Linda: (from inside) All right Candace. (Linda picks up her purse on the counter, where Candace is sitting and dialing her phone.) I'm off to the grocery store. You're in charge.
Candace: Whoa-whoa-whoa wai-wai-wait! By "in charge", does that mean I'm in control of everything around here while you're gone?
Linda: (turning around) Yes.
Candace: Including Phineas and Ferb? I'm the complete overlord of them?
Linda: (suspiciously) Suddenly I'm a little scared. But, technically, yes.
Candace: So, like, in a court of law, any—
Linda: (interrupts Candace) Candace, I'll be back later. (leaves)
Candace: (deeply) Excellent! Oh, boys?
Candace: Hear ye, hear ye! Mom has left me in charge, so I hereby demand that you do nothing crazy today. No building any whoosy-whatzits, or goozy-mahookoffs! In other words, don't be the world's most annoying brothers for one afternoon, okay?
Female Voice: Your brothers are annoying you, too?
(a teenage girl with light brown curly hair peeks from behind the fence.)
Girl: (continues to introduce) Hi, I'm Mandy. (opens the fence gate and approaches Candace) And me and my world's most annoying brothers are visiting our aunt next door for the weekend.
Candace: Oh, you're Mrs. Weaver's niece. You have annoying brothers?
Mandy: Oh, my gosh! My brothers, Thaddeus and Thor, are constantly building the most annoying contraptions on Earth! Soapbox cars with lawn mower engines...
Candace: (excitedly agrees with her) Uh-huh.
Mandy: ...tire swings that launch over the roof...
Candace: (biting her nails in excitement) Uh-huh!
Mandy: ...a mini shopping center for the cat!
Candace: Finally! Someone who relates! Listen to how annoying Phineas and Ferb are. One time...
(As she speaks, two boys walk out of the fence gate, Thaddeus, a boy with a triangle-shaped head like Phineas, glasses, a green T-shirt, khakis, brown shoes, and Thor, a boy with a rectangle-shaped head like Ferb, a big nose, freckles, a blue T-shirt, gray pants and shoes. They approach Phineas and Ferb)
Thaddeus: (snaps) Gum me! (Thor gives his brother a gum ball, which he chews and blows.) 'Sup, chumps? Thaddeus. Thor. Overheard you two like to build stuff. Where we come from, we're known as...the best! Jealous?
Phineas: No. No, I'm not.
Thaddeus: Well, you should be. Today, we're building the most awesome fort ever! What do you think of that, suckers?! Ha! Hahahahaha!
Phineas: Cool. (waves) Good luck. (Ferb gives a thumbs up) (Phineas suddenly gets a cool demeanor on his face as he snaps.) Gum me.
Ferb: Puh-lease.
Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?
(Agent P is trying to go down a garden hose.)
(Agent P's lair. Major Monogram is already on screen but Perry is nowhere to be found.)
Major Monogram: Agent P? Agent P?
(Back at the garden hose, in which Perry is now apparently in, but is having a difficult time going all the way down.)
Major Monogram: Agent P? Where is he, Carl?
Carl: (offscreen) I don't know, sir. Maybe he decided to quit.
Major Monogram: Quit? Well, why would he wanna do that?
Carl: (offscreen) Well, remember his last mission? You were pretty tough on him, sir.
Major Monogram: Hmm. You're right, Carl. I can be pretty rough sometimes. (sadly) Poor Agent P. Do you think the little guy will ever forgive me? (Perry finally drops into his chair to see Monogram crying, but he then looks up happily) Oh, uh, Agent P, you're here! Ahem! (seriously) So, Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been sighted in the Danville Park. We need you to make sure no one is in any danger. (Perry salutes and leaves) There he goes. (guiltily) Jeez, Carl, just hope I wasn't too rough on him this time.
Carl: (offscreen) I don't know, sir. He looked pretty upset to me.
Major Monogram: (putting his head in his hand) I hate myself.
(Back at the yard.)
Mandy: I dunno, Candace. In terms of obnoxiousness, I'm sure my brothers have your brothers beat.
Candace: Ha! I beg to differ. Yes, they're both obnoxious, but my brothers' stuff has a sprinkling of awesomeness...which makes it that much more annoying!
Mandy: Um, have you not been listening? Today, my brothers are building a fort and it'll probably be the most obnoxiously awesome fort ever built!
Candace: Not if my brothers are building one!
Mandy: Oh yeah?!
Candace: Yeah! It's on, sister!
(The girls storm off in their separate ways. Thaddeus and Thor peek from behind the fence.)
Thaddeus: Well, Thor, I know who we're gonna outdo today!
(Candace opens the screen door to find her brothers on the couch.)
Candace: There you are! I order you to get out there and build a fort!
Phineas: I thought you wanted us to take the day off and not annoy you.
Candace: Those kids next door are building a fort and I will be annoyed if theirs is better than yours!
Phineas: Candace, we don't do this to compete. We do it for fun.
Ferb: And for the ladies. (winks)
Candace: Well, do it cuz I say so!
(Meanwhile, at Danville Park, where a sack race is going on. Above it the banner reads:)
"Doofenshmirtz Family Reunion"
(Doofenshmirtz looking upon the reunion by himself. Perry jumps out of and approaches Doof in a fighting position.)
Doofenshmirtz: (disgruntled) Oh, hi, Perry the Platypus. Welcome to the Doofenshmirtz family reunion. They're just about to start the dreaded kickball game that my mother organizes every year. The one my brother's team always wins. You see, I'm not very coordinated with my feet. But with my hands...Hey, watch this. (Doof reaches and grabs a table with several cups on them. He does a few impressive stacking tricks with the cups.) See? I hold the cup-stacking world record. But does my mother care? No! (pushes the table away) You see, Perry the Platypus, throughout my childhood, my mother's love was always inexplicably linked to kickball.
Doofenshmirtz: This year, it's going to be different! W-W-Wait right here, I'll show you! (He goes to get his inator. We hear a mechanical noise, and he comes back with an electronic leg.) Behold, the Kickinator 5000! Could you help me practice, please, please? Just take the ball and go over there and then just roll it to me. Go ahead. Any time. I'm ready. (The ball rolls past Doof, but nothing happens.) Well, you—you threw it too early! (Gets the ball back) Couldn't you tell I wasn't ready? (He throws the ball back and Perry catches it) Come on, try again. Okay, do it right this time. (The Kickinator 5000 suddenly kicks Doof's chin and he lands on his bottom. The ball rolls off.) It's, uh, you know, it's a process.
(Meanwhile, Candace is watching her brothers start to build a fort. Isabella approaches them.)
Isabella: What'cha doooin'?
Phineas: Building a fort.
(Isabella looks to the other side to see Thaddeus and Thor building their fort.)
Isabella: What are you doing?
Thaddeus: Showin' two chumps how to build a fort!
Isabella: Oh, no, he didn't! Phineas, how can I help?
Thaddeus: Hey, where's Harry?
(we see a rather fat and hairy-looking man in a tank-top, brown pants, and a yellow construction hat lounging on a chair, drinking some iced tea, and reading a newspaper.)
Harry: Yo! Over here!
Thaddeus: Well, he is a contractor. They don't do much.
(Meanwhile, at the Doof reunion)
Doofenshmirtz: You know what? Just—Just bring the ball in front of the Kickinator. Just—Put it right th—What are you doing? I didn't say a mile away! Right here! Bring it closer. Okay. No, no! Oh. That's a little bit better. Step back and get ready to witness some real kicking. (He kicks the ball perfectly, and the ball goes into a tree. A bird falls out.) I did it! I did it! (The Kickinator kicks his chin again and he falls on his back.) I still did it!
(Back at the yard)
Candace: Alright, guys, it's do or die time. This is the chance to really show your stuff, cuz there's no you're gonna lose to a couple of lame-os AND THEIR LOSER SISTER!
Mandy: I can hear you!
Candace: I KNOW! I SAID IT LOUD! (car honks, Candace gasps) Mom! Gotta get rid of her!
(Linda drives up to the front door and starts to get out, but then Candace runs up to her.)
Candace: Oh, Mom, you're home, you're home! But, uh, I-I think you should go back to the grocery store.
Linda: Why?
Candace: Because I—I bet you forgot, uh, that stuff!
Linda: (looks at her list) Oh, I guess I did. (gives Candace some bags) Alright, throw these in the kitchen and I'll be right back.
(Candace runs into the house with the bags.)
Candace: Boy, that was close.
(Back at the Reunion, Doof waits for his turn to kick)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I'm next!
Charlene: (on the mound) Alright, easy out! Everybody move in!
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, you're not even a Doofenshmirtz anymore!
Charlene: I kept the name!
Vanessa: (from the bleachers) You can do it, Dad! (to the person sitting next to her) He can't really do it.
(Meanwhile, at the yard, they start the competition)
Mandy: (on a megaphone) Welcome, citizens of Danville! I give you the architectural stylings of Thaddeus and Thor!
(Thaddeus and Thor uncover the tarp revealing a classic fort with four turrets and a slide. The crowd gasps in awe.)
Isabella: That's nice.
Candace: Pfft.
Thaddeus: What you architectural illiterates see here is a split-level edifice, complete with slide and licorice dispenser. (He pushes a button and a piece of red licorice comes out.) Huh? What?
(Crowd cheers.)
Candace: (on megaphone) People, people, I'm not gonna soft pedal this. That was adequate, but I think we're ready to witness the greatest architectural feat this town has ever seen! I give you Phineas and Ferb!
(Phineas and Ferb uncover the tarp. But the crowd simply stares. Thaddeus and Mandy laugh.)
Thaddeus: Ha ha ha ha ha! You call that an architectural feat?! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
(Everyone stares at a simple fort with a tire swing.)
Candace: What?! (drops her megaphone) Have you lost your minds?! You've completely humiliated me in front of everyone!
Phineas: But, Candace, this—
Candace: Phineas, all summer long, you build the most amazing things and the one time I reach out to you as a sister, the one time I count on you, you give me this?
Phineas: But, Candace—
Candace: No! Just leave me alone! (runs off) Excuse me!
Phineas: Candace, wait!
(Meanwhile, at the park, Doof kicks the ball amazingly)
Vanessa: Woah!
Mrs. Doofenshmirtz: Woah!
(Back at the architectural competition.)
Phineas: (picking up the megaphone) Ladies and gentlemen, topping our fort is our homage to old-school construction. And now for the rest of it. Ferb?
(Ferb pushes a button on a remote. The fort raises up from the ground revealing many different building levels.)
Phineas: Tada! (the kickball hits the fort) Our modern take on a well-known classic!
(The crowd oohs and cheers. Thaddeus pops his gum onto his face. Thor just looks with his mouth open.)
(Meanwhile, Doof approaches his goody two-shoes brother.)
Doofenshmirtz: I...I did it. I did it! Ha ha! Who's the loser now, huh?! L-O-S-E-R! Who's the loser?! You are! Let's boogie! That's right! Let's boogie!
(The ball comes back into Roger's hand, and he tags his brother.)
Roger: You're out.
Mrs. Doofenshmirtz: (running down from the bleachers) Oh, Roger, my son! (lifts her son up) You make me so proud, again!
Doofenshmirtz: But... (The Kickinator kicks Doof again) OW!
(Meanwhile, we see Phineas and Ferb showing their rivals the entire fort.)
Phineas: Well, here's the foyer. All imported marble, by the way. Here's the bowling alley. Pool. Telescope. Terra cotta army room. JET ENGINE WIND TUNNEL! And scoring stage with 40-piece orchestra.
Ferb: We don't, however, have a licorice dispenser. That was a nice touch.
Phineas: Yeah, that rocked.
(Thaddeus and Thor doesn't say anything.)
Mandy: Nice going. You broke their brains. Come on, boys. I'm taking you home.
(At the front of the house, Candace is moping. Linda returns in her car.)
Linda: Hey, I got the stuff.
Candace: Thanks, Mom. At least you came through.
(Linda goes into the house. Mandy approaches Candace, followed by a still open-mouthed Thaddeus and Thor.)
Mandy: Well, Candace, as much as I hate to say this, your brothers are the best. (walks away, to her brothers) A ten-story addition with a swimming pool! Ugh! Why didn't you think of that?!
Candace: (smiles) Could it be true?!
(She runs into the house and looks outside the sliding door at the glorious fort her brothers made.)
Linda: (offscreen) Candace! Have you seen this?
Candace: I'm looking at it! ...Wait, where are you?
Linda: In the kitchen!
(Candace walks off. She finds groceries all over the floor.)
Linda (cont'd): When I said, "throw these in the kitchen," I didn't mean it literally!
Candace: Yeah yeah yeah. Come on, Mom!
Linda: Candace! I'm not going anywhere until you take care of this mess!
(Candace re-enters and gathers up all the groceries.)
Phineas: Well, fun's fun, but there are those pesky zoning laws.
(Ferb pushes the button and the fort lowers into the ground. Candace puts all the groceries away very quickly and neatly.)
(Meanwhile, Doof sitting there humiliated)
Doofenshmirtz: Ooooh, I just felt a disturbance in the cup-stacking universe. I think my record's been broken.
(Candace, panting after stacking all those cups and cans.)
Linda: That wasn't so hard, now, was it?
Candace: (smiles, grabbing her mother) Mom, let's go, let's go, let's go! (Cut to outside) Mom, I've been trying to tell you all summer! They make these amazing things! Look!
Linda: Candace, you're right! It is amazing!
(Reveals all that's remaining is the ordinary top portion of the fort.)
Phineas: Hey, Mom, we've built a fort.
Linda: It's wonderful! (to Candace) Isn't it great? The boys are starting to take an interest in building things. (goes back into the house) Who wants stuff?
Phineas: (offscreen) We do!
(Candace faints.)