Chapter14: Impossible Things

A/N: Thank you all for your nice reviews, they mean so much to me! This may be my longest chapter so far and warning...darkness is up ahead for Harleen :-/

Anna: Thank you so much for your kind reviews! It's definitively been an exciting journey for me as a writer too.

He was trying to skip rocks on the ocean, saying to me,
"Don't you see the starlight, starlight?
Don't you dream impossible things?"

(Taylor Swift – Starlight)

I wasn't alone in my apartment. I could feel it in every fibre of my being. Someone was here. Mr. J had warned me about this. He had taught me how to fight and the last week of our honeymoon-phase had been filled with a lot of combat fighting.

I unlocked the bathroom door and stepped outside into the flat. A second later a man threw himself against me, ready to knock me off the ground.

I reacted immediately and threw myself against him with a loud cry. He was wearing a black mask to cover his face. I punched him three times, rammed my knee in his stomach and struggled to keep the upper hand. While I was on top of him I held his legs down with my knees and held both of his arms in a tight grip.

A familiar laugh caused me to let go.

"Hahahaha..." The man underneath me chuckled and I groaned.

"Puddin'!"

He pushed himself up and took the mask of.

"You did really well!" He grinned, but I couldn't share his humour.

"It's my first day back at work!" I snapped and stood up. "I'm not in the mood for something like this!"

"Oh come on Honey..." The green-haired man stood up as well. "I wanted to test you to make sure you're ready – and you are!"

I didn't answer. I should have known. He had suggested not to spend the night so I could have a good nights sleep. Yeah right.

"How long have you been here?!"

He shuffled his feet and avoided my gaze. "I'd rather not say."

"Mr. J!" I tousled my hair in frustration.

"Honeymoon-Phase." He reminded with a sly grin and stepped towards me. I wanted to say something, but when he took hold of my chin and kissed me everything around me disappeared.

When he leaned back again I muttered: "Did you spend the night in my closet?"

Grinning he tugged my hair gently. "Maybe. I have insomnia, you know."

I rolled my eyes and didn't answer, but kissed him quickly before going back inside the bathroom. My hair and make-up had been finished, before his fake attack. So I went to check how I looked.

It was my first day back and I was nervous enough without having to worry about my looks. I tied my hair into a high ponytail.

I missed my glasses. Even if I hadn't really needed them they'd given me a sense of security. I'd been able to hide behind them.

"Are you nervous?" Mr. J was leaning against my kicthentable and held a glass of water in his hand.

"No." I lied and he smiled because he knew the truth.

"You look nice."

I had to laugh. "I need to do more than look nice today."

Mr. J chuckled and I knew what he was thinking. For the past two weeks all I'd had to do was look nice. And learn how to fight. Somehow it had been easier than being a doctor.

"You'll be ok." He said in a confident tone and his trust in him made me feel calmer. I'd been a surgeon for a long time now, I knew what I was doing.

"It's the first day without Quinn."

"I know." The Joker said in a surprisingly gentle tone.

The two of us stood in front of each other wordlessly and then I walked towards him to kiss him.

"Thanks. I'll see you this evening."

"Don't you want breakfast?" He asked confused and I shook my head.

"I never really eat breakfast before I go to work."

"You suck as a doctor." Mr. J mumbled and I had to giggle at his reaction.

"Bye, Puddin!"

He kissed me one last time and then I went out of the flat. Once the door was closed I felt a sinking, lonely ache.

I missed him.

During the car ride to the hospital I turned up the music and sang along in a loud voice. It was the only distraction I had.

To be honest I was glad Mr. J had faked the attack on me. He was right, I was ready to fight and the days of screaming and giving up when somebody attacked me were over.

But beside the fact that someone was out to get me and one of the Fierce Five women worked at the hospital, I had enough other reasons to be nervous. Mrs. Dr. Turner was dead. Mr. Dr. Turner was still missing and Nurse Jessica was dead. Having Yvette on our side was helpful, but even if I couldn't get into trouble legally I knew people had been talking about me. After all I'd been in a patient here because I'd attempted suicide. At least that's what people thought.

I parked the car in front of the hospital and leaned my head against the steering wheel. I was already tired now.

However there was no other way around it. I had to go back and I had to stand up for myself. Mr. J had taught me how to fight people up who attacked me physically, but I needed to learn how to stand up to bullies and I knew for a fact that this hospital was full of bullies. That's one of the reasons Quinn and I had been friends. But she was gone.

I took a deep breath and then went inside. The locker-room was empty, but as soon as I stepped into the ER I was surrounded by colleagues.

"Dr. Quinzel!" It was Dr. Russel. "Welcome you back! Are you feeling better?"

"Yes." I said and forced myself to smile. "Thank you."

"Dr. Quinzel!" The next person to come towards me was a pretty blonde nurse. "How are you? What happened to Dr. Hazel was so horrible!"

"Yes, it was." I couldn't help it and looked around. The ER was empty and my heart sank. I couldn't stand talking with these people for a longer period of time.

"Although..." The nurse continued and I saw her look at Dr. Russel nervously and then back at me. "I'm not quite sure what happened to her."

No. I wasn't prepared for this. For all I cared they could talk about me behind my back, but they couldn't talk to me about Quinn.

The doors to the ER bust open and two paramedics came rushing inside.

"We got a 32 -year-old female with a closed head wound, penetrating neck wound and multiple blunt trauma!" One of them said. "There was a car accident."

I had never been so happy to see so much blood.

"Trauma one!" I said and followed immediately. Dr. Russel was by my side and I turned to the paramedics.

"How many more victims were in the crash?"

Before either of them could answer I heard voices from the hallway:

"36 male with a blunt-force trauma to the head, chest, and abdomen. Persistent hypo-tension after two litres of saline. Pulse is at 130!"

"7 year old girl. Multiple facial fractures. Foreign body to the eye!"

The older man and I looked at each other and he nodded. Today was going to be a long day.

"Dr. Quinzel!"

I sighed. We had saved the woman, the little girl was probaly going to be blind and we couldn't be sure how the father was, until he woke up.

Today had been a long day. Three doctors were gone and we were understaffed.

"Yes?"

It was the nurse from this morning.

"I need you in the ER!"

To my surprise she grabbed my arm and started pulling me away from the locker-room. Her hectic manner was making me nervous.

"What's going on?" Although it made absolutely no sense I started to worry about The Joker. In my mind I saw images of him lying in an ER bed, bleeding, a gunshot wound to the chest...

"The Rapunzel-Rapist." The nurse said in a low tone. "He struck again and his latest victim survived."

A rape victim. That was too much for this day.

"My shifts already ended." I said to the nurse. "Why do you need me?"

"You're the only female doctor." She whispered in an apologetic tone. "You know since Dr. Turner and Dr. Hazel...we only have male doctors and female interns."

I closed my eyes with a sigh. My revenge-lust for Sharleen had brought me here. To the smallest hospital in Gotham.

"Ok..." I sighed and pulled my arm form her grip. "Let's go."

It was silly, but the interns that worked in this hospital were a bunch of goons, absolutely useless. My last two weeks off work had been there first two weeks here. They were arrogant excited and clumsy. I hated each and every one of them and wished Quinn was here to judge them with me.

"I don't know your name." I whispered to the nurse and held onto her arm. "I'm sorry."

"I'm Sarah."

"Sarah, you look very young. Have you ever performed a rape-kit before?"

She nodded and I was surprised to see a very strong and controlled look in here eyes.

"Let's do this, Dr. Quinzel."

Sarah led the way and when we walked into the Trauma Room I tried my best to hide my reaction:

The girl was a mess. Her long blond hair was stained with blood, half of it not cut off, but ripped from her head. Her head was bleeding. Her clothes were torn and she was shaking.

I took her file from the front of the bed and read her name. She was only 17 years old.

"Monica." She jumped at the sound of my voice, but didn't look up. "My name is Dr. Quinzel and this is Nurse Sarah." I pointed to my colleague, but the young girl still wasn't looking at us. "We are going to take care of you, ok?"

There was no reaction. The only thing we could hear was her rapid breathing, it was uneven due to her shaking.

"Do you want us to call someone for you?" Sarah asked and stepped closer. "Your parents? Or a friend?"

She began to shake her head and with the uncontrolled shaking it looked like she was having a fit.

"Ok." I took hold of the small stool and slid toward her bed so that we were on the same eye-level, even if she was avoiding my glances at the moment. "I know that you're scared, but you don't have to be. Sarah and I are going to take care of you and we are going to stay with you as long as you need us too, ok?"

She nodded and just like when she had shook her head her movements were hectic.

"Is it ok, if I take a look at your head?" I asked in a whisper and she nodded again. I reached for the medical gloves and touched her wound gently. "You're going to need stitches." I said to the young girl.

"He got angry when I hit him." She said shakingly. "That's when he ripped at my hair..."

"You did very well." I told her sternly. "You survived." I wanted to turn and tell Nurse Sarah what I needed from her when Monica looked up and our eyes met for the first time. She began to scream a loud panic filled scream and lashed out at me with her hands.

"It's ok!" I told her, trying to overpower her voice, but the young girl just continued to scream as if I'd been the one to hurt her.

She scratched my arms and I cried out, tumbling backwards.

Sarah stepped between us, shielding the young girl and said to me: "You should leave, Dr. Quinzel."

I looked at her shocked, but realised quickly that she was right. As soon as I was out of Monicas view she stopped screaming.

"I don't understand."

"You triggered something." The young nurse said gently pressing my shoulder. "There's nothing you can do, send me one of the interns."

I didn't understand how I had triggered something, but I understood that I had to leave. So I went outside, sent a young intern into the room, went into the bathroom and threw up, before going into the locker.

There were police-detectives standing outside of Monicas room and I knew they wanted to talk to me, but I just didn't have the strength to talk to them. I had no strength for anything anymore. I pulled my hood over my face and ducked out of the hospital into the cold night.

The Rapunzel-Rapist! Why was he even in Gotham City? And where was Batman when it came to such attacks? Couldn't he help in these cases? Did it always have to be the loud and big events he came to?!

I had just made it home when my phone rang, still in the car I reached for it in my pocket. It was from Mr. J:

Do yo wanna come over? I sent the boys away.

I had to smile, but texted back:

Sorry, my day sucked. See you tomorrow?

It wasn't that I didn't appreciate all that he did for me. It was just he wouldn't understand why my day had sucked. He didn't text back and I ignored the sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew he was disappointed, but I'd make it up to him – maybe even tomorrow.

But for now all I wanted to do was go home, have a shower and sleep for hours without end. However when I opened the door to my apartment and stepped inside Mr. J was there. Leaning against the table in dark trousers, a blue shirt that showed off his eyes, his purple leather jacket and a bag of fast food in his hand.

"What are you doing here?" I asked smiling. "You just texted me from home."

"I wanted you to be surprised."

"I am surprised." I stepped towards him to kiss him. "But what if I hadn't answered you and had just gone to your house?"

"I knew you would have said no." He handed me the bag. "Without tomatoes."

"Thanks. That's sweet." I put the bag on the table and took of my jacket and slipped out of my shoes, before heading into the bathroom. "How did you know I'd say no?" I asked as I undid my hair from its ponytail and ran my hands through it.

"Because of the rape-victim."

I froze in my movements and slowly pulled my hands back. Suddenly feeling sick to my stomach I looked up. Mr. J was leaning against the door-frame standing in the open door.

"Your burgers getting cold."

"How do you know that?" I whispered.

"Well." He smiled. "It's common sense. What do you think that food gets warmer if you leave it out for a while?"

"The rape-victim." I said through gritted teeth. "How did you know about her?"

"Oh well, I set up video-cameras to watch you at work." Mr. J shrugged his shoulders. "You know to keep an eye on you, one of those women still works at your hospital."

I walked past him into the kitchen. My boyfriend was the Joker, the infamous Clown of Crime. He was bound to show his affection differently than well...the rest of the entire human population.

"You watched me?"

The green-haired man followed me and calmly said: "Oh come on now Honey, don't give me that look. I was protecting you."

"By spying on me with video-cameras?" I shouldn't have been surprised. Not really, but it was still hard to get my mind around it.

"It's not like I was jerking off or anything!" He rolled his eyes and then added: "You know except for when you were on the toilette. That was pretty hot."

It took two full minutes of me staring at him open-mouthed before he burst out in laughter:

"Hahahahaaaa – I'm kidding!"

I wasn't able to explain it to myself really. Not in that moment and not at any other time in the future. But it was this moment right here that I first realised I loved him. Really and truly loved him. I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him tightly. Because he didn't return the hug immediately I could tell he was surprised and probably at loss for words due to my reaction.

"Very few people on my life have treated me as good as you do." I muttered against his shoulder and he tightened his arms around me.

"Let's eat."

I stepped back and put out plates on the table. The fries were cold and so was the burger, but I didn't mind. I was so full of love with him I would have eaten a burger filled with tomatoes and not cared one bit.

"It was like I was 15 again." I explained as I wiped my mouth with a napkin and leaned back in the chair. "I was just as helpless as I was with Sharleen."

Mr. J was staring into his glass of water, swirling it slightly. I knew he didn't understand. I knew compassion was something he couldn't contemplate. When he looked up I expected a joke, a sarcastic remark, anything to see me smile. But instead he was serious when he asked:

"Would you tell me about that night? Walk me through it, step by step."

"I –" I didn't know what to say. I'd never walked anyone through it. The night of Sharleen's rape was the worst thing I'd ever experienced. I didn't really want to relive it again. But I'd already been reliving it, since I'd encountered Monica.

"Ok." I said shaking. "I was 15 and I came home from Gymnastics..."

I closed the front door with a smile. Today had been good. Today had been the kind of training where I came home and thought I could really become a star. Really have a breakthrough. I found myself humming as I went to the fridge to check if Mum had already cooked. Smiling I reached inside, there were some leftovers...When I heard a sobbing sound I pulled my hands back. That was weird. Mum and Dad were at work and Sharleen wasn't due home for another hours either...I followed the sound and went into her bedroom. I wasn't sure what I was expecting. But I wasn't prepared for the sight in front of me:

My older sister was sitting on the floor and she was crying. I had never seen her so distraught, not even when her first boyfriend had left her two years ago.

"Sharleen! What on earth happened?!"

She looked up with a shocked expression. "Go away, Harley! I'm ok!"

I rolled my eyes. She was anything but ok. But I didn't roll my eyes when I stepped closer and looked at her properly for the first time.

"You're bleeding!"

It was the panic in my voice that made Sharleen stand up. She stumbled to her bed.

"Just grab my kit, ok Sweety? I'll be ok, I promise. I just...I just..."

My beautiful sister wasn't able to stop crying and when I saw her torn blouse and the blood on her legs I asked:

"Sharley. Were you...were you raped?"

The two of us looked at each other and she started to nod. I rushed to her side and hugged her.

"He raped me." She whispered. "He raped me, Harley!"

"Who?" I asked, stepping back. "Who did this to you?!"

She shook her head and continued to sob and buried her face in her hands. Her shoulders shook heavily and I started to cry as well. All my life Sharleen had been there for me, when I'd fallen off my bike when I was 5 she had put a barbie-band-aid on my bleeding knee and everything had been ok again. More than anything I wanted her to feel that way now, like everything would be ok.

"I'll call an ambulance."

"NO!"

Her loud voice made me flinch and she shook her head hectically. "No, no, no, no! I can't go to the hospital!"

"But, you're bleeding!"

"I'll be fine, Harley. You can...you can get me some painkillers, ok?"

"What about Mum and Dad?" I had never felt this helpless before. "Should I call them?"

"No." She shook her head. "No, please don't tell them."

"But –"

"Harley." She cut me off softly. "Just get me some painkillers and let me change into something else, ok?"

"Ok." It was far from ok. I knew we needed to keep her clothes as evidence I had seen that on TV and I knew she wasn't allowed to have a shower because of evidence and DNA. But I also knew from her reaction that somebody she knew had done this to her and that she would have been able to name her attacker. She just didn't want to.

When I came back she was wearing a T-shirt and baggy jogging trousers. She looked better, but not good.

"Thanks." She said in a small voice, as she took the pill and water from me and took them quickly, grimacing at the bitter taste.

"I just can't believe, he would do this." She whispered falling onto her bed. "I never thought he'd hurt me. I thought..." She began to cry again and I rushed to her side. "I thought I could trust him!"

I didn't know what to say and wished more than anything that Shayne was here with me and could help me out. But I probably didn't even need to say anything, I just sat by her side and held her.

"Shayne came home a short while later." I was staring at the water glass in my hands. "He calmed her down some more and then told me what she'd said. That it was someone from the hospital."

Mr. J didn't answer. Although my apartment was far from spacious he'd been pacing up and down all through my story. He stopped and looked at me with a cold look in his eyes.

"Shayne wasn't at home during all if this?"

I shook my head. "Sharleen and I were alone."

"And she was at work while you were at gymnastics?"

I nodded. "The house was supposed to be empty, Mum and Dad were at work, Shayne was out and Sharley was at work."

The Joker began walking around the room again. "And did it ever occur that she came home from work early spontaneously?"

"I don't know." His questions were confusing me. Where was he going with this? I just wanted him to hold me. "Sometimes, I guess."

He nodded as if he had expected this answer and stopped in front of me.

"Harley." I'd slept with him, held a gun against his head, suggested that we ask Batman for help and yet he had never said my name so seriously. The Joker sat down in front of me and took my hands in his. "I think it was Shayne. I think your brother raped your sister."

"What?!" I snapped, pulling my hands from his. "Are you insane?!"

Although it really wasn't the time, he chuckled, lifting his eyebrow with a grin. "Are you really asking me this question?"

"Puddin' this isn't funny!" I snapped, standing up so quickly that my chair fell over with a clattering sound. "Why would you say Shayne raped Sharleen?!"

"Because it's genius." He replied calmly. "The way he manipulated you all these years...making sure you never found out. Honestly it's such a perfectly crafted plan, I could have come up with it."

"It's crazy!" I pulled at my hair in frustration. "When should this have happened?! He wasn't home!"

Despite the fact that I was yelling at him Mr. J reminded completely calm.

"Your sister came home earlier than usual. He attacked her at home and then left."

I shook my head. "That makes no sense. I was the one who found her, she would have confided in me. She would have..."

I just can't believe, he would do this. I never thought he'd hurt me. I thought...I thought I could trust him!

I felt sick.

"He let you find her. Then he came swooping in as the hero to help." He continued. "He made sure she wouldn't say anything and then fed you the story about one of the men from hospital...He manipulated the both of you and turned you into his ally."

I sunk into the chair beside him. "But I don't understand. Why did she kill herself? I thought...she always wanted to be a doctor and then she couldn't continue working...I thought that's why she did it. Because she couldn't be a doctor any more."

"When did she commit suicide?"

I shivered because in my mind pieces were falling together and what Mr. J was saying was starting to make sense. Things about that time with Sharleen had always been fuzzy, but in my mind things were starting to click.

"Three months later."

Again he nodded as if he had expected this answer. "What would push you over the edge, if your brother raped you?"

"She was pregnant." I whispered as a tear slid down my face. "He got her pregnant and she killed herself." I pressed my hand against my mouth, trying to stop a sob from rising. "Why did she do that? How could she leave me alone with him?!"

"He had power over her." Mr. J explained and when he reached for my hand this time I didn't pull away. "He probably threatened to hurt you if she said anything."

"He probably did hurt me." I shook my head. "My memories from that time are all messed up...I was on anti-depressants and sleeping a lot." I looked up at him and tried to stop my tears. "Do you really think he did it?"

"You'll have to ask him." The Joker said gently. "That's the only way you can truly know the truth."

The truth. I wasn't even sure I wanted to know it any more.

"Let's go to bed." He pulled me to my feet and led me to the bed. "Tomorrow things will be different, you'll see."

I didn't argue with him and let him undress me and rested against his strong chest while I tried to fight my tears. Tomorrow things would be different. I knew and he knew it too. My life would never be the same again.

I thrashed wildly, trying my best to get this guy off me. I couldn't breathe. He was so heavy and there was something heart-breakingly familiar about him. Who was familiar to me and would try to hurt me like this? Why on earth was he on top of me? Why wouldn't he leave me alone?

"Please!" I whimpered, trying to push him off me.

Was I naked? Was he naked? What was that smell?

"No! Please get of me! No!"

There was darkness all around me and a sharp pain in my hand.

"What are you doing?" The Joker growled beside me, my fingers in a tight grip and I realised that I had hit him and woken him up.

I pulled my hand from his and sat up. "Sorry, just go back to sleep."

"I have insomnia I can't just go back to sleep!" He snapped and I buried my head in my hands with a sigh.

Had it really been Shayne? Had he done this to Sharleen? Had he done something to me?!

"Well, if I'm already up..." Mr. J suddenly rolled himself on top of me in what I would have appreciated as a sexy way if I hadn't just felt so betrayed.

"No! Get off me, please!" I screeched and pushed against him.

"What the hell Harley!" He muttered, rubbing his chin, where I had slapped him. "It was just a dream, get over it already."

"No." I realised as I sat up once more. "It wasn't a dream. It was a memory."

"What?"

"I think I'm going to be sick!" I pressed my hand against my mouth and barely made it to the toilette, before vomiting violently. Tears burned in my eyes, as I sat back, leaning against the bathroom wall.

My life had been normal. I'd had boyfriends. I'd had sex. I'd enjoyed having sex...I'd never done drugs. Shayne hadn't raped me. That was impossible. I would have known! How could I not have known?!

I heaved myself up to the sink and brushed my teeth.

There had always been this darkness around me. I'd always known I was different than everybody else, but I had thought it was because I'd lost my sister. Had I been a victim and just hadn't known? Was I still a victim now? This was so messed up!

I took a deep breath and stepped outside of the bathroom. He'd turned on the light and was looking at me in the closest thing to worry he had, which was confusion.

We looked at each other for a while and I knew I couldn't go back to sleep. I felt like I'd never sleep again.

The two of us weren't really boyfriend-girlfriend-material. He wasn't going to just hug me and comfort me and then everything would be alright again. But we couldn't ignore this. I stepped closer to the bed, shivering slightly in my thin nightgown.

"Let's go out." I proposed. "We should do something."

He was up for it immediately and stood up quickly. "I'll give Johnny a call. We'll go to the club. That's actually a good idea, Harls. I wanted to show it to you anyway."

"No." I said and stepped towards him. "I can't be around other people right now. Let's do something, just the two of us."

He pressed his lips together and I could tell he was contemplating the idea.

"Take me to a place no one else knows." I begged. "Something that's just for us. Please."

His blue eyes shone it as he took my chin in his hands, tilting my head back so that we were looking at each others.

"I know just the place." He promised as he leaned in to kiss me. "Get dressed."

Hi guys! So the medical talk is literally taking off Grey's Anatomy I just changed some things, the line "Very few people on my life have treated me as good as you do." is from my favorite movie Riding in Cars with Boys with Drew Barrymore.
So were your surprised by this outcome and where is Mr. J taking Harleen? Please review and tell me what you think :)