CHAPTER 15

Chasing Stars

"Get in."

Amara snorted. "Okay Poe, you can honestly stop with the jokes now…"

Poe smiled and repeated himself, this time louder. "Get in."

Amara stared at him, bewildered. "Are you being serious right now? There is no way that I am getting in that pile of junk. Besides… how do you know she even still…"

Amara jumped as the ground beneath her rumbled as Poe started the A-wing. She narrowed her eyes and she saw Poe looking down at her. She had the urge to smack the smugness right off of his face. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Congratulations. It starts. I'm still not…"

"Get. In." He said sternly before leaning back in the cockpit, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "I'm not asking again." He replied in a clipped tone.

Amara did not like being told what to do. Her first reaction was to take a step back in defiance. Who the hell did he think he was? I'm not going to 'Jump' just because he said so. As she was about to deny him one final time he spoke once more, this time gently.

"Please…" He looked down at her, his almond eyes looking down at her in quiet appeal.

At that moment, the way the sun hit his face, Amara remarked at how his eyes reminded her of whiskey. Not the rotgut that she poured at the cantina. This wasn't something that you poured down your gullet quickly to avoid it's harsh ethanolic flavor. Your only goal when drinking it was to forget the shit of the day and replace it with numbness.

No, this was not that.

This color was like the kind of drink that was dark, oaky… and warm. The kind that made you feel unbelievably hot, as if it was warmed before it was given to you. This was whiskey that you sipped gently, allowing it to settle in your mouth so that you can savor each and every last drop. You become emblazoned as it wraps you up in its warm embrace, providing comfort as you surrender to its intoxicating spell. It was hard to resist, and the look he gave her at the moment made her breath hitch.

"Please…" he repeated once more, this time holding out his hand. "Get in." Before she thought that he might have turned into a different person she saw him wink, and she once again saw the Poe Dameron she was accustomed to. "I promise you won't forget it," he added with a wink.

Amara closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she reached up and grabbed his hand and allowed him to help her into the cockpit. She was thankful that because of her poor diet, or lack thereof, she was small enough that she was able to rest on his lap. Her heart began to thump as she immediately felt the sides of the cockpit close in around her, making the cramped quarters even more intimate. She felt a chuckle deep within Poe's chest as he reached around her and flipped a switch, closing the canopy of the cockpit.

"See, now was that so difficult?" he chided.

Amara rolled her eyes. "If you're going to continue to act like this then I'll just get back out."

Before she could move she was thrown back against Poe's chest as she felt the A-wing speed forward out of the hangar and soar through the jungle canopy into the sky. She felt the A-wing begin to spin into a barrel roll as it made its way out of the atmosphere and into the darkness of space.

"What the hell!" she yelled as she tried to jab him with her elbows, except the cramped cabin made it damn near impossible for her to move.

"What were you saying about getting out?" He laughed as he deflected her elbow to his gut. "I'm sorry! I just couldn't help myself. I promise I'll behave from now on."

Amara eyed him suspiciously and she let out an annoyed grunt.

"What? I promise! Just relax and enjoy the view." After a few minutes they broke through the layer protecting Yavin 4 and they were among the stars. He flew the jet slowly, going in the opposite direction of the planet's orbit. The only sound around them was the hum of the A-wing.

Looking out through the glass of the cockpit Amara felt her breath leave her. The blackness of space looked like a dark blanket that wrapped itself around the universe. The soft yellows and whites of the stars were sprinkled across the sky as if it were embroidered within the black depths. "It's so beautiful," Amara remarked softly, not wanting to ruin the serene moment. "And quiet. So quiet."

"Do you want to hold my stick?"

That beautiful moment was gone.

"Excuse me?" Amara asked disgustingly.

He jiggled the sidestick in front of them. "This stick… why? What did you think I meant?" He raised an eyebrow, the corners of his mouth slightly raised as if he was trying to hide his grin.

Amara gave him a dismissive stare over her shoulder. "You damn well know what I thought you meant. And you know what you were saying also. You said you were going to behave."

Poe laughed as he held up his hands. "I have no idea what you are talking about." He reached around her and grabbed onto her hands, lightly pulling them forward to rest on the stick. He wrapped his hands around hers as he leaned forward to speak gently in her ear.

"You want to imagine that this is an extension of you. Its view is yours. You pull it and the nose goes up." He lightly pulled her hand back and they gently rose. "Push it forward and the nose drops." He lightly pushed her hand forward, allowing them to gently descend. Amara's breath hitched as she felt him press against her back as they fell forward. Poe steadied her hands once more so that they were flying straight. "And of course, you turn it to the left and we'll bank left, right and we go right. Pretty straight forward."

Amara raised her eyebrow, "You make it sound so simple."

Poe chuckled. "That's because it is."

Amara sat with him inside the cramped cockpit, her hands on the stick and his calloused hands on hers. She could feel the ship responding to their every command as they flew through the starry sky. She had never been so wholly aware of anyone else as she was at that moment. Her nerves buzzed in response to his nearness. Her back pressed up against the hardness of his chest. His thigh pressed up against hers as he adjusted himself underneath her. After a moment his chin rested on her shoulder, the coarse stubble on his skin brushing against her soft face.

"It was out here that I knew I would be a pilot," he said softly. She could feel his breath against her ear. His thumb brushed up against the back of her hand, leaving gooseflesh in its wake. "There is nothing like the freedom of knowing that with the flick of your wrist you can go anywhere. That there was nothing that was beyond your grasp."

"Freedom is an interesting concept," Amara said faintly. She hadn't realized she had spoken until Poe spoke.

"Why do you say that?"

She was quiet for a long moment, her thoughts swirling through her mind. Snap's words echoed over and over again. Words that told him that she should tell Poe about who she was. She had thought about opening up to Poe. He deserved to know who she was. If he hadn't figured things out for himself by now, Snap would most certainly do it. She had no doubt about that man's loyalty to his commander and knew that his patience was running out. He was a ticking time bomb that could go off at any moment.

Poe's thumb ran across the back of her hand again slowly, letting her know that he was still there, waiting for her answer.

"Have you never felt free?" he asked. She could hear the slight concern in his voice.

She didn't want to answer his question, so instead she looked at the stars around them. Floating against the black abyss, they stood out like beacons. She knew that they were real. That they were tangible. But she also knew that no matter how hard she tried she wouldn't be able to touch them. They would always be just outside of her reach.

It was frustrating.

"Don't you feel like you're chasing these stars instead of actually reaching them?" she said with a hint of exasperation in her voice.

Poe turned his head to look out of the A-wing. "What do you mean?"

Amara sighed, leaning her head back against his shoulder. There was nowhere else to go in the small area, so she allowed herself to fall back against him. She wished that she could say that it wasn't comforting. That she didn't secretly enjoy the feel of his warm body against her back. But if she denied how good he felt she would be branded a liar. "No matter how far you go, they never get any closer. Isn't that... frustrating?"

Poe stayed silent as he looked out, his brow slightly furrowed as he seemed to process what she said. She could see that he was digesting the words, trying to figure out what words he should say in response. Eventually he broke the silence. "What stars are you chasing?"

"It was just an observation," she said with a sigh. She had already made things awkward in the small space between them. "Just forget I said anything."

"Do you want to know what I think?" he said quickly.

"Not really… but I figured you will tell me anyways."

He chuckled at her response, the vibrations in his chest coming out almost as a deep purr against her back. "I think that if you spend too long chasing those insignificant stars, you will miss out on the moon sitting right in front of you."

"That is very philosophical of you," she said blandly.

"I thought it was pretty good," he said with a smirk and a shrug and she couldn't help but smile in return. She wondered if there ever was a situation where he couldn't make the people around him smile.

"It was alright… although what is the moon in this scenario? The resistance?" She gave him a sideways look.

"Hey, I didn't say the Resistance," he said defensively. "You were the one who said the resistance, not me."

"It was pretty obvious that you were speaking about the resistance," she countered back.

Raising an eyebrow he placed his hand on top of hers and began to gently turn the A-wing slightly to the left. His hands were warm despite the interior of the cockpit being cold. "So you admit that the first thing you thought of was the resistance."

Huffing loudly Amara shook her head. "What is it with you? Why are you pushing this? I already said that I didn't want to be involved with any of this." Didn't he get it? Why couldn't he understand? Why couldn't he just drop this? Why was this so important to him?

He straightened the ship out and let the ship continue its slow glide in the opposite direction of Yavin's orbit. His hands did not move from hers. "I guess since I had you trapped I figured it would be easier to get you to listen to me."

A loud sigh escaped her. "I have already listened to you. You're the one who is not listening to me."

"I am listening to you, Amara. It's just…" he began but then stopped. She could see his reflection in front of her and she could see that his brow was furrowed. She could see that he wanted to say more but was holding back. Even in his reflection she could see the struggle he was feeling. She waited for him to continue, to say more, but he didn't.

They sat there, quietly looking out the glass, not saying a word to each other. She risked a glance at Poe and saw that his face was slightly hardened in thought and for a moment he reminded her of his father.

"What happened today to make you so upset?" she asked quietly.

She wasn't sure if he was going to answer at first. He had shifted slightly in his seat and continued to look outside the glass. He had every right not to answer. She hadn't been that forthcoming with him about herself. In all actuality she wasn't quite sure why she was asking him what happened earlier. She was still trying to figure out why she tried to cheer him up outside the hangar.

It's because his anger reminded you of someone else's. Reminded you of another person you wanted to make happy.

"Just some things that I said in my past coming back to haunt me, nothing big," he said quietly, interrupting her thoughts.

"Was it something that you said to Leona?" Amara prodded.

He gave a resigned sigh. "Did she tell you?"

Amara shook her head. "No. It's just pretty obvious that there is some tension between you two. She seems like she wants to speak to you and you always find a way to leave the room."

Poe adjusted to sit up straight in his seat. He ran his hand down the front of his face and groaned. "She has done nothing wrong. It's me that's been the asshole."

"Is that why you haven't been back here in a year?"

"Who told you that?"

"No one. The walls are pretty thin and Snap and Kare… well they like to have pillow talk after they…" she cleared her throat. Not wanting to remember what she heard the other night she just shook her head. "I just heard one of them say that it has been a year since you came back to see your family." She tested the yolk and decided to try to move the plane slightly higher. "Is that why your father punched you when we came here?"

"He punched me for a bunch of reasons. Probably some of them I will never understand. But for the most part… yeah."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" she said slowly, her eyes looking at his reflection.

"When my mother passed it was hard on all of us," he began slowly. "My father took it the hardest. It took him a very long time for him to even be remotely the same again. After my grandfather passed we needed more help. So my father hired Leona to help around the house. She was a friend of my mother's so she wasn't a stranger. When she started my father was extremely cold and frankly I am surprised that Leona put up with us. I was running around doing a lot of things that made me not very pleasurable to be around and my father was such a curmudgeonly old man that even our dog didn't like to be around."

"I imagine it takes a lot of patience to handle you Dameron boys," Amara joked with a slight smile.

Poe's lip quirked up in a slight smirk. "Patience and perhaps a bit of sainthood," he added.

Amara smiled and she could see Poe's smirk shift into a full smile.

"Eventually I left to go to the academy. When I came back afterwards I saw that my father was slowly changing. He was talking more, was a little less of an asshole. I even saw him smile, which was something I hadn't seen in years. I knew that Leona was to thank for that."

"She sounds like she did wonders for your father."

"She did. She uh… she did." He rested his hand on his knee beside her, his thumb brushing against the side of her hand as she moved the yolk. "A couple years ago I came back and my father told me that he had asked Leona to marry him. I should have been happy for him. Leona was such an amazing woman. Is such an amazing woman," he had corrected.

"How did you feel?"

"At first I was happy. I congratulated them both. I even helped plan their wedding. But when that wedding day finally happened… when I stood there next to my father and watched him give his vows to Leona… I couldn't help but feel... angry."

"Why were you angry?"

Poe ran his hands through his hair again, before letting his hand rest on the back of his neck. "I…" he began, the words seeming to leave him as he started to speak. "I don't know. I-I-I don't know. I mean… I love Leona. She is an amazing woman. She is probably the nicest person you will ever meet in your entire life. There was no reason for me to be angry."

"It's because your mother was officially erased."

His gaze turned to her. He didn't say anything. Just looked at her as if she had just said something that hadn't even crossed his mind.

"I don't mean erased," Amara corrected. "But… your mom is with you and your father in your hearts. And to see your father finally moving on… it was another piece of her that was leaving. It was as if your father was replacing her with Leona."

She saw his jaw clench, his gaze flicker before turning away from hers. "I… I didn't…" he paused again, momentarily speechless.

"It… it sounded like your father grieved. But… it's a good thing that he is opening his heart to someone else. And it seems like Leona has been amazing."

"I may not be the best person to be giving you this advice. However… maybe it would be good for you to sit down and talk with Leona. I have a feeling that she is thinking a lot of the same things as you. She doesn't seem like someone who would want to replace your mother."

Poe shook his head. "I don't blame her. I didn't say she wanted to replace my mother."

"I know, but I bet she still feels that way."

Poe grit his teeth, his eyes staring off into the blackness of space. Silence filled the air between them. After a while Poe spoke. "I just don't know how to make things right. I don't even know how to start."

His words sounded tired and defeated. Amara looked down at his hand that was resting on his leg beside hers. Reaching out she took his hand in hers. "You can start by saying, 'I'm sorry'."

Snap glanced out the window of his room and watched as the A-wing flew up into the sky from the hangar that Poe and Amara walked into. Turning, he waited for the person on the other line to come into view.

"Snap? I received your message. You sounded urgent."

General Leia Organa's holographic image stood in front of Snap. Her brows were furrowed in confusion as she the pilot.

"It is general. I had some concerns that I wanted to address with you."

"Why aren't you bringing these concerns up with your commander?"

"That's the thing General… my concerns have to do with him and with that woman we found on the ship. She is not who she says she is."