"Jo? You okay...?"
Joanna wasn't known for being the most emotive girl. It was something about herself she'd never really been happy about. Her mouth rested in a neutral line on her face and her eyes weren't exactly the most expressive things on Remnant, even when she was honestly thrilled.
It didn't bother her quite as much as she got older; in fact, she'd found it - along with her stature - useful in displaying strength and confidence. That said, she was still at least a little insecure about her lack of vibrant expression and often wished her face would belie... just a tad more of what she was really feeling.
When she was around May, though, she was almost thankful for it. With how that girl made her heart run laps in her chest, she had no doubt a more expressive face would give her away in no time.
'Maybe that wouldn't be so bad, actually,' she considered for a moment. It'd certainly make this easier...
Joanna hadn't had a crush this bad in years.
May was... just downright stupidly beautiful. That much anyone could see, but her looks weren't even the half of it. It was everything- her wit, her smarts... hell, by now even just the way the girl walked was something she couldn't shake; May had a sort of regal grace about the way she carried herself, but coupled with that adorable and hilariously mismatched bitchy personality that Joanna was absolutely helpless against.
That anxious part of her brain responsible for fear and self-doubt resurfaced, telling her not to risk it. Not to mess up one of the only deep friendships she'd made, not to make things awkward. Telling her that there was nothing there to pursue, and that it was all just her own silly infatuation...
But there were just too damn many signs.
Too many jokes they shared between them, that even Robyn and Fiona didn't know. Too many nights they'd spent messaging each other when they couldn't hang out in person - and too many of those mysterious looks she'd caught from her when they could.
Joanna didn't know when she'd noticed it first, but May had this look sometimes. It was hard to pin down- it was a look that could pass for a lot of things, really. Like the stare of someone deep in thought, but still fully present in the moment. It was a look that could fill an awkward pause in conversation or make you worry you had done or said something wrong. When May wore it, though, it made Joanna feel hopeful.
There had to be something there. And Joanna had to find out what...
It would really help if May could be just a little bit less gorgeous, though.
"Jo? ... Joanna?"
The words yanked her back from her thoughts.
May's brow softened and the ends of her lips curled upwards slightly as Joanna turned to her. In a smirk, she continued with a teasing tone. "Atlas to Joanna Greenleaf, please respond..."
Joanna put on a smile and waved it off. "I'm fine... Sorry."
She was fine, but her stomach was still in knots thinking about it all. Her back braced against the wall as she sat across May's cot. They were alone in May's room tonight, just like last night, and the night before.
They'd been hanging out pretty much every night now that her friend had her own assigned room arrangement. May and her team were... not on great terms, to put it simply. For the remainder of the semester, the Academy's temporary solution was to assign May her own quarters in one of the spare dorm rooms used to house competing students from the other academies when it was Atlas' turn to host the Vytal festival.
Not only was her confrontational and passionate personality extremely attractive, but now Joanna had it to thank for all of the alone time the two of them had had lately. And now she couldn't stop thinking about her and how alone they were. She felt her lungs beg for air and sucked in a deep breath as the thought of it filled her with warmth.
For only being in use one semester every eight years, the rooms were almost suspiciously well-kept- though that was unsurprising considering the Academy's fixation on pristine and orderly appearance. And they had not only the room but the entire wing to themselves now. They were, quite seriously, the most alone any two students could possibly be on the school's premises.
Thinking about it, it only made sense that May had been yoinking her so often- even Joanna felt the emptiness of this abandoned wing now, but May had been sequestered here all to her lonesome. She slept here and spent all of her free time here. If Joanna were in her place, she'd be going stir crazy and needily clinging to anyone she could get a hold of.
Then her stomach twisted again with the thought that followed; maybe that's all this was to May after all...
She sighed.
Then there was a pause and she was brought back into the moment.
'... Oh.' Just now realizing she'd taken a deep breath and openly sighed in the awkward silence that permeated the empty room, she kicked herself mentally.
And May was giving her that look again.
Shit.
Soon, May's mouth gradually fell into a frown and her eyes seemed to fall while she held her gaze.
"Jo... are you okay?" She sat herself up from the bizarre contortion she had somehow lazily fallen into and propped herself up against the wall next to Joanna. "I mean... really?"
Joanna bit her bottom lip slightly as she started to cool her nerves. 'Guess there's no putting it off now...'
"You look like you're... somewhere else." The concern in May's voice hurt her, but she didn't know how to respond.
Joanna took another deep breath. The lulls in their conversation robbed her lungs of air. Maybe it would be better when she just finally spat it out.
"Yeah, sorry... I sort of am." Joanna started hesitantly, trying to improvise an appropriate segue.
"No, I'm sorry." She was relieved of the need to elaborate when May interrupted. Her golden eyes fell to her lap as she continued. "I'm taking a lot of your time lately, huh?"
"Hey," Joanna was quick to put an end to that train of thought. "Don't even start with that." She put a hand on May's arm and pulled her gaze back up.
"If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be." The warm smile she put on now was genuine and it only brightened as she saw May's concern fading.
"Yeah, I guess." May smiled back and Joanna's arms felt warm again. "Thanks. For being here."
Neither of them said anything for a moment.
Gradually, both of their smiles faded, but only sank into an easy, content expression. Joanna heard the quietest click of her lips prying open as her jaw relaxed. Her and May's eyes were stuck to one another's and Joanna was certain that right now, the two of them were wearing the same look as they sat in the silence together.
"Hey, lis-"
"Look, Jo-"
They both blinked as their faces recoiled in surprise. Their gaze was broken when Joanna realized she was still lightly holding May's arm. May glanced down too, then looked back up to her.
"Can I-..." May asked in nearly a whisper. Joanna obliged with a nod and a hum. The look on May's face told her that it was probably something important she wanted to get out. Her silly confession could wait.
May took a deep breath and her eyes immediately shot back down to her lap. Joanna was sure her friend could feel the weight of her curious stare settling over her, but she let her go ahead.
"So, you're like..." May began tentatively, "my closest friend here. Hell, you're the closest friend I've ever had. But..."
May took a breath and soon a silent break derailed her. "Shit..." She sighed as she struggled to go on.
For all the urgency her insistence on going first seemed to suggest, it wasn't even clear whether she had thought out her words at all. Still, Joanna hung on her every syllable as she muscled through what even she could admit was starting to sound alarmingly like what she had been about to say mere seconds ago.
"I feel like..." she resumed after some more thought, "like I'm taking advantage of your friendship. Sort of. Like I'm not being totally honest with you."
Joanna sat still and watched her body language as she went on. Her fists balled up slightly, gripping the hem of her regulation Atlas casual shirt. Another sigh escaped and her shoulders dropped into a defeated slouch. "Oh fuck it... I've been thinking about you a lot. As more than a friend."
Shit... so this was really happening?
"I keep pulling you out here to hang out and taking up all your time, and I'm still wishing I could have you here more often. It's not right."
Joanna didn't know where to keep her eyes,one second they were on the corner of May's eyes, the next they were on her hand, then back up to her eyes, and down with a quick glance at her lips as she pushed along. Okay. They definitely should not be on her lips right now.
"I'm lying to you and... it sucks." May finally brought her eyes back up to Joanna's for an all-too-brief second before promptly shooting them back down again. "So... you should at least know that. I've been crushing on you, Jo."
Joanna was in shock. She sat still, at a loss for words after the moment was stolen and it turned out all of her catastrophizing had been for nothing. All of that obsessive anxiety and nervous buildup she'd gone through... only to have May beat her to her own confession.
That bitch.
As the moment settled over her, her lack of responsiveness drew out an eager stare from May. Joanna decided to take some time to process just how she wanted to accept; she hadn't prepared herself to be on this end of the confession, after all. Besides, she reasoned, May could suffer a couple more seconds of ambiguity as payback for stealing her thunder.
Once again though, it was May who pressed on first.
"You..." Her eyes flicked back down to Joanna's hand, even now sat still on her arm. "Had something to say too?"
Joanna stared plainly back at her as she finally spoke up, knowing just how she was going to answer her.
"Not anymore." Without words, her hand released its weight on May's arm and slowly drifted forward. Her fingers lightly brushed up against her palm and May responded by unclasping her fist. As her fingers relaxed, Joanna's hand slid further forward and took hers, their fingers intertwining on reflex.
By now she'd become aware of how both of their breathing had intensified as she could hear May's exhales almost as clearly as her own. She felt the pressure of May's shoulder leaning slightly into her own, and responded in kind. She watched in silent awe as their faces came closer as a result.
May's eyes seemed just as hyperactive as her own, not able to stay focused on one place for more than a second. They darted around her face like they were relearning the distance between its features in this new proximity. Joanna's eyes kept bouncing between May's pools of gold, interrupted by an occasional glance down at her cute nose or the gentle point of her chin.
Then they accidentally settled on those lips again, for just a fraction of a moment before she reprimanded them with a long blink. When she opened her eyes shortly after, she could almost swear May was even closer.
Her hand crawled up to May's face to softly sweep away a strand of her deep blue that had fallen in front of her face. May's free hand reached up and lightly held onto her wrist, and looking at her face, it seemed she was just as surprised as Joanna that she had done that.
"I..." May's mouth opened, but no words followed.
Joanna understood the sentence clearly all the same. She rested her palm on the side of May's face and could now feel her getting closer. A few too many wayward glances at her soft lips clearly gave every intention of hers away, but she didn't care now. It was kind of nice having her face belie what she was really feeling for once.
Soon, they were so close their noses were touching. They could feel each other's breath between them as they carefully aligned their lips.
"Agh-..."
With a sudden strain, May pulled away slightly to shift her back. "Shit..." she exclaimed in a whisper before a satisfying snap relieved her pained expression. She looked back up to see Joanna's lips crack into a silent giggle. "Sorry..." she smiled back briefly before pausing as a familiar look overtook her face.
"Hang on," she hummed pensively. She slowly shifted onto her her knees, focusing on Joanna's eyes as she pushed her hips off the mattress. "Do you... mind if I..." She slinked one leg across Joanna's thighs and repositioned herself on top of her lap. "Is... this okay?"
Joanna answered with her hands, resting them softly on May's waist and leading her to sit down.
May's hands gripped onto Joanna's shoulders as she lowered her weight down onto her lap. Even out of the dorm room's ceiling light, her eyes glistened with how brilliantly she was smiling.
"Shit, you're gorgeous..." Joanna whispered as they resumed their previous closeness.
She could hear the hiss of air as May gasped in response. Her eyes shot open wider, pulling Joanna in even deeper into the moment.
Her own eyelids narrowed, coaxing May's shut as well. The warmth of their breath between them heated up Joanna's lips, making every sensation all the more pronounced. The humid heat hung against her mouth for a couple seconds longer before dissipating, replaced by the warmth and softness of May's lips.