagi breathing heavily against me. His hands laced through my hair and I took as much of him as I could in my mouth, which was hard considering the size. I worked myself into a slow rhythm, taking my time. Usagi gripped the blanket, his knuckles turning white. The room was filled with the sounds of his heavy breathing, and our skin to skin contact. Usagi gripped my hair tighter as I increased the suction slowly pulling my head up. Usagi groaned and my mouth was filled with heat. "That's it."
Usagi was on top of me in one simple movement. "Hey!" Usagi pushed my knees up to my chest, settling himself in between my legs. "Usagi-san!" I squirmed against him.
"I won't be able to handle it if you keep going." He lifted me against him, teasing me, before entering me slowly.
"Wait! That's not how this was supposed to go-" I was cut off by Usagi slamming my hands down over my head, interlocking his fingers with mine. My body was shaking so badly in response to him. He was slowly rocking into me and I was losing it. My head was spinning. Usagi kissed my neck leaving a trail of marks behind. His thrusts became harder and I couldn't control the sounds coming out of me. My knees dug into Usagi's sides pulling him closer to me. It was so intense I was seeing stars but wave after wave came and crashed into me. I held Usagi's hands so tight I thought I might crush them. I thought my lungs might burst, and then I was filled with heat. Usagi collapsed on top of me. We were a slippery mess. We laid there panting, a tangled mess of limbs for a couple minutes.
Usagi pressed his lips to mine. We laid there for a few more minutes. I still wasn't sure what had happened. Normally goading Usagi didn't get this far. He was impossible to keep secrets from and I knew the only way to keep him poking around was to keep him distracted. I'd figured it out a couple years ago. I just had to keep doing things that would trigger Usagi into tossing me into bed, which wasn't very hard. Things had never really got this intense before. "Misaki...I didn't mean to hurt you."
"It's okay. I'm not hurt." My breathing was finally slowing down. "I was just surprised."
"I was probably more surprised than you. I just needed you. I'm sorry." He sounded so sad.
"I need you too. You don't have to be sorry." Usagi squeezed me close.
"You're going to make me want to go again." Usagi pulled my face towards his.
"I can't do that again!" Usagi laughed against my chest. I couldn't help but smile.