Hello everyone!
I'm finally back! Sorry it's been a while, I got quite sick and couldn't write for soooooo long, but I'm finally feeling better now! I hope you guys are all okay, I apologize in advance if you spot any mistakes or anything I'm sorry, I'm feeling better but I'm still not at 100% so yeah.

Anyway, enjoy!

How Peter Parker got a crush on Michelle Jones

(and what he subsequently did, or rather did not do)

Peter spends the next couple of days helping out May get everything ready for the Christmas charity party. They're organizing it in a cultural center in Brooklyn on the 24th, and there's at least six volunteers signed up already, plus May and Peter. He's a little worried that they won't be enough, but May assures him that there will be more volunteers coming in at the last minute. She still makes him go and place posters around Brooklyn the entire afternoon the day before the party though.

He doesn't complain, he likes being outside. It has stopped snowing the night before, and the sidewalks are all scrunchy and slippery. He helps out a couple of people getting around while he's at it, and gets almost teary-eyed when an old lady offers him to buy him a churro in return for his help. He'd missed all this. He thinks it's about time he suits up again. He really wishes he didn't get all worked up anytime he thinks about it. He really doesn't know what he could do to get rid of that crushing feeling in his chest.

What's holding him back, he's still not really sure.

Wandering around the unfamiliar neighborhood, Peter inevitably starts thinking about Captain America, and how the few times he met him he'd called him 'Queens'. He wonders what the man's up to these days. When he starts reminiscing about that time he'd found Tony Stark sitting in his living-room, and how it had effectively changed his entire life, Peter shakes his head and forces himself to think about something else. It's hard. He's everywhere. He always is, it's the same in Queens. People are still mourning Iron Man. They didn't know him, but they all know what they owe him.

Peter knows what he owes him. Everything. Somehow he knows what Tony would say if he heard him. You don't owe me anything kid. He'd probably be right, but it doesn't mean Peter isn't sure of that any less. He wouldn't be who he is now if it weren't for Tony Stark, he knows it. He's okay with that fact. Actually he likes that fact about himself. Tony Stark was an important part of his life. He still is, even now that he's gone. Maybe accepting that is a good step towards recovery?

To be honest at this point Peter is all for pretty much anything that could help him out of all this. He thinks his PTSD is getting better. It took a while but he isn't overwhelmed anymore when he goes out in a particularly noisy environment for example. He doesn't get startled as much, even though his Spidey sense isn't back yet. He doesn't get as many nightmares too. He's getting better, he truly is. Maybe that's why he's finding it increasingly frustrating not being able to just suit up and resume his spider-activities.

He's holding on to the hope that with the new year starting in just a week, things are gonna move. A little part of himself thinks it's stupid, that it's not going to change anything, that he still has to figure a lot of things out before he can be Spider-man again. But he's hopeful, and optimist, that's who he is as a person – thanks to May, he knows it – and so he keeps hoping instead of moping.

The 24th rolls by, and they spend their entire day working at the Cultural center the party is organized in. It's around 6 pm, Peter's busy hanging ornaments on the giant tree when he hears May's voice from the other side of the room and looks up to see who she's talking to. And his heart stops.

His aunt is standing next to the buffet, introducing someone to the other volunteers. A tall someone with wavy brown hair, fiddling with her scarf, looking a little nervous but smiling in a way he's not sure he's ever seen from her before. Peter thinks absentmindedly it's probably thanks to May's enthusiasm and kindness. She always brings the biggest smiles out of anyone, he thinks, like a ray of sunshine during a stormy day or something.

"– and somewhere around here is… ah, there he is, my nephew Peter." Her voice brings him back to reality, and he stares wide-eyed at MJ from the other side of the room as their gazes meet. A little part of him tells him he probably looks like an idiot, but the majority of him is a total void of nothingness as he tries to grasp the fact that Michelle Jones is volunteering here of all places. How come he never thought of that possibility, he has no idea. She did say she planned on volunteering for Christmas. He probably came to the conclusion – without really thinking about it – that she would do so somewhere closer to home instead of all the way here in Brooklyn.

What were the odds?

She's looking at him, and he can see the surprise in her brown eyes before it quickly changes into amusement, and he knows it's because of his face, and it makes him blush furiously like the huge dork he is. "MJ? Wh-what are you doing here?" he asks, slowly walking towards them.

He meets May's curious eyes as she glances between him and MJ, and his mind goes into panic mode because he knows exactly what's about to happen and how he can't do anything to stop it from happening. "Oh you guys know each other?" she asks innocently, and Peter barely resists the urge to hide his face in his hands in embarrassment as he makes his way towards the both of them.

"Uh yeah, yes, she's uh, we're in the uh, the same uh..."

"Class," MJ finishes for him with a smirk in his direction, coughing in her sleeve to probably hide her snicker caused by his stupidly red face. In the split second she's not looking May silently mouths at Peter "physics class right?" with a wink, and he really just wishes to die right here on the spot, swallowed by the floor or something.

"Wait, are you the mysterious MJ he's been telling me all about?" May asks mischievously, glancing between them again, and Peter can't help himself.

"May!" He says indignantly, his cheeks burning. He looks daggers at his aunt, silently begging her to stop, but she just smiles at him cheekily. He doesn't get to say anything else because then MJ says something that has him glance at her in absolute panic.

"Wow, you talk about me Parker?" She's teasing him, her eyes filled with amusement, and he's pretty sure if she'd been closer to him she would have nudged him in the ribs. He curses his own brain for going completely blank because of the situation.

"What, no!" he stammers, horrifyingly embarrassed, moving his hands around like an idiot. "I mean, yes, I mean I just –"

"Anyway," MJ cuts him pointedly before he can make an even bigger fool out of himself, "what can I do to help?"

May gives her an appreciative look, and once again Peter just wishes he could disappear. Maybe ask a favor from Dr Strange and his magic portal thingy to help him out of this situation or something. Damn, he doesn't even have the wizard's number. Wait, do wizards use cellphones anyway? No, they probably have some kind of magic communication device. Or do they really use owls? Not the point here, Peter has to coach himself, putting that question aside for later. He's sure Ned would be thrilled to have an answer to that. Man, Peter's even surprised he didn't ask about it already. Maybe he has and he didn't hear him though, that would be probable, when Ned gets started on something it usually lasts a long time and yes, sometimes Peter spaces out of it just a little.

Oh my God, focus Parker.

"Well you can help Mr Peter here with the ornaments," May is saying to MJ, nodding playfully in his direction, "and then there's a box in the back with gifts for the kids, so if you could set these up under the tree, that'd be great."

"Right, let's do this then," MJ nods with a tight smile, and Peter still can't believe any of this is happening for real. Maybe he's just dreaming again. Not that he has any dreams about spending time with MJ. Nope, not at all... Oh who is he kidding really? Of course he has. This is positively mortifying.

May is looking pointedly at him and he hates it. Luckily for him though, another volunteer has arrived while they were talking and she leaves them with one last wink for Peter while MJ is not looking. "Thanks May," he grumbles, barely daring to meet MJ's eyes. "OK come on then." He leads her to the Christmas tree he's been working on decorating for the last half hour, and to his surprise MJ does so in silence. He thought she would jump on the occasion to tease him relentlessly as soon as May would be out of earshot, but apparently not. It doesn't prevent him from stressing out completely though. Might even make it worse because he overthinks everything as usual.

Peter climbs on a chair to reach for the highest branches, hands a little sweaty, and for a good five minutes – that seem to actually last an eternity or two – they decorate the tree in silence. He knows it will not last though, and he's right. After hanging a particularly ugly reindeer ornament on one branch – yes he's watching her from the corner of his eyes, yes it's bad –, MJ clears her throat and asks casually: "So, why didn't you tell me?"

He can feel another flush on his cheeks and hesitates for a while, pointedly avoiding her gaze when he finally answers: "I don't know I… didn't want you to think that I was, I don't know, bragging?"

She instantly snorts at that. "Dude, did you think I was bragging?"

"No, of course not!" Peter assures indignantly, his heart jumping in his chest when he meets her eyes and she chuckles lightly.

"Well there you go then," she smirks at him, and there's something in her eyes that has him look down, blushing again. He stays quiet for a minute, absentmindedly hanging more ornaments. Why didn't he tell her? He was thinking about it but then Mr Dell arrived, and even though they kept talking during the class he still didn't say anything about it. Her question is a valid one, to which he apparently doesn't have an answer.

"I guess I…" he hesitates again, and she glances up at him, and somehow the words start coming out of his mouth without him really thinking, "I just didn't want you to think that I was just, I don't know, making small talk or something."

"But we were, weren't we?" she retorts with a raised eyebrow, visibly confused.

"No! I mean, yeah maybe but…" Peter gulps awkwardly as MJ looks at him, surprised by how offended he sounds. "It's not just, I mean, it's not just that it's… we're, we're friends right?" Well there you have it. He can't believe he just said that. It's been on his mind for a long time, true, but he never really had the intention to ask it so bluntly.

MJ looks at him in surprise, and they stare at each other for a moment, and he really wishes he could know what's going behind her eyes right now. They're studying him carefully, and there's something in them, something deep and welcoming, that makes him want to dive in them and stay there forever. Then she blinks a couple of times, and it somehow breaks the spell, but Peter isn't mad because he really likes the words that are coming out of her mouth as she nods quietly. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess we are."

He takes a shaky breath and smiles sheepishly at her, nodding too. "Cool. That's… yeah." She chuckles at that, and he laughs too, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. It seems to lighten up the tensed mood between them, and they dive back into decorating the tree with smiles on their faces. They joke around for a little while, then Peter gets down of his chair and they take a couple of steps back to admire their work. The ornaments aren't matching because they were all donated by different families from around the entire neighborhood, but the tree is colorful and the little lights are twinkling, and Peter knows it will make people happy.

He's very aware of how close to him MJ is standing. When he moves just a little the large sleeves of both their hoodies actually brush. It sends his brain into overdrive, and that's a little inconvenient he thinks. He clears his throat and tells her she can wait here while he goes in the back to pick up the toys they have to set up under the tree, and obviously she tells him 'no way' and follows him there to help him.

"You just want to show off," she says lightly, and Peter scrapes his throat, his ears going a little red.

"What? No of course not," he weakly retorts, meeting May's gaze on the other side of the room and quickly averting his eyes as he notices her grin. He knows that as soon as MJ will leave his aunt is going to jump at his throat and interrogate him, and he is really not looking forward to it. The best way to delay that is to just stick with MJ, he thinks. That's something he's willing to do. Maybe a little too much but whatever. He can feel she's eyeing him as they make their way into the backroom, saying 'hi' to another volunteer there. She's waiting for him to continue their little banter game they have going on, and he's gonna happily oblige, even though he already knows he's gonna lose once again. "Show off what?"

"Don't play dumb, Parker," MJ sighs, and there's a tension in her words he can't quite explain.

"You think I'm strong?" he ventures a little cheekily, walking up to where he knows the box of toys is. He doesn't look at her, because he knows meeting her eyes would only break his confidence – he's experienced it many times in the past months, it's not fun, well at least not for him. He hears a light snort behind him and bites his lower lip to prevent his smile, moving things around to get to the toy box.

"I'm very observant," she just says in a low voice that makes it pretty difficult not to look back at her. Peter wonders if she's thinking about that time she'd caught him shirtless behind the bleachers at school, ages ago. He for his part sure as hell is. He remembers how he'd thought she'd definitely checked him out, how she'd blushed, how he'd heard her heart slightly picking up. He resists the urge to listen and hear if it is beating faster or not right now. He thinks it's not fair. He knows for a fact that his own heart is pounding almost painfully against his ribs.

"Yeah yeah, just say you check me out I get it." He's surprising himself by saying this, and for the first time ever he actually wonders if they are flirting or not. He needs to ask Ned about it. He really isn't sure. He doesn't know what it would mean too, if they are indeed flirting. Wow, he's stressing out. He subtly swipes his sweaty hands on his pants before grabbing the box from the shelf it is stored in.

"Ha! You wish," she says just as he turns around. She's eyeing him with a slight smirk from the other side of the storage room, near the entrance, and Peter catches his breath. He tries to avoid her eyes, but they're like magnets and he's a fridge's door. Wait, what kind of comparison is that?

As he anticipated, meeting her gaze has him lose his cool – not that he has much anyway, especially when he compares himself with a freaking fridge – and he trips on his own feet like an idiot, stumbling forward and barely catching himself before falling or dropping the toy box. Sometimes, he hates himself. "Crap."

"Need some help here?" MJ asks cheekily, and Peter feels like his ears are burning.

"I'm good," he retorts without glancing at her.

"See, what did I tell you?" she deadpans as he walks past her, out of the storage room. "Show off."

Peter feels her hand lightly nudging his elbow, and it sends 'mayday' signals all through his entire body, which he tries to ignore. They almost never touch. The few times they did are engraved in his mind. "Yeah yeah whatever," he mumbles, trying to act casual when his entire brain is going awry. Somehow it makes her chuckle, and he has to take a deep breath to oxygenate himself because he thinks he might be on the verge of fainting. All of this is not good for his mental health he thinks. Why does he have to be such a dork?

"Nice comeback."

"Shut up."

She chuckles again, and Peter has to bite his lower lip not to join her. He sets the box of toys next to the Christmas tree, and opens it to find that most of them are already wrapped up in colorful paper. They grab a few presents and start organizing them under the tree. MJ is very meticulous, and Peter follows her lead happily, thinking to himself he really likes her thoughtful expression about little things, like harmonizing the gifts according to their sizes or the color of their wrapping. He almost tells her that she really has an artistic mind but then chickens out like an idiot.

Once they're done, there are still a couple of toys that are not wrapped so MJ goes looking for some tape and scissors, telling him to just wait here, and so that's what he does. He doesn't even have the time to settle down on one of the empty chairs that his aunt appears out of nowhere next to him. She must have Dr Strange's number, Peter thinks with a roll of eyes as she smiles at him, eyes twinkling somehow.

"Soooo, you guys did a great job here, thanks," May tells him, looking at the Christmas tree with a genuinely happy expression.

"Yeah, we still have a couple of presents to wrap, MJ went to grab some tape and scissors."

"Good, good."

He meets his aunt's eyes despite himself, and she's looking expectantly at him so he hides his face in his hands with a groan. "Please don't embarrass me May…"

"What?" she exclaims, and he can hear the repressed laughter in her voice, "I'm wounded, you know I would never do such a thing."

"Yeah right," he looks up at her, and her expression has changed into a fondness that makes his heart swell in his chest. He smiles despite himself, and she nudges him in the shoulder playfully. "Come on!" he falsely complains, and she laughs.

"I'm just glad you're happy," she tells him, and he bites down another smile, cheeks flushing again. "She sounds amazing."

"Yeah well," he shrugs, looking down at his feet, heart pounding for some reason, "she is."

"And," May continues, patting his head to probably try and tame his hair a little, "Ned is right, she seems to like you."

"Shut up…"

"You kiss your aunt with that mouth?!" They both laugh at that, and Peter can't help finding it very nice. They joke around a little more, and then MJ comes back and May helps them wrapping the rest of the gifts – without inting at anything embarrassing about Peter, thank Thor. Once they're done, it's almost time for people to arrive, so May sends MJ and Peter to help out at the front door, to take everyone's coats and put them away before they get inside the main room. She also gives them little tags with their names on it, and then the rush starts.

Peter doesn't get a minute to feel bored for the rest of the night. May pairs him up with MJ all night, and they help at the buffet, then get in charge of giving presents to the children, and it's amazing. The smiles on their little faces is everything, Peter thinks, and then he spots MJ's face from across the crowd of shrieking kids, and he feels his heart swell so much in his chest he's kind of afraid it's gonna blow. He's never seen such a genuinely happy smile on her before, her eyes gleaming in the Christmas tree lights, and he's almost overwhelmed by everything he's feeling because of it.

Then he gets distracted. Someone is tugging his sleeve so he looks down to see a little girl frowning at him. He smiles at her, and she takes it as an invitation to speak. She's barely older than 6 or 7, he thinks. The chatter around them is loud, and her voice shy and quiet, so he kneels down beside her to hear her better. "Hey, can you say that again please? I couldn't hear you with all the noise."

She bites her lip, looking down at her shoes. "Do you have any Spider-man toys?" she asks again, and Peter feels his heart drop inside his chest. The little girl is staring expectantly at him, and he knows he has to say something. He takes a deep breath and smiles at her again.

"I don't know if Santa brought any Spider-man gifts, I'm sorry, but you can look around if you want, maybe you can find one."

"I miss him," she tells him quietly, "you know I saw him once?"

"You did? Wow, that's cool."

"Yeah, I know! I'm Leila by the way."

"Nice to meet you Leila, I'm Peter," he shakes the hand she's extending to him, and then she goes searching for her toy, leaving Peter alone with that familiar burning sensation behind his eyes, and a weird feeling of emptiness he can't really describe. He doesn't get to dwell on it though, having to manage a little argument between two toddlers who'd reached for the same present. When he sees Leila again later, she proudly shows him the Spider-man watch she found, and he can only smile back to that toothless grin she's offering him.

"I'm happy you got what you wanted," he tells her, and she nods enthusiastically at that, before looking seriously at him.

"What about you, did you get what you wanted?"

He doesn't know what to answer to that the slightest, and before he can say anything her dad calls her back and she leaves with a nice 'Merry Christmas Peter' and a last toothless smile. After everyone's left, the dozen of volunteers help clean up everything, and it's fairly quick, which is a good thing because somehow Peter is exhausted. May pairs him up with MJ again, and they put away all the chairs in the storage room, before sweeping the entire room. Once they're done, they sit down on the bleachers and eat leftover food, exchanging their impressions on the night, and it feels great. May offered to drive MJ back home, so she's hanging around with him while they wait for his aunt to be done with everything. They're the last ones to leave, since she has to be the one to close up.

"Was it your first time volunteering?" Peter asks MJ in between bites of delicious apple pie.

"No, I've been doing a lot of charity work since the Blip," she tells him with a shrug. "But this was my first time doing something so big, it was great. The smiles on those kids' faces…"

"Yeah, that was awesome," Peter nods immediately, smiling broadly at her.

"Was it your first time?"

"Kinda yeah, I mean I helped May a little since she started, but not very regularly and not like this, mostly you know, placing posters and collecting donations and stuff."

"Yeah, that's part of it too."

"True, but it's not as satisfying as what we did tonight though."

"Okay guys, we can go now!" May's voice comes from the other side of the room, and they hurry down the bleachers, rinsing their plates off in the kitchen before following her to the car. Somehow they end up sitting in the back together, and it's a little weird, and a very quiet ride. When May stops the car in front of the building MJ lives in, she turns in her seat and asks casually: "Will we see you on New Year's Eve?"

"Yes, absolutely," MJ says immediately, with no hesitation whatsoever, and Peter almost feels light-headed because of it. She smiles at his aunt, then meets his gaze, smiling still, and then they're exchanging goodnights and she gets out of the car. Peter switches seats to sit next to his aunt, and they drive home in a comfortable silence. It's only when they've reached their assigned parking spot that May speaks up, and Peter is kind of surprised at how long she kept it in to be honest.

"I love her, she's amazing!"

And it makes him laugh, and by the time he collapses on his bed half an hour later – after May talked his ear off about the whole night and how she's so proud and happy of what they all did – his cheeks are definitely hurting because of how wide his smile still is.

I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, if you spot anything weird please feel free to tell me, I've written some of it on my phone while I was sick so some parts might be a little wonkier than usual (is that a word? English is such a wonderful language)
Hopefully I will be back in a week with a new chapter, in the meantime take care of yourselves guys!