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Whoa, gravity is working against me / And gravity wants to bring me down / Oh, twice as much ain't twice as good / And can't sustain like one half could / It's wanting more that's gonna send me to my knees
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Renesmee Cullen
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She remembers the day she was given life.
The scent of blood, tears and despair snapping against her memories like a rubber band to the head.
She loves her mother and father dearly, she does, and is grateful to them for the life she has been given.
She doesn't, however, understand how a love like theirs could take so many casualties.
Because, how could love cause such chaos? How could her parents not see what they were doing, what kind of fate they were writing for every person that touched their life in some way? Did they care? Did they ever contemplate that their happy ending was the beginning of another's nightmare? Did they want to know?
Renesmee doesn't know, and perhaps, she never will.
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"Darling, Ness," Aunt Alice squawks as she continues to fit the ruffled pale blue dress, "Don't move. The pin will catch your lovely skin."
Renesmee feels like she has ants in her pants and doesn't want to stand as statues do. It's been almost a whole hour and she can't bear to think of how many things she is missing out on, being deprived of. "How much longer, Aunt?"
Alice gives her a look that tells her that while questions are allowed, they are not appreciated.
"I'll be finished before the guests start arriving."
And in true fashion, her aunt is right on time.
The second she sees Jacob, she can't help but let out a squeal of excitement and run to him, barrelling past the other guest, which are really only her family and her Grandpa Charlie.
He's such a big male; warm and nice, she can't help but cuddle against his deep dark skin.
"Happy Birthday, Kid," he says softly, his eyes shining in amusement, one large hand patting her head, the other offering a wrapped box, complete with a pink bow.
Jacob is unlike any person she knows. He looks nothing like her or her family; porcelain skin, golden eyes, perfectly styled and manicured.
He is born of the earth; deep, dark, alive. It is as if the earth had nestled him, protected him, gave him life before he suddenly sprung from it in all his glory. His hair never sits like it's supposed to, his expressions vivid in nature. He is warmth and sunshine. He is regal; filled with each inch of the people he will soon become the leader of. He is years of endless struggles, a beacon of something his heritage bore long ago.
He is his ancestors dream.
And the slightly terrifying woman standing behind him is his female counterpart in all aspects.
The first female wolf, the most unique, the most beautiful. She was a woman who stood as if she could decimate armies with a mere look before draping their bloody corpses over her skin like a coat of armour. She is hard lines with a perfect mixture of feminine curves, her body dipping and taught in all the right places.
Renesmee knows however, that even with all of Jacob's strength, that Leah Clearwater will always remain by his side. She will always protect him, guide him, and love him. Not because she needs to, but because she wants to. Because she was his Beta for a reason.
So where did that leave Renesmee? Where did she fit? What was the point of having an imprint if he already had someone that fit perfectly into his life and shared his ancestors dream?
Dropping her eyes, she turns away from Leah's knowing stare, nuzzling closer into Jacob's warm embrace.
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When Jacob is unable to visit, he calls.
His voice is deep, but there is such a lightness to it she does all she can to hear every syllable that rolls off his tongue.
She could listen to his voice for eternity and never be sick of it.
In many ways, she hopes she always will.
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Her mother is the only vampire that recalls most of her human life. Her father, grandparents, aunts and uncles, far too old to even wish to try.
So she asks as many questions as she can.
Jacob Black and the pack are technically human, and therefore she wants to learn everything about the difference between humans and her.
She is a hybrid; born to a human mother, with a vampire father. Most of her grandfathers collection of old books refer to her kind as Dhampir.
Jacob and the pack are born from two human parents, along with a gene that had the potential to spring forth should their tribe move into an age of requiring protection from their enemies.
She still doesn't understand how her and her family were the enemies of the Quileute wolves, not because it wasn't possible, but because her family were different, special even.
Special, she learns, is something that is the enemy of the Volturi, rather than of LaPush.
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When Jacob takes her to LaPush for the first time, she's so excited so can't stop wiggling and tugging at the seat belt.
She wants to see as much as she can, and pushes her nose to the window so she doesn't miss a thing. She recognises places Jacob has told her about like the Ateara Store and the Recreation centre, but First Beach is unlike anything she's ever seen before.
The sand is black and damp, and shifts in a strange way when her gumboots slosh into it. The drift wood that litters the beach is a dark grey, the water even darker. It doesn't look like the beaches she's seen in books or on television, but its the uniqueness that makes it just as beautiful than the rest, if not more.
When she looks up at the huge man, he smiles down with a nod and a pat on her head, giving her permission to explore.
She knows Samuel Uley isn't fond of her, so she doesn't venture too far from Jacob's watchful eye. She spots the few families she's met before and gives a shy wave when Emily Young smiles and nods at her from a blanket on the sand.
Her father always told her, do not to move forward when your eyes are looking back, but she does exactly that, and runs right into the long legs of Leah Clearwater, causing her to fall back on her bottom and stare up at the woman.
Leah Clearwater as always, is stunning. Her narrowed eyes are cast down, causing Renesmee's cheeks to heat and her teeth to tremble.
"I'm sorry."
Leah snorts, shakes her head and reaches for her.
Within an instant she is on her feet, her jacket pulled high up under her arms from the woman picking her up by the hood of her warm pink puffer.
"Easy, kid. I don't bite."
A familiar snort from behind them alerts Renesmee to Jacob's nearing presence. "Don't believe her, Ness. She does bite."
Leah growls and storms off, her legs carrying her further down the beach, away from the large group that has gathered.
"I didn't mean to bother her." Renesmee admits, knowing how much Leah doesn't like her or her family.
"She's always bothered. It's pathological or something. Girl was born pissed off."
Renesmee presses her lips together at Jacob's language. Nevertheless, her eyes drift back to the she-wolf as she fumbles with the pockets of her jacket.
There's something about Leah that draws Renesmee in. She's beautiful and angry, just like her Aunt Rose, but she's also smart and witty, like her Uncle Jasper. But most of all, she looks just like Jacob; with deep warm skin, almond shaped eyes and raven hair.
But it's also her indifference. It's her ability to not care and not want to be with or like the others that intrigues Renesmee the most. Renesmee has never been alone, never not been the centre of attention. She has her parents, her family, even Jacob. But sometimes, she wishes she was like Leah, so she could just feel what it was like. Feel the absence of the hovering concern that sits atop her shoulders.
She wants to be grown, and alone.
Free.
"I like Leah," Renesmee comments as she looks up at Jacob.
He frowns slightly before shrugging his shoulders. "You'd be the only one, kid. Come on, Seth's gonna eat all the hot dogs if we aren't fast enough."
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Pressing her ear to the door, Renesmee concentrates on listening.
Even though her parents have told her on multiple occasions that eavesdropping is rude, she can't help but wonder. It's slightly muffled, but she can hear the peaks and lows of the voices.
"What do you even see in him?" Jacob growls.
"What does anyone see in you?" the feminine voice growls back, the sound of feet pacing the carpeted room barely audible.
"Leah."
"Don't Leah me, asshole. You're not my father."
"Maybe I should be, so I can shake some sense into that thick skull of yours."
"Try it, dickhead." Leah shouts.
Breathing follows, with Jacob's voice now but a whisper.
"I'm not doing this to piss you off, Lee. I'm doing it because I care. If you love him, then I won't stand in your way. But if you don't, you're putting him at risk. This life - it's not meant for humans. I know it, and you know it. All I'm saying is... be careful. If not for yourself... then for him."
Renesmee can hear Leah huff, stomp and sniffle before her strained answer is heard.
"Fine."
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Renesmee lays on the pristine white sheets, her hands propping up her chin with her mothers hand securely on her back to stop her from wiggling away.
Sue Clearwater is the prettiest human woman she's ever seen, besides her daughter Leah. Her hair is in a beautiful twist at the nape of her neck and the dark emerald dress she wears makes the brown in her eyes even lighter. The beaded earrings she wears are green, gold and black, three twisted threads dangling down to touch her shoulders.
"Bella, sweets, could you please help me with this?" Sue asks gently, her smile so radiant, Renesmee can't help but smile along with her.
She loves Sue Clearwater almost as much as she loves Esme. Both women soft, kind and gentle, unless her uncle Emmett or Leah are involved. They seem to be the only ones who can get under their skin, even with all their graces.
She can't believe her grandfather Charlie will be marrying the woman in front of her because it means Leah and Seth will finally officially be part of the family.
When her mother leaves her side to help Sue, Renesmee sits up on the bed to watch.
She's fascinated by the look of her mothers pale fingers as they gently secure the zip and pearl button against Sue's back. The mixture of their skin tones makes such an extraordinary sight, she barely blinks until her mother gently calls her name.
"Come, Renesmee. Let's leave Sue alone for a few moments. Leah and Seth are here."
Her mother picks her up from the bed and allows her to stand, their equally pale hands clasped, disappointing the butterflies that were previously flipping in her belly.
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She's growing faster than a normal human, but her body still struggles to keep up with the advancement of her academic pursuits.
She feels awkward, sometimes too tall, sometimes too short, seemingly disproportionate, stuck between a living doll and a young adult.
Her family still tells her she's beautiful, but she feels strange.
Long gone are the puffy dresses and shined ballet flats, replaced now with silks, cotton-blends, denim and heels. Renesmee longs for normalcy, longs for the ability to cut and dye her hair without the watchful eyes of her Aunts, wishes to replace the small diamonds in her ears with hoops or stretchers that she's seen the other teens in town with. She wishes for independence, for a way to express her individuality.
But everything remains a dream.
So instead, she buries herself in books, dreaming of an escape.
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Renesmee sits with a paper plate clasped atop her knee.
She's fairly certain if she moves an inch, the whole meal with fall to the grass and all over the wedged heels her aunt has made her wear to Jacob's birthday. The plate is overloaded, filled with all types of barbecued meat and sides. The smell isn't unpleasant, but she scrunches her nose at the mix of scents wafting under her nose. She's waiting for Jacob who is standing in the middle of the lawn, jibbing Seth Clearwater. The younger male is smiling sheepishly while Jacob continues to tease him about something imitate it seems, judging by the burst of pink over Seth's cheeks and the way he rubs a hand over the back of his neck.
It isn't long before Leah joins the twosome, laughing loudly at her brother's expense, while also trying to remain composed enough to deter Jacob's interest in a topic Seth clearly does not want to discuss. Leah pats her brothers back in support, before playfully socking the Alpha in the stomach, which in turn, ends up in a mini scuffle between the two, grabbing and pushing to ensure the other has the upper hand.
"Seth's got a girlfriend." Rachel whispers beside her, tutting her fork in the general direction of the trio, her plate resting on her swollen belly. "That's why my brother is giving him shit. It's a right of passage. Boys are stupid."
Renesmee hums, her eyes flicking over the spectacle in front of her. Jacob has Leah pinned against him while she snorts and elbows him in the ribs. His smile is stretched wide over his handsome face, the exertion of fighting the she-wolf showing on his brow. He's far stronger than she is, but it's still taking a lot to restrain her from kneeing him, or getting a good shot to his face. But it's playful, familiar, and something different than she's ever seen before.
"How long has he been in love with her?"
"Oh, they only just started dating. I'd say Seth loves her chest more than anything right now." Rachel explains as she takes a sip of her drink.
Renesmee doesn't say anything, and instead leans into the chair.
It may have escaped Rachel, but she wasn't referring to Seth.
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"What the fuck are you doing here?" the woman asks dangerously.
"I think we need to talk."
Leah sucks her teeth, a habit Renesmee knows Jacob hates, because he's told her just that. Jacob had always told her too much about Leah Clearwater. About her bad habits, the things that would piss him off, and even the things he finds endearing about the she-wolf. He's always tried to give off indifference, but she knows it's more than that. Jacob Black would do anything for Leah Clearwater, regardless of the consequences.
It was just a pity neither of them realised it.
"Whatever, just come inside before anyone sees you."
The house is tidy and well kept for it's age. There's nothing remotely new, but it feels as if each piece has personality, has history. As if each piece spoke to a moment in time that would forever be remembered.
"How are you? I haven't seen you around lately." Renesmee knows Leah hates coming to her family's home, hates her family's... everything. Maybe Jacob had begun to relax and wasn't insisting on her being with him at every waking moment. But she knows better.
Leah snorts a response, before turning and heading to the kitchen to finish making whatever it is the wolves eat. "You want something?" the raven haired beauty asks, gesturing to the layout of bread, cold meats and cheese.
Renesmee shakes her head, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth to chew on its edge.
After a few tense moments it's Leah who breaks the silence.
"What is it," she asks between piling layer after layer of cheese on her sandwich, "that we need to talk about?"
Instead of answering, Renesmee drifts closer. She knows Leah has long been accustomed to her presence, so the shifter doesn't move away as most people do. She can't help but be mesmerised by the sight of Leah's lips and leans forward, and cups her cheek to turn her face. The motion is intimate but Leah's just watching her with curiosity, those hazel eyes blazing. Its only a second, but Renesmee closes the gap and captures the pouted bow strings of the woman's lips.
Her mouth is warm and soft, and there's a sweetness Renesmee can't describe. Her pale hands gently grasp the hem of Leah's shirt, pulling slightly so the reach of her lips is not as great.
Leah frowns, pushing Renesmee back, suddenly seeming to catch herself. "What are you doing?"
"I wanted to see why."
Leah narrows her eyes and wipes her mouth, "Why what?"
"Why he could possibly want you."
She can see the way the woman's eyes darken, in mistrust, even in contempt maybe. It comes out all wrong, Renesmee knows that. She hadn't meant to make this about Jacob. Not Jacob. Not even necessarily about Leah. This was about her.
"Get the hell out of my house, Renesmee. Right, the fuck, now."
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Renesmee reddens under Jacob's stare.
His eyes are slightly glassy, his lips set in a firm line. She doesn't know if it's anger, or disappointment that shines in his eyes, but the mere thought has her tearing up.
"I swear, I didn't mean to... to just kiss her... I just... I wanted to understand before I left." She sniffles, wiping a palm against her wet cheek.
His stances softens minutely as he uncrosses his arms.
"I just... you wouldn't understand."
"Try me," he replies softly.
"I can't, Jake."
And really, she can't. Her stomach is twisting in knots and she feels like she's going to puke.
"Nessie, look. Going around kissing people, who don't want to be kissed, isn't going to get you anywhere. Trust me, I know." He wipes a hand over his face before continuing. "You need to use all those big words I know you've got stashed in that head of yours, kid. It might seem embarrassing, but you need to talk to me, to anyone really. I might not be able to help, but I'm a damn good listener, if nothing else."
He sits down beside her and pets her head, just the way he did when she was a child.
Even though she is mortified, she nods her head, tucking against his large shoulder. Her curls hide half her face and she feels less afraid with him besides her than in front of her.
"Have you ever felt like there was something inside you that you just... you couldn't tell anyone about? A secret you could never share?"
When Jacob snorts, she can't help but smile.
"Okay, bad choice of words," she breathes.
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Jacob is dressed in a shirt with a collar, and actual shoes, leaning on the car as he speaks with her father.
She knows they have never been friends, but over the years a mutual understanding became the normal. Jacob would attempt not to goad her father, and in return, her father would try his best not to shift around in the wolfs thoughts. Their exchange of words is discreet, turned in low hushed whispers that don't reach her ears. It's clearly meant to be private.
With the luggage packed in the car, and her grandmother locking the front door of the only house she's ever known, dread sinks through her.
Her whole family is leaving Washington, some going to Europe, others deciding to travel Central America for a few months before joining them. She's only weeks away from starting university and she's not only excited, but absolutely terrified.
Jacob had ultimately been the one to give her confidence and support her decision, just like always. He was always giving up so much, just to see her happy, and this was just another thing.
"We really should be leaving," Esme smiles, patting her back in comfort. "Are you ready?"
Renesmee blinks at her grandmother's kind face, before giving her a small smile. "Yes. I'm ready. Let's go."
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