Misaki slept peacefully like an angel. He had one arm draped over Suzuki-san, his legs tangled up in the sheets. I was still in a haze from last night. Lately Misaki had been more affectionate. Last night I knew he was playing with me a bit. I'd seen the shopping bags behind his bag and I knew what he was trying to do. He didn't want me snooping around and figured the best way of keeping me busy was too act all cute. I'd noticed he started realizing what he could get away with. One cute look from behind his long eyelashes and I was putty. He honestly could've asked me for anything and I would have given it to him. Luckily for me, MIsaki was very innocent. All he wanted to do was keep his gift a surprise, which was fine with me. That wasn't the problem. Misaki had been doing things without realizing it.
Misaki had always been nervous or embarrassed about displays of affection. I was used to being ran away from, pushed away, or whatever else he tried to do to get away from me. I liked the chase so I didn't mind. It had been years since we started dating and slowly Misaki had become more comfortable. When I bothered him in the kitchen, instead of actively trying to get away from me he would scold me. He would let me keep my arms around him while he cooked, even when I was in the way. When I flopped on the couch, purposely too close to him, instead of scooting away he would snuggle into my side. He didn't freak out when he handed me my coffee and our fingers brushed. He stayed wrapped around me like a monkey when we were sleeping. I don't know when the shift started, but it was coming increasingly harder to have any self control. Unknowingly, I had been handling him at arm's length. That became apparent last night. And what had me more perplexed was that I had expected him to be freaked out last night. At the moment I'd lost control of myself, I had expected him to be scared. Instead, we had the most intense sex I think I ever had in my life. And that made me want him more, but I was scared to push things.
I walked up to the cafe where I had planned to meet Hiroki. I went to our usual table, secluded in the back of the restaurant. I was shocked to see Hiroki with his boyfriend. "Akihiko...I'm sorry he insisted on coming with me." I hadn't been completely honest with Hiroki about my relationship. He knew about Misaki living with me, and he knew about me being in a relationship. He didn't know the relationship was with Misaki. He would've lectured me and most likely told me to break up with Misaki. I valued his opinion a lot, and I probably would have listened to him.
"It's fine." I sat down across from both of them. I pinched the bridge of my nose. "It doesn't change anything really."
"Is something going on?" Hiroki looked concerned. "Stop glaring at him Nowaki." I couldn't help but laugh.
"Don't worry Nowaki, I have enough of my own problems right now. I'm not after your man." Hiroki turned bright red. A waitress placed an Americano in front of me, my usual. "I need some advice."
"What did you do?" Hiroki was used to me in my earlier days. I didn't do much of anything besides ogle over Misaki anymore. I was fine with that. I gained the family I wanted with him and Takahiro. I had done something though. I pursued a relationship with Misaki, my best friend's brother, who I used to be in love with.
"Well you know I've been seeing someone for a while now…" I could tell he was curious. I never really had trouble saying anything. Hiroki was my oldest friend. I told him everything. He would most likely be mad at me. "Well it's Takahiro's brother." Hiroki choked on his coffee.
"What were you thinking?" I'd told Hiroki there was someone in my life a couple years ago. At that point we'd been together for two years. He probably thought at most we'd been together for two years or so when it was five years at this point. "When did all this start?"
"I guess the first day he moved in...but officially I would say a month or so after that." I could see the gears turning in his head. "Takahiro doesn't know, but things are pretty serious now. I guess I've just been thinking about our future together."
"Akihiko what have you gotten yourself into? It's bad enough to be in love with your best friend, who was never going to be able to return your feelings anyway. Now you're dating his brother?" Hiroki put his head in his hands.
"We've just been getting closer lately and I find myself losing control. The closer we get the more I want." I stared down into my coffee. Hiroki was silent. "I don't want to scare him."
"How has he been reacting to everything?" I was surprised to hear Nowaki's voice. He hadn't said anything since I showed up. "Does he seem bothered?"
"Well...I don't think so." Misaki seemed to finally be getting comfortable with our relationship, but now the dynamic was changing and I was the one who was uncomfortable. I thought I would be happy just to be with him, that since I always hid a part of myself I was okay doing that for the rest of my life. I realize now how stupid that was. I wanted to marry Misaki. I wanted to hold hands in public. I wanted to tell Takahiro. I couldn't do those things without telling Misaki.
"He probably wants the same things as you. You don't have to treat him like something fragile." Nowaki was right. Misaki wasn't a child. He was childish and clumsy in some ways, but the maturity he displayed due to his parents being taken from him so early was beyond his years. I'd been treating him like a kid, but he was as much a part of this relationship as I was.
"Hiroki, I understand you might be mad at me for not telling you sooner. I knew you would give me the correct advice, and that would be to break up with him. I didn't want to do that, so I just kept it from you. I would have listened to what you told me, but then I would be miserable." Hiroki sighed.
"Well this first thing you need to do is decide when you want to tell Takahiro. You can't keep it from him forever." I knew he was right, but I was going to leave that up to Misaki. Whether Takahiro ever would find out anything would be up to him. "And what about your family?"
"They all know. Haruhiko has harassed Misaki, trying to steal him away since the beginning." The look on Hiroki's face was comical. I couldn't help but laugh.
"Why on earth would your brother want to date him?" There was no trying to understand my family.
"Haruhiko wants anything I'm interested in." I wrapped my hands around my mug and stared out the window. "Sorry for bothering you with all this." I'd never had such intense feelings for anyone. I thought I would never get over Takahiro, but my love for Misaki was a hundred times what I ever felt for Takahiro.
The rest of the visit at the cafe had been uneventful. It was nice to see Hiroki happy. They had a past and had somehow been able to stay friends. After everything that happened between us I always wondered if Hiroki would be able to find happiness. I knew what it was like to love someone you couldn't have. I would always regret entertaining Hiroki's fantasies because I was selfish. It had scarred me as much as him. How we had remained friends I would never know. All I could do was be thankful.
I returned home to hear voices in the living room. Mizuki and Kaoruko were sitting in the living room. Misaki was in the kitchen making snacks. What were they doing here? "I didn't know you'd be visiting." Misaki looked at him from the kitchen with wide eyes. He'd left him to the wolves on accident.
"We're going to the main house and Kaoruko wanted to stop by and see Misaki." Mizuki sounded and looked irritated.
"I had to come see Misaki." Kaoruko sipped on tea. Misaki placed a plate of sweets on the table. I was already getting annoyed.
"Why are you so interested in him?" Mizuki grumbled. I had to do all I could to bite my lip and not say anything. I was trying not to let jealousy run things. "Not like you could marry into a more affluent family anyway, Misaki." I wanted to fight Mizuki, but I understood his feelings all too well. It was hard to control yourself around the person you liked.
"I'm only interested in Usagi-san." The words hung in the air. I hadn't expected Misaki to say anything like that ever. Mizuki looked confused and Kaoruko turned red. Misaki turned around and quickly walked back into the kitchen.
"Are you trying to say we're boring?" Mizuki was ready for a fight. Misaki appeared with more tea, slightly red.
"That's not what I meant." Misaki looked at me with an expression I hadn't seen before. "Would you like anything Usagi-san?" I looked at the tray of sweets confused. I had felt like he was going to say something before he just changed the subject.
"Well what did you mean then?" Of course Mizuki wasn't going to let anything go.
"What about this strawberry cake Usagi-san?" Misaki never really blatantly ignored anyone in that way.
"That's fine." Mizuki was getting angry.
"Thank you for the gift Mizuki. It was very nice of you to send something. You didn't have to." Mizuki had sent Misaki a gift for getting the job at Marukawa. He'd helped him with advice for looking for a job and how to pass interviews.
"Don't ignore my question." Mizuki crossed his arms, embarrassed. "Your welcome." He probably wouldn't want Kaoruko to know he actually didn't mind Misaki.
"I didn't mean anything by it just if I was going to enter the family somehow it would be because of Usagi-san." I took the plate from Misaki's hands. I couldn't hide the shock on my face. Misaki never talked about our relationship to anyone. That look he'd given me was to see if I minded. I guess he decided I wouldn't care, which I didn't since most of my family knew of my relationship to Misaki anyway. Kaoruko had walked in on us so she knew. I had assumed Mizuki knew because last time he left to go back home he had stayed in contact with Misaki. I assumed the only way Misaki could talk him down was revealing our relationship, but I guess he didn't. Or if he did Mizuki didn't understand.
"What?" Mizuki looked between the two of us. I could see when he realized.
"I told you Misaki could never be interested in me." Kaoruko stuffed a little cake into her mouth. Mizuki's mouth popped open as he looked between the two of us.
"You two are together? Does anyone else know?" Mizuki looked flabbergasted.
"You mean my father? Both him and Haruhiko know about it." Mizuki remained silent.
"And what about you?" He addressed Misaki now.
"My family doesn't know. Well it's just my brother now." Misaki pushed a strawberry around his plate. "I don't know how he'd feel about it. He still asks me when I'm going to marry a nice girl." Misaki laughed nervously. Takahiro had always made it known he wanted Misaki to have a normal family due to the loss of their parents. It was something I couldn't really give Misaki, but I loved him. I couldn't control my feelings for him and I didn't have plans to break up with Misaki.
"Either way, Uncle Fuyuhiko isn't going to deal with you two going public kindly anyway. Things are probably best as they are now." Mizuki was right. I had left on my own and made my own way in the world. My success was entirely my own, I didn't live under the Usami roof anymore. If I was to go public with my relationship with Misaki it could potentially affect my father's business, which was something he wouldn't take kindly to. It was something we wouldn't be able to get around. We would just have to do what we wanted anyway and deal with the fallout, or we could keep things as they are. Either way each option had it's hang ups.
"I'm fine as long as we're together." Misaki was looking down at his uneaten piece of cake. I didn't like to see him upset. I'm sure he thought of all these things by himself. He stood up and excused himself to the bathroom.
Kaoruko and Mizuki left to go to my father's and Misaki had not come out to say goodbye. I knocked on the bathroom door. "Misaki."
"I'll be out in a minute." He was bad at trying to sound like he wasn't upset.
"Open the door." I heard the click of the lock and opened the door to find Misaki standing in the middle of the room, tears running down his face. He'd always been a crybaby.
"Don't say anything." He had snot dripping down his face. I grabbed some tissues and wiped his face off. He hiccupped. "I'm fine." I hugged him tightly.
"You're not fine." Misaki buried his head in my chest.
"I'll be fine." It was muffled. "I would never want to get you in trouble."
"Misaki, I make my own decisions. If there is someone that isn't happy with that they will just have to get over it." I didn't want Misaki to also have to deal with the consequences. I would deal with anything to be with him, but what if he mentally couldn't handle it and for some reason our relationship fell apart. I loved him too much to risk it.
"I don't want to cause you any trouble." Misaki had a complex about making trouble for anyone stemming from his parents death. Takahiro had mentioned to me he had immense guilt surrounding their deaths, even though it wasn't his fault.
"Misaki you never cause me trouble, but if you wanted to I wouldn't mind. Cause me as much trouble as you want. I'm not going anywhere." Misaki wiped his eyes. "You know I can't deal with you crying." Grabbing his chin and tipping his head back, I kissed Misaki. I pressed him against the wall, sliding my hands under his shirt. Just then Misaki's phone rang. He answered it and walked out of the room, which wasn't like him.
"Yes this is Takahashi-san." Misaki walked into what used to be his bedroom and shut the door. What was that all about? I barged in just as Misaki was hanging up the phone.
"Who was that?" Misaki wouldn't meet my eyes. He was a terrible liar.
"It was a work thing." We both knew he was lying. "By the way Usagi-san I want to go on a date Christmas eve." I'd forgotten all about it with everything going on. " I already know where we should go. There's a tree at the town center. We can put ornaments on it." He looked nervous.
"Don't you want to do something more than that?" Misaki shook his head.
"I figured we could just spend the night at home." Misaki was blushing. "I got you a present, so I figured we could just exchange gifts. If there's something you want to eat I can make it." Misaki was trying to make the plans himself. I couldn't take the opportunity away from him.
"Okay, that's fine." Misaki looked visibly relieved.