This chapter is a gift to my dear friend Brittney. I hope this cheers you up and brings a smile to your face.
Yes, this whole story reads in rhyme.
Merry
It was the evening before Christmas, and all through the precinct,
not a soul was at rest, there was no time to catch a wink.
/
Hank was staring, mindless and tired,
into his blank terminal screen - caffeine was required.
Connor was working, painstaking and diligent,
on an unresolved case which was largely ambivalent.
/
Gavin was still as he stared at his tablet,
watching cat videos nonstop - he had to kick the habit.
And Nines took his seat beside Gavin's desk,
his terse eyes on the man who was all but statuesque.
/
The two other officers were evidently drowsy,
Chris seemed woozy and Tina looked pouty.
Fowler was prowling, his stare on the room,
which did nothing to remedy the sad, cheerless gloom.
/
You stood in the break room, in low spirits and distress -
everyone was miserable, on Christmas Eve, no less.
And if that wasn't enough, as you'd unfolded various crimes,
you realised with disgust that your thoughts had turned to rhymes.
/
It was clear why everyone was feeling so blue,
working at Christmas was hard to push through.
The lieutenant was lacking his usual, light droll,
because like every Christmas, he'd come to miss Cole.
/
Connor was stressed, his circuits were tense,
and you really couldn't blame him - his case made no sense.
Gavin was really just being himself -
in his green Christmas sweater, like a grumpy little elf.
/
Nines was alight with blatant frustration,
as his partner was lazy, he was rife with enervation.
Tina and Chris just wanted to leave,
But work leave at Christmas was hard to achieve.
/
So really, there was only one thing to do,
to improve their morale, the task landed on you.
It was time to help everyone be happy and merry,
Lest the misery drag on to the month of January.
/
You announced to the gang, "I'm just popping out for a moment",
and did not bother to wait for Fowler's assent.
In the trunk of your car was a set of supplies,
and a bunch of goodies in a black bag disguise.
/
You returned abruptly, with a skip in your step,
and placed the bags on the table for a moment of prep.
From one box, you pulled tinsel and cheap fairy lights,
from another, you revealed some Christmas food bites.
/
"I also have eggnog", you exclaimed moreover,
and the proclamation was enough to wave Hank over.
Gavin grew spritely at the mention of food,
the gingerbread and cakes were quickly pursued.
/
Tina and Chris, and even Fowler amassed,
and the atmosphere quickly began to contrast.
While the humans rejoiced in the presence of treats,
the androids seemed thoroughly less than upbeat.
/
"Alright, you two, quickly help me decorate",
and the bored, weary androids decided to cooperate.
Very soon, the room was tastefully embellished,
and with a warm Christmas joy, you couldn't help but relish.
/
With a break in the labour, everyone had grown light,
and left you surrounded with several smiles of delight.
You whipped out your phone, and scrolled through the lot,
A nice Christmas classic was all that you sought.
/
"Alright", you announced, "We need a good song",
and picked one with which you could all sing along.
Mariah Carey's 'All I want for Christmas is you' began to play,
and miraculously, they sung, inhibitions driven away.
/
Gavin started dancing, a sight to behold,
even Nines was dragged in, unable to scold.
Tina filmed it all on her phone without fail,
the perfect recording to use as blackmail.
/
Before the station could threaten to wander adrift,
you opened the black bag which was filled high with gifts.
"Surprise", you exclaimed, "I bought you all presents!"
and passed out the bulk of the sneaky bag's contents.
/
The group was surprised, they hadn't expected this,
a pair of warm earmuffs especially for Chris.
For Tina, a pretty sweet pair of earrings,
and for Fowler, a new set of stylish tie pins.
/
Hank was appeased with a bottle of jack,
whereas Gavin's gift was a lot to unpack.
For detective Reed, you'd bought a box of truffles,
and a Dick/Cunt mug set that left him in chuckles.
/
Nines's gift had been difficult, and you hoped you'd picked well,
whether he liked it or not, at first, you couldn't really tell.
For the android, you'd gifted a pair of cat cufflinks,
and he stared down upon them, without even a blink.
/
Just when you thought the present may have been crappy,
there came a lively, telling flash of his blue LED.
Nines's lips curled into a significant smile,
and then you knew your selection had been more than worthwhile.
/
For Connor, the man who was the subject of your crush,
opened up his gift, and his grin made you blush.
You'd picked out a blue tie that was patterned with dog faces,
knowing well enough that it covered all bases.
/
"It's perfect", he claimed, and put it on without delay,
and then led you by the hand to the break room archway.
You gazed quizzically at him, your cheeks red and aglow,
and then noticed above, the hanging mistletoe.
/
"I believe, by Christmas tradition-", he craftily began,
but the android did not get to carry out his plan.
For you beat him to the punch, and his words were dismissed,
as you cupped his face and pulled him into a long-awaited kiss.
/
Connor let out a content little sigh,
as your lips moved together in a way that was shy.
"Finally", Hank teased, "It's a Christmas miracle."
"It's about damn time!" Gavin was more than satirical.
/
You and Connor parted with a quiet giggle,
and the music continued to play well-known jingles.
"Can we dance?" Connor asked quietly in your ear,
and the softness of his voice was something to endear.
/
"Of course", you responded, and took his offered hand,
and proceeded to have a night that was more than grand.
And while you were aware that you were thinking in rhyme,
it did not matter much, because your Christmas was sublime.
Notes: Had to use a backslash sign to separate the verses cause for some reason this website doesn't like double paragraphs. It's just to make it easier to read!
If anyone had dick/cunt mugs in the DBH universe, it would be Gavin. If you don't know what I'm talking about then google image search them cause they're just great xD
I wanted to write a little Christmas oneshot but then my brain was like wait... MAKE IT RHYME.
Thus, this abomination was born.
:') I hope you all like it. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, everybody.