A/N: Thinking about that time Michonne knocked Rick out…*sighs*
It was a blow that was struck out of love; Rick realized that now.
She did it because she cared; she cares. And his insanity was pushing their welcome and lodging to the limits of what was acceptable. And he. He was at his limit. The sheer immeasurable contradiction of that place shook him from his place of relative stability.
This is what could have been. The thought echoed in his mind like the sad, last words of a man who relinquished his final breath of life to speak them. And he could not distinguish between what was right in front of him, and what was a yearning for the shadow of a life and love that had been lost to him for so very long now.
He was afflicted by guilt and a sense of failure which in turn caused him to behave irrationally. He was not in his right mind. This was not like the last time he had broken down; the private torture that he had suffered. This time, it was for all to see.
What she saw was a man at the end of his tether; a good man who was drowning in the waters of his own lunacy, self-deprecation and guilt. Someone who had their clarity which was shrouded by the scurrying of demons; the promise of angels; and the accountabilities of gods.
Now he saw her; he saw what she did for him. He saw the look in her eyes that reflected what he was feeling and he let the relief wash over him. She did it out of love for him; and he could feel himself falling deeper in love with her. She was all he needed.
It was for him; and only him. Not for that place.
Yes.
Yes, she wanted to be there; needed to be there. But that place was not where she wanted to be if it was not with him.
She was so close to admitting it; so close.
I did it out of love.
And it hurt. It pained her to see him like that; beaten and bloody and spewing forth what he believed right and worthy. He sounded as if he had lost all grip on reality; yet he was right in his appraisal of that place; those people. He just went about in a manner that was unbefitting. In a manner that would see him thrown back into the dangers of the outside world. Would see him cast back into the nightmarish hell that they had become so accustomed to.
It hurt her to discover that he had been giving his attentions to some other woman when she had thought there was something between the two of them. She knew there was something more to their friendship. Maybe it was that space in between friendship where they were something more. She could see it in his steely blue gaze that seemed to soften around her ever so slightly. The intensity that filled his gaze as if to wordlessly communicate that she was something more; that she was who he needed. Not someone who he scarcely knew; not someone for whom his instability conjured reasons to validate unwarranted attentions. No. He needed Michonne and she knew this; it was wearing her patience thin, however, waiting for him to admit it. She longed to hear him speak the words, "I need you."