Tick tock!
Esther chewed nervously on a finger nail that was already too short to receive anymore torture from her teeth. The clock on the wall seemed to be mocking her loudly. Louder than ever before.
Tick tock!
She hissed when pain shot through her finger. She looked down to see a drop of blood. She had bit into the skin again. She sucked the blood into her mouth before running her fingers through her shoulder long, dirty blonde hair. Her blue-grey eyes keep watching the clock.
Tick tock!
Drew should be home soon and nothing was right. She had started out being sure of herself when she woke up but everything had gone wrong. She moved in with him last week. This was the first time he came home from the road to find her in his house.
"Our house," she mumbled.
She still messed up despite knowing it was their house now. He still owned it but he had made damn sure that she understood it wasn't just his. They were living together. They would make all decisions together about this house moving forward.
Tick tock!
She looked at the cupcakes she had made for him. He had looked at her with his adorable puppy eyes and asked very sweetly if she would make her famous chocolate cupcakes for him. With dark chocolate. He preferred dark chocolate. The smell still hung in the air in the kitchen. Suddenly she was afraid if he wouldn't like the house to smell like a bakery. She hurried over to the kitchen window and pushed it open.
Tick tock!
She looked at the cupcakes again. Dark chocolate. Had he really requested dark chocolate or did she remember wrong? What if he wanted milk chocolate and she had made up the dark chocolate part? Would he be angry with her? Would he see her as a failure? Would he realize what a mistake it had been to let her move into his house?
Tick tock!
"Shut up!" She snarled at the clock.
Tick tock, tick tock, motherfucking tick tock!
All she wanted to do was grab that stupid clock and either drown it in the sink or smash it with a meat hammer. Instead she pulled it down with shaky hands and wrapped it in dish towels to drown out the sound as much as she could. The plan was to hang it back up the second she heard him come home so he wouldn't see what she had done. So he wouldn't see what was wrong. So he wouldn't see everything failing with her.
"Tick tock... I'm still here, bitch!"
She could still hear the stupid clock. Not as loud as before but it was still there. Mocking her like it had done for a while now. She sat down on the floor, leaned her back against a cupboard, pulled her legs up in front of her and sobbed down on her knees.
"Esther? What's wrong?" Drew asked.
She hadn't heard him. She was supposed to hear his car drive up, the front door open and his footsteps through the house. Again she had failed. This was it. He was gonna kick her out. Maybe it was for the better. He deserved things to go back to normal. He didn't deserve to come home to this mess.
"Esther?" He gently grabbed her hands and moved them away from her face. "Hey, angel, breathe. Just breathe. It's okay."
She looked at him with a tear filled face. He wasn't acting like she thought he would. He was doing everything right, which in a way was wrong. He was supposed to give up on her. Instead he managed to give her a little smile.
"One of those days, huh?" He asked.
"I'm sorry," she cried.
"Don't be. Remember how I told you I could handle your anxiety? I wasn't lying. I would have run months ago if I didn't think I could handle it. And it's not the first time I see it," he said.
"Not like this," she said.
"True, not like this," he caressed her hands. "So tell me what happened."
"The clock," she whispered.
It sounded so stupid to admit. He looked up on the wall to see the clock missing. She pointed at the dish towels on the table where the clock was hidden.
"What did it do to deserve being buried?" He asked.
"It was too loud," she answered.
"Do you want me to get rid of it?" He asked.
"No, it's stupid. I'm stupid," she answered.
"Hey!" He squeezed her hands. "You're not stupid. You have anxiety. Anyone with the smallest knowledge about anxiety knows that it hits out of nowhere and gets triggered by the weirdest things sometimes. If the clock is too loud, move it out of the room or take the batteries out. Don't let it get to you. Or we can buy another one that doesn't make loud noises."
He made it all seem so simple. Better yet, he wasn't mocking her for it. He understood. He was there for her.
"You're not embarrassed by me?" She asked.
"God, no," he smiled. "You're my angel. I wanna keep you."
He raised her hands to his lips and kissed both of them.
"It's the first time you're coming home to me," she said.
"Is that was made you anxious?" He asked.
"Yes," she nodded. "And the cupcakes. I couldn't remember what chocolate you wanted."
"I think I asked for dark but I'll eat them no matter what. I love your cupcakes," he said.
"Dark," she managed to smile. "I got it right then."
"You get a lot of things right, angel," he said.
He pulled her into his arms and held her while placing small kisses on her temple and forehead. He slowly kissed down her nose and ended with a soft kiss on her lips.
"Feel better?" He asked.
"Yes. Thank you," she answered.
"Should we take some cupcakes to the bedroom and cuddle up in bed with a good movie?" He asked.
"I'd like that," she said.
He stood up first and pulled her to her feet afterwards. He wrapped his arms around her again, kissed her and hugged her.
"I love you. Nothing will change that. It doesn't matter what your brain might try to tell you sometimes. Your anxiety doesn't get to decide how I feel. And I fucking love you, angel. Always and forever," he said.