08. Happy

She would never forget the look on his face every time they would go to her doctors appointments and listen to their child's heartbeat. It brought her great joy that she was able to give him this kind of happiness...he had been deprived of all these little moments with both of his children before...and part of that was her fault. Though she still had moments when she would wallow in the self hatred that once ruled their lives, she didn't often stay there very long...not with him reminding her of how far they had come...and he was right...they were different people now.

"What are you hoping for," she asked him, at this particular doctor's appointment? He just looked up at her and smiled, his hand still cupping her belly.

"I want a healthy child Red. I don't care if he's a ballet dancer or she's a football player."

"It makes me so happy to hear you say that. So many men wouldn't. They get so wrapped up in these preconceived roles that society puts on them."

"I'm not most men Red."

"Don't I know it...you're one in a million...and I'm so incredibly honored to be the one who you've chosen to give your heart to."

"I'm not sure it was ever a choice...It was more like an essential part of breathing. "

"I know. We just didn't know how to be us apart did we?"

"We were miserable," he said, and she laughed because it was true. Neither of them knew how to live without each other.

"That's because we want the same things cowboy. We want a partner we can be ourselves with...someone to go for long walks with at sunset or spend hours talking about something most people couldn't care less about...someone who knows all your secrets but pretends that they don't...someone you can laugh with..."

"Dance with, Make love with," he added.

She smiled as she reached for his hand. "We want all those things but most of all we want to spend our lives with the one person who is our equal...our best friend."

"You've always been that to me Red...My partner, my soulmate, my best friend. I think that was why our breakup was so hard...we didn't just lose our marriage, we lost our friendship. "

"And you have no idea how much I missed that...my best friend. You've always been the person I want to go to when something big happens...someone I can count on to be honest and truthful...and I love you not just for who you are but who you make me when I'm with you. I like who I am with you cowboy."

"I don't think you give yourself enough credit. You are the best woman I know...and I hope our child inherits that innate goodness...I've never known anyone who just flat out cares the way you do."

"You taught me how...everything I know about love I learned from you...ask Rachel...I was a terrible mother before you showed me what love looked like."

"I doubt that..."

"Its true...all I knew about love before you was that it hurt...and that people walked out on you instead of trying to fight for you."

"And then I just proved that your original assumption was true..."

"Not forever...in the end you gave me my happy...and that's what counts...once you took a good long look at your life, you came back to me...my Bo...not that stranger who inhabited your body for over a decade."

"I love you Red. And I want you to know that I know how lucky I am that you decided to take another chance on me...on us...I put you through hell and you still came back to me...you still forgave me...even when I punished you for so long. Why? Why was it so easy for you?"

"Because you were a part of me Bo. There were many nights when I wished I could hate you but I could never quite get there. I wanted to move on but...honestly, I always knew that if you ever wanted to try again, I would never be able to turn you away. You were the love of my life...you always will be. I forgave you because that was the only thing that mattered to me...loving you...loving you was the best thing I ever did...that and having my children."

"Ditto," he said, as he drew her lips to his in a passionate kiss. "Loving you was the best thing that ever happened to me...you are the best thing that ever happened to me...and I love you like crazy."

"I love you too cowboy...more then I ever knew was possible to love someone."

No more words had to be spoken...they said it all with their eyes.

Sometimes it was still hard to believe that they could ever be this happy again...but they believed it now. It was hard not to when they were looking at a miracle on that ultrasound.