age twenty
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Not talking about the kiss is not the same as not thinking about the kiss, and despite Gray's best efforts, he thinks about it every day.
"He's probably in love with you, too," Rogue says one day when they're both lying in the university quad on their backs and staring up at the sky. It's a brilliant blue, and it makes Gray long for summer days with Natsu, having water fights or jumping on the trampoline in his back yard.
"What if he isn't?" Gray rolls onto his stomach and sighs, grabbing his iced coffee from where it's balanced precariously on his textbook. He's given up the pretense of not being in love with Natsu – Rogue's rolled their eyes at him enough times that there's just no use in pretending.
"What if he is?" Rogue tips their head to look at Gray, who stubbornly ignores them in favor of helping a ladybug across a particularly large leaf.
"He's my best friend."
Rogue kicks his ankle. "You're supposed to be best friends with the person you're in love with. That's the point."
As if on cue, a shadow stretches out over Gray, immediately providing relief from the sun beating down on the back of his neck. It's Sting, who flops down between the two of them and leans over to kiss Rogue's cheek.
"Hey babe," he says, then nudges Gray with his knee. Gray hums in response. Sting reminds him so much of Natsu – wide smiles and wild hair and a million freckles. It's comforting in a way, but sometimes it makes Gray's stomach hurt with longing. "What's up?" Sting asks.
"Gray's avoiding his feelings," Rogue replies.
"So, the usual."
"Fuck off," Gray mutters, punching Sting in the thigh. "Can we please talk about something else?" Sting laughs at him and ruffles his hair good-naturedly.
"Fine," Rogue says. Gray watches them take Sting's hand and tries to tamp down the jealousy that simmers in his stomach.
Maybe Natsu does feel the same, he thinks as Rogue starts to talk about the art show they're both in next weekend. But I can't take that chance.
Gray checks his mail on the way back to the dorm and is surprised to find a large, elegant envelope addressed to him. Inside is a simple card in pink and cream.
You are formally invited to the wedding of Erza Scarlet and Jellal Fernandes on the 5th of August at Kardia Cathedral.
Gray lets the words sink in as he reads them again. He'd known Natsu's sister was engaged and that the wedding was soon, but he hadn't given much thought to it until now. August 5th is only three months away – short notice for a last-minute wedding – which means that in twelve weeks, he'll see Natsu again.
His stomach does a complicated leap and dive at the same time, leaving him disoriented and red-faced. He hasn't seen Natsu in almost a year. Every time they tried to get together, something disrupted their plans – family visits, sports camps, an art retreat. If Gray's being honest with himself, he hasn't been trying very hard to make it happen. It's not that he's avoiding Natsu, it's just that it's easier if they don't see each other, and the distance gives him an excuse to keep pretending he's not uncertain and in love.
"Huh," says Rogue, appearing behind Gray and reading the note over his shoulder. "Guess you're going home."
When Natsu sees Gray for the first time in almost a year, he nearly kisses him again. The only thing holding him back is the uncertain look on Gray's face, so Natsu pulls him into a hug instead.
"I missed you," he murmurs, relieved when Gray returns the hug and exhales against him. "You look good."
"You too," Gray says as they pull apart. He's not quite looking at Natsu. "The, uh… the blue looks good. On you."
Natsu looks down at the blue vest he's wearing over a crisp white shirt. It's tight and uncomfortable – he's never been a fan of dress clothes – but he's the best man and he promised Erza he'd behave and look decent.
"Thanks," he says. "Their colors—it's nice." He gestures around them to the balloons and other decorations that fill the reception hall in shades of deep red and blue. Gray nods and they stand in an awkward silence for a second, then both jump at Erza's voice coming from the door behind them.
"There you are," she says, shaking her head in exasperation and beckoning to Natsu. "We're ready."
Natsu nods, then quickly reaches out and squeezes Gray's hand. "I'll see you after the ceremony," he says, relieved when a small smile quirks the corner of Gray's lips. "Save a dance for me, okay?"
By the time Natsu asks Gray to dance, he's sweaty and tipsy and his cheeks are flushed. "C'mon," he says, holding out his hand. His tie is undone and hanging loosely around his neck and he's rolled up his sleeves, but Gray still looks put together in his dark gray suit. It makes his eyes so, so blue.
For a second it seems like Gray might say no, but eventually he takes Natsu's hand and lets him lead them out onto the dance floor. It takes a minute to figure out whose hands go where – Natsu's never danced with another guy before and ends up letting Gray lead.
"You okay?" he asks as they start to sway to the music. Gray's still not quite looking at him, and anxiety coils in Natsu's stomach. As soon as he'd seen Gray's RSVP for the wedding, he'd been dragged back to their awkward, short-lived kiss, and he's terrified now that it broke something between them.
Gray nods, then slips his fingers between Natsu's and squeezes his hand. "Yeah," he says, voice rough. His cheeks are pink and Natsu can't stop looking at his lips. Even three hundred and twenty-eight days apart wasn't enough to make Natsu stop thinking about the way Gray had kissed him back, and how much he wants to do it again.
He's about to try to say something when Gray gently pulls him closer, sliding his hand down to carefully rest on Natsu's lower back. It brings them nearly chest to chest, and Natsu can feel Gray's cheek pressed against the side of his head. His steps falter and he nearly trips over Gray's feet, swallowing hard.
"I…" Gray's voice wavers and Natsu can feel him trembling. They're so close that he could tip his head to the side and kiss Gray again, and a part of him whispers, do it, he's here, you love him. The part of him that isn't tipsy realizes that they're surrounded by a hundred people and it probably isn't the best idea.
"Come with me," he says suddenly, squeezing Gray's hand and pulling back regretfully. He nods to the door. "Please?"
"Yeah," Gray says, nodding and letting Natsu pull him through the crowd and out into the dark summer night.
They're quiet the entire walk to the tree. When they finally reach the bottom, Natsu shrugs off his vest and hangs it on a branch, and Gray follows suit with his jacket. Then Natsu scrambles up onto the first branch and grins at Gray.
"Race you," he says.
Gray stares up at Natsu, silhouetted against the moon, then accepts his outstretched hand. "I'm gonna win this time," Gray says, and before Natsu can argue, he's already on the next branch, pushing his way through the leaves and racing toward the top of the tree.
He actually does win. Natsu huffs indignantly as Gray offers a hand to pull him up, and then they're balanced precariously on the branch, under the quiet dark of the night sky.
"I missed this," Gray says, and he takes Natsu's hand without thinking because that's what they do, alone up here with nothing but the stars. Natsu nods, and they're both quiet for a moment, listening to the stream and the gentle breeze blowing through the trees. Gray's stomach twists and he feels dizzy from being so close after so long. There's something about the dark that makes him feel like it might be okay to tell Natsu how he feels.
He's about to try when Natsu's voice breaks the silence. "What did it mean to you?"
Gray's not expecting the question, and he freezes, staring down at their joined hands. "I…" He swallows as Natsu shifts his fingers and draws his thumb across the palm of Gray's hand. The touch is purposeful – different than the casual way that they've held hands since they were little.
"Can I show you what it meant to me?" Natsu asks, voice low.
Gray swallows hard and manages to bring his gaze up to meet Natsu's dark, serious eyes. There's a question there – have you thought about it every day, did it mean something, do you feel the same way I do? – and Gray's fears instantly melt away.
"Yes," he says, before leaning in and kissing Natsu again.
It's better than he remembers, and he's not sure if it's because they're older and a little more experienced, or because he knows now that this is where he's supposed to be. Natsu's hand comes up to brush across his cheekbone, touch feather light as he tucks Gray's hair behind his ear. Gray grabs the collar of Natsu's shirt and pulls him closer, kisses him deeper, lets himself exist in this moment where it's just the two of them, and the moon and the mountains, and the North Star that feels like home.
"I love you," Natsu breathes, pressing his forehead to Gray's and running his fingers through Gray's hair. "I think I always have."
Gray exhales, resting his hand against Natsu's chest and feeling the frantic heartbeat under his fingertips. "I love you too," he whispers. "So much." He nudges Natsu's cheek and leans in to press a kiss to his neck. "I was just scared."
"Of what?" Natsu murmurs, tipping his head to the side and running his thumb behind Gray's ear. He hums as Gray's kisses move across his throat to the other side of his neck, across his cheek, his nose, his eyelids, his forehead, then back to his lips.
"I didn't want to lose you," Gray says softly. He feels like he's holding the whole world in his hands, and if he makes a wrong move, it might shatter. "You're my best friend."
"I still am," Natsu whispers. He brings both hands up to cup Gray's face and leans back to gaze at him. His cheeks are flushed, and his eyes are bright, and Gray's lips curve into a smile at the sight. "I always will be."
"Promise?" Gray asks, tipping his head to press a kiss to the palm of Natsu's hand.
"Promise," Natsu says, then kisses him again under the soft light of the summer stars.