How Peter Parker got a crush on Michelle Jones

(and what he subsequently did, or rather did not do)

Peter makes another couple of rotations, then offers the cube to Morgan so she can see it. "Here, now that blue one that was there moved all the way there, that's how you start working on the second layer of the cube."

"Can I try?" Morgan asks, scooching closer to him on the couch.

"Sure!" He hands her the Rubik's cube and she takes it in her little hands with a focused frown. Peter watches as she studies it carefully, biting down a smile when she starts solving it differently than what he'd just showed her. He keeps quiet, and when she hands him the cube back with the second layer complete, he smiles broadly at her. "That's another way to do it I guess, good job. Didn't you tell me you couldn't do it?"

"I saw Daddy do it once," Morgan shrugs, but there's a proud smile tugging at her lips and it makes Peter chuckles. It shouldn't surprise him that Tony Stark's 5 year-old daughter can understand and start solving a Rubik's cube so quickly, but somehow it still does. He likes the feeling of pride filling him as he watches her lie down on the couch, legs resting on the backrest near his shoulders. "So what are we doing now?"

"Do you want me to show you how to solve the rest of it?" Peter asks, pointing to the Rubik's cube.

"Maybe later," Morgan sighs, eyes fixed on the ceiling with a thoughtful expression on her sweet face. "Can you teach me how to walk on the ceiling?"

"I wish I could," Peter laughs, "But you have to have powers like me to do it."

"Daddy told me you always sit on the ceiling when you have something on your mind," Morgan says, peaking at him from under her eyelashes, which reminds him of Pepper somehow.

"Well it's true."

"Why do grown-ups talk so much," she wonders out loud, pointing to the kitchen where Pepper, May and Happy are discussing. "It's boring, I want to play with May."

"You know it's been a while since May saw your mum," Peter reminds her with a playful nudge on the ribs that has the little girl giggling. "Don't worry, I'm sure May will play with you later. In the meantime," he adds, shaping his hands into claws, "you're stuck with me!" He starts tickling her mercilessly and Morgan bursts in a fit of screeching giggles, warming up Peter's insides as efficiently as a hot coffee in a winter morning.

They playfully fight for a little while, and then Peter lays down on the couch, Morgan taking advantage of it to snuggle herself between him and the backrest of the couch, legs propped on his belly. "Do you have lots of friends?" she asks him thoughtfully, and Peter can't help his smile at that. She always finds ways to ask him the most difficult questions, he thinks. He remembers being exactly like that when he was a kid. His uncle Ben always called him off for it, in a warm, loving way.

"I wouldn't say a lot no," he tells her after a moment, "but I have great friends."

"I don't have any," Morgan confesses, and Peter nudges her knee with a pout. She laughs a little at that, but Peter can see it's still a touchy subject for her.

"I know it's not the same, but I am your friend, and so are May and Happy, I hope you know that?" he says with a sweet smile, and Morgan nods. "Being home-schooled might not be the easiest way to make friends your age, but I'm sure you can do it, Mo. Have you ever asked your mom about meeting up with other kids someday?"

Morgan shrugs and doesn't say anything for a little while, but Peter knows she's already making plans in her head to ask Pepper. Somehow he relates a lot with Morgan, and what seemed like a very difficult thing to process a few months ago is now bringing him what he thinks is a lot of joy. He sees so much of Tony in her, and at first it was very hard on him, but now… now he likes it. He likes her sweetness and her intelligence, her thoughtfulness and also, yes, the small fact that Spider-Man is her second favorite super-hero of all time. She was so happy to tell him that she'd seen him on TV when May, Happy and him arrived earlier in the day. It had made him feel proud of himself, even if he'd barely gone out as Spidey during the week.

"What are your friends like?" Morgan asks him, bringing him back to reality.

"Um, well there's Ned, he's been my best friend since forever it seems," he tells her, moving to rest on his side, his head propped on his hand to look at her. "He's so amazing, you should meet him someday. We play Lego together all the time, and we talk about pretty much everything, it's awesome. And then…" He hesitates for a minute, feeling his cheeks redden despite himself, which he thinks is quite embarrassing but hopefully Morgan doesn't notice. "Um, and then there's MJ, she's great too."

"You like her," Morgan tells him, and Peter frowns at that, faking indignation, but the little girl only stares blankly at him. "What? Your face looks like a tomato."

"Yeah, I do like her," he admits, laughing a little. He really should have seen this coming.

"Why don't you ask her if you can be her boyfriend?" Morgan suggests, and wow Peter really wishes people would stop asking him that all the time. Or maybe people asking him all the time may actually be an indication that he probably should ask himself that question, because of how apparently obvious it is for others. But even just the thought of it is giving him the jitters, so how can he even pull this off? It might be something that he wants, definitely, but it's scaring him shitless if he's being honest with himself.

"I don't know, maybe I'm scared?"

"That's alright," Morgan tells him with a sweet smile, "Mommy says it's okay to be scared sometimes. You just need to find something to help you not be scared anymore, like me when I was scared of the dark but Daddy gave me an Iron Man nightlight to make the dark go away."

"You're not afraid of the dark anymore?" Peter asks her, and Morgan shrugs.

"Sometimes I can be, but I have my nightlight to make it go away. You just need to find your nightlight."

Peter lets out a small laugh at that, wondering how come little girls seem to give him so much food for thoughts lately. First Leila asking him if he got what he wanted for Christmas, and now Morgan and her nightlight? He must admit it, he's impressed. "That's a good idea," he tells her with a smile, and she nods with a proud expression that makes him chuckle. May makes her way into the living-room a couple of minutes later, and Morgan jumps into her arms with a breathless 'finally' that makes them both laugh. The little girl immediately grabs May by the hand and takes her upstairs to her bedroom.

"You're making her very happy you know."

Peter turns to see that Pepper is standing in the kitchen doorway, eyes set on him with a small smile. "She makes it easy," he says, scratching the back of his neck with a chuckle. "She's such a great kid."

Pepper nods, and Peter can feel her sadness even from where he stands, like a wave lashing at his toes. It hits him in the heart and a lump instantly forms in his throat. It gets worse as she walks to him, but Peter doesn't move. He thinks he owes it to her. He can't even begin to imagine what it was like for her to lose him. "Things have been really tough these past few months but…" She takes a sharp breath, looking around the living-room with wary eyes before looking back at him. "I hadn't seen her smile that much in a while you know."

"Yeah…" He's not sure what he has to say to that. All he knows right now is how guilty he feels. He could have been there, for the two of them, but he wasn't. "I'm sorry I didn't –"

She lays her hand on his arm with a soft smile before he can continue. "Peter it's okay. Don't worry about it. I understand."

It doesn't make it easier Peter thinks, but he still accepts her reassurance. He can still make it up to them, he realizes. Now that he's starting to move on. He hears a burst of laughter from upstairs, and his heart clenches in his chest. He knows what Morgan is going through. He was barely older than her when he lost both his parents. He can be there for her he thinks. He wants to be there for her. And he knows May feels the same way.

He's about to tell Pepper all those things but she speaks before he can. "There's… something I want to give you."

"Oh?"

"I know he, I know he would have wanted you to keep it." She gestures for him to follow her, and they go down the hallway towards where Peter knows is – was – Tony's garage. The lump in his throat is back, and he almost feels feverish as he follows Pepper down the few steps. He's not sure he's ready, he thinks, heart swelling in his chest and eyes starting to well up. He doesn't really get a chance to ponder anyway, but maybe it's better like that.

Rip off the band-aid.

"I didn't really know what to do with it honestly, so I just left it plugged in there. Happy will help you move it home. If you want it, that is." Pepper's voice gets to him like in a dream, like she's talking from behind a very thick glass. Don't overthink this.

"Right."

It's the Iron Spider suit. The nano tech is twirling around in the launch pod. Peter waits for the devastating input of flashbacks at this sight, but strangely it doesn't come. It doesn't make it any less difficult though. He feels like he can barely breathe, and all he wants to do is go back upstairs and cuddle on the couch listening to May telling Morgan a story. He can hear her voice from here, quiet and sweet, and he tries to focus on it to avoid everything else.

Pepper is standing beside him, and he can feel her uneasiness without even looking at her. He wonders if she's realized what's going on inside his head right now. "If you want to," she whispers after a minute of dead silence. "If you're ready. I'm not trying to push anything onto you, Peter."

This takes him out of his apathy and he glances at her apologetically. Her eyes are shining with tears but she's still standing tall, and his heart aches for her. "I know I–" he cuts himself, shaking his head. "Thank you Pepper, it means a lot."

"I'll tell Happy to pick it up when May and you leave." She presses her hand on his shoulder for a second, and then she leaves, closing the door behind her. Peter tries not to, but he hears her quietly breathe through a sob, and it almost sends him spiraling. He needs to get out. There's a door leading directly outside, and that's where he runs to, breathing deeply in the cold winter air.

"You're sad."

Peter looks up with a start and meets Morgan's inquisitive eyes. He doesn't even remember walking up to the waterfront and sitting on that bench. He has no idea how long he's been there. He nods quietly with a poor smile. The little girl stands there next to him for a minute, and then she sits down on the bench, poking him in the knee with her socked foot. "Why?" she asks simply, and Peter's heart clench in his chest.

"I miss your dad," he tells her, eyes lost in the distance. Morgan hums in understanding, and for a moment they stay there in silence, and Peter thinks it helps a little.

"I think he's in the clouds," she whispers after a while, and Peter turns to her, studying her serious little face. She's looking at the winter sky, her eyes thoughtful and focused. "You know, I think when people die they go in the clouds, and then they look after us from up there. And when there's no cloud above us, it's just that they went on a vacation for a little while, and they always come back."

"That's a beautiful thought," Peter tells her, ignoring the hard lump forming in his throat again. He offers his arms to her and she snuggles against him without hesitating, nudging her head in the crook of his neck.

"Every day I look up the sky and I think 'Hey daddy', and I'm sure he can hear me," Morgan continues, her voice barely higher than a whisper, but Peter can hear it. He hears everything. "You could say hi too, sometimes. I'm sure he misses you too."

And Peter cannot say anything to that, so he just nods, resting his cheek against the top of her head. A single tear slides down his cheek and loses itself in her hair, and Peter holds her a little tighter against him. And it helps.

It's a very emotional day, all in all, but that night when Peter lies down in his bed, he thinks he did good in any case. He promised Morgan he would come back more often to see her, and this time it's not a blank promise. Maybe next time he can invite her here and she can meet Ned. He's sure these two would hit it off instantly. Who wouldn't get along with someone as amazing as Ned anyway? This reminds him he has to call him and tell him about the Iron Spider suit. He's not ready to put it on just yet, but at least he has it now. Tony Stark's last gift to him.

Ned's never seen it in person. Peter told him about it once but it was a couple of months ago when he was still hard dealing with his PTSD so Ned hadn't pressed on the matter. Peter feels ready now to answer all his questions, at least he thinks. Peter can easily imagine his best friend's delight. Maybe he could ask him to come tomorrow, and they can tackle the subject – and do homework too, a little. Peter's been having trouble concentrating in class for the past week, and it's partially due to getting back in the Spider-Man suit, but also to MJ's distant behavior.

He had hoped that whatever was bothering her would quickly go away, but by Friday she was still acting distant and upset and yes Peter admits it, it hurts. He hasn't talked about it with May yet, but he already kind of knows what she would say. Leave her to deal with it on her own, because forcing her to open up or constantly asking her what's wrong would only annoy her more. Peter really wishes he could help, he hates seeing her angry and sad like this, but he's deeply aware that it's not his place – being Peter or being Spider-Man. Sometimes people have to deal with things on their own, and don't need to be saved.

On Sunday Ned comes to spend the day with him – May is off working at the charity's headquarters – and they have a blast. As Peter had guessed, his best friend is absolutely over the moon when he sees the Iron Spider suit, and he goes on one of his Ned rants where he doesn't even breathe in between questions, which makes Peter laugh. "How does it work, what is it made of, is there a Karen in there too, do you think I could try it on, could I take a look in its programming one day, is it voice activated, what does it feel like to put it on, wait how do you put it on, did Tony Stark made it for you, how much do you think it costs, do you have a micro chip in your brain to control it I heard that's what Iron Man had before blah blah blah."

After that, Ned helps him wrap his mind around their geometry homework because Peter hasn't been focusing much in that class. When his best friend asks him if he's heard from MJ Peter just shakes his head, holding back the sad sigh he desperately wants to let out. Ned tries to reassure him, because obviously he can still sense that Peter is upset. "Maybe you could ask May for help," he tells him when it doesn't seem that anything he says actually helps, and Peter smiles apologetically. "She always has great advice."

"Yeah, she does," Peter nods, scratching his eyebrow with the end of his pencil. "Maybe I will."

It takes him another three days of distant MJ to ask May what she thinks. On Wednesday, he comes back from school and eats dinner with her. He tells her about everything, how MJ still seems upset about something and how he wishes he could help her. Just like he thought she would, May tells him to just give her time, be patient, and maybe she'll end up telling him about it, or maybe she won't.

"And that's okay Pete," May adds, twirling spaghetti with her fork, "sometimes we need to deal with things alone, and it's not because we don't trust the other person, it's just that it's something we have to do by ourselves."

So that's what Peter keeps doing. He smiles at her from across the hallway in the morning, he glances at her every now and then while she reads her book at the far end of their table during lunch, and he shares his results with her in physics when she asks. It hurts him to see her so distant and sad and angry, but he's pretty sure May's right. He told MJ she could count on him, now it's her choice to go to him or not. It's hard, to be passive like this when all he wants to do is to help her, but he knows he can't force anything on her. So he sucks it up. Hopefully it won't last.

He misses her a lot.

The same night he talked to May, Peter finds himself swinging not too far from where MJ lives, but he forces himself to quickly move on. He actually has a great time during this particular patrol. He helps out an old man with his groceries, a couple of kids whose bikes broke down, and a pregnant lady who had accidentally dropped her keys down the drain.

He's taking a quick break on top of a fire escape when he hears a woman crying out a desperate 'no'. He looks up from his half eaten hot dog and sees a bus coming around the block and a woman carrying grocery bags and pushing a stroller. Seeing the bus stop she's trying to reach in time, he puts down his mask, jumps off of the fire escape and lands next to it, signaling the bus to stop and holding it for the mother. As he waits, the bus driver tells him he's glad to see him, and a couple of kids ask him to do a back flip – he happily obliges, and they all clap, and really Peter doesn't think he could be happier than right now. The lady thanks him breathlessly, he helps her with her stroller and fist-bumps the very impressed two-year old in it, and then they're all waving goodbye and the bus goes away, leaving Peter with a strong sense of achievement he hadn't felt in a very long time.

It's around 9 when he thinks he should start to head home – he'll patrol longer during the weekend, it's getting quite cold really and there's less and less people out anyway. He spots a homeless man outside a supermarket so he buys him a hot dog and tells him about his aunt's charity. There's tears in the man's eyes as he makes him promise to stop by when he can, and Peter tries to swallow down the lump in his throat but fails.

Then the world almost comes to a stop and suddenly Peter acts on instinct. He hears a cry behind him, hears the sound of loud steps and rushed breathing, and right as a quick shadow runs in his back, he takes a step back and extends his leg behind him. The thief stumbles on him but Peter webs him in the back right as he's about to fall, linking the web to a lamppost and chastising in a stern voice: "Hey there buddy, got something for me?"

The masked man tries to punch him but Peter dodges easily, webbing him to the lamppost and grabbing the cellphone in his hand. The victim comes to a stop next to him, out of breath, and Peter tosses him his phone, but just as he's about to talk again – to deliver another great punchline, he loves doing that and absolutely missed it these last few months – he sees her.

She's frozen on the doorstep of the supermarket, hands gripping the straps of her backpack. Her brown eyes are fixed on him, half her face hidden behind her hair. MJ. Peter had wondered what it would be like to meet her as Spider-Man, now he has his answer. His brain is completely gone, and all he can think right now is something alongside the line of 'MAYDAY'.

He takes a step back, jumps and lands on the top of the lamppost, mouth exceptionally dry. "Don't take other people's stuff," he tells the thief in a deeper voice than usual. MJ hasn't moved from where she's standing, but he can still feel her eyes set on him and his stomach churns in panic. "Alright, I'll leave you guys to it, bye!"

And he leaves, swinging as fast as he can, mind racing. He asks Karen to call Ned, and when his best friend picks up he doesn't even wait for him to say 'hi' to start rambling about what just happened. "Ned! Oh my God Ned I just saw MJ! I'm, I'm, oh my God what if she saw me?! I mean she saw me but what if she recognized it's me? Holy crap Ned I'm so screwed!"

"Whoa whoa Peter slow down, what's going on what are you talking about?" Ned's voice in his ear roots him back to reality and he lands on a rooftop, heart pounding and almost out of breath, which is insane because it never happens to him since the bite.

"I was patrolling," he says, taking a shaky breath, "and I ran into MJ. She saw me, well, she saw Spider-Man and I… I don't know I panicked, what if she recognized me?"

"Peter why would she recognize you? You had your mask on, plus it's not the first time she sees Spider-Man now isn't it?"

"Yeah I guess you're right, she did see me back in DC…"

"Don't worry dude, there's no way she can figure it out," Ned assures him, and Peter takes another deep breath to try and calm down his pounding heart. "I know she's smart and observant and everything but really I think you're good. Nobody's onto you Pete, you're safe."

Ned's last words finally do the trick and Peter sits down on the rooftop with a heavy sigh. He has no idea why he freaked out so bad. He's so overwhelmed still that his hands are trembling. He looks around him to make sure no one's around, and then he moves his mask up to take a deep breath of cold winter air. It does a great job to help him refocus. "Thanks Ned, I'm sorry I freaked out on you like that I just… I don't know really." He lets out a small embarrassed laugh, shaking his head.

"That's alright dude, don't worry," Ned says, and Peter can hear his smile in his voice. "That's what I'm here for, guy in the chair!"

"Wow, I had no idea you had Therapeutic council on your job description," Peter jokes, and Ned's laugh is the last thing he needed to finally get out of his panicked state. He lies down on the cold rooftop, eyes turned to the night sky, and lets out a relieved sigh. "Oh man, I'm exhausted."

"I never heard you freak out like that before," Ned admits after a minute of silence, "you sure you're good? Do you wanna swing by or something?"

Peter considers it for a moment, mapping in his mind the way to Ned's apartment, and then making a face at the thought of swinging back home afterwards. "Nah thanks, I'm good I think. I'm not too far from home anyway. I'm just gonna lie down for a little while and then head back, but thanks man, you're the best."

"Text me when you get home?"

"Yeah sure."

"Alright, bye then, stay safe!"

"Bye Ned, and thanks again."

Karen disconnects the call and Peter just stay there for a minute, closing his eyes and focusing on all the sounds around him. The not so distant noise of traffic from Queens boulevard, the kettle hissing somewhere in the building he's on, the plane above him getting ready to land in JFK, the two pigeons arguing on the rooftop of the building across the street. His heart is beating slowly now, and when he opens his eyes he watches for a moment the silvery clouds moving above him. It must be quite windy up there, because they're moving and changing really fast, almost messing with his inner ear and making him a little dizzy.

"Hey Mr Stark."

The words come out of his mouth by themselves, barely louder than a whisper, and the familiar burning sensation behind his eyes overcomes him. He doesn't fight it. He doesn't say anything else. He's not sure how long he stays like that, but after a while he stands up and just heads home.