THEY CALL HER QUEEN

I know I am dreaming of her again and I know it is a dream because my Nessie is dead and as are my children who surround her as she is sitting on the beach building sandcastles with them. Her smile is magnetic, her skin casting a halo from the streaks of the sun setting behind her. She seems so happy and I don't want to wake up ever again. I would beg the gods if there were any to let me die in dreaming of my Renesmee. This life, this existence without her is a burden.

I shift in the bed feeling Bella lying beside me, her body intertwined with mine. She is sleeping or pretending to anyways, she can't sleep anymore but when I do she keeps her hands on me and sleeps through me. Bella wants me to have children again and I had snapped at her when she brought it up again, I would never touch anyone other than her and my wife. The harsh discussion ending with us kissing and we didn't talk for a long time after that. This was a regular occurrence though we never talk of the time we spend together in the bed. And what will we talk, that we take pleasure in each other and this is just for few moments when things don't have to make sense or be complicated.

Bella had the power to mute my senses making it possible for us to be together. We are supposed to be enemies by the nature itself werewolf and vampire what would Sam say. But everyone is dead, my wife, my children, my entire pack except Leah, and the whole world is dying. Who would judge us. There are no gods here.

For a few hours I pretend to be the Jake who fell in love with Bella, no supernatural parts to obscure everything. I loved her before she was mother of my wife and still love her when the said daughter is no more. It still hurts when we wear each other out, I feel like I am cheating on my wife but you do need an incentive to live. Bella's incentive is to fix the world make it livable again and mine is helping her as long as I can. I can feel her soul crying and writhing in pain living out her existence without Edward. I miss him too, he became a friend to me, and he loved me and his death tore me down as well. I can't meet Carlisle anymore though Bella still visits him and Esme. Esme the matriarch of the family was so broken; her love for Edward ran so deep no one can bring her back.

I am the one Bella cries with and we try to fill the void of our pitiful existence with each other. No one sees her break down when she feels hopeless. She is the living stone when she sits on the throne in Volterra, I hate the chair on which death sentence of my family was signed. But I know what the chair stands for and I stand behind it as Bella works day and night changing the world. Her vengeful streaks scare me; her ruthlessness is a developed trait. With every betrayal she became more stone cold and her nonchalance makes me aware of her growing powers. No one can stop her and it taunts me with the possibility of me being the bearer of being her end one day and even she knows it.

Her work has pulled earth back from total annihilation and she is working to end the reign of death on her lands. Queen of the Earth she is and she pulls it off. Her blood red eyes often make me uneasy: she drinks the collected blood with animals very rare there is no choice. She hears my every thought and never comments on them.

I remember the pending visit to the fields, we are running low on food supplies which means meeting Leah again and hearing her vitriol again. Death of Seth weighs her more than death of her own children.

Bella has been acting weird once more; she wishes to visit the wastelands soon. When she found an old vampire hiding in the wastelands who had gone crazy after hunting radiation poised humans ten years after the war ended, she regularly goes to the ruins trying to find the way to travel back in time. Maybe she had too gone unhinged from pain or maybe she is correct.

I often worry if she goes back in time she would be more powerful than now and her hunger of power is driving me to dark thoughts. And in my heart sometimes I want her to be only mine, maybe we were meant to be, maybe this is fate. In the end I do hope she is still my Bella the human which punched a werewolf, the one who loved me back. She did leave Avni the vampire with power of persuasion alone her shield saving herself from it. I am falling asleep again and in my dream there is my Nessie dancing with me on our wedding day looking gorgeous in white and I am happy to be away from this living nightmare for a few more hours.