Chapter 2

Pain.

It was suffocating. An all consuming numbness that settled heavy in his stomach, the constant tightness in his chest. Most days he didn't fight it, to pretend for the sake of his family that he was okay. The pain was a reminder. He had allowed himself to be happy once, opening himself up to the possibility of requited love. Finally having someone after so long alone.

But he had let that go.

Loving her had been selfish. She was light. She was everything good. He was darkness, a monster. There was nothing he could do for her; she deserved to flourish, to have a chance at a long and happy human life and to spend it with someone who she could share it with. And he had loved her enough to give her that even if it meant giving up everything.

He had been happy once, and now he would never be again.

His throat burned, a reminder that he hadn't hunted in weeks. He hadn't fed regularly in a long time. He relished in the pain knowing that he deserved it. If not alone as a reminder that the agony meant he had something to miss but also as a reminder of the pain he had caused Bella. That night played on his mind so often with no sleep allowing him the sweet solace of escape. He remembered the look on her face as he lied, telling her that he didn't loved her, the devastation as he had splintered her heart in perfect clarity. The desperation. He had hurt her.

He deserved this.

Bella. Bella. My Bella. There wasn't a day that went by that she wasn't on his mind. Whatever was left of his heart ached for her.

He had spent years trying to convince himself that he had done the right thing, but how could something good hurt so much?

Before her his life was a black sky. She was a blazing star passing through his orbit. Now that she was gone everything remained untouched, he been a lone for decades, he should be well acquainted with desolation, but she had blinded him. Changed him on a fundamental level.

"Edward!" A silent voice called out for him, "Get down here!" He didn't move.

"Edward!" This time her voice came from outside his door followed by a bang against the door.

"What Alice?" His voice was hoarse, gruff from weeks without talking. Couldn't they see he wanted to be left alone?

"Carlisle has something to announce. And he wants to talk to everyone." Her look was pointed.

"Alright." I'm coming.

His family greeted him like they had been parted for weeks, and maybe they had. Time no longer had structure, he had no purpose, no meaning.

Edward noticed Jasper wince at their proximity. He commenced his brother for even being able to stand being in the house as him never mind the same room. He was an incubator of misery radiating off every inch of his skin. And Jasper felt all of it.

"I received a letter from Aro today. It was an invitation for us to visit them in Italy."

"Why the hell would they do that?" Emmett asked, his confusing matching an expression that fit the entire family. The Volturi were known seclusionists making only rare appearances. Even fewer were invited inside the walls of their palace.

"Because the Vultori are hosting a ball. Apparently they have a new guard member they want to officially integrate them to the rest of us. He thought that the occasion opened up the opportunity to reconnect with one another." Carlisle explained. The family man didn't look thrilled, Edward observed. Carlisle's views of humanity clearly did not match the morals of Aro and yet Carlisle was to humble to dismiss the requests of even him.

"Great. Another powerful bitch we have to worry Aro and his dogs could send on us." Rosalie huffed bitterly.

Esme ignored Rosalie's crude choice of words given that even she looked somewhat concerned by the situation herself. "New guard member? Aro surely doesn't host a ball for every new member he adds?"

"No. But high ranking members…Aro is eager to show off his power, it's a tactic to scare everyone else into obedience. Though I must say, Aro hasn't added to his guard in centuries. This new member must have some extraordinary power."

Edward looked pointlessly around the room wondering what the point was. Visiting the Vultori was the last thing he cared for. "Can't we just not go?"

Carlisle shook his head at his oldest son, "Aro is extending a peace offering to us, the last thing we should do is decline his offer. The best thing for us to do is go, at least for a few days."

"Well…" Alice inputted, "Okay so going to visit the Vultori…not great but, a ball. That could be fun." She shrugged casually, "This family could use some fun."

Edward narrowed his eyes feeling Alice's words directed at him, another punch to the gut. She had make it vigorously clear that she strongly disagreed with his choice of leaving.

Carlisle nodded stiffly, "We leave tomorrow."

Alice definitely had an issue with Edward making the decision for the entire family to uproot.

She was glad about the trip to Italy. Not for the sake of the Vultori, they made her skin itch, however the family hadn't been the same since they had left behind Forks one new addition short. Edward's extreme brooding didn't help the matter and she hoped a good party would give them something to look forward to. She sure was excited to plan an outfit for the night, even if it was on short notice she would make do.

Once Carlisle had informed them of their plans she had departed back upstairs to pack. She thought of packing her new indigo v-cut styled dress which would match with her black stilettos perfectly when her hand brushed past an old jacket hidden towards the back end of the wardrobe. She had bought it as a gift for Bella. She had originally intended to gift it to her on her birthday but knowing her best friends distain for celebrations focused on her, she was going to spring it on her another day.

Taking the silk material slowly off the hanger she cradled it to her chest and sat down on the desk chair.

She missed her so much. Everyday so much more.

Leaving Bella behind was the last thing Alice had wanted, she had fought Edward against it but he was far too stubborn to listen to anyone other than himself. It was selfish, HE was so selfish.

Today she would be 40, probably married with children. She would have an entire new life, one that she wasn't apart of... and the worst part was that Alice had no choice in being apart of that life or not.

"Hey honey." Jasper's soft southern drawl filled the space of their room, sitting besides Alice noting his wife's uneasiness. She sighed, her body relaxing into his chest and he wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace anchoring her. Her small frame moulded perfectly into his own.

"I miss her." The statement was simple and one that her husband had hurt her say many times before. nevertheless she whimpered it into his shoulder.

"I know you do." Of course he did, Jasper was attenuative to emotion. Despite the hand latched onto her back in soothing circular motions Alice noticed the quick change in her husbands demeanour, pulling away to meet his eyes, "Don't do this again. This was never your fault." She shushed bringing her hand to his chin to turn his head when his eyes wandered away in guilt. Her chest ached for her mate, Jasper had been carrying this weight on his shoulders for the past two decades. "You reacted like any one in your position would have. Bella would have never have blamed you, you know she wouldn't have." Bella Swan didn't have a vindictive bone in her body, she was kind and forgiving, "It was Edward who chose to leave. He could have resolved everything, he wanted to, Bella would have wanted to..."

He didn't reply, instead only nodded softly with a small smile to his lips leaning back against the headrest. She sighed dismally knowing she was unable to change his mind, though it wouldn't stop her from trying. Alice leaned back into his chest with the deep intake of breath. Alice couldn't help but think of Bella.