The Cop and The Con Series
Part 19—Two Men and a Baby
AN: I'm still getting used to Diana as a mommy. The whole thing is... I can't even describe it. But I thought the subject would make for a great fluff piece.
Can you just image Neal, Tony and Theo? The idea is just…delightful.
"This is so not a good idea." Diana stated as she rushed around her apartment, trying to get ready for work. Her baby sitters had shown up and she eyed them warily as she rushed around her apartment.
"Theo will be fine." Tony said as he looked at the little man, asleep in his crib.
"He had better be." Diana said, her worry showing as irritation.
Tony looked at her and smiled.
"Why aren't you working with us anyway? Can't you get Director Vance to give you a permission slip to play in the NYC sandbox?" Diana asked.
"You really want this one here by himself?" Tony said, pointing his thumb at Neal.
"HEY!" Neal said offended.
Tony shook his head and waived his hand at Neal to defuse the situation. "I'm on vacation. Neal said you guys didn't need him on this operation. You don't have time to get somebody in here. Besides, didn't you say your regular nanny is sick?"
Diana sighed. "I did."
"Meet your male nannies." Tony replied. "I've met babies, Diana. I was a kid once. We can handle this. You go save the world."
"Take good care of my little Theo. And you…" She pointed at Neal. "…don't steal anything."
"You really don't have…." Neal said looking around. He didn't dare finish his sentence after he saw Diana's face. He ducked his head. "Yes, Agent Berrigan."
Diana gave Neal another hard look before she left her apartment.
"He's crying, Tony." Neal said, walking around singing to the baby.
"He's a baby, Neal. He sleeps, poops, and cries, probably in that order." Tony replied as he nuked a bottle of milk in the microwave. He went over to Neal and then tested the temperature on his inner wrist before he took Theo from Neal.
Tony looked like he had done it a million times as he sat and fed Theo. He then burped the kid and put him down in the crib. Theo was asleep in moments.
"Crises averted." Neal said, breathing a sigh of relief. He sat down, too.
"Babies eat every few hours, Neal." Tony replied. "Diana has Theo eating every three."
"How do you know so much about babies?" Neal asked. "You were a single child, too."
"Gibbs is a riddle, wrapped in an enigma." Tony said. "I've watched him with kids. I learned a lot. He's great with kids…dogs…horses…probably small vermin, too. And I think viruses and bacteria are afraid of him. The man's never been sick."
Neal couldn't help but chuckle. He shook his head. "Speaking of food, what are we having?"
Tony sighed. "I'll take Alaskan Sea Bass with risotto. I don't care the flavor."
Neal grinned. He knew why Tony was asking for that particular dinner. It was to pay Diana back for her pity bid when they were trying to bait the black widow.
"I told you about that…I don't know why I told you about that." Neal admitted.
"Just goes to show, not everybody likes the perfect hair, the suits…and the blue eyes. You're just too pretty." Tony said, grinning.
"Shut up." Neal said as one of Diana's pillows flew across the room and smacked Tony upside the head.
Tony burst out laughing as he tossed the pillow back to Neal.
"I'll order pizza." Neal said as he reached for Diana's phonebook.
A couple hours and an empty pizza box later, Theo was awake again.
"I've got him." Neal said. He got up off the sofa headed to the kitchen. He warmed the bottle in the microwave. He and Tony tested it, and it was perfect. Neal had been watching Tony pretty closely, so he had very little trouble. And Theo was back asleep quickly.
"We're almost a movie." Tony observed.
"Almost…?"
"…Three Men and a Baby." Tony replied.
"I could always call Mozzie." Neal offered. "He and Theo have a 'special connection.'"
"What?" Tony mused.
"I don't know…something about baldness." Neal paused. "This is Mozzie we're talking about."
Tony nodded. "He is a weird little man."
Neal laughed. "Mozzie barged in here a few weeks ago. He pretended to be the gasman, checking for leaks."
"Why?" Tony asked.
"I told Mozzie that Diana was actually going to leave her child with a babysitter." Neal replied.
"And…." Tony looked at Neal. "That's it?"
Neal nodded. "He went off. He said that she couldn't leave his namesake with just anybody. And I didn't know what he had planned, I swear. Well, he came over here…" He paused to emphasize what a big deal that was. "…to see Theo. The nanny called Diana in a fit and then up and quit. Mozzie sat with the kid the rest of the afternoon."
"It's a wonder Diana didn't shoot him." Tony said, shaking his head.
"I'm sure she considered it."
Tony smiled at Neal. "You're pretty good at this baby sitting stuff."
"…lot of good it'll do me. She'll never let me sit with Theo again, not without you here."
Tony just looked at him.
"Can you imagine me and Mozzie, us…babysitting?"
"Yeah, I see your point." Tony agreed.
Hours later Diana came home to a big surprise. Neal Caffrey was holding Theo in his arms singing to him, and Theo seemed to be perfectly content, gazing up into his face.
"Everything's good?" Diana asked after she put away her coat and purse and then took her baby.
"Theo is great and your priceless art work is secure." Tony said, grinning.
Diana looked at Tony and smiled. She didn't have any priceless art work. "Thanks guys."
"You are very welcome." Tony replied.
"He's a great kid." Neal added.
Diana nodded and smiled as she closed the door.
TBC
More Adventures To Come!